Dark day today 😞 just want some relief and be able to have motivation and love for my family I feel like I’m putting life on hold for all of them 

Slight improvement today woke up like shit as usual after 8 hours of sleep. cortisol feels like it’s going down but just wake up in a foul mood. Picked myself up after a hour went out with the kids and wife felt abit better in the car music sounded good. The problem i seem to have is WD is at the back of my mind and it can tend to drag me down so ended up being abit down and flat. More neutral now. Onwards and upwards. Still finding it hard to realise if Im actually having a window or not.

 

❤️🙏👊

Edited February 19Feb 19 by Richie

10 hours ago, Richie said:

Slight improvement today woke up like shit as usual after 8 hours of sleep.

Glad to read this. Hope this trend continues mate. 
 

10 hours ago, Richie said:

Still finding it hard to realise if Im actually having a window or not.

I think a lot have better days rather than full windows. This a common feeling @Richie

The ups and downs are quite typical of the harm done by these drugs. Having at least some better times is a good sign.

 

I hope that you continue to stabilise further.

Thanks @Luke @Chippy

Just to update my thread 

 

I believe I’ve been in a window today 

the deep dark depression has not been around. More neutral feeling but a lot my bearable. Anhedonia still there tinnitus a lot more quiet.

hoping for more improvements!

 

 

So today is looking better aswell similar to yesterday.

my wife marks down my moods on our calendar and I think I’m starting to see a pattern! Will see by Wednesday if it is. Went to the gym today didn’t do much as dont want to unsettle my cns anymore then it already is. Once this anhedonia fucks of I’ll be the happiest man alive. 
 

onwards and upwards 

 

❤️🙏👊

Another decent day by the looks of it. Not the best morning as usual but got on with it and headed to the gym. Feeling neutral mostly but the dark depression is still gone so will take that. 
 

❤️👊🙏

37 minutes ago, Richie said:

Another decent day by the looks of it. Not the best morning as usual but got on with it and headed to the gym. Feeling neutral mostly but the dark depression is still gone so will take that. 
 

❤️👊🙏

This is great...

Keep moving forward.....

Yesterday was another decent day, had a few moments of sadness but in the evening I had a very fleeting moment of feeling completely normal…. Hopefully more to come 🙏 

Edited February 25Feb 25 by Richie

What a day, up before the cortisol out the door breakfast with the wife picked the kids up from school food shopping then gym. Best day in months for me. Not massively happy but better than ive felt in a long time. Just above neutral id say. Enjoyed the gym to 😊 

 

8/10 day.

 

this is 5 straight days of much better living. 
 

❤️🙏👊

 

 

Edited February 25Feb 25 by Richie

2 hours ago, Richie said:

Best day in months for me. Not massively happy but better than ive felt in a long time. Just above neutral id say. Enjoyed the gym to 😊 

Really great news. 🎉🎉🎉💯💯💯

Thanks @LostinCanada

 

i hope you are doing ok to

 

❤️👊🙏

Not as good as you @Richie but I'll still take it as a win. 🏆🏆🏆

Woke up feeling amazing atleast 80 percent. Out with the wife again for breakfast then to get birthday presents for my 11 month old girl. 
feeling positive it’s nice for a change.

i did a gut test a month ago and the results came back today Will post beneath if anyone is interested. Im trying to correct all my levels even if it’s not linked I want my body as healthy as possible. Im also waiting on 71 bio markers from a blood test.

 

onwards and upwards 

 

🙏👌❤️

 

Can’t post the test as it’s to big if anyone wants any details inbox me.

 

 

Today has been good motivation has been there went to the gym. Nice day with the wife. Had my bloods back most nutrients are good the ones I tested anyway. Cholestrol is high so changing diet and training more. My red blood cells are abit iffy so going to keep monitoring that. Think I may be ready to start tapering soon if this carry’s on. Im sure the mirtazapine is attributing to the blood problems. It’s mostly to do with the red blood cells size and it can attribute to blood clotting. I walked on the treadmill on hill variant today and my heart rate went up to 160 which is weird as I’ve been fit my whole life. More bloods coming in tomorrow so I will update.

 

onwards and upwards 

 

❤️👌👊

7 hours ago, Richie said:

Today has been good motivation has been there went to the gym. Nice day with the wife. Had my bloods back most nutrients are good the ones I tested anyway. Cholestrol is high so changing diet and training more. My red blood cells are abit iffy so going to keep monitoring that. Think I may be ready to start tapering soon if this carry’s on. Im sure the mirtazapine is attributing to the blood problems. It’s mostly to do with the red blood cells size and it can attribute to blood clotting. I walked on the treadmill on hill variant today and my heart rate went up to 160 which is weird as I’ve been fit my whole life. More bloods coming in tomorrow so I will update.

 

onwards and upwards 

 

❤️👌👊

Lovin these updates @Richie 😉 

Another day, woke up ok got up straight out there with the Mrs mood is good, went to the gym feel quite good to be honest not completely normal but it’s defo better. Is this stabilisation? Cause if it is i fucking love it 😂

still have slightly blurred vision can’t fall to sleep easy and spots also dry scalp but overall my mood is a lot better. Nerve pain is also gone.

 

Onwards and upwards 7 days now.

 

❤️🙏👊

Your going great @Richie 🙂

Thanks @Chippy I hope your doing good to. 

Another day of goodness, woke up good had about 9 hours sleep got ready went to the gym, Mrs went shopping, made dinner all in another good day hopefully more to come.

i wish everyone struggling on there journeys a window comes soon 🙏

slight anhedonia in the background but it’s not bothering me. Millwall won today again so it’s looking more likely we will get playoffs ⚽️ 

 

onwards and upwards 8/10

❤️🙏👊

 

LET'S GO @Richie!! We're following the same energy my man. 

Well. Woke up ok got ready went to my mums and started feeling down 😞 

not great tbh must of been a window but I’m surely coming out of it now. Another downer I got my bloods back and was checking them again just now ,my hormones are pretty fucked up free test is high Shgb is low prolactin normal test mid to low so Im feeling quite hopeless now worrying about pssd and all that. If anyone has any positive experiences with this could really do with the positivity right now.

 

thanks all 

 

2/10 

7 hours ago, Richie said:

Well. Woke up ok got ready went to my mums and started feeling down 😞 

not great tbh must of been a window but I’m surely coming out of it now. Another downer I got my bloods back and was checking them again just now ,my hormones are pretty fucked up free test is high Shgb is low prolactin normal test mid to low so Im feeling quite hopeless now worrying about pssd and all that. If anyone has any positive experiences with this could really do with the positivity right now.

 

thanks all 

 

2/10 

Sorry Richie waves and windows are real aren’t they. 
 

I have little to no experience with blood tests. I did a few and mine were normal but they weren’t deep dives and this was a couple of years ago. I’ve just focussed on one day at a time eating well and trusting my body. 
 

you can’t test for pssd. We all suffer with it a bit I think. Especially those with reduced emotional feelings, for me that’s why it happens. As you heal more and your emotions come back on line this will reduce. Ignore the wave brain it’s lying little son of a b@&£h!

 

Hope you get a MEGA window soon.