Ty for staying with me. I feel like I’m closer to dying every day man it’s crazy.

You’re doing better than you give yourself credit for. All this will be worth it. You’ll find you’ll be able to handle whatever life throws at you without the catastrophic thinking.

I wish I could feel that. I look at videos on my IG from right before this and I look so much younger and my face has energy. Every day is so sad and in the edge it’s making me feel defeated.

5 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I wish I could feel that. I look at videos on my IG from right before this and I look so much younger and my face has energy. Every day is so sad and in the edge it’s making me feel defeated.

None of us are the same person we were last year, last month, or even yesterday. That's the nature of life. Don't mourn a person you'll never be again--look forward to celebrating who you can become. I know that sounds cliche, but its true. The only version of you that you have control over is who you are right now and who you want to be.

I hate this version of me tho. Incapable and scared of so much. Scared it won’t change.

Does anyone else have no appetite the whole time during this?

3 hours ago, Need to End said:

I hate this version of me tho. Incapable and scared of so much. Scared it won’t change.

You don't hate this version, you just hate this experience. You are you, just you dealing with a very difficult and challenging situation/experience. Anyone else would be having a hard time too, this experience will make you a stronger person and give you skills you never knew possible.

2 hours ago, Need to End said:

Does anyone else have no appetite the whole time during this?

This is very very common. I had it and still get it sometimes.

Pls tell me the depression lifts and anxiety eases . I’m near beat

32 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Pls tell me the depression lifts and anxiety eases . I’m near beat

Yes it does, but in its own time. It’s cruel in the extreme but until then it’s one day at a time.

I’m trying this feels impossible - watching friends grow and achieve and be in relationships while losing in all those area and gettting older is something I can’t find peace with in trying but it’s not working. I feel like this is going to be my downfall and my strength will run out soon. I’m scared

Don’t compare yourself with others, at least at this moment. You are recovering from being drugged, and you’re no more losing out than anyone else recovering from a traumatic experience. Right now you need to concentrate and practice coping methods so you can get back to the life you want.

I’m trying I’m so scared and I cry weep constantly. Everything makes me tired or sad to an existential level.

Like going to get my computer and do something for a client both exhausts me and overwhelms me. I feel like people are going to steal my gf I feel like I’m falling apart and everyone sees it.

I really have been strong for 2.5 years but without any relief I’m losing my strength and my on and off again gf I’m sure is going to choose someone else which is a lot to absorb that’s putting g it mildly especially because I feel like it’s due to me just slowly deteriorating . The man I used to be would t have anybody these fears or thoughts but now it’s like how can I ever be the success I was the rest of my life now that I’m 47 and in this mess. The world is moving and people are doing their thing while I just sit here and suffer and get smaller.

I was about your age when I did my taper. I don’t look at that time as a loss, but as a time when I built a new future. You’re catastrophisizing by crating the bleakest possible future and making that your future. You keep looping back on guilt and self judgement. Leave that behind and work on healing. You have that strength in you.

Ty for that. I want to do better . Were you really bad off during your taper?

4 hours ago, Need to End said:

Ty for that. I want to do better . Were you really bad off during your taper?

Yes. I had dozens of symptoms and fearful thoughts. That's one of the reasons I became a mentor here--to show people you can get through this.

Ty for sharing it’s helpful. Did you cry and find it hard to go places and function? Did you fear you were mentally broken? Did things overwhelm you easily?

Also I’m still so confused on holding versus tapering - I can’t figure out what to do. I’m at 1.84mg now.

It’s enough to say I suffered with just about every symptom you can imagine. The point is we’ve all suffered from these meds in our own terrible ways. What you’re experiencing is awful but not unusual. And you can recover.

I’ll let others with more tapering expertise respond to your other question.

Okay sorry to ask so many questions. I just feel so unusual and this feels like something else it’s so heavy and pervasive. I’m just curious if others found basic life tasks like showers or walking tj the kitchen overwhelming etc… because I feel so damaged it feels like something more

8 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Okay sorry to ask so many questions. I just feel so unusual and this feels like something else it’s so heavy and pervasive. I’m just curious if others found basic life tasks like showers or walking tj the kitchen overwhelming etc… because I feel so damaged it feels like something more

If you look at some of the other members’ threads, you’ll see several are experiencing very similar feelings. There are some who can barely get out of bed or can’t go outside. Anxiety is very lonely; you feel like you’re the only person in the world going through it. But you’re not alone and you’re not mentally of physically ill, at least not in the traditional sense. Your nervous system has been severely jumbled by the meds and by WD. That’s activated your flight or fight instinct almost 27/7. It’s exhausting and makes you feel weak. But these thoughts and feelings won’t be there forever. We’re here to help you get through it.

Ty I mean that I don’t know how to say it enough. These convos help and I know I repeat fears questions etc.. I appreciate you all so much. I don’t feel I can make it and just want some relief and positivity - This support at lest gives me connection and some hope. The biggest fear is something else has been wrong forever and my current life stress is just bringing it out as feeling this terrified daily is in unreal. Fearing going certain places because of crying or throwing up and just straight terror and physical exhaustion/ weakness is something I never dealt with so it’s all really existentially frightening

3 hours ago, Need to End said:

Ty I mean that I don’t know how to say it enough. These convos help and I know I repeat fears questions etc.. I appreciate you all so much. I don’t feel I can make it and just want some relief and positivity - This support at lest gives me connection and some hope. The biggest fear is something else has been wrong forever and my current life stress is just bringing it out as feeling this terrified daily is in unreal. Fearing going certain places because of crying or throwing up and just straight terror and physical exhaustion/ weakness is something I never dealt with so it’s all really existentially frightening

Its really common for people to think they don't have WD, but trust us when we say this is all drug harm, and you'll have a life after this. One day I'll be hearing you tell Angie Peacock your story, explaining to her listeners how you recovered and they can too, and or reading your success thread on here!

Ty - that means the world to me I am so freaking scared and hurting and afraid of what’s ti come

2 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ty - that means the world to me I am so freaking scared and hurting and afraid of what’s ti come

As we have said b4, one day at a time. I have read some awful stories from people who have then gone onto recover. A common theme is despair thinking they can't get better, but they do. Just one little step at a time.

I’m so trying. Every day is just so hard. Things keep happening in life that are actually extremely stressful like today something with my son and his mom was really bad and I just am not in a place to handle it let alone normal things.

1 minute ago, Need to End said:

I’m so trying. Every day is just so hard. Things keep happening in life that are actually extremely stressful like today something with my son and his mom was really bad and I just am not in a place to handle it let alone normal things.

I know that feeling, I am quite stress intolerant atm, I have to keep my stress quite low. I don't get any neuro-emotions so much anymore, more it ramps up physical issues. It can be hard to know how to navagate things. I try to avoid the stress as much as possible. I prioritise what I have to deal with and factor in my situation into the choices I make, so if there is a quicker easier option that I might not take if I wasn't in WD, I take that. If that makes sense. And I certainly pick my battles. Avoid toxic relationships and so on.