Dear @Nemina, the Living Hell is non stop. What kills me are the cortisol/adrenaline rushes all the night. The mornings are a terror. But it was almost the same when tapering, I never have had a comfortable dose on which holding. Now I believe in the brain and body intelligence to heal in time.

I know it was difficult for you these days and hope you are doing well now.

Svetla 

Edited March 28Mar 28 by skamen

If it was similar whilst on the drug and whilst tapering, hopefully you will not worsen whilst off the drug and eventually begin to slowly improve.

 

You CT three drugs in March 2025, when did you start mirtazapine?

Thank you, @Luke, for your encouragement. The psychiatrist prescribed me Mirtszaline in June 2024, 35 mg. After the CT in March 2025 from 160 mg Desipramine, 30 mg Viibryd and 650 mg Lithium, I started to taper Mirtazapine in June 2025 and took the last 1,5 mg pil March 20, 2026.

How have I to count the start of the healing process, after the CT (13 months already) or after the last dose of Mirtazipine?

9 hours ago, skamen said:

How have I to count the start of the healing process, after the CT (13 months already) or after the last dose of Mirtazipine?

The body is always trying heal. Now you are fully off the drugs you can fully concentrate on the healing process. 
 

We are all here for you Svetla! Your day will come. Xxx

14 hours ago, skamen said:

Thank you, @Luke, for your encouragement. The psychiatrist prescribed me Mirtszaline in June 2024, 35 mg. After the CT in March 2025 from 160 mg Desipramine, 30 mg Viibryd and 650 mg Lithium, I started to taper Mirtazapine in June 2025 and took the last 1,5 mg pil March 20, 2026.

How have I to count the start of the healing process, after the CT (13 months already) or after the last dose of Mirtazipine?

 

Thank you for clarifying this.

 

It's not that straightforward to predict. What does seem clear is that time off of all psychiatric medications does eventually lead to improvement and recovery for most people. As of now, you are 9 days off of all psychiatric medications, and my hope would be that in time you improve. I think it's likely, but it can take a considerable amount of time and this varies a lot by person, drug history and so on.

 

Have you noticed any changes since stopping mirtazapine, or has your condition stayed broadly similar?

I believe you would of started the healing process when you first CT ,but also believe that the recent coming off Mirtazapine has added an extra dimension for the brain and body to deal with ,it will have to make a few more adjustments but also believe now you are off them this is where the true healing begins . The brain and body can now fully concentrate on finding that true balance you can help it along the way by self care self compassion.  You are now on the road to recovery and know that it will come 🤗

Thank you, @Chippy, @Luke and @Beehive for your encouragements and to be in contact with me. After stopping Mirtazapine my symptoms worsened: insomnia, chemical anxiety, inner akatisia, chest pressure, awful cortisol/adrenaline rushes, hellish anhedonia, dark depression, nausea, solar plexus pain, short of breath..., ful agony as before but x1000 worse. I have known that it will be the situation but the intensity is unbearable, I struggle to survive. I hope that the brain will be able to reach homeostasis. The suffering is Inhumane, already 13 months straight, no light, no oxygen. Thank you to be here.

Svetla

Edited March 29Mar 29 by skamen

1 minute ago, skamen said:

Thank you, @Chippy, @Luke and @Beehive for your encouragements and to bee in contact with me. After stopping Mirtazapine my symptoms worsened: insomnia, chemical anxiety, inner akatisia, chest pressure, awful cortisol/adrenaline rushes, hellish anhedonia, dark depression, nausea, solar plexus pain, short of breath..., ful agony as before but x1000 worse. I have known that it will be the situation but the intensity is unbearable, I struggle to survive. I hope that the brain will be able to reach homeostasis. The suffering is Inhumane, already 13 months straight, no light, no oxygen. Thank you to be here.

Svetla

Oh Svelta, I am sorry to read this. This is terrible. Unfortunately coming off Mirt so quickly, that was always a possibilty. You will stablise. The body is amazing. You are amazing, Chippy

I'm not going to lie ..its going to be a tough ride ,but you are off now so every bit of healing will just get stronger and stronger .Your getting the Tsunami now hold on ride it out it won't last for ever nothing does .

I’m thinking of you, Skamen! 
💪🏻❤️

Dear @Finni, I know that you suffer also a lot and intensely. What a mess... I am praying for both of us. We have to survive.

Svetla

Hi @skamen, how are you? Have you noticed some improvements/decreases in your symptoms recently? 

Hi @poulette38, I am 10 days off of any antidepressants. My adrenaline/cortisol ruches are awful, especially during the night and early morning. It is a real morning terror. Plus my anhedonia is hellish. No interest in nothing, and this hellish state of emotional anesthesia has been caused by the antidepressants. But I am determined to hold on, I don't have any other choice, the injury of the brain is Inhumane. And you? How about you? Are you functional?

Edited March 30Mar 30 by skamen

18 minutes ago, skamen said:

Hi @poulette38, I am 10 days off of any antidepressants. My adrenaline/cortisol ruches are awful, especially during the night and early morning. It is a real morning terror. Plus my anhedonia is hellish. No interest in nothing, and this hellish state of emotional anesthesia has been caused by the antidepressants. But I am determined to hold on, I don't have any other choice, the injury of the brain is Inhumane. And you? How about you? Are you functional?

Do you mean that you don’t feel negative emotions either? Can you cry, for example? 
I only have negative emotions, it has been several months that I have been going through tears attacks, that last almost all day and sometimes even at night... It's getting harder to wake up in the morning.
But right now I’m crying a little less. I think the body & brain are starting to get tired of all this sadness... 😔

The rest of the day, can you concentrate a little? Has your concentration, for example, improved a bit? Can you read? 
I believe that we must focus on improvements, no matter how small.

@poulette38, I don't have any emotions, I cannot cry, I cannot become angry, I cannot feel love or pleasure... It is awful, it is not myself. And no motivation for nothing, the life is frozen.

I can see that you have improvement, it is great. But what a mess for you  after such a short period on antidepressants... These drugs are a poison, they have to be banned.

@skamen I am the same. No interest, enjoyment, motivation. No anxiety, no irritation, nothing. I have daily bouts of crippling negativity/depression and then the rest of the time I am a robot. I don't bother watching TV, reading, have abandoned hobbies and no longer see friends. I can't connect with people or enjoy company. You are not alone. It is difficult to find life worth living like this. But we carry on.

This certainly doesn't apply to everyone and all cases but for some people when their system is so traumatised the brain literally shuts down as it can't cope with all that's going on . Most times there is nothing you can do time is the healer here . Obviously you can do anything that tells the brain ok I'm listening I'm going to do my best to calm myself down through maybe light walks meditation calming thoughts anything you  can do to lower the stress .

Edited March 31Mar 31 by Beehive

 Nutrition is key as well ..

1 hour ago, skamen said:

@poulette38, I don't have any emotions, I cannot cry, I cannot become angry, I cannot feel love or pleasure... It is awful, it is not myself. And no motivation for nothing, the life is frozen.

I can see that you have improvement, it is great. But what a mess for you  after such a short period on antidepressants... These drugs are a poison, they have to be banned.

Hey @skamen,

Honestly, I would really prefer to feel nothing than crying all the time... my god, I didn’t know that a human body was able to cry so much continuously for months like that, all that because of medication... I was really not in such a sorry state before they were taken. 

How do you manage this absence of emotions? Can you find some pleasant activities (even if you don’t feel them as such)? ...

 

As I said, I no longer feel any positive emotions and I am starting to hate the human race now 😔. I am aggressive with my loved ones and I no longer have any love or affection for them, I am unable to kiss them every day as I used to (it's so cruel! 😭), and just thinking about it immerse myself into a tears attack. 

 

@Svelta, you know that it’s not you. In moments of bittersweet lucidity, I have memories of myself seen from the outside, under the sun, perfectly happy. Then sudden return to reality, now I hate myself and I don’t know who I see in the mirror. I went to the hairdresser today, my family made an appointment for me (I would not have been able to make a simple appointment for myself in my state, specially for this), having pointed out to me that I looked like a tramp. This new haircut did not give me any pleasure.

Anyway, all this to say that sometimes it can help to recall happy memories, even if it also does terribly harm.

Honestly, I don’t see what we can really hold onto in a secure way. I have the chance to be a believer and I put everything in the hands of God, he is the only one who never betrays. 

 

I hope that you will soon notice improvements. 🩵 It’s so unpredictable...

Edited March 31Mar 31 by poulette38

Oh, I pray for each of you from this forum every evening. 🙏🩷

Let us all stay in Christ. 
And you know what, I had this thought. Why did it happen to us? Well guys, I think we are among human beings, among the most humane precisely and the bravest. No false modesty about us, please. It’s a simple thought that is worth what it is worth. God knows the truth. 

If there are other Christians on this forum, I would also be delighted to discuss with you. ☺️

6 minutes ago, poulette38 said:

Oh, I pray for each of you from this forum every evening. 🙏🩷

Let us all stay in Christ. 
And you know what, I had this thought. Why did it happen to us? Well guys, I think we are among human beings, among the most humane precisely and the bravest. No false modesty about us, please. It’s a simple thought that is worth what it is worth. God knows the truth. 

If there are other Christians on this forum, I would also be delighted to discuss with you. ☺️

Thank you for that! It is said that the higher power (I don't believe in names without offending of course) does not give us more than we can handle, I believe this with all my heart!

Edited March 31Mar 31 by Fullhealing

@poulette38, neither crying nor been in emotional castration is bearable, the both are Hell on Earth. Passing the day is awful, each minute is like a century... I try to read, to cook... but I don't have any concentration. And as for you, my memories from the happy days hurt me, they are painful and cruel. I feel you very well for the hairdresser, I am the same, don't want to do nothing, I cannot recognize me, it is not me, I hate this state. I believe in the Universe, in this inner power... but why it allows this inhumane suffering? No one has to endure this unbearable Hell, there is not a words in the human language to describe this agony. I pray also for all of us in this site.

Svetla

@Fullhealing There is always some balance in the universe, despite the apparent disorder. Without entering into advanced notions of physics, I believe that life is maintained thanks to this balance, fragile but constant. Even a tree root lifts the concrete. We are that root. Life is stronger than what men build on it ; it's the same thing with our brains. We are all alive, certainly in bad shape but that is precisely why everything will tend in the opposite direction.
And conversely, I don’t want to break the delirium of happy people on this Earth but many wait for their pain. That’s how it is.

 

I watched the testimonial videos of Angie Peacock (healing journey), many people mention having found a better life than before after all that. We all know how our life was before these medicines, and it was happy for many. But we don’t know how we will find it then. 

We can always hope. Even Angie Peacock says she has been living more intensely since she was healed.
Suffering will be returned to us in happiness later. We must believe it. 🙂

11 minutes ago, skamen said:

@poulette38, neither crying nor been in emotional castration is bearable, the both are Hell on Earth. Passing the day is awful, each minute is like a century... I try to read, to cook... but I don't have any concentration. And as for you, my memories from the happy days hurt me, they are painful and cruel. I feel you very well for the hairdresser, I am the same, don't want to do nothing, I cannot recognize me, it is not me, I hate this state. I believe in the Universe, in this inner power... but why it allows this inhumane suffering? No one has to endure this unbearable Hell, there is not a words in the human language to describe this agony. I pray also for all of us in this site.

Svetla

Thx Svelta for your prayers. 🙏

You are right, we all should be able to feel all the emotions and live our life fully. I completely understand when you say when you say that every second is endless: our perception of time has been completely altered. You know, we went from winter to spring, and I barely noticed it. And our perception of ourselves and others and all sensations in general has been altered. Our lives have been stolen. Who could put up with that? 😒

21 minutes ago, poulette38 said:

@Fullhealing There is always some balance in the universe, despite the apparent disorder. Without entering into advanced notions of physics, I believe that life is maintained thanks to this balance, fragile but constant. Even a tree root lifts the concrete. We are that root. Life is stronger than what men build on it ; it's the same thing with our brains. We are all alive, certainly in bad shape but that is precisely why everything will tend in the opposite direction.
And conversely, I don’t want to break the delirium of happy people on this Earth but many wait for their pain. That’s how it is.

 

I watched the testimonial videos of Angie Peacock (healing journey), many people mention having found a better life than before after all that. We all know how our life was before these medicines, and it was happy for many. But we don’t know how we will find it then. 

We can always hope. Even Angie Peacock says she has been living more intensely since she was healed.
Suffering will be returned to us in happiness later. We must believe it. 🙂

You wrote beautifully @poulette38 well, it's getting into philosophy and personal beliefs and it's endless but in general my believe is that everything here has a purpose, even the most terrible suffering which is difficult for the human mind to grasp and that's of course without belittling anyone's suffering, including my own, however, I do sometimes wonder how this is possible, where is the justice, and when this happens I have to connect with this belief of mine and see the big picture which is that everything was built with perfect precision and imperfection is included in it.

Anyway, that's just the tip and I'll stop taking any more space in this thread as it not mine.

Wishing much strength and love to everyone, we must continue to fight for a better life to come as they will and never ever lose hope 💞