5 hours ago, skamen said:

New symptoms on my month 12 after CT from 3 psychotropics (and now tapering the hellish Mirtazapine): stomach pain, nausea and shortness of breath. Plus the unbearable anhedonia caused by Paxil and which have been for 2 years now: one year under different psychiatric traitements (drug after drug after drug..., rTMS, kétamine) and one year after CT. There is not a life, I am no more human being, no emotions, no motivation for nothing. How was I able to fonction before this journey?!?!?! What these drugs and the psychiatry have done to my brain? What a mess! I am so sorry for the negativity but this forum is the unique place where I can express my anger. I know that this not helps me, what is done is done, but I cannot take anymore, 2 stolen years from my life and I don't know how more time this sgony will take... So sorry,

Svetla

I’m so sorry Svetla for your new symptoms. You are a true warrior here and your strength is so inspiring. One day you will look back on this and be very proud of how strong you are. You will get better. It’s not possible to suffer forever your brain is working desperately to get you back to normal. I hope for you to improve very soon. 
 

Chippy

Thank you, Chippy, to be here. Logically yes, the brain cannot be in this agony forever. But I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, it is an endless living Hell.

Svetla

20 minutes ago, skamen said:

But I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel, it is an endless living Hell.

I've read about people being in such a mess and then one day just waking up normal.... never give up Hope...it sustains is...we don't know what tomorrow will bring. 

I have also read twice about someone who was just going about there day and then they had some kind of crackling in their brain and all the symptoms were gone. 

It seems unbelievable but we know this journey is just that...❤️🙏

Thank you for your kind words, LIC. I need this encouragement and hope to be able to hang into this unbearable agony.

Svetla

Dear @skamen, hang on, don’t give up, your time of healing is nearing. you have many people here who are cheering you on. As @HopePerseveres2.0 wrote so beautifully, you are one of our heroes. It’s true!

as always, you are in my prayers. 

@skamen  Svetla can you tell me what your SOB is like? Do you get that night when trying to sleep. I wake up with SOB and it scares the hell out of me. 

Morning @skamen Please stay strong and keep FAITH, WE will get out of this living hell,

with more time and patience we WILL get there, fully recovered and stronger than ever.

Please stay safe and take care,        B.🙏🙏🙏🌷

12 hours ago, LostinCanada said:

I've read about people being in such a mess and then one day just waking up normal.... never give up Hope...it sustains is...we don't know what tomorrow will bring. 

I have also read twice about someone who was just going about there day and then they had some kind of crackling in their brain and all the symptoms were gone. 

It seems unbelievable but we know this journey is just that...❤️🙏

1000%
 

Svetla we can never imagine things will change. Until they do. Don’t give up hope you will improve it’s just a matter of time. Xxxx

On 2/11/2026 at 10:06 AM, Luke said:

This is just my personal thoughts, and you might not agree or want to listen to the advice of others, however:

• You have been in very bad condition since CT from multiple drugs
• Introducing mirtazapine since then did not make it better
• Dropping the dose introduced worse insomnia but not a significant ramping up of how bad things are other than that (this is my understanding from past posts).

I would be tempted to make a small drop and accept worsening insomnia for a time if it meant I was getting off of medications and then beginning to heal without them eventually, if I were in your position

Hi @skamen, I think @Luke made some good points here. There is a recent video with Angie Peacock and Brooke Siem about hyperbolic tapering and the different methods. Some people hold too long to try and stay comfortable, but the drug is actually more poison to them. Did you ever have a gene sight test done, especially with mirtazapine? Your poor body is in torment from all the cocktails thrown at you. I'm so glad that you did not try the mushroom "treatment", I'm disgusted with that doctor even suggesting it knowing what you've been through. Continued prayers your way for some relief.❤️‍🩹❤️

Thank you, @Luke, @Chippy, @NT1100B @Nemina to be present. It means a lot. What kills me is the chemical anxiety which has tortured me since March 2025. It is constant, the night as the day long, it is Inhumane suffering. I suspect that the shortness of breath and the stomach/solar plexus pain are linked to this awful anxiety.

I dropped the Mirtazapine from .3 mg to .27 mg.  I hate this poison. I am convinced that I have to evacuate it from my brain, holding doesn't help me. Thank you again to be here, it is so important for me.

Svetla

1 minute ago, skamen said:

Thank you, @Luke, @Chippy, @NT1100B @Nemina to be present. It means a lot. What kills me is the chemical anxiety which has tortured me since March 2025. It is constant, the night as the day long, it is Inhumane suffering. I suspect that the shortness of breath and the stomach/solar plexus pain are linked to this awful anxiety.

I dropped the Mirtazapine from .3 mg to .27 mg.  I hate this poison. I am convinced that I have to evacuate it from my brain, holding doesn't help me. Thank you again to be here, it is so important for me.

Svetla

We will always be here for you what ever you choose. I hope the drop goes ok and you get the taper done and on with your healing. ❤️

Thank you, @HopePerseveres2.0 for your advice. I did the drop of Mirtazapine from .3 mg to .27 mg and will continue with the decreasing. My living Hell continues... Thank you for being present,

Svetla

Dear @Pokey449, what SOB means?

Svetla

Hi @skamen

i’m so sorry things are so rough. You and I communicated some on benzo buddies. 
I was so hoping that holding your mirtazapine dose steady was going to help some

I’m still in the same quandary not sure whether to keep holding or to start trying to taper.

 

Hold on tight ❤️

I have weird solar plexus pain and stomach pain - it seems like a nerve deep pain and sometimes my diaphragm and solar plexus are so tight that it’s hard to catch a breath when adrenaline surges are pumping so hard.

I was not doing this before the mirtazapine changes.

All of the really concerning symptoms have come on in the last week or so.

I wish I had just let the mirtazapine alone and not made so many changes but I did and now it seems like it’s just not going to settle. Maybe it will.
In my case, it’s probably wise for me to try to hold a little bit longer.

 

It sounds like you feel good about continuing to taper ❤️

 

Edited February 20Feb 20 by Finni

Hi @Finni, glad to meet you here. Yes, my nightmare is endless. But holding so long doesn't help me, so my goal is now to evacuate this poison from my body and my brain, and give them a clean space to heal. It is not a life, it is a torture.

How you feel with 15 mg Mirtazapine?

Svetla

19 minutes ago, skamen said:

Hi @Finni, glad to meet you here. Yes, my nightmare is endless. But holding so long doesn't help me, so my goal is now to evacuate this poison from my body and my brain, and give them a clean space to heal. It is not a life, it is a torture.

How you feel with 15 mg Mirtazapine?

Svetla

You are getting close! 

I feel awful and even terrorized some days. I never could have imagined that my CNS would get so inflamed. 
I really really hope I can stabilize. 
 

i’m trying to give it another week or two. After two more weeks, I will have held for six weeks after that little dose disruption in the middle of the night.

Hi @skamen I am very sorry you are still in a living hell, feel your way tapering off gently, you know your

own body better than anyone else Svetla, just remember, WE are with you all the way. Please stay close.

Take great care,       B.🙏🙏🙏🙏🌷

Thank you so much, @NT1100B, to be here. And thank you also for sharing the incredible Erill's story from SA. What a hellish journey she went through... But at the end, after 4 years in Hell, she healed! It took me 2 days to read all 66 pages when she describes so well the constant terror and unbearable anxiety she struggled. My state is as her: since 12 months now I have been in non stop anxiety and mental restlessness. Agony, unable to work, living in parallel word, mental fog, psychological prison... But as her, I have to hope. And thank you again for your presence and encouragement.

Svetla

Hello Svetla , just wanted to stop by to say that I think of you.
keep going, your hour will come. ❤️

Oh, Nemia, thank you!

Svetla

6 hours ago, skamen said:

But as her, I have to hope. And thank you again for your presence and encouragement.

Svetla

Yes @skamen THAT'S what I want to see (YOU HAVE HOPE) as hard as it is Svetla YOU WILL beat this,

YOU have the STRENGTH and RESILIANCE to see this through and get your life BACK. Stronger than before,

with even more confidence and happiness and FREEDOM, Free from this hell we are in now. WE will beat it.

So please stay close Svetla, stay strong taking it slow, and are ALL with you ALL the way.

Take care,       B.🙏🙏🙏🤞🌷

22 hours ago, skamen said:

, I have to hope

Yes, @skamen, and we are here to hope  with you. ❤️

On 2/20/2026 at 8:33 AM, skamen said:

Dear @Pokey449, what SOB means?

Svetla

SVETLA. SOB= Shortness Of Breath 

@Pokey449, I have this SOB exclusively the evening and before going to bed. I think that it is a combination of the increasing anxiety at that time + 2,7 mg Mirtazapine. It is an awfull sensation, I can relate to your suffering, it is a real Hell.

Svetla 

HI Svetla, I hope you are doing well. I was away for a few days helping my mom. I will post about it soon. I know that this has been quite the road for you. I see that you recently dropped down to 2.7mg. I will be dropping down to 0.41mg soon. I have had a lot of external stuff going on and want to go a little slower than 10%--nothing bad or serious happening (praise God) but I know my schedule, some medical procedures, the local anesthetic is messing with me a little bit, and helping my mom is a lot for me. So please take it slowly and remember less is more sometimes. I would like to see you come off of the Mirt in best way possible. Prayers/helpful thoughts to you!

Be well, my friend 🤗