... and one year before the CT in dark anhedonia caused by the drug and ON many drugs, dear @Nemina. February 2024 I crashed, my brain refused to function. Two years and 7 months in dark Hell...

Svetla

@skamen Two years and seven months, that is an incredible long time for such terrible suffering. I’m so proud of you that you keepl fighting. Do not give up my friend! We will celebrate your healing together on this forum one day. I found a success story, that might encourage you, I thought of you while reading it:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/22421-happilyderailed-from-heaven-to-hell-and-back/

Take care, my dear, you are in my thoughts and prayers ❤️

Thank you, sweet @Nemina. This incredibly long story gives me a hope. Our endless suffering is inhumane.

Svetla

On 9/18/2026 at 3:47 PM, skamen said:

... and one year before the CT in dark anhedonia caused by the drug and ON many drugs, dear @Nemina. February 2024 I crashed, my brain refused to function. Two years and 7 months in dark Hell...

Svetla

Wow ...keep fighting. I'm only 22 months on this journey and I'm thinking to hold little longer before resuming tapering again....my mornings are the bad part of the day, then, it gets better as time passes by ..

@skamen have you been taking the vitamin C or magnesium regularly?

If so what dose? Thanks. ❤️🙏

Dear @LostinCanada , thank you for your message. I don't take any supplements, I am fo scared to do the unbearable situation worse. I have taken vitamin C, 500 mg, and my sleep got worse... I suppose that my CNS is incredibly sensitized. What a suffering with insomnia, hot flashes, awful cortisol, doom and constant feeling of terror. No one minute of window since the CT in March 2025... And the horror became hellish when I stopped the last antidepressant, Mirtazipine, March 20,2026. Thank you to be here, @LostinCanada.

22 minutes ago, skamen said:

Dear @LostinCanada , thank you for your message. I don't take any supplements, I am fo scared to do the unbearable situation worse. I have taken vitamin C, 500 mg, and my sleep got worse... I suppose that my CNS is incredibly sensitized. What a suffering with insomnia, hot flashes, awful cortisol, doom and constant feeling of terror. No one minute of window since the CT in March 2025... And the horror became hellish when I stopped the last antidepressant, Mirtazipine, March 20,2026. Thank you to be here, @LostinCanada.

Sorry the Vit C didn't help. Minute by minute.... sending hugs.❤️🙏

@skamen Hi Svetla. How are you doing? I don’t know how you do it with as little sleep as you get. Some nights I get 6hrs but then last night I only got 3. In doing so I woke up 6 times per my smart watch. And I’m exhausted. I wake up with terrible sxs. Feel like I’m going to die. Don’t know what’s going on. Cortisol maybe, but doesn’t feel like it exactly. But I know you get cortisol spikes all night long. Again I don’t know how you do it. I’m pretty much exhausted all the time.

Anyway I do hope you are getting some relief. Lord knows you deserve some good rest. Take care

Pokey.

Dear @Pokey449, I read regularly your posts, and I am so sorry for your familial worries. I hope a peace for your mind soon.

My sleep is horrendous, I cannot sleep literally, some nights 0 sleep, some nights 3-4 hours broken sleep. I wake up every 90 minutes in sweats and terror. And around 5 a.m. the cortisol becomes awful, I cannot stay in bed because of the sensation of dying. I am month 18 after CT and month 7 after the last pill of Mirtazapine. No window at all until now. This is not a life, it is a true torture in constant depression, anhedonia, anxiety. As you, I am exhausted but in restlessness.... A real Hell. But do we have a solution, Pokey? We have to hope in Time.

Svetla

@skamen Hi Svetla I am very very sorry to see you still suffering the HORENDOUS living hell these torture drugs put

us through. I am afraid it's bad news from me Svetla, I just could not take it anymore, 4 hours and less sleep for 19 months

sent me into a choice.....death or RI.....zero money coming in, which may have been slightly rectified by DWP....not sure yet.

But I needed to get some sleep back. So 1.87mg at first and sleep was rectified, stomach issues gone as well. That was mid Aug

and I have lifted to about 4.37mg now. Sleeping 7 hours broken, Still zero motivation, but am getting more rest, still up and

down days, but the bad ones no where near as horrendous.

I have always been here in the shadows Svetla, and have never missed a day. We both know SOME are hit harder than others,

our genetic makeup playing that part, so it's easy to see the ones deeper affected. Don't let my RI put you off in any way, we

are ALL different, right or WRONG I just did myself what I thought I had to do. PART of me, a little part is regretting my move,

but truly I was worse at 19 months off than at 3 months off.

So keep plodding Svetla and stay safe, I will just keep going as best I can, I will keep it going until it get's better or worse, I

will just hope for the best with it.....but non living is the pits.....I was just so sick and tired of it. Maybe I was only a month

or 2 off being recovered.....who knows....but I was just a zombie like that....so it's onwards I plod WHATEVER.

Take great care, B.

Dear B., I am glad that you are back in this site. Thank you for your message. You did what it was the best for you. At least you can get some sleep now.

I am in my month 18 after CT and month 7 after stopping the last antidepressant, the hellish Mirtazapine. As you, my situation goes worse, night sweats and feeling of dying, a pure terror. And around 5 a.m.the hellish cortisol kills me. I have around 4-5 hours broken sleep. The day the depression and the anhedonia are unbearable, a Hell. We continue to support each other, dear B.

Svetla

2 hours ago, skamen said:

We continue to support each other, dear B.

Svetla

@skamen Thanks Svetla, just heart breaking to see you in such devastating torture. Thanks for understanding, all

I am doing for now.....is just trying to stay alive. Beyond belief how these drugs can torture the mind, to instil a FEAR

unbeknown to mankind. Tears, pain, heartache, insomnia and an anxiety beyond comprehension. Big pharma have one

hell of a lot to answer to. How these drugs have ever been passed for human treatment is beyond me. Keep plodding

Svetla, stay safe, keep strong and god bless, B.

Hang in there @skamen… I am so proud of you. You are so strong ❤️‍🩹❤️. True warrior! ❤️

Thank you, @Sophia. What an awful journey for everyone of us. I feel you very well, the anhedonia is unbearable, it takes from us every humane thing.

@skamen Svetla. I’m still trying to figure out what’s happening in my sleep that’s waking me up feeling awful. I wake up in pain, very groggy, heart rate is up. So is my BP if I take it. I’m semi-dizzy, headache often. I feel stressed. The Term I use is “brittle”. I lay there a while, deep breathe, sometimes get up, go back to bed. I Stretch, self massage. The symptoms wear off. I go back to sleep only to wake up later with same symptoms all over again I think it’s due to cortisol. Only thing I can think of. Do you have similar symptoms?

Pokey

Just dropping by to give you a hug, you strong and brave woman. Take care, @skamen , your day will come.

Yes, @Pokey449, for me it is the cortisol triggered by the anxiety. I have also an awful nausea and hot flashes, heart rate up. Last night I had only one hour sleep, from 4 to 5 a.m. This lack of sleep will kill us.

Svetla

@skamen Svetla I hear you about the lack of sleep. I have days I wake up wondering what is keeping me alive I feel so bad. I can fall asleep ok but can’t stay asleep. I keep waking up with th horrid symptoms I described above. It’s hell on earth. And I’ve been at the same dose for 200+ days but I have a lot of stress in my life currently. I hope you can get some semblance of sleep/rest soon.

On 10/2/2026 at 9:55 PM, skamen said:

Yes, @Pokey449, for me it is the cortisol triggered by the anxiety. I have also an awful nausea and hot flashes, heart rate up. Last night I had only one hour sleep, from 4 to 5 a.m. This lack of sleep will kill us.

Svetla

I am so sorry that your suffering is still going on. I keep praying for you, dear @skamen .

On 10/2/2026 at 9:55 PM, skamen said:

Yes, @Pokey449, for me it is the cortisol triggered by the anxiety. I have also an awful nausea and hot flashes, heart rate up. Last night I had only one hour sleep, from 4 to 5 a.m. This lack of sleep will kill us.

Hi dear , do you have some windows sometimes? I hope they will there soon with you dear Svetla❤️

Dear @Saar8srl, thank you to contact me. I follow every your post and know that you struggle bad also.

I don't know how I will survive. I am at the end of my month 7 of real Hell: hot flashes exclusively at night + adrenaline waves of terror, insomnia, terrible depression, utter anhedonia. I am not functional... No window, no light.

And what about you?

Svetla

I’m actually curious why some of you still experience core PWD symptoms even before coming fully off medication. Is it because the current dosage is no longer sufficient to suppress symptoms?

I am now 15 months fully off my medication. Early‑morning awakening between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. still plagues me, accompanied by sharp emotional crashes. While the intensity has decreased considerably compared to three months ago, I still go through these mood swings every single day.

I have gone through a lot of materials. The underlying mechanisms involve abnormally elevated cortisol, glutamate buildup, and insufficient GABA inhibition. Time is the only remedy to recalibrate HPA‑axis rhythms. Hope everyone gets better!

11 hours ago, skamen said:

And what about you?

Dear Svetla,

That’s warms my heart that you follow my threads. ❤️I’m not good. Severe depression, DPDR or totally numb. Don’t feel human anymore. Sometimes I experience a window and I can breath somehow but they are not many. I’m glad if the evening is lighter but also that doesn’t happen a lot . I hope you will have your first relief soon. Tell me if the windows come , I will celebrate it with you. I have the feeling you have heart of gold❤️you deserve all the happiness and joy in the world. Let your loved ones take care of you sweet Svetla ❤️❤️

The psychiatrist prescribed me today gabapentin 100 mg 1st week, 200 mg 2nd week and 300 mg 3th week. I am so scared to take something with my hypersensitized NS. I have been 7 months without anything, nor antidepressants neither supplements. My WD symptoms are awful: inner akathisia, hot flashes + terror at night, brain fog, depression, anhedonia. I never experienced a window until now, straight suffer and agony. Any advices about this? Thank you.

13 minutes ago, skamen said:

The psychiatrist prescribed me today gabapentin 100 mg 1st week, 200 mg 2nd week and 300 mg 3th week. I am so scared to take something with my hypersensitized NS. I have been 7 months without anything, nor antidepressants neither supplements. My WD symptoms are awful: inner akathisia, hot flashes + terror at night, brain fog, depression, anhedonia. I never experienced a window until now, straight suffer and agony. Any advices about this? Thank you.

I would not take it. Just from being in the akathisia groups, I've seen that gabapentinoids are not guaranteed to help. For multiple people, they suppressed the aka for like a few weeks and then stopped working and then they still had their symptoms plus another drug to taper off of.

I understand your agony. But you seem to have come so far and are off the drugs. I do believe you will improve in time.