Hi guys 

 

some might remember me from SA I didn’t post much. To start my story I took mirtazapine for 3 weeks in july last year due to small anxiety and sleep problems. It made me go completely numb I have 3 young children and a beautiful wife. I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t feel my feelings for them anymore and in the end took an overdose as I thought I had just lost my love for my family. I stopped after this as I found online why I was numb. Within a couple weeks anhedonia kicked in along with blurred vision, tinnitus, ED, nerve pain in legs and unable to take naps as I get shocked awake in panic, SI, apathy, nothing I have ever experienced in my life. My pleasure centre is completely offline. I ended up in an inpatient unit after about 11 weeks due to me not trusting myself anymore. Managed to avoid most drugs they was offering as they was trying to give me hosts of stuff. I managed to agree on Mirtazapine and a low dose of 3.75mg. Upon reinstating I noticed my ED was a lot better and my mood was more neutral. It has been up and down since it’s bloody hard to keep going sometimes. I feel hopeless. I went down to 2.5mg after a month (to much of a drop) and noticed 2 weeks after that I had a return of symptoms which was morning anxiety and slight insomnia tried to hold this dose for about 3-4 weeks but nothing was changing so went back to 3.75mg. I feel horrendous for being back on this drug as I was only on it for a short time. The updose did help for a few days I felt better but now back to original low mood and hopeless feeling. Some nights I feel better last weekend I had two days of feeling a lot better so I’m hoping these are windows but not totally sure. Im scared I’ve delayed my healing and prolonged my suffering. My nerve pain has stopped and changed to a more pins a needles feeling. Reading other stories and relating my symptoms everyone who hasn’t reinstated would normally feel a lot better In 1.5-3 year mark and Im scared I’ve ruined this. I also have a high heart rate at times now which I didn’t really have before so I’ve defo upset my system. All in Im 25 weeks from the cold turkey and about 14 weeks since reinstatement. This journey is so hard the anhedonia really makes everything feel so bleak and dark. I guess I need to hold at this dose and just see how I’m feeling in months from now? 
 

chippy and Luke what a great site you have made honestly done such a good job I appreciate your time in helping everyone get through these dark times 

 

richie 

 

Link to my SA Thread:

 

Edited February 8Feb 8 by Richie

Hey Richie

 

Welcome to the site

 

Thanks for posting your topic I have linked you SA thread above for you.

 

I do remember you name over at SA but I can t quite put my finger on if we spoke. As you said you perhaps didn't post much I can see you had quite bit of contact with B @NT1100B by the looks of things.

 

Im so sorry for what you have been through. As a fellow Mirtazapine sufferer I get it.

 

Your reinstatement clearly worked you've felt some improvement which is good. As you said your attempt to drop was too high and too quick from starting back on the drug too.

 

The nervous system likes predictable. It doesn't these sharp changes.

 

It needs time to adjust from all its been through.

 

I hear your concerns about whether going back on the drug has been the right choice. CTs are no fun. Pwd is very serious. And there is no cure for it. Just time.

 

You look to be showing some positive signs don't you? It's not been that long. Personally I agree with your assessment. Sit tight and hold for as long as you need to get stable. Then you can taper nice and easy off Mirt from there. No rush. Gives you control then. Something a CT member doesn't have.

So a different way to look at it perhaps?

 

You are so very welcome here I hope you find the site supportive

 

Chippy

Thanks chippy 

 

I believe we spoke a couple of times. I think you reached out when I first joined. 
 

I have seen some improvement, nerve pain has stopped Im sleeping 7-9 hours normally drop of about 12-2 then wake up about 10-11 I can’t seem to sleep past this point as my heart and cortisol wakes me up not allowing me to sleep anymore. My ED is a lot better although the pleasure isn’t great (anhedonia) Im just torn if I can heal while on this drug. At times I have hope then other times it’s doom feelings. Some things are worse I believe from dropping down dose to quickly and to much as I have chest tightness and anxiety more which I barely had before. I gotta try to take the positives but can be hard. I’ve done quiet a lot of research into all of this and I see a lot so similarities in my symptoms with people who had adverse reactions (blurred vision anhedonia toxic naps depression) but I didn’t really seem to have one as the drug made me numb but other then that I was fine. It feels like now I have the adverse reaction symptoms along with Mirtazapine tapering symptoms. I had a few b12 shots last week and had increased anxiety since but my b12 was super low so I had to address it. Seems to have calmed down abit. I guess it’s just hold for now and hope for the best. Also I had really bad apathy before the reinstatement like I felt like I was stuck in glue this isn’t the problem as much now but still struggle with motivation. 
 

thanks chippy 

I would like the add aswell the inpatient stay was horrid, I had 3 different physiatrists first one believed it was mirtazapine withdrawal the second made me out to be psychotic and tried to prescribe me Seroquel and the 3rd said I was depressed only one had a slight idea of withdrawal even though it states on the nhs website this can last for years!  
 

bloody healthcare in the uk is a joke! 

1 minute ago, Richie said:

I believe we spoke a couple of times. I think you reached out when I first joined. 
 

Oh Im sorry mate, brain like a sieve. I had a feeling we may have.

 

3 minutes ago, Richie said:

I have seen some improvement, nerve pain has stopped Im sleeping 7-9 hours normally drop of about 12-2 then wake up about 10-11 I can’t seem to sleep past this point as my heart and cortisol wakes me up not allowing me to sleep anymore.

Good. This is great. Being able to sleep is so useful. Helps the healing for sure! Mirt insomnia is awful so another benefit to being on the drug. Most who CT have terrible sleep issues for a long time.

 

5 minutes ago, Richie said:

Im just torn if I can heal while on this drug

You most definitely can. The brain is always trying to aim for homeostasis. Some balance to operate correctly at. You need to find this. It takes time. Any injury you have suffered will heal with it Im sure. It's a long process Im sure you realise this. But you will heal even on the drug.

 

7 minutes ago, Richie said:

It feels like now I have the adverse reaction symptoms along with Mirtazapine tapering symptoms.

The two are the so similar. If you were going to have an ADR you would have almost certainly had it from the start not whilst on a low dose. ADRs are dose sensitive.

 

9 minutes ago, Richie said:

had a few b12 shots last week and had increased anxiety since but my b12 was super low so I had to address it. Seems to have calmed down abit.

It's best to avoid these things. Look to get your nutrition from your diet. So much gentler on the CNS. Glad its calmed down a bit.

 

11 minutes ago, Richie said:

I guess it’s just hold for now and hope for the best. Also I had really bad apathy before the reinstatement like I felt like I was stuck in glue this isn’t the problem as much now but still struggle with motivation. 

I think so. There is more evidence here of you doing a little better because of the RI.

 

9 minutes ago, Richie said:

I would like the add aswell the inpatient stay was horrid, I had 3 different physiatrists first one believed it was mirtazapine withdrawal the second made me out to be psychotic and tried to prescribe me Seroquel and the 3rd said I was depressed only one had a slight idea of withdrawal even though it states on the nhs website this can last for years!  
 

bloody healthcare in the uk is a joke! 

Yep! Shocking. However we are seeing some light here, just not enough and not quick enough. The US, well thats another story.....

 

But you are right of course, the doctors should know this stuff.

 

Chippy

Hello @Richie, I just read your story and this is a long journey.  Despite, the short time you got into this medications, it still mess our CNS.   You will need to hold for long.  I can relate to your symptoms.  It seems we all get the same symptoms and specially the cortisol issues. I just entered my 14 months and sleeping is slowly improving.  I was for long time waking up 5am and couldn't sleep any more.  I had to go to sleep early so I can get the 7 hours sleep.  Now, I have improved and just started to sleep until 6am and sometimes, I fall sleep again, but after 13 months journey.

 

I am holding my dose since October 2025 waiting more stability before cutting again.

 

I read stories where people hold even for three years to finally feel normal and start tapering the dose.  They all said that the journey was better coming off and they were able to enjoy like, but took many between 1.5 years to 3 years to find stability.  Each person is different and it depends in many factors such as how many medications, years taken, mg dose, etc ..

 

Just hanging there and don't make changes.  Some people despite of symptoms, they just continue Tapering...

Thanks @Raymond

 

i remember you from SA I believe I read your story. Did you also have anhedonia? I know this is going to be a long road Im keeping the dose steady and bracing myself for the battle ahead. The cortisol did resolve but once I went down in dose after reinstatement it shot back up again. It’s not as horrendous as before also I had it tested it was 624 the high for testing in uk is 620 for the morning but I also believe my cortisol awaking has changed times as they test in the uk around 9 in the morning and my wake up time is around 10-11 so it could also be higher. Glad you’re seeing more stability.
 

❤️👌👊 

2 hours ago, Richie said:

Did you also have anhedonia? I know this is going to be a long road Im keeping the dose steady and bracing myself for the battle ahead. The cortisol did resolve but o

Yes, I have anhedonia, but it's on and off.  For instance, I am currently working in my garden but I don't feel the pleasure of it.  In my case, it is a symptom that it's on and off at this point.  It was bad in the beginning of this journey for many months..

 

The cortisol was very bad during my first 4 to five months.  Then, it got better to appoint that I was sleeping little more even though I was still waking up too early.  Then I managed to sleep until 630am until, it came back around month 10.  I was experiencing old symptoms again but less intense.  This is the reason I'm currently holding longer until at least most of them fade away again...the symptom that I want to resolve is fear sensation.  It got improved again, but still in the background.

 

Once that improves, I will consider going down again.

 

I also read stories of people who got old symptoms back between month 8 and 10.  Then, after 15 months, they have experienced more improvement too.

 

My theory about this is that it probably takes 7 to 8 months for CNS to repair around the body before it goes back to the beginning to do more deeper healing and symptoms are less intense.  If I'm Right, I should be feeling even better by April and see more improvement between now and may.  It is interesting that I got old symptoms back at the same month, I started this journey...this is only my own theory...

Thanks @Raymond

 

i appreciate your reply.

when you say it was bad do you mean like continuous? Mine lets up in the evenings sometimes and I I’ve had a few days here and there but I still kinda feel like something is missing. Probably my fear of it going away to be honest. Your theory sounds plausible I’ve done a lot of research into this aswell just scares me how some people don’t heal from the anhedonia in the usual time frame I’ve seen some cases 10 plus years 

2 hours ago, Richie said:

I would like the add aswell the inpatient stay was horrid, I had 3 different physiatrists first one believed it was mirtazapine withdrawal the second made me out to be psychotic and tried to prescribe me Seroquel and the 3rd said I was depressed only one had a slight idea of withdrawal even though it states on the nhs website this can last for years!  
 

bloody healthcare in the uk is a joke! 

 

It's a common theme in support groups- go to 10 different psychiatrists, you'll get 10 different answers.

 

It's not based on anything objective at all.

@Luke

 

i agree it made me realise being in there how stuck so many people are in this loop of chaos. Felt sorry for them to be honest most people don’t understand why they feel the way they do. Constant cycling of new drugs then when they get new symptoms, treated with more drugs for the new symptoms. Ridiculous. I must add aswell my diagnosis of Psychosis was made on the basis of what I was saying happened to me after discontinuing Mirtazapine! My family ordered a new opinion straight away as they have been through the whole process with me. 
 

great site luke and glad to see your doing better 👊

Edited February 8Feb 8 by Richie

14 minutes ago, Richie said:

cases 10 plus years

Yes, but it's depends if n medication.  Many of these people 10 plus years were polydrugers.  They have had multiple medications.. one person I read a story took her that long because she was on 17 medications

 

In your case, I don't think will take that long...

 

Also remember that as time passes by,things will improve every time..

Thanks @Raymond

 

will be following your thread and look forward to seeing your success story one day. 
 

❤️👌👊

Hi @Richie, I have also a hellish anhedonia. The thread below give me a hope,I read and re-read it 

 

https://benzobuddies.org/topic/266718-anhedonia-for-two-years-healed/

 

Svetla

Edited February 8Feb 8 by skamen

Hi @skamen

 

yeah I've read that before. Anhedonia is horrible isn’t it, you will beat this we all will Im sure. Just hold for now and keep the nervous system as calm as possible and hopefully we will see results! Also toast of surviving antidepressants had anhedonia for two years straight and held at 2.5mg and it went away there is hope we just need stability 
 

❤️👌👊

Edited February 8Feb 8 by Richie

I have read Toast's post, @Richie, but haven't known that she experienced this unbearable ordeal. Yes, it is a hellish state. But let's stay optimistic.

Hi @Richie how's it going mate. I see you had to reinstate, so you will be in for a long hold.

You will get there bud, it's just such a painstaking carry on, we have to have the patience of a 

saint to see it through. I am not out of a 70 day wave YET. I thought it was lifting, but am like 

s**t again this morning, I will see how the day pans out. Wishing you the best mate.

Take care,          B.🙏🙏🤞

Woke up feeling like shit about 10 stirred till 11 got to sleep about 1 last night so 9 hours sleep. Cortisol awakening. Went into town mood still low. Feeling quite flat now Im back. Can’t wait to beat this shit makes life so horrible. Hoping for a better afternoon/evening or even better a nice long window. Right ear is sore left ear feels blocked muffled hearing. 

Edited February 9Feb 9 by Richie

22 minutes ago, Richie said:

Woke up feeling like shit about 10 stirred till 11 got to sleep about 1 last night so 9 hours sleep. Cortisol awakening. Went into town mood still low. Feeling quite flat now Im back. Can’t wait to beat this shit makes life so horrible. Hoping for a better afternoon/evening or even better a nice long window. Right ear is sore left ear feels blocked muffled hearing. 

Hope this lifts as the day goes on mate.

Thanks @Chippy

 

one thing I haven’t mentioned is I’ve had a really bad dry scalp and around my nose have you ever heard of this? No matter what I do it always comes back 

Not an uncommon symptom. Likely to do with Mirts effect on Histamine I think.

@Chippy

 

how would I know if I’m in poop out? Probably worrying to much but I feel like this drug ain’t doing anything Im still majorly depressed and it also doesn’t help me sleep 

2 hours ago, Richie said:

how would I know if I’m in poop out

I will answer your pm here.

Usually poop out occurs if you have been on a drug for a long time...the body just builds up a tolerance to it.

It seems like you are dealing with fall out from your cold turkey and overdose.

Depression is a side effect from these drugs as well as a withdrawal symptom....the very thing they are supposed to prevent, they can cause.

It takes months to stabilize after what you have experienced. Time, patience and acceptance is important. 

Are you able to practice CBT? It can help with the anxiety and ruminating thoughts. It is important to tell yourself you are safe, your body wants homeostasis....do all you can to create an environment for healing. ❤️🙏

 

Edited February 9Feb 9 by LostinCanada

5 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

Usually poop out occurs if you have been on a drug for a long time...the body just builds up a tolerance to it.

It seems like you are dealing with fall out from your cold turkey and overdose.

Depression is a side effect from these drugs as well as a withdrawal symptom....the very thing they are supposed to prevent, they can cause.

It takes months to stabilize after what you have experienced. Time, patience and acceptance is important. 

Are you able to practice CBT? It can help with the anxiety and ruminating thoughts. It is important to tell yourself you are safe, your body wants homeostasis....do all you can to create an environment for healing. ❤️🙏

 

Thank you so much @LostinCanada

 

i will try the CBT.

 

Im just scared as when I originally reinstated the 3.75mg I felt a lot better for a few weeks went down in dose to 2.5mg (too big of a drop) stayed there for 4 weeks to try stabilise which I didn’t so went back up to 3.75mg only had two days of relief and now stuck in this rut. Going down brought on more symptoms of high heart rate insomnia (gotten better) and anxiety 

 

thanks for your reply I appreciate your time. 

6 minutes ago, Richie said:

the CBT.

This is a free online workbook...I don't know how good it is but it's a start. 

 

https://cogbtherapy.com/free-online-cbt-workbook

 

7 minutes ago, Richie said:

Im just scared

Understandably...we all have these very normal feelings. Who knew the power of these drugs. ❤️🙏