Thank you, @Luke and @Chippy for your encouragements, this means a lot. It is good to remain me that the darkest Hell became after stopping completely the last poison. The internal akatisia is unbearable but I don't have any other choice, I have to persevere. Thank you to be here for me, really thank you, I don't know how I would survive without this site, without you.

Svetla

3 minutes ago, skamen said:

Thank you, @Luke and @Chippy for your encouragements, this means a lot. It is good to remain me that the darkest Hell became after stopping completely the last poison. The internal akatisia is unbearable but I don't have any other choice, I have to persevere. Thank you to be here for me, really thank you, I don't know how I would survive without this site, without you.

Svetla

Your strength is all you Svelta. You are a true Warrior. 🛡️ ⚔️

You are incredibly strong ❤️☀️❤️☀️

4 hours ago, skamen said:

Thank you, @Luke and @Chippy for your encouragements, this means a lot. It is good to remain me that the darkest Hell became after stopping completely the last poison. The internal akatisia is unbearable but I don't have any other choice, I have to persevere. Thank you to be here for me, really thank you, I don't know how I would survive without this site, without you.

Svetla

Hopefully one day you will not just survive, but thrive.

I am looking forward to that day.

@skamen Svetla. You often talk about the misery of having cortisol spikes. I think I’m having them too but I’m

Not sure. Would you mind describing your symptoms of having them? Cortisol levels are diurnal. Normally a person whose not taper off these poisons that we are only gets an elevation in their cortisol once a day. Typically in the early morning hours to help you wake up. But it seems those of us going through this hell are an anomaly to that normal pattern.

I’m trying to determine if what I’m experiencing is due to cortisol

Or something else. I’m particularly concerned about something going on with my heart. If my symptoms are comparable to what you’re experiencing I’ll stop worrying so much. Thanks

Pokey

@Pokey449, the cortisol spikes are the most hellish thing I know. For me, they start around midnight and return almost every hour, and let me awakened. First it comes with feeling of terror and depression around the chest. After comes the sweat, the heartbeat with a deep respiration, itching. The feeling of dying is so strong. Around 5 a.m. the pressure on the chest becomes unbearable and I cannot more stay on bed, the agony is so deep. Yes, with the normal people this awekenes starts in the morning but without theses horrendous symptoms.

Last night I had only 2 hours sleep, from 22:30 to 0:30. My daughter told me yesterday that me and my husband have transfered a virus to the 6 months grandson (it is true) and now he is suffering. This news triggered my poor CNS, and now I am asking myself how I will survive, the terror is constant and unbearable. On the previous agony came another one, the intensity of this feeling is enormous. In normal time it would be a manageable worry, but now it will kill me.

Svetla

Thank you Svetla; What you are experiencing sounds pretty awful. My assumed cortisol sxs are bad but nothing like the intensity of what you are dealing with. I wake up with a terrible creepy crawly feeling that doubles me up. Certainly messes up my sleep. PLus I have pain, SOB and an assortment of other weird sxs. Im concerned the doxepin I am tapering from is suppressing my respiratory drive in my brain causing the SOB. Worried its impacting my heart.

I hope you get some respite soon. Youve been dealing with hell for some time now. Will include you in my nightly prayer before I roll over to go to sleep.

Pokey

My sleeplessness becomes unbearable, 2 hours broken sleep since 2 months. The internal akatisia and the feeling of terror are hellish. Can I take 2,5/5 mg of Melatonin with my sensitized CNS? I am sure that I have brain injury, the Hell is awful.

1 minute ago, skamen said:

My sleeplessness becomes unbearable, 2 hours broken sleep since 2 months. The internal akatisia and the feeling of terror are hellish. Can I take 2,5/5 mg of Melatonin with my sensitized CNS? I am sure that I have brain injury, the Hell is awful.

I’m sorry for your suffering Svetla. If you want to try melatonin it is best to go low. This is to avoid a reaction but it is seen that lower doses are all that are needed and more can be paradoxical. Something low like 0.25mg to start with and then work up. You can get it in 1mg tablets from the us. I ordered some and had it shipped

I take 3mg every now and then it helps me fall asleep without issues.

However, my situation is of course different so listen to your own body! ☺️

Thank you, @Chippy, for your quick answer.

Svetla

Just now, skamen said:

Thank you, @Chippy, for your quick answer.

Svetla

Pleasure Svetla. Sa found everyone’s upper limit is different and some can’t tolerate.

Thank you, @Sophia. I will start this night, I have 3 mg melatonin, I will start to cut it and increase it progressively.

Svetla

I hope and pray that you will find some relief with the melatonin. ❤️‍🩹😔

Unfortunately, this early off of Mirtazapine, terrible sleep can be considered very "normal", especially with the rest of your background.

I hope it improves in time, and that a small dose of melatonin does help in the short term, and that you can tolerate it ok.

Thank you, @Nemina and @Luke. Mirtazapine is a hellish pill. My nights and mornings are a pure terror bcs or the cortisol. It is an inhumane suffering, I don't know if one day the brain will stop to produce these waves of agony. I cannot function, this Hell kills me.

Edited May 22May 22 by skamen

4 hours ago, skamen said:

Thank you, @Nemina and @Luke. Mirtazapine is a hellish pill. My nights and mornings are a pure terror bcs or the cortisol. It is an inhumane suffering, I don't know if one day the brain will stop to produce these waves of agony. I cannot function, this Hell kills me.

It will for sure!!! Just hold on, the day will come. Still praying for You, Nemina

How is it going with the melatonin?

Thank you for asking, dear @Nemina. I have slept a little better, but always broken sleep with awekenes each hour, 11, 12, 1..., cortisol terror and impossible to stay more in bed after 5 am. I will take melatonin again this evening with hope for better sleep.

Svetla

Hi Svetla. Given all that you’re going through how do you spend your days. Some days all I can muster is surfing my recliner all day. It’s not living it’s a miserable existence.

Hi @Pokey449. The anhedonia and the depression are other things that kill me. I am almost all the day on the sofa, it is not myself, as you say it is miserable. I try to walk around the house, but it is a real suffering because I always have had a goal in my life, not only turn around like a foolish woman. LIVING HELL.

Svetla

Hi @skamen i just wanted to let you know I read your post and that I sympathize deeply. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am in terrible shape myself. I’d like to ask you how does your inner Akathisia feel.

For about a month and a half after I stopped Zyprexa (which has strong antihistamine properties just like mirtazapine) I could barely sleep for an hour or two. But in the past month or so I began to average about 6 hours of sleep. So there’s hope. I still wake with horrendous cortisol spikes. And feel as if I didn’t sleep at all. I wish you to feel better soon.

Thank you for asking, @Dnepr1234, it means a lot.

I am more than 2 months off of any drug, and indeed, Mirtazapine was the last one I stopped on March 20. Since then I have slept only 1-2 hours per night. The cortisol urges put me in terror each hour, and around 5 a.m. the situation becomes unbearable, an agony. The inner akatisia is non stop here, a hellish state. I pray God to give me strength to survive. I am glad that this sleepless Hell is behind you. Thank you for the encouragement.

Edited May 25May 25 by skamen

Hi @skamen just wanted to check on you. How are you doing? Do you get any windows at all? I hope for some relief for you.

Hi @Dnepr1234. I was thinking of you after yesterday's post.

I am in an awful state. Last night I got 3-4 hours broken sleep (after a night with 0 sleep) because of the hellish cortisol spikes which literally kill me. I have had them for 14 months now but they became unbearable since March 20 when I stopped my last antidepressant. And my inner akatisia is horrendous, weird, like I am plugged into the electrical network. I don't have any relief and everything is so intense and dark, beyond all sufferings I have experienced in my life. I try to survive. There are no words to describe this Hell, nobody deserves this horror. I read that people get window sometimes... I never had this, it is an endless suffering with me.

How are you doing today?

Edited May 28May 28 by skamen