2 minutes ago, Chippy said:

I know you said you don’t want reassurance but honestly it’s best to not worry about symptoms that you don’t have. Aka tends to be something only those with very dysfunctional nervous system get. Not everyone gets it. And if they do it can be mild. Best to focus on one day at a time. Staying stable. Don’t rush off and trust your body. No mileage in trying to control any of this let alone things that haven’t happened.

thats totally fair. thank you Chippy. i sometimes have these days where im googling stuff but it tends to make me feel worse especially if the answer isnt to my liking :P im trying to stop myself from doing that because a part of it is my ocd which is seeking reassurance during this difficult time. im trying to live in the uncertainty of, maybe i will or maybe i wont, no point in worrying about it when it hasnt happened yet. your comment is very helpful

5 minutes ago, Some0n3 said:

thats totally fair. thank you Chippy. i sometimes have these days where im googling stuff but it tends to make me feel worse especially if the answer isnt to my liking :P im trying to stop myself from doing that because a part of it is my ocd which is seeking reassurance during this difficult time. im trying to live in the uncertainty of, maybe i will or maybe i wont, no point in worrying about it when it hasnt happened yet. your comment is very helpful

It’s really normal to do that in the bad times I’ve certainly spent my fair share of time trawling sa on the early days. But I soon worked out that I’m just me. Totally unique and I’ll heal when I heal and what happens during that healing process is out of my control. Worrying about it only serves to hurt me further with stress and second fear kicking in. Eventually I choose to stop caring. Sounds odd I know. But it brings you peace.

4 minutes ago, Chippy said:

It’s really normal to do that in the bad times I’ve certainly spent my fair share of time trawling sa on the early days. But I soon worked out that I’m just me. Totally unique and I’ll heal when I heal and what happens during that healing process is out of my control. Worrying about it only serves to hurt me further with stress and second fear kicking in. Eventually I choose to stop caring. Sounds odd I know. But it brings you peace.

i get what you mean. a big part of why im able to somewhat function despite all these daily difficulties is exactly what youre talking about. accepting that im me and that i will heal when i heal, no matter how long it takes. during the start of this nightmare, i spent so much time googling and falling further into despair and suicidal ideation but ive found that it makes a significant difference when im not constantly searching about these things for reassurance and instead just riding this whole thing out. lovely to hear from you as always

Edited June 15Jun 15 by Some0n3

4 minutes ago, Some0n3 said:

i get what you mean. a big part of why im able to somewhat function despite all these daily difficulties is exactly what youre talking about. accepting that im me and that i will heal when i heal, no matter how long it takes. during the start of this nightmare, i spent so much time googling and falling further into despair and suicidal ideation but ive found that it makes a significant difference when im not constantly searching about these things for reassurance and instead just riding this whole thing out. lovely to hear from you as always

Good work!

10 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

should i be worried about the risk of tardive akathisia while on the meds and after getting off of them? ive read a bit about it and it seems terrifying. honestly makes me really worried that what if when i get done with all this, its gonna slap me right in the face and then ill be back to hell. i dont want reassurance on the matter but if anybody has either opinions or experiences with this symptom, id be happy to hear them. i am not sure if ive ever had akathisia but the severe panic, anxiety and terror i felt for days in 2024 when taking the 10mgs of escitalopram right off the bat, when trying to reinstate the first time has left a big enough mark in my mind that honestly makes me scared of the future and the risk of developing something as horrible as akathisia, especially in its tardive form.

@Some0n3 why have you selected this particular symptom?

11 hours ago, Catbird said:

@Some0n3 why have you selected this particular symptom?

im not all too sure to be honest. maybe because it just seems like such a horrible symptom so my mind immediately fixates on it and starts catastrophizing.

Edited June 16Jun 16 by Some0n3

should i put my prior medication history in my signature? considering that ive tried plenty of different adhd meds as a kid, none which provided any benefit and instead gave me bad symptoms. i was also on risperidone briefly as a kid because of anger issues and frequent anger attacks. i also used to take quetiapine for sleep which was later switched to mirtazapine (horrible idea since the mirtazapine gave me absolutely nasty panic attacks) i was also on sertraline before i started taking escitalopram and now i just take escitalopram and melatonin. im not all too sure how long i was on any of these prior medications which is why i havent really put them on the signature.

Edited June 16Jun 16 by Some0n3

3 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

should i put my prior medication history in my signature? considering that ive tried plenty of different adhd meds as a kid, none which provided any benefit and instead gave me bad symptoms. i was also on risperidone briefly as a kid because of anger issues and frequent anger attacks. i also used to take quetiapine for sleep which was later switched to mirtazapine (horrible idea since the mirtazapine gave me absolutely nasty panic attacks) i was also on sertraline before i started taking escitalopram and now i just take escitalopram and melatonin. im not all too sure how long i was on any of these prior medications which is why i havent really put them on the signature.

I think this would be helpful! Even if the timelines and doses, etc, are just estimates. My understanding is that coming on and off those prior meds can sensitize you so that coming off escitalopram becomes more difficult.

Edited June 16Jun 16 by SarahMc

2 hours ago, SarahMc said:

I think this would be helpful! Even if the timelines and doses, etc, are just estimates. My understanding is that coming on and off those prior meds can sensitize you so that coming off escitalopram becomes more difficult.

right ill check my history and atleast check when they were prescribed

@SarahMc i finally got done with updating my signature and i was wondering if it looks alright? i didint include some stuff like hydroxyzine, propranolol or antibiotics etc

Edited June 16Jun 16 by Some0n3

28 minutes ago, Some0n3 said:

@SarahMc i finally got done with updating my signature and i was wondering if it looks alright? i didint include some stuff like hydroxyzine, propranolol or antibiotics etc

Wow that’s so many meds!! No wonder you’re having a hard time 😫

Looks good to me. If you’re able to estimate the date that you stopped any of those meds I think that would be helpful, but if not that’s ok too 😊

4 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Wow that’s so many meds!! No wonder you’re having a hard time 😫

Looks good to me. If you’re able to estimate the date that you stopped any of those meds I think that would be helpful, but if not that’s ok too 😊

yeah it is alot haha. unfortunately i dont think that i can properly estimate when i stopped these or how long i took them for since ive also had some of them represcribed at times. thanks for taking a look!

21 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

should i put my prior medication history in my signature? considering that ive tried plenty of different adhd meds as a kid, none which provided any benefit and instead gave me bad symptoms. i was also on risperidone briefly as a kid because of anger issues and frequent anger attacks. i also used to take quetiapine for sleep which was later switched to mirtazapine (horrible idea since the mirtazapine gave me absolutely nasty panic attacks) i was also on sertraline before i started taking escitalopram and now i just take escitalopram and melatonin. im not all too sure how long i was on any of these prior medications which is why i havent really put them on the signature.

It is really helpful, looking at that list, it is no wonder you are feeling a bit wobbly, time is our friend. These drugs will be in your rear view mirror one day, till that day, one day at a time, nice and steady when you start tapering. :)

1 minute ago, Chippy said:

It is really helpful, looking at that list, it is no wonder you are feeling a bit wobbly, time is our friend. These drugs will be in your rear view mirror one day, till that day, one day at a time, nice and steady when you start tapering. :)

Thank you for the kind words! Hope youre well

Ive been having this fear pop up into my head again lately and i just wanted to post about it. Ive been dealing with sexual side effects for pretty much the whole reinstatement now (dont remember if i had them prior to that or not). i did talk about them on here before, if i remember correctly, but im just really worried that theyll develop into something permanent the longer that i stay on this medication. Id like to hear anyone's thoughts on the matter, because i find that the opinions of others kind of help me get out of my head. I also know that i should try to not stress about it when the only way to really find out if i have something permanent is if they are still there after a long time off of these meds, but it still is a big fear of mine especially due to how important sexual function is to me and how much these sexual side effects affect me mentally.

Now on a more positive note. Ive had a few more anxious days recently but my anxiety levels have largely stayed the same where they are usually mild to moderate. Also i still havent had a single panic attack in a good while.

9 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

Id like to hear anyone's thoughts on the matter,

Hey @Some0n3 good to hear from you as ever.

Sexual side effects whilst on these drugs is VERY common. I had them too. Once I stopped the drugs they passed. Being on the drugs and having them does not indicate you will have them off the drugs. As ever its all about keeping our thoughts to just this moment, not the past and certainly not the future. There is much fear out there about PSSD, most of it unfounded imo. I just treat those side effects as WD tbh and stay away from the negative PSSD forums etc.... IMO all WD effects heal eventually. Just takes time.

9 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

Now on a more positive note. Ive had a few more anxious days recently but my anxiety levels have largely stayed the same where they are usually mild to moderate. Also i still havent had a single panic attack in a good while.

You are healing! Great to see :)

46 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Some0n3 good to hear from you as ever.

likewise Chippy, you always manage to put my mind at ease!

46 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Sexual side effects whilst on these drugs is VERY common. I had them too. Once I stopped the drugs they passed. Being on the drugs and having them does not indicate you will have them off the drugs. As ever its all about keeping our thoughts to just this moment, not the past and certainly not the future. There is much fear out there about PSSD, most of it unfounded imo. I just treat those side effects as WD tbh and stay away from the negative PSSD forums etc.... IMO all WD effects heal eventually. Just takes time.

they are very frustrating but ill try my best to not let myself get consumed by those worst case scenario thoughts. i really need to stop googling these things and the answers by AI surely arent helping :P i am just worried that the longer i stay on the drug, the more likely it is for these side effects to turn into permanent ones. thank you for your answer, i really appreciate it as it is very hard to pull myself out of the negative thoughts without hearing a voice of reason like yours.

58 minutes ago, Chippy said:

You are healing! Great to see :)

slowly but surely. when i think back to almost 2 years ago now, i am definitely in a better spot than i was back then. the worst ones that i am dealing with are still the brain fog and other side effects which impact how i perceive things and then the sexual ones. but the fact that i can actually sleep now without getting incredibly anxious about it is great and a huge weight off of my back. i also do feel that my mood has also been more consistent although i still do feel kind of blunt most of the time and i get those anxious and depressed days, just not nearly as often as when i first CT'd which i think has to do with acceptance and maybe some stabilization going on in my brain too. i'll try my best to live day by day!

2 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

slowly but surely. when i think back to almost 2 years ago now, i am definitely in a better spot than i was back then. the worst ones that i am dealing with are still the brain fog and other side effects which impact how i perceive things and then the sexual ones. but the fact that i can actually sleep now without getting incredibly anxious about it is great and a huge weight off of my back. i also do feel that my mood has also been more consistent although i still do feel kind of blunt most of the time and i get those anxious and depressed days, just not nearly as often as when i first CT'd which i think has to do with acceptance and maybe some stabilization going on in my brain too. i'll try my best to live day by day!

Really glad to hear that you’re seeing some concrete improvement @Some0n3 😊. Especially after so many different meds and dose changes! You’re doing great, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get there I’m sure.

@Chippy i am also wondering if i should try to taper a bit more in the near future (hyperbolically of course) since i do fear that my current state might be my baseline for the moment seeing as not much has changed with the strongest symptoms in the past 7 months that i have been on the 5mg. i know that symptoms are supposed to preferably be at around 1-3 level before tapering but im just wondering if reducing some of the receptor occupancy steadily could be a good idea. AI seems to think that longer duration of being on the drug may increase the risk of pssd etc but i have no idea if the answer is accurate or not. the taper would probobaly take over two years atleast anyways so that really adds to the years that ill be on this already. considering the fact that i was on it for about 3 years prior to the cold turkey and now im nearing about 1.7 years since this reinstatement. what are your thoughts on this?

Edited July 12Jul 12 by Some0n3

2 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Really glad to hear that you’re seeing some concrete improvement @Some0n3 😊. Especially after so many different meds and dose changes! You’re doing great, just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will get there I’m sure.

thank you for the kind words. always great to hear from you. your support is much appreciated!

2 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

. i really need to stop googling these things and the answers by AI surely arent helping

I think this is wise

2 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

. i'll try my best to live day by day!

It’s the best way for sure!

18 minutes ago, Some0n3 said:

am also wondering if i should try to taper a bit more in the near future

I think waiting till your system is more stable and the symptoms are calmer would be a good move personally tapering when things are rough is very rarely the correct move imo.

I know it’s tough being on the drugs still and not wanting to be, feeling like you are stood still, but in reality you are moving forwards, your providing a solid base to taper from, it’s an investment. ☺️

32 minutes ago, Chippy said:

I think waiting till your system is more stable and the symptoms are calmer would be a good move personally tapering when things are rough is very rarely the correct move imo.

I know it’s tough being on the drugs still and not wanting to be, feeling like you are stood still, but in reality you are moving forwards, your providing a solid base to taper from, it’s an investment. ☺️

thank you again for the answer! it is scary being so uncertain as to whether something im doing or considering is the right choice or not, so its always great to have the opinions of knowledgeable individuals such as yourself.

18 hours ago, Some0n3 said:

thank you again for the answer! it is scary being so uncertain as to whether something im doing or considering is the right choice or not, so its always great to have the opinions of knowledgeable individuals such as yourself.

Pleasure to be able to offer some support mate as always.

Hey @Some0n3, how are you doing these days? Have you seen any improvement with the brain fog & DP/DR? I know you've said those are your worst symptoms. They're definitely my worst and most consistent symptoms too -- I've never had a window where they've disappeared fully, but the intensity goes up and down. I'm in this hold for the long haul just like you.

On 8/12/2026 at 4:20 PM, SarahMc said:

Hey @Some0n3, how are you doing these days? Have you seen any improvement with the brain fog & DP/DR? I know you've said those are your worst symptoms. They're definitely my worst and most consistent symptoms too -- I've never had a window where they've disappeared fully, but the intensity goes up and down. I'm in this hold for the long haul just like you.

Hey @SarahMc thanks for checking in on me! I for some reason totally missed this comment. I dont know if it even showed up in my inbox but im seeing it now! As for the DP/DR and brain fog. I havent noticed any substantial improvements, theyre still there at every second of the day. But as you mentioned, i too have noticed that they like to go up and down in intensity. On a scale from 10 mine would most likely usually be atleast at a 7 or 8 but when it hits 10, oh boy is it hard to process anything. It truly does feel like someone pumped more anesthetic straight into my brain or something haha. The visual snow and at times blurrier vision doesnt help either but well, it is what it is. it makes me feel better knowing that im not alone with these things. Were in this together!

Edited August 18Aug 18 by Some0n3