Wonderful! I am so happy for you! 

6 hours ago, VeraVa said:

 

I also wanted to drop by and say: I feel amazing again! It’s like a switch has been flipped back on 🥳❤️ just yesterday I was walking to work feeling so utterly depressed that I had to take a picture of myself to see ”what the most depressed person on earth looks like”. Lol?!!

Hi @VeraVa, I love this! You are so brave purposely taking a photo on a bad wave day! When I look at pictures from last year, I can tell what days my wave was really bad. Scary!! You are actually doing well with a great trajectory of strong windows. So glad you can keep your job through it too! You are well on your way to turning some corners. Prayers your way that your waves start lessening and fizzling out!🙏💖

7 hours ago, VeraVa said:

I also wanted to drop by and say: I feel amazing again! It’s like a switch has been flipped back on 🥳❤️ just yesterday I was walking to work feeling so utterly depressed that I had to take a picture of myself to see ”what the most depressed person on earth looks like”. Lol?!!

Thank you stopping by to say this. You are right and so important to recognise when we feel better and share it!

@VeraVa…How are you doing? I suppose it’s a good sign that we don’t hear from you 🤔☺️

Edited January 25Jan 25 by Nemina

On 1/22/2026 at 7:01 AM, VeraVa said:

I feel amazing again! It’s like a switch has been flipped back on 🥳❤️

What great news! It is strange how quickly things can flip on us. 

 

I agree that it's easier to post when we're feeling bad rather than good and it's great to read your happy post. Long may it continue!

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words! ❤️

 

I just remembered that I wrote earlier that we should all remember to post here also when feeling good. So I came to drop by and say that I’m doing very well. Especially this last week has been great and I feel like I have so much peace of mind.

 

It feels really weird to read my previous posts here, even though I wrote them less than a month ago. But now I can fully confirm the assumption I had that maybe my brain was working on something big. 
 

Overall, the contrast is so big that every day now feels like I’m the luckiest person in the world!

That’s wonderful @VeraVa, congratulations! 

On 1/1/2026 at 10:19 AM, Luke said:

 

Try to take the time to consider where you are now, on average, compared to say, 3-4 months ago.

 

Try to visualise that if you had that same amount of progress again, where you might be in another 3-4 months.

 

I said this just a month ago, and at the time, you acknowledged that it was a good exercise but that in waves it was very difficult to step back and evaluate average improvements over time, because when still suffering this perspective is not easy to see.

 

I would say now that clearly since then you have further improved on average, which is great. I hope that you don't have more difficult times, but if you do, that doesn't take away from the significant and encouraging improvements you've had, and a small bump in the road definitely doesn't mean you're not moving forwards on it- you clearly are.

 

I hope you keep feeling reasonably well and keep improving in time. Thank you for posting to let us know.

Hi @VeraVa

 

I am so glad to see you are doing better after your slight setback with the alcohol! It’s amazing how quickly you have returned to baseline!

 

You and I are slightly similar in that we both had ADR cases, so I’m please to see how well you have been doing in such little time. I wondered if you have taken any OTC meds in this time yet? I have and I’m not sure if I reacted to it or not so would like to hear from others. 
 

How has you been with food? Have you been able to eat freely? Have you had any physical symptoms lately? I hope your healing continues 🌈🪟💛

On 2/4/2026 at 10:25 AM, Luke said:

 

I said this just a month ago, and at the time, you acknowledged that it was a good exercise but that in waves it was very difficult to step back and evaluate average improvements over time, because when still suffering this perspective is not easy to see.

 

I would say now that clearly since then you have further improved on average, which is great. I hope that you don't have more difficult times, but if you do, that doesn't take away from the significant and encouraging improvements you've had, and a small bump in the road definitely doesn't mean you're not moving forwards on it- you clearly are.

 

I hope you keep feeling reasonably well and keep improving in time. Thank you for posting to let us know.

Yeah, you were absolutely right! On a rational level I did understand it too but when you’re in the middle of a wave it’s just insanely hard to see anything else. It really just feels like it has always been awful and always will be awful.

On a positive note, that was definitely one of those waves that gave me a lot of confidence afterwards. Like hey, if that one passed, all the rest will pass too. I don’t think I’ll get that scared of the feelings if waves like that come again (hopefully not though!) 

 

On 2/5/2026 at 12:23 PM, SparklingG said:

Hi @VeraVa

 

I am so glad to see you are doing better after your slight setback with the alcohol! It’s amazing how quickly you have returned to baseline!

 

You and I are slightly similar in that we both had ADR cases, so I’m please to see how well you have been doing in such little time. I wondered if you have taken any OTC meds in this time yet? I have and I’m not sure if I reacted to it or not so would like to hear from others. 
 

How has you been with food? Have you been able to eat freely? Have you had any physical symptoms lately? I hope your healing continues 🌈🪟💛

Hi @SparklingG 🙂 

 

Yeah thankfully it didn’t last longer but it felt like forever hahah!

 

First of all, great to hear that you’re doing better too. I remember reading on SA a few months ago when you were in a much worse place back then!

 

And yeah, I’ve taken meds, but only when really necessary. Just basic painkillers and they haven’t caused anything. I’ve also took antibiotics for a UTI a couple months ago (though different antibiotic than the one that started all this in the spring) and that didn’t cause anything either. I’m still very cautious of course, but nothing has happened.

 

I can eat whatever I want without noticing any reactions. I don’t know if I had any sensitivities in the summer either, but I was feeling SO bad then that it’s hard to tell. I hadn’t found SA yet, so I didn’t know that food sensitivities could be a thing, so I didn’t really pay attention.  But right now the only things I’m really avoiding are coffee and alcohol. No rush with those 🙂 And I don’t even know if I’m still sensitive to coffee, but at least in the fall a couple of waves came pretty soon after drinking it. So at this stage, better safe than sorry.

 

And regarding the symptoms, I haven’t had any mental or physical symptoms for a bit over two weeks now I think. During the last wave the only physical stuff was strong adrenaline rushes in my body and pins and needles in certain spots that were in the same place as in the summer. Ofc I don’t know if these were ”primary” symptoms or just from anxiety itself. But my symptoms have always been clearly mental anyway.

 

Hope your recovery keeps moving in an even better direction too! I mean, of course it will 🤩💕

1 hour ago, VeraVa said:

regarding the symptoms, I haven’t had any mental or physical symptoms for a bit over two weeks now I think.

That is fantastic, I’m so happy for you! Please keep us posted, we all need to hear encouraging stories. And in case you’re feeling bad, keep us posted too, we are here for you.❤️

nemina 

Hi everyone!

 

it looks like I posted here exactly a month ago so I thought I’d share a small update. It would be nice to spend more time here supporting others and commenting on other member’s posts, but I’ve actually been conscious staying away because I don’t want to constantly remind myself of all of this.

 

But overall, I think I’m doing a bit better than I have at any point during this whole period. Still, I don’t feel like I’m at the point where I could say I’m recovered. I feel like I’m in a somewhat frustrating ”in-between state” where I don’t feel completely normal but also not terrible all the time. It is hard to tell which problems are my original issues and which ones might be caused by the medication. And honestly, I dont need to know that because it’s basically impossible to figure out.

 

Some days (or moments) are still quite difficult, but none of the days feel like absolute hell anymore, and I’m starting to have a lot of good days. I also don’t obsessively analyze anymore whether I’m in a wave, a window or somewhere in between. My OCD is currently quite high again, but I don’t know if that’s still medication-related. In any case, I recently switched therapists to a proper ERP therapist (my previous one was more CBT/talk therapy) and I’m doing ERP constantly. That might explain why my OCD feels elevated at the moment. Impossible to say.

 

Oh, and one more thing, I can drink coffee again! I’m just drinking my morning coffee while writing this 🙂 

 

Wishing strength to anyone reading this. I’d genuinely like to be here supporting others more but for now I need to be a bit selfish and focus on my own healing. I’m rooting for all of you!

19 minutes ago, VeraVa said:

Hi everyone!

 

it looks like I posted here exactly a month ago so I thought I’d share a small update. It would be nice to spend more time here supporting others and commenting on other member’s posts, but I’ve actually been conscious staying away because I don’t want to constantly remind myself of all of this.

 

But overall, I think I’m doing a bit better than I have at any point during this whole period. Still, I don’t feel like I’m at the point where I could say I’m recovered. I feel like I’m in a somewhat frustrating ”in-between state” where I don’t feel completely normal but also not terrible all the time. It is hard to tell which problems are my original issues and which ones might be caused by the medication. And honestly, I dont need to know that because it’s basically impossible to figure out.

 

Some days (or moments) are still quite difficult, but none of the days feel like absolute hell anymore, and I’m starting to have a lot of good days. I also don’t obsessively analyze anymore whether I’m in a wave, a window or somewhere in between. My OCD is currently quite high again, but I don’t know if that’s still medication-related. In any case, I recently switched therapists to a proper ERP therapist (my previous one was more CBT/talk therapy) and I’m doing ERP constantly. That might explain why my OCD feels elevated at the moment. Impossible to say.

 

Oh, and one more thing, I can drink coffee again! I’m just drinking my morning coffee while writing this 🙂 

 

Wishing strength to anyone reading this. I’d genuinely like to be here supporting others more but for now I need to be a bit selfish and focus on my own healing. I’m rooting for all of you!

Thank you for the update. This sounds so very promising. Waves and windows happen but it sounds like you are well on your way!

 

Dont appolgise for staying away, that might be just what you need atm! Check back in when you can 🙂 

 

Chippy

Thanks for the update @VeraVa!

i’ve been thinking of you. I am happy that you are having many good days. Enjoy the coffee 😉 and don’t worry about not supporting others on the forum. Do what is best for you.
take care ❤️

Nemina 

On 3/9/2026 at 9:29 AM, VeraVa said:

But overall, I think I’m doing a bit better than I have at any point during this whole period. Still, I don’t feel like I’m at the point where I could say I’m recovered. I feel like I’m in a somewhat frustrating ”in-between state” where I don’t feel completely normal but also not terrible all the time. It is hard to tell which problems are my original issues and which ones might be caused by the medication. And honestly, I dont need to know that because it’s basically impossible to figure out.

 

 

Thank you for the update.

 

I would say that this part is classic "recovering well but not there yet" in withdrawal, and I definitely wouldn't rule out improving further over time. You might find that more of it is withdrawal than you think and that it further fades away.

 

I hope so, and there's huge precedent for this at less than a year off.

 

Please do drop in and let us know how you're doing down the line when you feel able.

Alright, so my last post apparently was the calm before the storm… I’m back in a pretty bad wave again. It feels almost as bad as the December-January, maybe slightly easier.

 

I feel like my WD has changed quite a bit its form. Back in the fall it felt more predictable, like about a week of wave, the a week of window, and over time windows kept getting better and the waves weaker. Then in December a bigger wave that lasted about a month and now this wave for over a week now and it just feels like it’s getting worse.

 

but at the same time, windows have gotten longer and better too, so it’s not all negative. Still, the overall nature has changed and I know this is not unusual but damn I hate it.

Also lol, it’s kind of funny how each time a wave starts, I spend way too long convincing myself it’s just my ”own symptoms” coming back… until it ramps up so badly that it’s obvious it’s WD.

 

My worst symptoms right now are insane looping thoughts, depression, hopelessness and SI, crying spells, anxiety, insomnia… just this constant awful feeling. It feels like my brain is some kind of shock state, like it’s constantly receiving terrible news it can’t process.

 

At least after the last wave I know that all waves will pass but this is just so heavy that I had to come vent here😭 I’m just so damn angry that I have to go through this, like all I tried to do was get help from meds but somehow ended up with something a hundred times worse. I don’t know, I just feel so bitter about everything. I’m constantly jealous to other people who can jusr exist normally without it feeling like pure suffering.

 

As you can probsbly tell I’m just really pissed off😂 It’s 4am, I just woke up feeling awful and my alarm goes off in three hours. Hopefully this passes soon and I get a very long and good window as a reward.

2 hours ago, VeraVa said:

Alright, so my last post apparently was the calm before the storm… I’m back in a pretty bad wave again. It feels almost as bad as the December-January, maybe slightly easier.

 

I feel like my WD has changed quite a bit its form. Back in the fall it felt more predictable, like about a week of wave, the a week of window, and over time windows kept getting better and the waves weaker. Then in December a bigger wave that lasted about a month and now this wave for over a week now and it just feels like it’s getting worse.

 

but at the same time, windows have gotten longer and better too, so it’s not all negative. Still, the overall nature has changed and I know this is not unusual but damn I hate it.

Also lol, it’s kind of funny how each time a wave starts, I spend way too long convincing myself it’s just my ”own symptoms” coming back… until it ramps up so badly that it’s obvious it’s WD.

 

My worst symptoms right now are insane looping thoughts, depression, hopelessness and SI, crying spells, anxiety, insomnia… just this constant awful feeling. It feels like my brain is some kind of shock state, like it’s constantly receiving terrible news it can’t process.

 

At least after the last wave I know that all waves will pass but this is just so heavy that I had to come vent here😭 I’m just so damn angry that I have to go through this, like all I tried to do was get help from meds but somehow ended up with something a hundred times worse. I don’t know, I just feel so bitter about everything. I’m constantly jealous to other people who can jusr exist normally without it feeling like pure suffering.

 

As you can probsbly tell I’m just really pissed off😂 It’s 4am, I just woke up feeling awful and my alarm goes off in three hours. Hopefully this passes soon and I get a very long and good window as a reward.

So sorry you're in a hot spot atm @VeraVa I relate to all.

 

it's exactly as you described when it comes, tho I try to keep a positive outlook and use coping strategies, the thing that helps me the most is to just waiting for these chemical storms to subside on their own, luckily they not here to stay forever.

 

I'm get you so well with the frustration and anger, I get caught in it quite a bit unfortunately, it sucks and is hard to contain, however, I see you keep a certain humor here, it's great that it's not lost in moments like these.

 

I hope it will clear for you and bright long-lived window comes very soon 🙏

Edited March 18Mar 18 by Fullhealing

2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

So sorry you're in a hot spot atm @VeraVa I relate to all.

 

it's exactly as you described when it comes, tho I try to keep a positive outlook and use coping strategies, the thing that helps me the most is to just waiting for these chemical storms to subside on their own, luckily they not here to stay forever.

 

I'm get you so well with the frustration and anger, I get caught in it quite a bit unfortunately, it sucks and is hard to contain, however, I see you keep a certain humor here, it's great that it's not lost in moments like these.

 

I hope it will clear for you and bright long-lived window comes very soon 🙏

Hey fellow struggler, thank you so much for your message, means a lot to get this kind of peer support.

 

I’m also trying to use different coping strategies. The main one for me is not engaging in rumination and just live as normally as possible despite all these feelings and thoughts. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes… not so much 🙂 

 

But yeah, sometimes I just gotta ugly cry and rage it out. But after that, all I can really do is wipe my tears and keep going.

 

I quickly read your story and wow, you’ve been through a long journey. How are you doing these days, apparently you are still tapering? Wishing you all the strength too!!! Life will be amazing again.

 

 

 

 

30 minutes ago, VeraVa said:

Hey fellow struggler, thank you so much for your message, means a lot to get this kind of peer support.

 

I’m also trying to use different coping strategies. The main one for me is not engaging in rumination and just live as normally as possible despite all these feelings and thoughts. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes… not so much 🙂 

 

But yeah, sometimes I just gotta ugly cry and rage it out. But after that, all I can really do is wipe my tears and keep going.

 

I quickly read your story and wow, you’ve been through a long journey. How are you doing these days, apparently you are still tapering? Wishing you all the strength too!!! Life will be amazing again.

 

 

 

 

@VeraVa for some reason I thought you were still tapering but I see in your signature that you are completely off? that's amazing, well done, I can't wait for my system to be completely cleansed of evil Paxil.

 

I went through your thread now and I see that your plate is also quite busy at times but you seem to have very strong shoulders and you are carrying this whole terrible process with such dignity, getting to where you are is powerful.

 

And thank you for asking, I still have a long and winding road ahead but I am dealing with what is and always making sure to keep my head above water.

 

Wishing you the best moving forward and a wonderful window, it's just around the corner.

Stay strong and well ✨

Dear @VeraVa, I am so sorry that you are thrown back into a terrible wave! I really hope for you that it won’t last long. You have had great and long windows, they will come back and get even longer! And you do not have to taper anything anymore. One day you will be healed completely. Maybe this day is not even far away.

 

I know it is terrible now, though . Once one has felt as if life could be normal again and then being thrown back…. Arghh.  Makes one so angry and frustrated! I can understand very well.

 

nevertheless, you have given me hope with your long windows. We are all in this together.

I wish you strength and that the end of your wave will come soon!

 

 

44 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

@VeraVa for some reason I thought you were still tapering but I see in your signature that you are completely off? that's amazing, well done, I can't wait for my system to be completely cleansed of evil Paxil.

 

I went through your thread now and I see that your plate is also quite busy at times but you seem to have very strong shoulders and you are carrying this whole terrible process with such dignity, getting to where you are is powerful.

 

And thank you for asking, I still have a long and winding road ahead but I am dealing with what is and always making sure to keep my head above water.

 

Wishing you the best moving forward and a wonderful window, it's just around the corner.

Stay strong and well ✨

Yes, I've been completely off for 8 months and 4 days now, feels like forever. It's tough not knowing how much longer this process will take or what lies ahead. But I'm grateful to have come this far and even more grateful that those 8 months are behind me and will never have to be lived through again.

 

It’s so great to see how you’ve truly accepted the reality of this journey. Acceptance really is a powerful step, I think it's a lot easier deal with this when you are not fighting it all the time. and you're absolutely right, there’s not much else we can do but take things as they come.

 

Wishing you all the best, too, and hoping you'll have brighter days ahead. Take care!

42 minutes ago, Nemina said:

Dear @VeraVa, I am so sorry that you are thrown back into a terrible wave! I really hope for you that it won’t last long. You have had great and long windows, they will come back and get even longer! And you do not have to taper anything anymore. One day you will be healed completely. Maybe this day is not even far away.

 

I know it is terrible now, though . Once one has felt as if life could be normal again and then being thrown back…. Arghh.  Makes one so angry and frustrated! I can understand very well.

 

nevertheless, you have given me hope with your long windows. We are all in this together.

I wish you strength and that the end of your wave will come soon!

 

 

Dear Nemina, thank you so much once again for your kind message, it truly means so much to me that you take the time to comment and cheer me on ❤️ You are amazing!

 

and yes, it's such a relief that I'll never have to taper again. Now it's all about waiting and letting time do its work. I've got my wedding coming up in just over 3 months, so all I can do is hope that during the wedding day (and the honeymoon, but not wanting to be too greedy 😄) I'll have at least some kind of window... anything but a wave like this one! But there's no point stressing about it in advance since it's out of my hands.

 

You're so right, it's awful how, during a window, I'm almost mentally drafting a success story in my head, and then very slowly I feel the wave creeping back in.  For me, every time a wave begins, I find it hard to believe or accept what’s happening, but once it properly takes over and I kind of get used to it again, acceptance seems to come a little easier.

 

How are you doing these days? Am I right in understanding that you’re still tapering your escitalopram for a while longer? Thank you so much again for being such a wonderful support 🙂 

6 hours ago, VeraVa said:

Alright, so my last post apparently was the calm before the storm… I’m back in a pretty bad wave again. It feels almost as bad as the December-January, maybe slightly easier.

Im so sorry to read this @VeraVa just another wave, it will pass! Hard to see it when you are in middle of it all!

 

6 hours ago, VeraVa said:

I feel like my WD has changed quite a bit its form.

I get this. It kinda evolves I find. Like phases.

 

6 hours ago, VeraVa said:

but at the same time, windows have gotten longer and better too, so it’s not all negative. Still, the overall nature has changed and I know this is not unusual but damn I hate it.

This is a very positive sign and you have had some very shiny windows, you will keep geting them and they will get longer! It is very hard to imagine this in a wave! Wave brain is strong!

 

6 hours ago, VeraVa said:

At least after the last wave I know that all waves will pass but this is just so heavy that I had to come vent here😭 I’m just so damn angry that I have to go through this, like all I tried to do was get help from meds but somehow ended up with something a hundred times worse. I don’t know, I just feel so bitter about everything. I’m constantly jealous to other people who can jusr exist normally without it feeling like pure suffering.

 

As you can probsbly tell I’m just really pissed off😂 It’s 4am, I just woke up feeling awful and my alarm goes off in three hours. Hopefully this passes soon and I get a very long and good window as a reward.

Vent away @VeraVa it is why we are here! I know this will only get better and better for you each time you kick a wave. Hang in there you are doing great!

 

We all feel that anger and frustration on our bad days/periods. 

 

Got it all crossed that window comes soon!

 

Chippy

6 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Im so sorry to read this @VeraVa just another wave, it will pass! Hard to see it when you are in middle of it all!

 

I get this. It kinda evolves I find. Like phases.

 

This is a very positive sign and you have had some very shiny windows, you will keep geting them and they will get longer! It is very hard to imagine this in a wave! Wave brain is strong!

 

Vent away @VeraVa it is why we are here! I know this will only get better and better for you each time you kick a wave. Hang in there you are doing great!

 

We all feel that anger and frustration on our bad days/periods. 

 

Got it all crossed that window comes soon!

 

Chippy

Thanks Chippy. I already feel a bit better after receiving so many lovely messages from all of you. It feels so good to be understood. You are the best!

Just now, VeraVa said:

Thanks Chippy. I already feel a bit better after receiving so many lovely messages from all of you. It feels so good to be understood. You are the best!

Ah that is good to hear. You are understood! 100% feel validated, don't let the wave brain lie to you, it is not you. There is no 'illness' coming back. Just stupid WD with it's nonlinear waves and windows. This one will pass! xxxx