4 hours ago, Sophia said:

Guys,

I never have very clear windows and waves, symptoms are basically always there. Only my head symptoms might fluctuate a bit over the days.

The emotional blunting is really eating me alive. I feel like I am stuck in a fishbowl. Nothing comes thru me. 0 adrenaline, fear or anxiety either. Someone could die before my eyes and I would not feel a thing. Movies and thriller series don’t have any effect on me, can’t feel any emotional response. It’s HORRIFIC. I fake all day and only act on how I “used to be”. I don’t care about anything anymore. Also 0.0 libido.

Besides, my cognition and memory is so bad. I used to be so sharp and analytical.

Because of my blunting I can’t even process, panic or worry about the severity of these symptoms…

My inner world feels completely chemically removed. Ctrl alt delete.

I honestly can’t tell if I have PAWS as I cannot relate to the more common things like dizziness, cryingspells, neuro emotions, agitation, pain, muscle twitches/pain, rumination, fatigue, looping thoughts, etc.

I don’t have very many physical symptoms besides painfully dry eyes and insane painfull head pressure / sensations. Other than that…. I am completely blank and blunted.

Have read many similar cases like mine on pssd subreddit… some suffer literally still for 3-5 years+… It feels like a different syndrome ? Like the body is locked and doesn’t switch between states (up and down) anymore?

I just woke up one day and noticed my brain was differently calibrated…. I am stuck in that setting since then…. My brain feels and works completely different.

Can’t believe this happened to me 🥹…

I had a generalized anxiety disorder because I cared TOO MUCH about everything.

My whole personality is just wiped out…

Hi @Sophia, I'm really sorry to hear about this... 😞

I relate a lot to what you describe. My symptoms remain mostly mental and the physical symptoms are limited. It sounds like PSSD and just thinking about it gives me a lot of anxiety...

Like you, I assume, I have a lot of doubt and uncertainty but we have to keep going. Catastrophizing won't help us ❤️

25 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

My symptoms remain mostly mental and the physical symptoms are limited. It sounds like PSSD and just thinking about it gives me a lot of anxiety...

Like you, I assume, I have a lot of doubt and uncertainty but we have to keep going. Catastrophizing won't help us

I am sorry Niels :( :(

Honestly... I dont feel any anxiety neither.. just blank nothingness. Also very blank mind with few thoughts..
I thought you said previously your emotional range returned after discontinuation, is it worse again? :(

I do have excruciating head symptoms which disable me... Brain feels completely injured and bruised. You relate to that as well? ☹️🥺

2 hours ago, Sophia said:

I am sorry Niels :( :(

Honestly... I dont feel any anxiety neither.. just blank nothingness. Also very blank mind with few thoughts..
I thought you said previously your emotional range returned after discontinuation, is it worse again? :(

That is one of the main differences between us. I am still able to feel "negative" emotions. The "positive" ones are mostly unavailable to me.

Since I started my job last week, I experienced overwhelm because training or support is very limited. No idea why that is. I was pretty much just thrown in which is just not ideal with a sensitized nervous system. My mind's hypervigilant once again and interpreting little things as dangerous which then results in racing/looping thoughts and anxiety throughout the day. It sucks... So yes, unfortunately, it's worse again at this time 😔

2 hours ago, Sophia said:

I do have excruciating head symptoms which disable me... Brain feels completely injured and bruised. You relate to that as well? ☹️🥺

No, I wouldn't say that it feels injured and/or bruised 😕 I experience brainfog, though, and have trouble focusing. My mind feels very "stuffed" since I started working again.

It's very tiresome and frustrating but I remain hopeful that we'll feel better soon ❤️

8 hours ago, Niels91 said:

That is one of the main differences between us. I am still able to feel "negative" emotions. The "positive" ones are mostly unavailable to me.

Since I started my job last week, I experienced overwhelm because training or support is very limited. No idea why that is. I was pretty much just thrown in which is just not ideal with a sensitized nervous system. My mind's hypervigilant once again and interpreting little things as dangerous which then results in racing/looping thoughts and anxiety throughout the day. It sucks... So yes, unfortunately, it's worse again at this time 😔

That sounds awful, I am sorry…. :(

However I really do think it’s a good thing you still feel emotions, eventho they are unpleasant. When I was severely burned out (before meds and reason I started the meds) I also could not feel any positive emotions anymore. Its because there is simply no room at all, as the mind is constantly busy ruminating and in survival mode. It seems to me that that’s the reason you can’t enjoy anything.

For what it’s worth… I also experienced low libido back then for the same reason. When you are anxious and overwhelmed constantly, there is no room for relaxation and enjoyment.

I really think you don’t have pssd and will be okay! Try to calm your nervous system as much as possible with less screen time, walks, yoga, bodyscans etc.

Once your body feels more safe, the rest will follow ❤️‍🩹❤️

Edited May 19May 19 by Sophia

@Sophia psychologically, I was like this for quite some time. I even did not have automatic reactions to stimuli like loud sounds etc.

I too, thought that I was permanently broken and likely had permanent PSSD and I clearly had significant sexual dysfunction.

Unfortunately it can take a long time to recover, but simply having symptoms like this does not necessarily mean that you can't or won't.

Thanks @Luke!

I often struggle to feel hope as only feel blank / flat and the same everyday… barely any fluctuations in my mood / emotions (completely flatlined). It feels VERY UNNATURAL and not like exhaustion or freeze response from stress.

Good to know it can get better.

How long did it take you to see significant improvements in this? 🫣

I think when we've discussed this before, I've said that it's difficult to pick out a specific time.

I'd say the first year, I was very blunted all the time, but anhedonia, blunting and all of the rest of that kind of stuff didn't just go away.

I can't really say that our situations or timeframes are the same, only that people can and do recover from the symptoms you're experiencing, and it's still relatively early days. I hope that you do begin to notice improvements.

Do others also have severely impacted memory ? I feel like my cognition and memory are blunted just like my emotions.

I sometimes even forget what day it is, what i ate a few hours ago or what i did yesterday or a few days ago. I need to think really hard to get there. It’s like I can’t access the it because it’s so blocked by my head pressure and blank mind.

It’s really scary as I always had a very fast, and analytical mind with very detailed memory 😩…

Anyone?

Hi @Sophia I have similar cognitive effects. A lot of the time I have to think hard about things that would normally come to me instantly. Or I forget to do basic things, like turn off lights or lock the door when I leave the house, which isn’t normal for me. Or I just completely forget a conversation I had. So you’re not alone!

On my better days this symptom lessens, so I think it will go away in time. And I’m sure it will for you too.

Sarah

Hi @SarahMc,

Thank you! Its so scary…. My mind was always so sharp and fast and vivid. I feel like I dropped very hard in my IQ 🥹

37 minutes ago, Sophia said:

Its so scary…. My mind was always so sharp and fast and vivid.

I know, I am also someone whose main source of identity and pride before all of this was my mind. And it is very scary to feel like it's not working properly, even though I tell myself over and over that it's temporary.

One thing I'll say is that anyone I talk to (my husband, close friends) will tell me that I don't seem any different cognitively. So even though I feel so much slower and duller, that doesn't come across in normal conversation. I find that comforting because it tells me that I haven't lost as much as I might think -- some of my worries are probably just my anxious mind attaching itself to any symptom it can find. And I bet, to a certain extent, that's the same for you.

One foot in front of the other, we'll get there!

I was/am an engineer. Before I got sick, I was working at quite a high level, had numerous promotions, managed people and facilities at a fairly young age. I won't say which but did work for quite technical industries.

When I was really ill and cognitive impaired, I couldn't really understand re-runs of sitcoms on TV and it was all just irritating noise and light, couldn't do a jigsaw puzzle lying on the floor, struggled to make a sandwich because that's a process with steps that must be done in order and correctly and so on.

Cognitively, I wouldn't say I'm quite as sharp as before, but also one of the main things that remains for me is that I'm always tired, a bit run down and sleep deprived, and it feels like that is the main influence now rather than actually being directly cognitively impaired.

Cognitive impairment after exposure to these drugs is common among those harmed, but it's also recoverable, and many have recovered from it.

Thank you so much for these words @Luke….

I also work a for high level company and dare to say about myself that I am above average intelligent 🙈… My sharp mind, very good memory and analytical capabilities have always been my power…

I just did a child’s game with friends and I couldn’t remember the rules or do basic math adding the dices… It went all too fast for me. They even said “we told you already 100 times” I felt so ashamed and dumb.

I genuinely reminded myself of my grandad who passed away with dementia. I just got home upset and worried and now read your message. Thank you so much… it’s so scary everything is so blank and there is 0 brain power 🥹

Edited May 23May 23 by Sophia

You're welcome.

I didn't work at all for 2 years. After that, I started doing just 2x 2h hour days and built up from there over a long time.

You will also recover your cognitive abilities in time, I think.

Today I had one of my best days when this all started. I feel parts of myself very subtle and slowly coming coming online sometimes! It’s really nice weather here in the Netherlands and I went to the beach with friends today, so I don’t know if that plays a role.

I have done some gut testing and some interesting results came out of it. Especially that I scored REALLY low on secretory immunoglobulin A (slgA). It is an immune antibody that protects the guts mucous membranes and is very important for the immune system. Secretory immunoglobulin A (slgA) plays a vital role in all mucous membranes and because I have severe dry eyes, mucous membranes and dry skin, I could see a connection.

My low score indicates my gut immune system does not work optimal and it’s depleted or suppressed. Via the gut brain axis this can have some influence on my brain and add to neuro inflammation. (As I experience a lot of head pressure and painful head sensations, I thought it might be worth to support this the best as I can).

Because of my results, it got suggested to start taking KUZU (binding agent, 1 tsp a day) and butyrate (along with omega 3 and magnesium). I was quite scared to start supplements but after extensive research I thought these supplements are fairly safe to try. She also suggested a multivitamin (ADEK) and some b6 with magnesium but u am too scared to tried and read you have to be careful with b6. So I am not taking those.

Butryate is already naturally produced by your own body thru fiber fermentation. It supports the immune system of the gut and is very anti inflammatory for the brain. As I have a lot of head pressure (which I assume is a form of inflammation) I hope it might help a bit with that. It calms downs microglia (the brains immune cells) and supports brain-derived neurotropic factor (BDNF). Its also mildly potent for Histone Deacetylase (HDAC) Inhibition.

If you are interested, you can look this up on chat gpt.

I really don’t know if my window is related to these interventions I just started this week, or if it’s because more time has passed. I do find it strange that it’s the first time my gut starts to give me more sensations (it was also very blunted still). However, I did think it’s good to put it here for the ones interested.

I have read the gut is the 2nd brain, so working on imbalances there can maybe support your body. I don’t expect any magic cure of course.

I will update later more!

4 minutes ago, Sophia said:

Today I had one of my best days when this all started. I feel parts of myself very subtle and slowly coming coming online sometimes! It’s really nice weather here in the Netherlands and I went to the beach with friends today, so I don’t know if that plays a role.

I have done some gut testing and some interesting results came out of it. Especially that I scored REALLY low on secretory immunoglobulin A (slgA). It is an immune antibody that protects the guts mucous membranes and is very important for the immune system. Secretory immunoglobulin A (slgA) plays a vital role in all mucous membranes and because I have severe dry eyes, mucous membranes and dry skin, I could see a connection.

My low score indicates my gut immune system does not work optimal and it’s depleted or suppressed. Via the gut brain axis this can have some influence on my brain and add to neuro inflammation. (As I experience a lot of head pressure and painful head sensations, I thought it might be worth to support this the best as I can).

Because of my results, it got suggested to start taking KUZU (binding agent, 1 tsp a day) and butyrate (along with omega 3 and magnesium). I was quite scared to start supplements but after extensive research I thought these supplements are fairly safe to try. She also suggested a multivitamin (ADEK) and some b6 with magnesium but u am too scared to tried and read you have to be careful with b6. So I am not taking those.

Butryate is already naturally produced by your own body thru fiber fermentation. It supports the immune system of the gut and is very anti inflammatory for the brain. As I have a lot of head pressure (which I assume is a form of inflammation) I hope it might help a bit with that. It calms downs microglia (the brains immune cells) and supports brain-derived neurotropic factor (BDNF). Its also mildly potent for Histone Deacetylase (HDAC) Inhibition.

If you are interested, you can look this up on chat gpt.

I really don’t know if my window is related to these interventions I just started this week, or if it’s because more time has passed. I do find it strange that it’s the first time my gut starts to give me more sensations (it was also very blunted still). However, I did think it’s good to put it here for the ones interested.

I have read the gut is the 2nd brain, so working on imbalances there can maybe support your body. I don’t expect any magic cure of course.

I will update later more!

Oh, that's great news @Sophia! I hope things will improve even more for you in the next few days and weeks. 😊

Good thing you got yourself checked out. I asked my doctor several weeks ago if I could get a gut test but she denied it. She says there's no indication that I need it. I'm not sure if it would be super beneficial, either.

I did it via a holistic Doctor her practice (so not via GP). She has a PhD as well, so it did feel quite good to me!

If you are interested: https://www.mindyourgut.amsterdam/

They also do online consultations! And the test you can do at home…

Edited May 25May 25 by Sophia

Hi @Sophia, it is wonderful. I am so happy for you.

Do you deal with insomnia and cortisol urges? Or have you experienced them before?

Svetla

Edited May 25May 25 by skamen

35 minutes ago, skamen said:

Do you deal with insomnia and cortisol surges?

Not so much to be honest… I just felt really

Blank and blunted. I had no thoughts or background noise in my head anymore, was really scary… also I felt so blunted I could not even feel stress or anxiety. It was like my entire system was chemically disconnected and in shutdown. Even if I wanted to panic about my situation I couldn’t…

Since last week I do feel more stress with falling asleep and waking up, but because I was so severely blunted I was quite relieved my body switched to a more actived state and I some shift happened..

I am so sorry you suffer so much… I really hope you get some relief soon 🥹❤️‍🩹

12 hours ago, Sophia said:

Today I had one of my best days when this all started. I feel parts of myself very subtle and slowly coming coming online sometimes! It’s really nice weather here in the Netherlands and I went to the beach with friends today, so I don’t know if that plays a role.

I have done some gut testing and some interesting results came out of it. Especially that I scored REALLY low on secretory immunoglobulin A (slgA). It is an immune antibody that protects the guts mucous membranes and is very important for the immune system. Secretory immunoglobulin A (slgA) plays a vital role in all mucous membranes and because I have severe dry eyes, mucous membranes and dry skin, I could see a connection.

My low score indicates my gut immune system does not work optimal and it’s depleted or suppressed. Via the gut brain axis this can have some influence on my brain and add to neuro inflammation. (As I experience a lot of head pressure and painful head sensations, I thought it might be worth to support this the best as I can).

Because of my results, it got suggested to start taking KUZU (binding agent, 1 tsp a day) and butyrate (along with omega 3 and magnesium). I was quite scared to start supplements but after extensive research I thought these supplements are fairly safe to try. She also suggested a multivitamin (ADEK) and some b6 with magnesium but u am too scared to tried and read you have to be careful with b6. So I am not taking those.

Butryate is already naturally produced by your own body thru fiber fermentation. It supports the immune system of the gut and is very anti inflammatory for the brain. As I have a lot of head pressure (which I assume is a form of inflammation) I hope it might help a bit with that. It calms downs microglia (the brains immune cells) and supports brain-derived neurotropic factor (BDNF). Its also mildly potent for Histone Deacetylase (HDAC) Inhibition.

If you are interested, you can look this up on chat gpt.

I really don’t know if my window is related to these interventions I just started this week, or if it’s because more time has passed. I do find it strange that it’s the first time my gut starts to give me more sensations (it was also very blunted still). However, I did think it’s good to put it here for the ones interested.

I have read the gut is the 2nd brain, so working on imbalances there can maybe support your body. I don’t expect any magic cure of course.

I will update later more!

Thank you for the update @Sophia that was very positive and also interesting too. It is hard to know why things improve, but perhaps the supplements have assited you, either way I am pleased things have eased for you. Wouldn't it be good if there was some actual research into some of all of this with some clear guidance we could follow, that might ease some of our symptoms. I think until that comes, time and a healthy diet and some light exercise is all we really have, but this is certainly interesting and perhaps promising....

Yeah… I just hope I support my body in the best way possible to do the healing…

It’s just so scary to get worse so I am really careful!

I will update later on more!

24 minutes ago, Sophia said:

Yeah… I just hope I support my body in the best way possible to do the healing…

I think you have to just do what you can and trust it’s enough. Easy to get in a loop and that’s not helpful I don’t think.

24 minutes ago, Sophia said:

will update later on more!

I will look forward to it. 😃

Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better @Sophia 😊

That's good news about the window.

You've indicated a good few times that you're worried about PSSD and symptom permanence. I'll remind you that you also said this near the start of this month:

On 5/1/2026 at 12:55 PM, Sophia said:

I had a brief moment of true emotion this weekend. Its was the most beautiful thing I felt since day 1 that I took that damn pill.

The people who claim to have had unchanging PSSD for many years do not have repeat windows that improve with each one. You are starting to have this now, at coming up to 8 months off.

Those are really good, early signs of recovery. It might be that the supplementation is helping, but also, you had started to see the early signs of this process early on in May. Now, a few weeks later, windows are getting better and clearer.

What is clear, is that you do not have permanent, unchanging symptoms. You are now showing clear signs of the beginnings of recovery.

Thanks @Luke for your kind words !