2 hours ago, skamen said:

have to continue my struggle which I persevere being 1. in poopout 2. after CT from 3 psychotropics in highest doses 3. with multiple sclerosis 4. after iatrogenic anhedonia during one year...

It is though journey, but others have gotten out and healed.  There were multiple people who were in a cocktail of medications and were able to get out.  This is a slow process, but even when you think you have not seeing improvement, your body has actually improved slidly....

 

Hang in there.  

 

In my case, I only being on one medication and I think it's the reason, I'm doing well, but still, I haven't done a cut since October 2025.  I'm holding as much as I can and I hope my body will let me know when to do another cut.

 

I really hope that I can do 10% to get out of this in a year and half, but it doesn't look promising so far unless my body stabilize almost to normal..

 

Let see in the next two months how my body will feel.

 

Keep pushing forward.  You already in a year on this journey.    

Thank you, @Raymond for your encouragement. I don't have any other choice, the drug threw me in this hellish anhedonia, I want to eliminate it from my brain, I hate it.

You are in the right road, and the most important thing is that you work. It is very important and helps the healing process. You can also mesure your hold and your cut. As for me, I must free my CNS from this poison which caused the hellish anhedonia and cannot hold a lot.

Raymond, your name is French. Do you speak French?

Svetla

Morning @skamen How are you coping? I hope you are finding the strength to keep pushing though this

constant psych drug poison nightmare, WE will get through it, we WILL. Remember, you are NEVER alone in

this struggle, we are with you though thick and thin. Sending you extra strength💪Svetla and my spirit is with you.

Take great care.       B.🙏🙏🙏🌷 

6 hours ago, skamen said:

Thank you, dear @Nemina. Your post touches my hard. Thank you also @Chippy to be here too. I have to continue my struggle which I persevere being 1. in poopout 2. after CT from 3 psychotropics in highest doses 3. with multiple sclerosis 4. after iatrogenic anhedonia during one year...

Cheers,

Svetla

My pleasure. Again im sorry for all your suffering. It will get better. Just time as you know. I can see you have a good understanding of what happened to you. I agree all of this is the cause. The mirt plays a role but all this is the main issue. Time heals that. Just need to get off mirt with minimal additional harm. Tricky business. You’re doing great. 

Hi @skamen I’m really sorry that you are suffering so badly. As others have said, holding the dose until you feel more stable is the best way forward, however long that takes, and you are on such a low dose now it makes sense not to rush it.

I am wishing you some ease soon.

Thank you to all of you for the encouragement. The living hell is brutal. I don't know how I will survive. It is so long and intense, already 12 months after CT without window.

Svetla

Another day… thinking of you and sending prayers your way.

@skamen are you taking anything other than .3mg of Mirtazapine?

@skamen, I have read on Another Thread, that you wrote:

“Chat gpt indicates that so small dose can have a paradoxal effect causing more adrenaline rushes and upping the morning terror.”

Dear Svetla, do you know more about that? Did ChatGPT give any explanations or advice? I am holding on 0.34 mg Escitalopram since mid October and feeling worse and worse. What would be a conclusion for me, do you have an idea?  Have you heard about this from other sources, too? Thank you and sending you my best wishes and hope of relief in your terrible situation, Nemina 

Dear @Nemina, I read a Brassmonkey post in AD where he speaks on holding in poopout (it is my situation). In accounting to him, we don't have to hold so much if in this situation. We need to allow to the CNS a space without the drug which hurted us. As it is my case, I went down yesterday from .3 mg to .27 mg after 27 days holding. But the day after the cutting my anxiety exploded and I was feeling awful, so I returned to .3 mg and will hold more time.

Yes @Luke, I am only at .3 mg Mirtazapine. I hate this poison but my CNS is now so sinsibilized after the CT a year ago, and I will stay on them another week before cutting. Thank you to be here 

Svetla

Dear @skamen, thank you for your reply. I see. I do not think that I am in poopout because I did cross over from Sertralin to Escitalopram before I started tapering in October 2024,. (For 10 years I have been hopping between ADs every time that I reached poop out. Was on about everything (modern AD) on the market. On some substances more than once.Of course, following the instructions of my neurologist. The crossover took about two weeks and then I felt better. Crazy, isn’t it? Would never do that again.)

but maybe, now that I think of it, that is more than a year away, and I often had poop out after about a year… oh boy, what shall I do?

Who can give me advice? it would be very appreciated.

 

oh, I see, I am still on your thread, sorry. Will move my question to my own thread.

Edited January 28Jan 28 by Nemina

Hi @skamen Sorry you are in such a horrible position, I am the same, typing at 1.30am after 2.5 hours sleep.

I have been awake since 11pm and pacing Bungalow, and in and out of bed. Mind in a turmoil, we are truly in hell,

this is the longest and most vicious wave I have ever had to endure, my heart goes out to you Svetla because you

have had ZERO windows, I am praying with all my mite for you. Together we WILL win.

Take care and please stay safe.      B.🙏🙏🙏🙏🌷

On 1/26/2026 at 7:55 AM, skamen said:

Thank you, Namestejen1, for your kind words. I am on awful state: cortisol spikes all the night plus morning terror, hellish anhedonia, dépression, internal akatisia... Have you experienced this terrible cortisol waves? It is inhumane. I am at the end of my month 11 after CT, and I am getting worse. I see that you take more Mirtazapine than me and you are functional and happy. So, my pitty state is not linked to the presence of the AD in my CNS? 

Svetla

Sorry it takes me a while to get back to you and others. I wouldn’t compare yourself to me because your journey and my journey are our own. You’ve had a lot go on with the CTs in a short time. That will set off all sorts of alarms in the nervous system. May different pathways were triggered. So unfortunately, it makes sense that you’re having such a difficult. I’m truly sorry for that. Please be patient and kind with yourself. 
 

I have had cortisol spikes. Anymore though, I try not to label what’s happening to me and allow it to just pass through me. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but my somatic experiencing training has really helped me to be more comfortable with discomfort in sensations. Is this always the case for me, absolutely not. If the nervous system is really overwhelmed, it can sometimes be very difficult to just let something pass through. But the more you build resilience in the nervous system, the easier it will get. Hence, those exercises @Luke shared for me in the very early days of this site. I think they’re in the Coping Skills area. There are so many additional activities that people can do to build resilience. 
This building of resilience doesn’t take away some of the other issues that we have. However, it makes us stronger though, in how we bounce back with the garbage we’ve been dealt.

Bless you and take care of my friend.

Hi @skamen How are you doing? Have you had any respite yet from this torturous living hell? I think when you 

have micro tapered it out of your system, eventually you will get a very well deserved window. I am praying you do.

 

Keep letting any frustration out on here, we are all with you and ready with an ear. A problem shared is a problem halved.

I have found lots of comfort from the good people on here and SA. A true lifeline where we are all as one. You are NOT alone.

Take great care, and please stay safe.       B.🙏🙏🙏🌷 

Thank you, B., for your post. The brutal agony continues, it is not a life. The cortisol spikes at night and early in the morning are my killers. How is it possible that they last 11 months straight? What is this hell? And all my body hurts me, there is not a second calm. 

I hold one month at .3 mg this hellish Mirtazapine, and zero relief. The big Pharma and the psychiatry kill us. What a hell...

Svetla

Thank you, @namastejen1 for your kind words. I am holding one month on .3 mg Mirtazapine, and there is not relief. What do you think about the decreasing to .27 mg? I have never had a comfortable dose and know that the ADs put me in this hellish Anhedonia. Perhaps my CNS needs to be free from this poison?

Svetla

1 hour ago, skamen said:

The cortisol spikes at night and early in the morning are my killers

Yes, this affects us all and usually in the morning hours too.  

Hang in there, it will get better.

 

I'm at 13 months journey and in the last three weeks, I slowly improved again.  Cortisol spike fading slowly again 

 

My muscles stiffness and pain brutal.  I feel like a car ran over me...

On 1/29/2026 at 7:43 AM, skamen said:

Thank you, @namastejen1 for your kind words. I am holding one month on .3 mg Mirtazapine, and there is not relief. What do you think about the decreasing to .27 mg? I have never had a comfortable dose and know that the ADs put me in this hellish Anhedonia. Perhaps my CNS needs to be free from this poison?

Svetla

I have held at 0.44mg for several months because of discontinuing thyroid Rx in Sept 2025 after 25-ish years; prior to that tapering too quickly earlier last year (March-May, linear taper—not wise), and most recently switching to a compounded Rx vs cutting/weighing my own—this had become dust! I stay as long as I have to so as not to make things more stressful.

Ultimately it’s your decision, but if I were you, I’d stay until I feel at least passable vs what you describe as your Sx right now. 
I know how uncomfortable you’re feeling. My concern is that you’ll feel worse if you push yourself over the limit of what your nervous system can handle. Build capacity, flow, ease, then continue your taper.

Be well my friend. Xxx (hugs)

On 1/29/2026 at 1:43 PM, skamen said:

Thank you, @namastejen1 for your kind words. I am holding one month on .3 mg Mirtazapine, and there is not relief. What do you think about the decreasing to .27 mg? I have never had a comfortable dose and know that the ADs put me in this hellish Anhedonia. Perhaps my CNS needs to be free from this poison?

Svetla

 

This is why I was asking questions about what happens when you decrease your dose.

 

You're suffering constantly, and dropping it so far has only really led to insomnia. I don't think that you should rush or CT, but I do think if you can tolerate drops for the most part, you're better off coming off at a sensible pace and then at least you're beginning down the road of recovering whilst being drug free.

Thank you, @namastejen1 and @Luke for your advises. I will hold on .3 mg until my nights and mornings become less cortisol-ed.

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and he was awful with me. He doesn't recognize the withdrawal symptoms and told me to drop to 0 from .3 mg Mirtazapine because ".3 mg is nothing, all the problems are in my head, the symptoms are psychological, not real...".

Svetla

7 minutes ago, skamen said:

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and he was awful with me. He doesn't recognize the withdrawal symptoms and told me to drop to 0 from .3 mg Mirtazapine because ".3 mg is nothing, all the problems are in my head, the symptoms are psychological, not real...".

Unreal isnt it. It still amazes me how little knowledge this is out there about PWD.

 

You sound like you have a clear plan Svetla I like to hear this. Hopefully you can get to a point where you sense you have settle enough from your last drop and can go again. 

On 1/29/2026 at 1:43 PM, skamen said:

Thank you, @namastejen1 for your kind words. I am holding one month on .3 mg Mirtazapine, and there is not relief. What do you think about the decreasing to .27 mg? I have never had a comfortable dose and know that the ADs put me in this hellish Anhedonia. Perhaps my CNS needs to be free from this poison?

Svetla

Your psychiatrist needs to get a copy of the Maudsley Deprescribing guidelines and read up on Receptor Occupancy and hyperbolic tapering. This is scientifically validated.

 

I think where we are at in Psychiatry right now is probably akin to where medicine was in the late 18th Century, when all the midwives and Dr Lister had unequivocally proved that antiseptic procedures save lives and that germ theory was real, but the establishment had their heads in the sand, having trained in an era where it wasn't talked about. I am teaching my Psychiatry trainees all about this now. 

Edited January 31Jan 31 by Sminismoni
Spelling

4 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

I think where we are at in Psychiatry right now is probably akin to where medicine was in the late 18th Century,

I agree. It’s been said many times on sa people will look back on all this in years to come and see it in the same way. 

16 hours ago, skamen said:

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and he was awful with me. He doesn't recognize the withdrawal symptoms and told me to drop to 0 from .3 mg Mirtazapine because ".3 mg is nothing, all the problems are in my head, the symptoms are psychological, not real...".

Svetla

Hi @skamen I wouldn't pay these people with washers. Totally without brains, we are given these horrific poisonous drugs

then just left to hang out to dry. Like they just don't want to know anymore. It makes my blood boil. If I were you Svetla, I would

stop seeing them. I also understand  like me, you are DESPERATE for ANSWERS, but that lowlife will just NOT ADMIT  to anything.🤬

Please take care Svetla and stay safe,          B.🙏🙏🙏🌷  

Thank you, @NT1100B for your support. 

The psychiatrist had to fill my insurance paper for that I needed to go to him. But his attitude is terrible, awful...

I started my month 12 of CT, and my state is unbearable, hellish evening and night anxiety, anhedonia, zero motivation, not joy, not pleasure... Living hell. The mental symptoms of this journey are Inhumane.

You are not too bad today, it is great. I am happy for you.

Svetla