Hello, my name is Sarah.

I was put on Sertraline in 2016 for OCD and mood swings.

After reading how horrific these drugs can be I wanted to come off. I stupidly didnt know / wasnt told how serious to take these medications so what I did was miss a load of days and only take a pill if I felt mild withdrawals (I had no idea about kindling or anything) the original WD symptoms I would get and assumed would only ever be were mild brain zaps, heart palpitations and tearfulness. Then over a year I dropped the meds down from 100mg, to 75, 50 then 25. After about two months on 25mg I was told it was safe to come off. I did. I felt a weird withdrawal symptom one day so I decided to take a pill that morning im not sure why something just told me to. I guess itd been too long because that night the symptoms began.

Firstly it was burning waves all down my arms and legs. Then heavy limbs. Then akathisia. Sound sensitivity. I couldnt move much. Body pains. Stomach issues. No appetite. I was taken to a&e three times and all physical tests were fine so they assumed id had a nervous breakdown because "25mg is a baby dose and cant cause withdrawal"

This was almost 11 weeks ago.

I reinstated to 25mg for 4 weeks then up to 50mg. I began to stablise and 2 weeks into my 50mg dose I crashed again. Back to akathisia etc just not AS intense as the first time but still horrific. I got better and better, waves were getting more manageable I began functioning more, able to do washing and housework again etc. Then on Saturday I crashed again but this time it wasnt as bad as the last again. I had no appetite but my stomach hadn't totally locked up like the last two times. I could manage little bits. It'll take forever to list ALL symptoms but pretty much any you can think of, ive had. The 8 days before my last crash i was so close to being back to my normal self. The mornings were significantly less hard, I was walking the school runs again instead of getting lifts. I was singing again, laughing etc.

This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured and didnt know such suffering was possible while being totally gaslit and ignored by mental health professionals who still insist its anxiety and depression. Im not even depressed unless its bad. Then, of course I am depressed.

I still got waves in the good week but they were a lot easier to navigate. I keep thinking im going to be like this forever now. Ive been in a very dark place. Im only still here because of my six year old. I'd love some encouragement, guidance and just knowing im not alone / i will get better. Because whenever it seems like I am, I smash back down again.

Thank you for reading.

Hi @cherrysquid

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here: Guidelines

 

Please make sure your signature is kept up to date with your drug history. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the FAQs section above, but here is a direct link: Update Signature

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default. For this reason please keep it clear but condensed as possible.

Please use the format outline here Preferred signature/drug history format

I'm so sorry to read about the tough time you've had recently you will find plenty of support here for sure.

 

15 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

I was put on Sertraline in 2016 for OCD and mood swings.

After reading how horrific these drugs can be I wanted to come off. I stupidly didnt know / wasnt told how serious to take these medications so what I did was miss a load of days and only take a pill if I felt mild withdrawals (I had no idea about kindling or anything) the original WD symptoms I would get and assumed would only ever be were mild brain zaps, heart palpitations and tearfulness. Then over a year I dropped the meds down from 100mg, to 75, 50 then 25. After about two months on 25mg I was told it was safe to come off. I did. I felt a weird withdrawal symptom one day so I decided to take a pill that morning im not sure why something just told me to. I guess itd been too long because that night the symptoms began.

Unfortunately it is very common for doctors to not understand how to safely deprescribe these drugs. In the UK we are seeing some improvement in this area but not enough and most doctors are woefully behind reality. As you know now these were not the correct methods to get off, and will have caused some distress to your nervous system as you mentioned above.

15 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Firstly it was burning waves all down my arms and legs. Then heavy limbs. Then akathisia. Sound sensitivity. I couldnt move much. Body pains. Stomach issues. No appetite. I was taken to a&e three times and all physical tests were fine so they assumed id had a nervous breakdown because "25mg is a baby dose and cant cause withdrawal"

This was almost 11 weeks ago.

Again it breaks my heart the gas lighting that we ALL have had to go through, I experienced a similar moment from a hospital too, it was a light bulb moment for me, I knew what had happened to me, it was obvious but I also knew I was on my own, until I found this community on Surviving Antidepressants.

15 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

I reinstated to 25mg for 4 weeks then up to 50mg. I began to stablise and 2 weeks into my 50mg dose I crashed again. Back to akathisia etc just not AS intense as the first time but still horrific. I got better and better, waves were getting more manageable I began functioning more, able to do washing and housework again etc. Then on Saturday I crashed again but this time it wasnt as bad as the last again. I had no appetite but my stomach hadn't totally locked up like the last two times. I could manage little bits. It'll take forever to list ALL symptoms but pretty much any you can think of, ive had. The 8 days before my last crash i was so close to being back to my normal self. The mornings were significantly less hard, I was walking the school runs again instead of getting lifts. I was singing again, laughing etc.

Unfortunately you reinstated far too high a dose, it depends on when you stopped, sometimes higher doses can work if you had not been off too long (please fill in your signature as requested above) but generally we suggest a low dose. Reinstating an Antidepressant

It is good to see things have improved and you mentioned the Aka was not as intense as before (I assume you mean before you RI?) these are signs that the RI is having some postive effect but unfortunately I think it's due to the dose being so high you are suffering so much and the swings are so big. As you are having some swings in symptoms and a very good window I would not move the dose around and just hold this 50mg until things settle down for you which could be many months. During this process you will likley experience more of the of the better and worse symptoms pattern you note here, we call this waves and windows and it is a really good sign and completely normal. The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

Once you find your 'WD normal' base line, which we would recognise as an extended period of symptoms being mild so 1-3/10 in severity, you can consider carefully tapering off following our guidelines here. Tapering Information

Micro Tapering

As your system is now going to be a little sensitive going forward you will need be very careful and intune with your body as you taper, 10% per month may be too much, so caution is recommended. Get used to what is your WD normal state and use that as a guide for helping you understand what reduction to make and when to hold etc.... A Microtaper may be worth considering for you. We are here to help when you get to that point.

15 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured and didnt know such suffering was possible while being totally gaslit and ignored by mental health professionals who still insist its anxiety and depression. Im not even depressed unless its bad. Then, of course I am depressed.

I still got waves in the good week but they were a lot easier to navigate. I keep thinking im going to be like this forever now. Ive been in a very dark place. Im only still here because of my six year old. I'd love some encouragement, guidance and just knowing im not alone / i will get better. Because whenever it seems like I am, I smash back down again.

Thank you for reading.

I think we can all relate to this Sarah, you have found a family here who get it and are with you the whole way.

Hang in there it won't be like this forever! The body is an amazing thing and will get you through this.

Have a read of our coping skills section, acceptance is very important part of management of symptoms. Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.

Chippy

On 7/1/2026 at 4:12 PM, cherrysquid said:

This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured and didnt know such suffering was possible while being totally gaslit and ignored by mental health professionals who still insist its anxiety and depression. Im not even depressed unless its bad. Then, of course I am depressed.

I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, you'll find that this experience is extremely common amongst those harmed by these drugs. I'd go so far as to say that on this forum you'll find few who don't relate to this.

As @Chippy said, most of us had a moment where we realised that the medical professionals who got us into this mess have no idea.

Thank you so much for your replies. I believe I've updated my signature. Its been very rough going the past two weeks the waves have been pretty intense. I had a window yesterday though thankfully but that was ruined by the anxiety and trauma of this whole ordeal. Google AI says (ive tested this a few times and got the same answer) that weeks 4-8 are the hardest hitting when reinstating while kindled so maybe that explains it. Its still nowhere near as bad as the start but still so so hard. I keep thinking and feeling im poisoning myself and that ill never get better or somehow end up back at the start. Its horrific.

Thank you all for your support I'll probably be hanging around here on this journey. Much love.

31 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

Its been very rough going the past two weeks the waves have been pretty intense.

We all get that, it's pretty tough.

31 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

I had a window yesterday though thankfully but that was ruined by the anxiety and trauma of this whole ordeal.

At least you had a window, I would recommend from my own experience to learn a few things to deal with this whole ordeal better, like meditating and acceptance, we all have ups and downs bit at the end we survive them, despite us thinking we won't.

37 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

Google AI says (ive tested this a few times and got the same answer) that weeks 4-8 are the hardest hitting when reinstating while kindled so maybe that explains it.

I would generally not believe ai on things like WD, just let things happen however long they need to happen.

38 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

I keep thinking and feeling im poisoning myself and that ill never get better or somehow end up back at the start. Its horrific.

these are all only your thoughts, your thoughts and feelings aren't always true and can throw nonsense at you, you want to do your best to observe your thoughts and choose whether or not to believe them.

You are not poisoning yourself, you have a dependency on the drug and you need to keep taking it without changes to stabilize.

Our bodies always work their way towards health, you will get better, we all do, there are countless of other people who been in WD a decade or two ago and have healed.

43 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

Thank you all for your support I'll probably be hanging around here on this journey. Much love.

Feel free to comment on your thread as needed ❤️

13 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Thank you so much for your replies. I believe I've updated my signature. Its been very rough going the past two weeks the waves have been pretty intense. I had a window yesterday though thankfully but that was ruined by the anxiety and trauma of this whole ordeal. Google AI says (ive tested this a few times and got the same answer) that weeks 4-8 are the hardest hitting when reinstating while kindled so maybe that explains it. Its still nowhere near as bad as the start but still so so hard. I keep thinking and feeling im poisoning myself and that ill never get better or somehow end up back at the start. Its horrific.

Thank you all for your support I'll probably be hanging around here on this journey. Much love.

Sending some love @cherrysquid I am pleased to hear things are easier than they were, that is great news. Lighty has given you some great advice. I would add that Waves and windows are very real and the process is not linear so if things worsen a bit (which I hope it does not) then don't worry it is part of the process to feeling more stable a lot of the time. The main thing is to focus on the practices Lighty has directed you too and build those skills up to help you cope during this time. We are here for you and all understand what it is like.

Thank you @Chippy I have been trying to change my mindset and will absolutely utilise the methods and practices @Lighty has kindly shared. I was starting to wonder if I had damaged myself too badly by reinstating so high but im guessing I wouldn't have windows if I had.

18 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

Thank you @Chippy I have been trying to change my mindset and will absolutely utilise the methods and practices @Lighty has kindly shared. I was starting to wonder if I had damaged myself too badly by reinstating so high but im guessing I wouldn't have windows if I had.

Pleasure. No you have never damaged your body too badly, our systems are wonderful and given the correct conditions and some time, we will all recover. Here for you whenever you need. x

Heyy @cherrysquid truly sorry to read what you have been through. I've had a rough time with sertraline too- you're not alone in this and you will heal 🧡

Edited July 12Jul 12 by Amy B

Feeling very low today.

I had a window lasting over 24 hours starting Saturday night and all of Sunday and today I feel so... flat. My terrors etc have lost or losing their bite replaced with total numbness and... weirdness I cant really describe. Maybe im just exhausted?

My daughters school concert is tomorrow, she's on the drums. What should be a beautiful and magical moment that would usually make me tear up is going to be uncomfortable with the loud sounds. Her birthday is next week and I just don't know how I'm going to manage the guilt is eating me alive. She understands im poorly right now. I told her I felt guilty and she smiled at me and said in the sweetest voice "don't feel guilty mammy you can't help being poorly." My heart melted.

Only last night I was my normal self, joking around, doing silly voices and dances. And today again, my body is telling me I'm dying or I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life.

Sorry for the downer. Im just fed up.

Also, while I'm here on a totally different subject - what happened to the old site? Why did it stop functioning, just out of curiosity?

3 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

I had a window lasting over 24 hours starting Saturday night and all of Sunday and today I feel so... flat. My terrors etc have lost or losing their bite replaced with total numbness and... weirdness I cant really describe. Maybe im just exhausted?

My daughters school concert is tomorrow, she's on the drums. What should be a beautiful and magical moment that would usually make me tear up is going to be uncomfortable with the loud sounds. Her birthday is next week and I just don't know how I'm going to manage the guilt is eating me alive. She understands im poorly right now. I told her I felt guilty and she smiled at me and said in the sweetest voice "don't feel guilty mammy you can't help being poorly." My heart melted.

Only last night I was my normal self, joking around, doing silly voices and dances. And today again, my body is telling me I'm dying or I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life.

Hi @cherrysquid sorry you’re back in a wave, I know how frustrating and heartbreaking that can feel. WD/drug injury symptoms can definitely evolve as time goes on. I’ve also moved from constant anxiety and terror to more brain fog/cognitive issues/fatigue/anhedonia. I like to think that any change in symptoms is a sign that my brain is fighting hard for stability.

So cool that your daughter plays the drums! I think a lot of people on here can empathize with feeling like you’re missing out on important milestones because of your injury. It’s awful, no question. But all we can do is the best with what we have right now. Sounds like your daughter knows that you love her unconditionally, and that’s what counts at the end of the day 💜.

3 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Also, while I'm here on a totally different subject - what happened to the old site? Why did it stop functioning, just out of curiosity?

I wasn’t on the old site, but I think some of the admins retired? Others can probably shed more light on this.

Thank you for your kind words @SarahMc. Thankfully I get a window most evenings so I have a chance to gather my thoughts etc. I love being here in this community and reading how others are getting on. Not that im happy anyone has to be here but how we hold each other up with encouragement and warmth is beautiful ❤️

I hope you're doing well

7 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

I love being here in this community and reading how others are getting on. Not that im happy anyone has to be here but how we hold each other up with encouragement and warmth is beautiful ❤️

I would be lost without this community! Really glad you’re finding it helpful 😊.

16 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Feeling very low today.

I had a window lasting over 24 hours starting Saturday night and all of Sunday and today I feel so... flat. My terrors etc have lost or losing their bite replaced with total numbness and... weirdness I cant really describe. Maybe im just exhausted?

Sorry to hear. Unfortunately the symptoms tend to eb and flow. I have learned to float with it tbh. Acceptance is key.

16 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

My daughters school concert is tomorrow, she's on the drums. What should be a beautiful and magical moment that would usually make me tear up is going to be uncomfortable with the loud sounds. Her birthday is next week and I just don't know how I'm going to manage the guilt is eating me alive. She understands im poorly right now. I told her I felt guilty and she smiled at me and said in the sweetest voice "don't feel guilty mammy you can't help being poorly." My heart melted.

Amazing my Son is a drummer too! I find the prospect of concerts very intimidating atm too. It is amazing how sweet and supportive the little ones can be. My boy is the same. I remember when I was in acute and very upset and scared, he put his little arms around me a gave me a big hug. Felt amazing. Bless their little hearts. x

16 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Only last night I was my normal self, joking around, doing silly voices and dances. And today again, my body is telling me I'm dying or I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life.

It is crazy how one day can be better and then next not so much.

16 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Sorry for the downer. Im just fed up.

No need to apologize. We all get it and are here for you when you need.

16 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Also, while I'm here on a totally different subject - what happened to the old site? Why did it stop functioning, just out of curiosity?

SA closed as the owner decided it was too hard to staff the site anymore, so here we are.

9 hours ago, Chippy said:

Sorry to hear. Unfortunately the symptoms tend to eb and flow. I have learned to float with it tbh. Acceptance is key.

Amazing my Son is a drummer too! I find the prospect of concerts very intimidating atm too. It is amazing how sweet and supportive the little ones can be. My boy is the same. I remember when I was in acute and very upset and scared, he put his little arms around me a gave me a big hug. Felt amazing. Bless their little hearts. x

It is crazy how one day can be better and then next not so much.

No need to apologize. We all get it and are here for you when you need.

SA closed as the owner decided it was too hard to staff the site anymore, so here we are.

Thank you as always @Chippy !

Ah thats great your son sounds lovely. I adore children was just finishing my degree to work with them when all of this started. Thankfully they've let me push my dissertation back to November.

The concert was beautiful. It was very uncomfortable for the first 20 mins or so being unused to the loud screams of many children in a hall but I calmed down. Mostly anticipatory I think. I even ate an actual meal afterwards! Unheard of these days 😂

Also im not quite acquainted of the etiquette here yet so sorry if im posting too much or butting in on posts. I want to help as much as I can and give something back instead of just draining you all with my problems.

Hope you've had a great day!

30 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

Also im not quite acquainted of the etiquette here yet so sorry if im posting too much or butting in on posts. I want to help as much as I can and give something back instead of just draining you all with my problems.

Please don’t ever worry about posting too much! The etiquette here (and Chippy can correct me if I’m wrong) is ask for the support you need and provide support to others as you’re able. You’re very welcome here!

14 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Thank you as always @Chippy !

Pleasure!

14 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Ah thats great your son sounds lovely.

He is!

14 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

I adore children was just finishing my degree to work with them when all of this started. Thankfully they've let me push my dissertation back to November.

Me too. Wonderful you are planning to work with them. I hope all this is not too disruptive to those plans, sounds like you are getting to the support you need to try to mitigate that.

14 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

The concert was beautiful. It was very uncomfortable for the first 20 mins or so being unused to the loud screams of many children in a hall but I calmed down. Mostly anticipatory I think. I even ate an actual meal afterwards! Unheard of these days 😂

Sounds like it went well over all! Food is good! When WD messes with our appetite it is so frustrating I know!

14 hours ago, cherrysquid said:

Also im not quite acquainted of the etiquette here yet so sorry if im posting too much or butting in on posts. I want to help as much as I can and give something back instead of just draining you all with my problems.

As @SarahMc has said, post as much as you want, either to ask for support or to offer support when you feel you can. Big family here. x

New symptom note: ITCHING.

Especially at night! Feels like there's creepy crawlies all over me at random points 😭

Im fine though, plodding on as we do ❤️

22 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

New symptom note: ITCHING.

Especially at night! Feels like there's creepy crawlies all over me at random points 😭

Im fine though, plodding on as we do ❤️

I get the itching too. Maddening, isn't it? Hope you are able to get some sleep tonight

Thank you @kangamangus you too x

@cherrysquid Can you please find out a few additional words for describing your stomach issues (how does it feel?), burning waves on your hands and akathisia? Is the third one more inner tension or you need to pace?

Hiya Dust. I dont want to to too much into that right now as I'm finding it triggering. Maybe one day I'll get over it and divulge. Much love x

Edited July 16Jul 16 by cherrysquid

Hey Cherry, hope you had a better day today.

These days i can't tell if im in a wave or window a lot of the time. My windows at first were me having a lot of energy and doing things like blitzing the whole house clean. Now I feel more flat. Ive noticed the past few days the terrors / heavy feelings of a crash coming on but its extinguished pretty quickly most of the time.

Now im just exhausted and no energy most days. I have days of SI still and the feeling of im going to be like this forever now. But I am much better than I was April, may, June. But I know how unpredictable this is and could have another horrific wave. Im just trying to go with the flow and accept it, which would be a lot easier if I didnt have a daughter I need to be present for and a disabled partner who's own health is up and down with RA.

Im aware I reinstated far too high and definitely felt the effects of that in the first couple months. But I really hope it stablises soon and I can hold for a while before tapering. I want off this pain train lol I wish I'd known about the reinstatement but no point in woulda coulda shouldas. Reading my journal I was starting to stablise on the 25mg I think then went up to 50. Im on day 53 of 50mg now. My partner has a fresh set of eyes and he says I'm doing much better but when you're in the midst of it, you can't really see it can you?

Im more myself these days even when im feeling bad i guess that's a good sign. Other than just finding it really hard to muster energy lol.

Sending Love guys and gals x

29 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

These days i can't tell if im in a wave or window a lot of the time. My windows at first were me having a lot of energy and doing things like blitzing the whole house clean. Now I feel more flat. Ive noticed the past few days the terrors / heavy feelings of a crash coming on but its extinguished pretty quickly most of the time.

Now im just exhausted and no energy most days. I have days of SI still and the feeling of im going to be like this forever now. But I am much better than I was April, may, June. But I know how unpredictable this is and could have another horrific wave. Im just trying to go with the flow and accept it, which would be a lot easier if I didnt have a daughter I need to be present for and a disabled partner who's own health is up and down with RA.

Im aware I reinstated far too high and definitely felt the effects of that in the first couple months. But I really hope it stablises soon and I can hold for a while before tapering. I want off this pain train lol I wish I'd known about the reinstatement but no point in woulda coulda shouldas. Reading my journal I was starting to stablise on the 25mg I think then went up to 50. Im on day 53 of 50mg now. My partner has a fresh set of eyes and he says I'm doing much better but when you're in the midst of it, you can't really see it can you?

Im more myself these days even when im feeling bad i guess that's a good sign. Other than just finding it really hard to muster energy lol.

Sending Love guys and gals x

Hi @cherrysquid sounds pretty much like our crazy process, so very unexpected, sometimes it changes so quickly that it's hard to distinguish between sanity and insanity really.

Seems like you made the right call to reinstate and that you are finding more stability, that's really great, very happy for you.

Take your time to breathe some fresh air, get back to a sane routine and then decide how to move forward.

All the best.