Hi @skamen Svetla. How are you today? Any relief? I thought I was finally stabilizing Saturday & Sunday when I got some decent sleep both nights. But it didn’t last. Had an awful nights the last 2 nights.

Are you able to get any decent sleep at all? I think about you often & what you are going through. Wishing you peace & sleep

Pokey

Dear @Pokey449, I read your posts mentioning a good sleep and I told myself that finally you start to stabilize. Even if the good sleep didn't last I think that you received a positive sign from your CNS that it is healing.

My nightmare is endless, the cortisol is awful, I cannot sleep, I cannot stay in bed after 5 a.m., the anxiety is unbearable. I know that the loneliness is so hard for you but even if I am with my husband the WD symptoms don't decrease. It is not esear either. The WD is devastating in any circumstances. I don't want to die neither to live, it is horrendous. You are not alone, Pokey, in this misery. Tomorrow I start my month 16 of Hell.

Svetla

@skamen Svetla. Thanks for the response. I’m sorry you are struggling so much too. I tried to go back to bed & get a nap in. I fell asleep only to awaken in a terror feeling sick and had to get up. Take care. Stay in touch.

9 hours ago, skamen said:

I don't want to die neither to live, it is horrendous

@skamen I’m in the same situation. It truly is horrible 😢

19 hours ago, skamen said:

Dear @Pokey449, I read your posts mentioning a good sleep and I told myself that finally you start to stabilize. Even if the good sleep didn't last I think that you received a positive sign from your CNS that it is healing.

My nightmare is endless, the cortisol is awful, I cannot sleep, I cannot stay in bed after 5 a.m., the anxiety is unbearable. I know that the loneliness is so hard for you but even if I am with my husband the WD symptoms don't decrease. It is not esear either. The WD is devastating in any circumstances. I don't want to die neither to live, it is horrendous. You are not alone, Pokey, in this misery. Tomorrow I start my month 16 of Hell.

Svetla

Dear Svetla, sending all the love and healing your way, hang on tight to this life, you will get there and the rewards will be huge! I am VERY excited for that day on your behalf! xxxxx

@skamen hi Svetla, thinking of you. How are you holding up?

How are your symptoms?

Have you seen ANY improvement in your sleep?

Dear Svetla, You’re not alone either. Whenever I read a success story, I think of you. "One day, Svetla will write a story like that too... " It seems endless, but that’s a lie. It isn’t endless; the day will come. Hang in there! Thinking of you and praying for You. ❤️

Thank you, @Dnepr1234 and @Nemina, for asking. I cannot sleep, the night terror and sweats are awful. My body is as plugged in the electrical network.

I was scheduled for a treatment with psilocibyne (with psychiatrist and psychologists) but I refused it, I was so scary that my CNS won't be able to handle this, my anxiety is unbearable, I don't sleep, I don't have appetite, I struggle to survive each minute. A new stress on the brain in flame could be a disaster... Now I pray that the time helps me in this Hell, I don't have other hope...

Svetla

2 hours ago, skamen said:

Thank you, @Dnepr1234 and @Nemina, for asking. I cannot sleep, the night terror and sweats are awful. My body is as plugged in the electrical network.

I was scheduled for a treatment with psilocibyne (with psychiatrist and psychologists) but I refused it, I was so scary that my CNS won't be able to handle this, my anxiety is unbearable, I don't sleep, I don't have appetite, I struggle to survive each minute. A new stress on the brain in flame could be a disaster... Now I pray that the time helps me in this Hell, I don't have other hope...

Svetla

I’m so sorry for your suffering @skamen. I think it was definitely the right decision to refuse psilocybin treatment. Time is your friend. I know every second is excruciating right now but you WILL make it through. Just keep surviving 💪🏼💜.

3 hours ago, skamen said:

I was scheduled for a treatment with psilocibyne (with psychiatrist and psychologists) but I refused it, I was so scary that my CNS won't be able to handle this

I also think that this was a wise decision. This is not the time for experiments. One day you will turn your first corner, have your first window and from then on more and more of those.

Hang in there Svetla. I know it’s miserable but you made the correct decision by not adding more fuel to the fire. Wishingbuu to you peace & comfort

Dear @Pokey449, I read that your sleep is returning. Great, I am very happy for you. The healing happens, you deserve this.

Svetla

Hi Svetla, how are you doing today? I have been offline for a long while, only peeking on here and there. I had a window of time and wanted to check in. I know there is hope for you to turn a corner, we just don't know when because of the multiple cold turkeys. I see in March that you cut Mirt out from 1.5mg to 0mg. You could be right at the edge of the re-instatement window for Mirt. Do you feel it made things better or worse jumping off that high. For some reason, I thought you were much lower, like 0.3mg. I am 0.36mg right now and taper by 0.01mg every 3 weeks with Outro. I am sorry to read that it has been very difficult for you. I know we all hope to see improvements even if small for each and every one of us. Has there been an improvement anywhere in the different parts of your life? Look for those even if it is the most obscure improvement--it is still progress and it keeps us curious rather than so defeated. Examples, my hair looks pretty today, the sunshine, a bunny in the yard, tea/smoothie/water tasted good--any of these can give you an uplift.

Many hugs and blessings to you, my friend!

Dear @namastejen1, thank you for stopping by me. Indeed, my Hell is unbearable. I already was in Hell after the CT in March 2025, and now the jump from 1,5 mg to 0 mg (March 20) literally kills me. I cannot sleep, I am in night terror, sweats, dark depression, brain fog, awful anhedonia...I try to survive each minute. I am 3 months and half off drugs and know that I have to persevere before seeing a light. Yesterday I refused a psilocibyne treatment with psychiatrist and psychologist, I think that my CNS is so so sensitized and cannot support a new assault. I read that psilocibyne increases anxiety. I have a lot of this, I cannot handle more, my feeling of dying is horrendous, I am as plugged into the electrical network...

I am so glad that you are doing well.

Svetla

4 minutes ago, skamen said:

Dear @namastejen1, thank you for stopping by me. Indeed, my Hell is unbearable. I already was in Hell after the CT in March 2025, and now the jump from 1,5 mg to 0 mg (March 20) literally kills me. I cannot sleep, I am in night terror, sweats, dark depression, brain fog, awful anhedonia...I try to survive each minute. I am 3 months and half off drugs and know that I have to persevere before seeing a light. Yesterday I refused a psilocibyne treatment with psychiatrist and psychologist, I think that my CNS is so so sensitized and cannot support a new assault. I read that psilocibyne increases anxiety. I have a lot of this, I cannot handle more, my feeling of dying is horrendous, I am as plugged into the electrical network...

I am so glad that you are doing well.

Svetla

I think you might be in the re-instatement window as Mirt helps with sleep. Half or slightly less of the last dose is recommended--so that would be 0.75mg. I know you were really struggling before this. But I thought you were much lower on Mirt, but maybe I am remembering it incorrectly. I would not do medicinal mushrooms/psilocybin given the reactivity of the nervous system. There are a lot of natural remedies out there but the hallucinogenic quality of the shrooms would probably be a nightmare for you. I see you did ketamine in the past...I have some colleagues who think this is way to go to treat emotional issues, I steered clear of that training, no thanks, but for some it works. I am so sensitive even before the psych Rx that I am pretty conservative when it comes to anything psychedelic. So smart move on your part!

Omega-3 oil or turmeric will take ease the brain and body inflammation and Mg glycinate 100-150mg typically with dinner helps ease the nervous system for sleep. I know you may not want to try anything else, but they are supplements Altostrata endorsed. I am so sorry for your continued challenges. I hope you find some relief soon! I need to sign off now to power down for the night...nearly 9pm here.

Hi @skamen Svetla. How are you doing today. Are you getting any relief & sleep? I think of you often when I’m having a really bad day/night. There are days/nights that I think that dying would be preferable to continuing on with this misery. But then I remember you and other brave souls here that are struggling, but keep going day after day, night after night. Your determination helps me to keep up the struggle on the days that I just want to give up and die. Today is one of those days.

Dear @Pokey449, every morning I check the site to know how was your night. Don't give up, you are not alone, I am also in terrible situation. After the night Hell with cortisol terror, sweats and itchings which awake me every single hour, and the morning sensation of dying, my days are endless, full of deep depression, anhedonia, hopelessness. My husband and the family of my daughter plan to flight with me on September 2th to Bulgaria, my native country. I am not able to support this transatlantic flight, my CNS is broken, kindled, each little thing arises my anxiety by x1000. We are in the same pitty situation, Pokey.

As you, I play musical instrument, I play piano, but since February 2024 I have not been able to return to it. I have endured a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis in 2017 which impacted my right eye (optic neuritis). Thanks God, I don't have any relapses, I have run kilometers, was very enjoyable person, ride regularly bicycle, was very happy in my work... until the day when these hellish drugs have thrown me in this unbearable suffering. Never known that such an inhumane distress can exist on Earth... There are not words in the human language to describe this nightmare. But what can we do? Hope...

Svetla

Edited Monday at 12:36 AM4 days by skamen

27 minutes ago, skamen said:

Dear @Pokey449, every morning I check the site to know how was your night. Don't give up, you are not alone, I am also in terrible situation. After the night Hell with cortisol terror, sweats and itchings which awake me every single hour, and the morning sensation of dying, my days are endless, full of deep depression, anhedonia, hopelessness. My husband and the family of my daughter plan to flight with me on September 2th to Bulgaria, my native country. I am not able to support this transatlantic flight, my CNS is broken, kindled, each little thing arises my anxiety by x1000. We are in the same pitty situation, Pokey.

As you, I play musical instrument, I play piano, but since February 2024 I have not been able to return to it. I have endured a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis in 2017 which impacted my right eye (optical necrosis). Thanks God, I don't have any relapses, I have run kilometers, was very enjoyable person, ride regularly bicycle, was very happy in my work... until the day these drugs have thrown me in this unbearable suffering. Never known that such an inhumane dread can exist on Earth... There are not words in the human language to describe this nightmare. But what can we do? Hope...

Svetla

I relate to you so much too. In 2024 I was at my peak. Mountain biking with a new trek bike, kick scooting commuting to work, playing the guitar, great work and friendships... Not all was perfect but it was the best I've ever been... Even things that would make me anxious or the occasional intrusive thought would bounce right off me. I found happiness, after 20+ years of depression and suicidal ideation thanks to my sad life.

Now? I can't even step out of my own house. Terrified of every little thing, no pleasure in anything, fearing for my life on the daily, mood swinging from paranoia to fear to anger to suicidal in a day... The worst is that this didn't happen until 7 months into withdrawal. So the months I kindled myself and went cold turkey, I still had a bit of a life, did chores, walked daily, played with friends... Even picked the guitar again at some point, but it all died out.

Terrified this is me without drugs. I've been my entire adulthood on drugs, and they worked okay for me, so I wonder what the future will look like after this. The longest I've been drug free was during my original taper, which was 8-9 months free... So I don't know if that was enough time to really feel withdrawal like now, being almost a year off and suffering massively.

Recovered from 2+ years protracted Klonopin withdrawal and chronic insomnia https://benzobuddies.org/topic/291631-recovered-from-2-years-protracted-klonopin-withdrawal-and-chronic-insomnia/

@ALonelySoul12, there is a hope..

@skamen hi Svetla, I understand your concern about traveling. Is there any possibility to postpone your trip or stay behind entirely?

6 hours ago, skamen said:

Recovered from 2+ years protracted Klonopin withdrawal and chronic insomnia https://benzobuddies.org/topic/291631-recovered-from-2-years-protracted-klonopin-withdrawal-and-chronic-insomnia/

@ALonelySoul12, there is a hope..

Kinda struggling to relate to these stories 😔 Having mostly psychological symptoms, being able to workout and have a decent diet through the process. I was more or less like this the first months too, in my case it was mostly physical, being able to still function and reintroducing foods I used to eat month by month, but eventually I broke. Physical issues might give me even more issues down the line too, like low calcium as I don't tolerate dairy or calcium supplements, can't go out to get my vitamin D... Even the sun I don't tolerate. Low B12 because of PPI use, my teeth might degrade because of the bruxism, like today I woke up with my jaw clenched TIGHT. Issues just keep piling up and struggle seeing a way out 😅 Before I would confidently go to the doctor, now stepping outside my house is terror, and when I talk myself out to give it a try, 15 steps in and I'm already twitching, dizzy, with abdominal cramps, and sick for at least 3 days.

Thank you, @Dnepr1234, to contact me. For the moment, I cannot travel, it is impossible for my kindled CNS to handle even the smallest stress... I pray that a miracle becomes for calming a little bit my brain...

Svetla

Hello @skamen , I am so sad about your ongoing suffering. An intercontinental journey sounds like a very challenging project in your situation, maybe it would be not a good idea. Being with family is a good thing and sometimes even a change of location, both has helped me. But you are still in a very difficult state and might be overwhelmed. Whatever you decide, we are here to support. ❤️

Thank you, @Nemina, to be here. Yes, for the moment I cannot imagine to travel,my brain doesn't accept this idea. I am all the night in cortisol terror, and the days are awful... Do you have a relief from your bowel problem?

Sbetla

@skamen Hi Svetla. I’m in a similar boat as you when considering travel. I’ve been wanting to travel to be with my wife and kids in another state but there’s no way so far that I’ve been able to handle the crowds , noise and chaos of air travel. I have many days I can’t get off the couch and out of the house to run simple errands. The last few days i have been thinking my sleep was finally stabilizing and I was starting to have some hope that I could travel soon. But then that hope was dashed last night with another terrible night leaving me exhausted today. I need a period of stability before I’m willing to risk leaving the safety of home for traveling. I also don’t want to drag my misery to my daughter’s house. I’m no fun to be around like this