8 minutes ago, Luke said:

have most of it back, but struggle with emotional regulation and psychological symptoms.

Thank you @Luke and I am sorry to read you struggle with the emotional and psychological problems :(

Did it take you longer than one year to get it back fully?

I don’t know if you are open to it, but before the whole SSRI thing I always liked reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. It helped me recognizing my emotional pain with compassion so that it did not feel so scary anymore and I could better accept my situation.

I still try to practice it now as well, but withdrawal has made it harder for me haha..

9 minutes ago, Sophia said:

Did it take you longer than one year to get it back fully?

It's still improving now, at past 3 years off.

7 months today since last dose.

Today is really hard. Woke up from sleep due to head pressure. My eyes feel pressured and hurt as well. When I touch them, they even feel different.

Eyes are dry, skin is dry, no hunger, no thirst. Everything is blunted once again.

I went to work out 2 days ago for first time in months. Was proud I made it, but I noticed it did not even sweat anymore during the workout.

Again I felt complete devastation. I am baffled that 7 weeks of use (1,5 month) had torn every system in my body apart. Nothing feels the same.

I still feel severely emotional blunted almost 24/7. My "windows" are days were the anhedonia lifts, and I feel chemically better. Like I am on drugs.

Still no huge signs or signals of my organic self or my own personality coming back anywhere..

Also noticed a new symptom this month and sorry if it is TMI, but my lady parts burn sometimes. I thought it could be an uti but I guess these are my nerves firing. Makes me really scared and uncomfortable. Read it more often in the PSSD community.

Today I had therapy. My therapist is also a psychiatrist. I really like him and he is really compassionate. He beliefs me and we try to work together to touch my emotions. He told me today the only thing I can do is to be mindful of my symptoms. And allow them as much as I can. Stop the fight, so I can feel some sense of control / agency. I know he is right. Acceptance is the only thing that can be done. But it's hard to notice that my response is so indifferent in many instances. When I cry, I dont feel an emotion. I dont feel any healing or insights TRULY landing in my nervous system. I had a brief moment of true emotion this weekend. Its was the most beautiful thing I felt since day 1 that I took that damn pill.

I've chatted to quite some people the last couple of weeks. It scares me that many with my symptoms still suffer after years... I can't get these cases out of my head. I WANT to belief in my healing, but my gut tells me my brain is too altered and damaged. Isn't toxic positivity? Not all people with long covid heal right?

Still.. I am proud of myself for enduring this torture. I am proud of everyone on this website. We are human beings and don't deserve any of this.

Hang in there ❤️

Edited May 1May 1 by Sophia

I was a very sensitive person. My inner world was so full and rich. I felt the world deeply. I liked deep thinking about spirituality, the universe, life, God, philosophy, politics, psychology. I dont feel that in me anymore. Even in the lowest and deepest moments in my burnout/depression, I could still find connection to these interests. I am scared :(

Dear @Sophia, I see a positive things in what you write: you restarted work, you can cry, you have experienced a small emotion during the weekend. It is huge, there are signs that you are healing.

I feel you very much. I am died insight and in plus I have a hellish cortisol spikes over the night and the morning, they are unbearable, awful and create a feeling of dying, of terror, it is a pure agony. But what is the solution? We have to trust in time and in the inner power of the body to heal.

32 minutes ago, skamen said:

I see a positive things in what you write: you restarted work, you can cry, you have experienced a small emotion during the weekend

Yes I try my best and am proud of myself for that ❤️

33 minutes ago, skamen said:

I feel you very much. I am died insight and in plus I have a hellish cortisol spikes over the night and the morning, they are unbearable, awful and create a feeling of dying, of terror, it is a pure agony. But what is the solution? We have to trust in time and in the inner power of the body to heal.

I wish I could take your suffering away. I pray for you. You are so strong ❤️❤️‍🩹

On 4/27/2026 at 10:36 PM, Sophia said:

I genuinely am jealous of people who report crying spells. I want to have one so badly to be able to let it all out for hours… 🙈

Your brain protects you in another way. That doesn’t mean you are not healing not so well. We must avoid comparing ourselves, we are all healing spontaneously at the moment.

1 hour ago, Sophia said:

Acceptance is the only thing that can be done.

Acceptance is everything.

1 hour ago, Sophia said:

I WANT to belief in my healing, but my gut tells me my brain is too altered and damaged.

You should believe in your healing. There is NOTHING toxic about that. Not believing is toxic. You heal regardless of what you think and feel. However not learning acceptance makes your suffering so much worse.

1 hour ago, Sophia said:

I had a brief moment of true emotion this weekend. Its was the most beautiful thing I felt since day 1 that I took that damn pill.

It’s a great sign.

You are 7 months off. It makes no sense to not belive you won’t heal. There is every chance you will turn a corner any week. It happens. And if it takes a little longer than you’ll heal anyway. Sometimes it’s more gradual. But as it eases so the living increases whilst you heal.

19 hours ago, Sophia said:

I still feel severely emotional blunted almost 24/7. My "windows" are days were the anhedonia lifts, and I feel chemically better. Like I am on drugs.

19 hours ago, Sophia said:

I had a brief moment of true emotion this weekend. Its was the most beautiful thing I felt since day 1 that I took that damn pill.

These are good early signs.

Although some have symptoms several years out, it is uncommon and they are outliers. Browse through most of the threads here, the overwhelming majority are at less than two years off. You are having the very early glimmers of your body sorting things out. In time, they will grow.

Hi Sophia,

Just read that you are testing your gut biome and are doing acupuncture. I've thought about doing both. Wondering if you notice any benefits, and curious about the outcome of your test.

Hi @Vince,

I don’t have the results back.. I have my appointment 2 weeks to discuss them :)

Acupuncture does not really has an immediate result (baadt het niet dan schaadt het niet) but it does help me to be mindful during the session and get some rest. I also do yoga classes once a week.

Head symptoms are severely again. When they leave I forget how bad they are until they come back. Out of this world….

Had to leave work today early cuz I could not stand it anymore. Pressure expanded to my entire face and back of my head. My entire head feels like injured concrete.

Baffles me everytime how injured my brain has gotten from this “medication”.

On days like these it feels like I am not an inch further in my recovery and can’t imagine ever feeling completely 100% like my pre med self… 😔

Dear @Sophia, I feel you very much. Our suffering is endless. How is it possible such a Hell on Earth? The people outside from this community cannot even imagine our unbearable terror. Like you, I am no more on this poison, so the only thing we have to do is to trust the inner capacity of our bodies to heal. But it is brutal.

Svetla

Just now, skamen said:

Like you, I am no more on this poison, so the only thing we have to do is to trust the inner capacity of our bodies to heal. But it is brutal.

Svetla

Think about you every day Svetla… Hope you feel relief soon…

Do you also experience extreme painful head symptoms? 😔

Yes, Sophia, terrible... In addition I cannot sleep because of the endless night and morning cortisol spikes. Doom, nightmare, agony, horrendous anhedonia, brain fog. But we know that everything has an end. And logically the brain cannot stay in this abnormal state indefinitely. HOPE!

Svetla

Edited May 5May 5 by skamen

Love your strength and positive outlook @skamen !

Is your husband supporting ? ☺️❤️

Yes, Sophia. He suffers along with me. I am so sad for him, since February 2024 when the antidepressant has thrown me in the hellish anhedonia, there is not a normal life in our family. No one hour of normality, more than 2 years.

Is there somebody with you to support you in this agony?

And it is great that you can work. I adore my profession, but I cannot return to my students in this frozen, brain fog, anhedonic state, I have to be in perfect physical and mental shape... Oh, Sophia...

Edited May 5May 5 by skamen

35 minutes ago, skamen said:

Yes, Sophia. He suffers along with me. I am so sad for him, since February 2024 when the antidepressant has thrown me in the hellish anhedonia, there is not a normal life in our family. No one hour of normality, more than 2 years.

Life will be so beautiful for the two of you once this has settled 😔❤️‍🩹

36 minutes ago, skamen said:

And it is great that you can work. I adore my profession, but I cannot return to my students in this frozen, brain fog, anhedonic state, I have to be in perfect physical and mental shape

I am still partly on sick leave so only manage to work like 16 hours now… (used to work fulltime)… it’s hard but at least some distraction on the days I feel a bit okayish. I get what you mean…. I work in HR and used to work a lot on my intuition and inner compass. I can’t find that now so I do everything based on logic and mask my emotions… it’s so hard :(

What do you teach? ☺️

Edited May 5May 5 by Sophia

Yes, it is so important to function, and I am glad that you can manage your work tasks.

I teach French theoretical linguistics and French applied phonetics (pronunciation).

Edited May 6May 6 by skamen

16 hours ago, Sophia said:

Baffles me everytime how injured my brain has gotten from this “medication”.

On days like these it feels like I am not an inch further in my recovery and can’t imagine ever feeling completely 100% like my pre med self… 😔

I think we can all relate to this, dear @Sophia. I'm experiencing an increase in symptoms as well this week. Racing thoughts, brainfog, anxious responses to the smallest of things, feeling easily overwhelmed. My brain is interpreting a lot of things as dangerous which it didn't before I was on the meds. Back then, it was a set amount of things and right now my mind just likes to get hypervigilant about lots of things. 😅

I also find it hard to believe that I will recover from this as my brain likes to focus on the negative, but the fact is that numerous people before us have gotten better and eventually recovered. So why would it be different for us?

It's a struggle but we will make it through, even if we're feeling uncertain and doubtful.

Yeah let’s hope so!

I cant stand all the physical discomfort and complete absence of emotions any longer. What a nightmare. Everything I feel is unnatural, I hate it.

Sorry for being negative, just really over this…

5 minutes ago, Sophia said:

Yeah let’s hope so!

I cant stand all the physical discomfort and complete absence of emotions any longer. What a nightmare. Everything I feel is unnatural, I hate it.

Sorry for being negative, just really over this…

So sorry @Sophia right there with you on the negativity as well as so many other symptoms, feels like an endless cruel loop..

The most brutal journey we have ever experienced but many before us have succeeded and so will we.

Easier days will come, stay brave and strong.

Edited May 6May 6 by Fullhealing

6 minutes ago, Sophia said:

Yeah let’s hope so!

I cant stand all the physical discomfort and complete absence of emotions any longer. What a nightmare. Everything I feel is unnatural, I hate it.

Sorry for being negative, just really over this…

No need to apologize at all. It's only normal to feel like this sometimes. Some days, it's just a lot to bear and today is one of those days.

Trust the process as best as you can.

I wish you lots of healing, @Sophia.

Guys,

I never have very clear windows and waves, symptoms are basically always there. Only my head symptoms might fluctuate a bit over the days.

The emotional blunting is really eating me alive. I feel like I am stuck in a fishbowl. Nothing comes thru me. 0 adrenaline, fear or anxiety either. Someone could die before my eyes and I would not feel a thing. Movies and thriller series don’t have any effect on me, can’t feel any emotional response. It’s HORRIFIC. I fake all day and only act on how I “used to be”. I don’t care about anything anymore. Also 0.0 libido.

Besides, my cognition and memory is so bad. I used to be so sharp and analytical.

Because of my blunting I can’t even process, panic or worry about the severity of these symptoms…

My inner world feels completely chemically removed. Ctrl alt delete.

I honestly can’t tell if I have PAWS as I cannot relate to the more common things like dizziness, cryingspells, neuro emotions, agitation, pain, muscle twitches/pain, rumination, fatigue, looping thoughts, etc.

I don’t have very many physical symptoms besides painfully dry eyes and insane painfull head pressure / sensations. Other than that…. I am completely blank and blunted.

Have read many similar cases like mine on pssd subreddit… some suffer literally still for 3-5 years+… It feels like a different syndrome ? Like the body is locked and doesn’t switch between states (up and down) anymore?

I just woke up one day and noticed my brain was differently calibrated…. I am stuck in that setting since then…. My brain feels and works completely different.

Can’t believe this happened to me 🥹…

I had a generalized anxiety disorder because I cared TOO MUCH about everything.

My whole personality is just wiped out…

Edited May 18May 18 by Sophia

@Sophia, I am the same + horrendous cortisol spikes. I am literally frozen and only breath to survive.