3 hours ago, Need to End said:

Ok so I don’t have ti hold in order tj get through this?

Hey n2e. I can see @mstimc60 has given you lots of wonderful support as ever. I think we’ve covered the holding topic quite a bit with you. It’s your choice. Normally holding is a good idea, but for some continuing to taper is best. I think you’ve established that you are in that camp. You are exploring little pauses here and there. If you start to benefit from these you could hold longer and see if that helps. You could consider a really long hold when you get down to say 0.5-1mg and use that last little bit of drug to prop you up whilst you stabilise, rather than taper off completely as you are. It’s all your choice. Listen to your body it knows best.

Ty. I keep going back to this question and forget what was said. I’m sorry.

Hi guys I’m really not doing well tonight. Just needed to reach out to someone . Just don’t want to be here

40 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Hi guys I’m really not doing well tonight. Just needed to reach out to someone . Just don’t want to be here

Nobody wants to be in WD, but that’s where we are (or were). It’s awful but it does end. Take it one day or even one hour at a time time.

I don’t want to be here here not just wd. It’s making living unbearable

16 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I don’t want to be here here not just wd. It’s making living unbearable

I could toss any number of trite sayings at you, but the fact is life just plain sucks sometimes and it feels like it’ll never get better. But when we’re in a dark place, nothing seems like it’s working. But that’s not reality. All days hold a kernel of good, even if you can’t see it right now. At the very least, you know you have a safe place here.

How do you keep from ending it when it’s this heavy in all areas of life and you’re in wd?

Because that’s never the answer and solves nothing. All it does is create more pain for everyone involved. If you feel that hopeless, please get in touch with your local crisis intervention service.

See if you can get ahold of a book called “The Power of Now” by Ekhart Tolle. He was in a situation very similar to you. It’ll give you some perspective and hope.

The thought is always there since I started Prozac and sometimes it gets stronger

I can’t go into a place.

I just need this to go away.

Just now, Need to End said:

The thought is always there since I started Prozac and sometimes it gets stronger

I think that’s been true of all of us at one time or another. It’s just another way ruminations and self judgment try to maintain their control. But thoughts have no,power behind what we allow them to have.

9 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I can’t go into a place.

I just need this to go away.

It will if you try some of the coping skills we shared with you. It takes time and it’ll go much better if you’re easier on yourself.

If you broke your leg, you’d do the exercises the physical therapist gave you if you wanted to heal more quickly. This is no different. Coping skills will get you through this much better than just waiting for it to go away.

Edited June 8Jun 8 by mstimc60

I’m so backwards I need to go back and find the coping skills

2 hours ago, Need to End said:

I’m so backwards I need to go back and find the coping skills

It is THE most important thing you can be doing right now! Attempting to master them! Which of course non of us do! But we keep trying every day to be that little bit better at them.

Have a read of the acceptance post on here. There are a number videos linked in there. Watch them all.

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

I stayed home today and my mind is telling me this is how I always was. I’m scared I won’t pull it together to survive professionally and my mind can’t rest because of that. It’s a real pressure not one I’m making up. Is it normal to be scared of your phone ringing or a text coming through???

It’s dark in this house alone. I can’t rest but I can’t do much. This is hell.

Edited June 9Jun 9 by Need to End

3 hours ago, Need to End said:

I stayed home today and my mind is telling me this is how I always was. I’m scared I won’t pull it together to survive professionally and my mind can’t rest because of that. It’s a real pressure not one I’m making up. Is it normal to be scared of your phone ringing or a text coming through???

It’s dark in this house alone. I can’t rest but I can’t do much. This is hell.

Yes, at this level of anxiety, dreading anything unknown like an incoming text heightens anticipatory anxiety. As we’ve mentioned before, closing yourself off may seem like a protective measure, it leaves you alone with your ruminations.

Are you trying to practice the coping methods we’ve been sharing with you? They’re the best path out of your situation.

I am telling myself to accept this repeatedly

12 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I am telling myself to accept this repeatedly

Distraction may also help.

I’m too wound up to do anything

3 hours ago, Need to End said:

I am telling myself to accept this repeatedly

You don't need to tell yourself to accept. You need to allow the feelings in your body to emerge without resistance and just observe them.

8 hours ago, Need to End said:

I’m too wound up to do anything

I'm sorry you're struggling like this. You asked earlier if you should continue tapering Prozac or not. That's a tough call. If you continue to feel the same bad before your cuts as you do after, and if the last bit of relief you've experienced is when you recently reduced your Klonopin, I think I'd return to reducing that at this time. A gradual taper starting at maybe 7% or so and holding the reduced dose for a while.

As much as we'd like to, noone (including me) can know for certain how much it's Prozac, how much it's Klonopin, and how much it's your life stressors including your future fears. I believe you said that you feel Klonopin no longer seems to work. Briefly, that's exactly what happened to me on that med, and once it had stopped working, it gave me depression. The only way out was for me to make two 7% reductions, and it was gone. I can't promise you the same, but I do know you said you felt "somewhat" better after your recent reduction, went out to a store with your daughter after the next reduction, and then felt worse when you resumed. That's not proof, but it's a pattern worth exploring, I feel.

I'd really like for you to get some kind of relief and you can always return to the Prozac later.

@Gaucho Ty so much. So you reduced killing twice and depression lifted? So you were still on it just at a slightly lower dose?

43 minutes ago, Need to End said:

@Gaucho Ty so much. So you reduced killing twice and depression lifted? So you were still on it just at a slightly lower dose?

Yes, but I want to emphasize that was my experience. It's not something I can promise anyone else as tapering experiences are very individual. But, as an example, I started at 1 mg, reduced to .94, held 9 days, reduced to .85, held 2 weeks, and around that time my depression lifted.

Klonopin is a very potent drug and when it's working, it can help. But many ppl after long-term use will reach tolerance on it and then it no longer helps like it used to. Once tolerance develops, it often produces tolerance withdrawal symptoms, and mine was depression. For others, tolerance withdrawal may come as anxiety. Other symptoms, too.

Could this be happening to you and figure in to how you feel? Maybe. Possibly. What makes it difficult to know is that you are on 2 meds now. I was on just Klonopin at the time, so I knew what was causing what. For all we know, your Klonopin could be contributing to your anxiety, too, as you said when you resumed it, you felt "worse." And meds like Klonopin can have side effects that contribute to depression.

Still, experiences vary, and it's possible to have depression during a taper, too. So that's why it's best to taper gradually while listening to your body.

I hope this helps in some way..

@Gaucho is it normal to be a little panicky the first day?