For the past 11 years, I have been taking Escitalopram on and off. I discontinued the medication more than 14 times, always following the tapering schedules recommended by my doctors. However, with every single withdrawal, I suffered from entirely new physical and psychological symptoms—ones that had absolutely nothing to do with my original illness, which was anxiety.During my last attempt to restart the medication, I was struck by terrifying, intrusive thoughts centered around harming myself or my beloved children. The medication no longer offered any calm; instead, it felt like pouring gasoline on a fire. My last attempt to go back on the drug was exactly four months ago.That is when I made a firm decision: I want to be completely clean from any psychiatric medication, no matter what happens.At first, my withdrawal symptoms were violent. Then, they began to fluctuate—shifting from isolated symptoms to a heavy, collective wave hitting me all at once. I gradually adapted to them and accepted their presence, knowing I had no other choice.However, a week ago, I experienced a period of sudden, heavy sleep. But right after that wave of deep sleep passed, all my severe symptoms rushed back. It feels as though the relative calm I recently experienced was merely a halfway point, and now I am being pulled right back to the horrific first days of stopping the medication.What is happening to me right now? And what should I do?"

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here: Guidelines

 

Please make sure your signature is kept up to date with your drug history. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the FAQs section above, but here is a direct link: Update Signature

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default. For this reason please keep it clear but condensed as possible.

Please use the format outline here Preferred signature/drug history format

I'm so sorry to read about the tough time you've had recently you will find plenty of support here for sure.

2 hours ago, lost4ever said:

For the past 11 years, I have been taking Escitalopram on and off. I discontinued the medication more than 14 times, always following the tapering schedules recommended by my doctors. However, with every single withdrawal, I suffered from entirely new physical and psychological symptoms—ones that had absolutely nothing to do with my original illness, which was anxiety.During my last attempt to restart the medication, I was struck by terrifying, intrusive thoughts centered around harming myself or my beloved children. The medication no longer offered any calm; instead, it felt like pouring gasoline on a fire.

Starting and stopping these drugs causes huge amounts of upset to our nervous system, the more we make changes the worse things get, as you have found out here.

2 hours ago, lost4ever said:

My last attempt to go back on the drug was exactly four months ago.That is when I made a firm decision: I want to be completely clean from any psychiatric medication, no matter what happens.

Could you please update you signature detailing your drug history as per our guidelines above. We need to see each drug and the period you took it plus the taper used to come off it all with dates and doses.

2 hours ago, lost4ever said:

t first, my withdrawal symptoms were violent. Then, they began to fluctuate—shifting from isolated symptoms to a heavy, collective wave hitting me all at once. I gradually adapted to them and accepted their presence, knowing I had no other choice.However, a week ago, I experienced a period of sudden, heavy sleep. But right after that wave of deep sleep passed, all my severe symptoms rushed back. It feels as though the relative calm I recently experienced was merely a halfway point, and now I am being pulled right back to the horrific first days of stopping the medication.What is happening to me right now? And what should I do?"

This is very normal unfortunately, we call it waves and windows, the healing process is non linear, and worsening some time off the drug is common.

If you could let us know more about your history we could suggest possibly a small reinstatement which could possibly help you. But with this litle detail it is hard to say. We await your response.

 

In the mean time this is what I would do if I were you:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

You are very welcome here and I hope you find the site supportive.e

I hadn't been archiving my symptoms, but I have now decided to record them, hoping this will become one of the success stories.

Today, my sleep schedule is flipped as usual. I go to sleep at 11:00 AM and wake up at 7:00 PM—an average of 7 to 8 hours of sleep.

I wake up feeling normal, then the symptoms start to appear after an hour or a bit less.

• My emotions feel numb today.

• A feeling of imbalance and the ringing (tinnitus) has returned, along with a heavy sensation.

• Fear without any reason.

• Mild abdominal cramps.

• Depersonalization is present.

• Derealization is present.

That is everything so far.

Date: 09/17/2026 08:34 pm

1 hour ago, lost4ever said:

I hadn't been archiving my symptoms, but I have now decided to record them, hoping this will become one of the success stories.

Today, my sleep schedule is flipped as usual. I go to sleep at 11:00 AM and wake up at 7:00 PM—an average of 7 to 8 hours of sleep.

I wake up feeling normal, then the symptoms start to appear after an hour or a bit less.

• My emotions feel numb today.

• A feeling of imbalance and the ringing (tinnitus) has returned, along with a heavy sensation.

• Fear without any reason.

• Mild abdominal cramps.

• Depersonalization is present.

• Derealization is present.

That is everything so far.

Date: 09/17/2026 08:34 pm

Hi @lost4ever I've moved your latest post to your thread. Please keep all future posts about your journey here so we can keep the site organized. Thanks 😊

I apologize, but I am a bit lost on how to post and communicate in this forum.Should I continue posting my future symptoms here in this thread as a comment, or should I do something else?Thank you for your efforts

Just now, lost4ever said:

I apologize, but I am a bit lost on how to post and communicate in this forum.Should I continue posting my future symptoms here in this thread as a comment, or should I do something else?Thank you for your efforts

No need to apologize! Yes, if you’d like to continue posting your symptoms please do so as a comment in this thread

hello, I empathize with your pain. recently I went through a wave of symptoms that also made me feel like I was back at the very beginning again. unfortunately these things can happen in withdrawal, but it does not mean that we are not healing

13 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

أهلاً@lost4everلقد نقلتُ مشاركتك الأخيرة إلى موضوعك. يُرجى إبقاء جميع مشاركاتك المستقبلية حول رحلتك هنا حتى نتمكن من الحفاظ على تنظيم الموقع. شكرًا لك 😊

I apologize, but I am a bit lost on how to post and communicate in this forum.

Should I continue posting my future symptoms here in this thread as a comment, or should I do something else?

Thank you for your efforts.

2 hours ago, StDymphna said:

مرحباً، أتفهم ألمك. مررتُ مؤخراً بموجة من الأعراض التي جعلتني أشعر وكأنني عدتُ إلى نقطة الصفر. للأسف، قد تحدث هذه الأمور أثن

2 hours ago, StDymphna said:

hello, I empathize with your pain. recently I went through a wave of symptoms that also made me feel like I was back at the very beginning again. unfortunately these things can happen in withdrawal, but it does not mean that we are not healing

Part of me knows that if I stay committed without any drugs , I will go back to normal and another part does not.I am so exhausted.

2 hours ago, lost4ever said:

I apologize, but I am a bit lost on how to post and communicate in this forum.

Should I continue posting my future symptoms here in this thread as a comment, or should I do something else?

Thank you for your efforts.

Part of me knows that if I stay committed without any drugs , I will go back to normal and another part does not.I am so exhausted.

Hello @lost4ever 😊

Yes keep your updates to your thread. That's how we keep everything easier to find and it's like your own record so if needed we can look back at previous posts to see progress etc.

I am sorry to see youre having a hard time. This all sucks so bad and we all here understand your exhaustion. It will get better. Time and acceptance is all we can do.

You have us all here if you need us ❤️

@lost4ever I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Know that you are in good company as so many people in this forum know exactly where you’re at. Personally, I’m nearly 11 months into my recovery from Cold Turkey of Celexa. If it is any comfort, the first 6-8 months were a living hell and that is common in WD. You are very early into your own journey so there is great room for improvement. You will heal, so give your body the nourishment and time that it needs. I highly recommend journaling your feelings and symptoms, as it can help you keep track of improvements and see patterns. Right now is just about survival. Time will pass and one day you’ll look back and wonder how it passed so quickly and slowly at the same time. Keep holding on! You are not alone.

41 minutes ago, cherrysquid said:

مرحبًا@lost4ever 😊

نعم، احتفظ بتحديثاتك في موضوعك. هذه هي الطريقة التي نسهل بها العثور على كل شيء، وهي بمثابة سجل خاص بك، بحيث يمكننا الرجوع إلى المشاركات السابقة عند الحاجة لمتابعة التقدم المحرز وما إلى ذلك.

يؤسفني أنكِ تمرّين بوقت عصيب. كل هذا مُرهِق للغاية، ونحن جميعًا هنا نتفهم إرهاقكِ. ستتحسن الأمور. الوقت والتقبّل هما كل ما بوسعنا فعله.

نحن هنا جميعاً إذا احتجت إلينا ❤️

thanks 🙏🏻

27 minutes ago, Sara said:

@lost4ever أنا آسف جدًا لمعاناتك. اعلم أنك لست وحدك، فالكثيرون في هذا المنتدى يفهمون تمامًا ما تمر به. شخصيًا، أكملتُ ما يقارب 11 شهرًا من التعافي من التوقف المفاجئ عن تناول سيليكسا. ولعلّ هذا يُخفف عنك بعض الشيء، فقد كانت الأشهر الستة إلى الثمانية الأولى جحيمًا حقيقيًا، وهذا أمر شائع في حالات الانسحاب. أنت في بداية رحلتك، لذا أمامك مجال واسع للتحسن. ستشفى، لذا امنح جسمك التغذية والوقت الذي يحتاجه. أنصحك بشدة بتدوين مشاعرك وأعراضك، فهذا سيساعدك على تتبع التحسنات وملاحظة الأنماط. الآن، كل ما يهم هو البقاء. سيمر الوقت، وفي يوم من الأيام ستنظر إلى الوراء وتتساءل كيف مرّ بهذه السرعة والبطء في آنٍ واحد. تمسك بالأمل! لست وحدك.

I wish a speedy recovery for you, for myself, and for all those who are suffering

At 1:00 AM, I felt bored, so I decided to go to the grocery store. I bought my things and felt normal. I ran into an old friend; he talked to me, and we discussed a business project. I was completely normal. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to collapse and felt a strong urge to sit down, but I kept pushing through and continued talking to him, though all I wanted was for the conversation to end. While speaking with him, I felt like his face became strange something I have experienced many times before and I knew it is called depersonalization/derealization.I headed back while feeling tense, riding my motorcycle. I felt as if dimensions were changing, like there was a stutter or fragmentation in my vision, and then everything suddenly disappeared. At home, I relaxed. I became intensely hungry and ate some food while feeling like I had absolutely no energy; this feeling comes for a few minutes and then disappears for an hour.Suddenly, around 5:00 AM, that cursed pain arrived—the one that feels like appendicitis, even though I have done every medical test imaginable and everything came back completely clean. This feeling has accompanied me unpredictably; it disappears for days and then returns. It feels like a nail piercing me.The ringing and buzzing sound in my ears returned, but I am used to it by now, accompanied by a burning sensation under my skin moving from my head to my feet. As I was deep in thought, I imagined how terrified I was during the previous months and how frantically I searched among doctors who didn't know what was wrong with me. All doctors across various specialties tell me I am perfectly healthy. While thinking, a terrifying shape popped into my imagination, as if it was attacking me. I refocused my mind and it vanished. It doesn't terrify me like it used to because the psychiatrist told me these are intrusive images. I haven't searched online for anything that happens anymore because I am mentally and emotionally exhausted.Has anyone else gone through these exact same symptoms?

Thank you all, and I wish you wellness.

I am filled with intense anger because of life's relentless pressures and family conflicts.

My life is already hell, without adding the hell of withdrawal to it.

Withdrawal has become more bearable to me than dealing with life's issues.

I am in dire need of a job.

Is there any guarantee that I won't go crazy, hallucinate, or suffer a catastrophic breakdown if I continue to push myself to the limit at work? I don’t care about the symptoms anymore, but is it actually possible for something like that to happen?

In the midst of my rage over my problems, I began to tremble violently and wanted to scream. I went out to get some things done. Paradoxically, I felt completely normal; I rode my motorcycle naturally and moved from place to place. Unlike my usual self, where I would have to plan ahead out of fear of a hellish anxiety attack, I didn't care. I even lost some money on a failed project and remained unfazed. I actually felt like driving a car and thought about it quite normally—even though for the past 7 years, I have been terrified of it, unable to drive, and traffic jams have been a living hell for me. For context, I used to be a drift driver. Should I just stay angry for these windows to open for me, or what?

I’m always reading, researching symptoms in forums, and talking to doctors. The common consensus I hear is that the heavy, rock-hard symptoms eventually fade out and turn into "windows and waves." But my brain acts like a traffic light with just red and green lights. It's either intense, severe symptoms, or nothing at all—completely black and white. Am I the only one like this?

I woke up completely normal, but I became involuntarily addicted to my phone. I went to work, and the roads I used to fear didn't scare me it felt normal. However, while overtaking a truck on my motorcycle, intrusive thoughts hit me, and I froze, but I still managed to continue my way.

When I arrived at work, the usual symptoms were present, like a burning sensation and electric shocks in my skin, but this time it felt deeper, in the flesh. Then, for a moment, I felt as if I were drunk, even though I haven't consumed alcohol for 11 years. The disturbing thoughts persisted, so I moved to another spot while feeling a heaviness in my movement, and then the symptoms vanished.

Suddenly, I developed a terrifying dread of human faces. I don't know why, but it lasted for two minutes and then went away. Later, while I was thinking about things I needed to do and visualizing them, something suddenly screamed inside my head in my imagination. I cannot even describe the feeling; it was a pure hell of internal screaming from how broken down I felt. I spoke out loud, shouting back at it: 'Scream more! Increase it! Do your worst!'

The voice stopped, but now it comes intermittently appearing for a second, disappearing, and returning after a few minutes. I don't know what this is, but all I know is that I am completely exhausted.

Am I the only one who completely quit the medication ? My symptoms look just like the symptoms of those who tapered down but are still on it.

Why is no one answering?

20 minutes ago, lost4ever said:

Am I the only one who completely quit the medication ? My symptoms look just like the symptoms of those who tapered down but are still on it.

Why is no one answering?

you are not the only one, there are people here who cold turkeyd and suffering badly. or had an ADR.

I believe in you, you will be fine ❣️ The fact you do manage to work and do stuff is very good ❣️

Everyone here is a volunteer in a sense, and we all have our own health issues, it's sometimes hard to comment on everybody's threads as there are a good amount of people here who comment on their threads daily, it's not personal.

I do recommend you work on your coping methods if you haven't already, but again it's fine to have days where we have a hard time, but coping methods can help ❣️

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

Being a human, and dealing with emotions in WD

Lighty's Mindset Strategy

Breath And Meditation

4 hours ago, lost4ever said:

Am I the only one who completely quit the medication ? My symptoms look just like the symptoms of those who tapered down but are still on it.

Why is no one answering?

I went Cold Turkey off Celexa, which I’d been taking for 6, almost 7 years. When I tell you my life was a living hell for 8 months, I’m not joking. I also have 3 small kids and looking back, I have no idea how I cared for them. There are a lot of CT success stories and while tapering is the best option, for some it’s not an option or something they can or are willing to do. I know I couldn’t have stuck out the tapering process, though I wish I could do it all over differently. All this to say, everyone’s story and body are different.

Some do really well with tapering and you’ll not see them here because their life isn’t that affected. Others really struggle, which makes me think CT would’ve never been an option for them. Meanwhile, CT destroyed me but if I’d tapered, it could have gone either way. I’m an all or nothing person, so when I wanted to stop meds, I was DONE. I did not want years of prolonged misery, but from what I’ve read and now experienced, that can happen either way. The only thing we can do is trust our body and the process. I know I will heal, and you will too! I’ve already seen evidence of it, when in the first 8 months, I swore it was over for me. Hang on! Put one foot in front of the other, keep busy, and write here when you’re struggling. It’s better than keeping the thoughts in your head.

12 hours ago, Sara said:

I went Cold Turkey off Celexa, which I’d been taking for 6, almost 7 years. When I tell you my life was a living hell for 8 months, I’m not joking. I also have 3 small kids and looking back, I have no idea how I cared for them. There are a lot of CT success stories and while tapering is the best option, for some it’s not an option or something they can or are willing to do. I know I couldn’t have stuck out the tapering process, though I wish I could do it all over differently. All this to say, everyone’s story and body are different.

Some do really well with tapering and you’ll not see them here because their life isn’t that affected. Others really struggle, which makes me think CT would’ve never been an option for them. Meanwhile, CT destroyed me but if I’d tapered, it could have gone either way. I’m an all or nothing person, so when I wanted to stop meds, I was DONE. I did not want years of prolonged misery, but from what I’ve read and now experienced, that can happen either way. The only thing we can do is trust our body and the process. I know I will heal, and you will too! I’ve already seen evidence of it, when in the first 8 months, I swore it was over for me. Hang on! Put one foot in front of the other, keep busy, and write here when you’re struggling. It’s better than keeping the thoughts in your head.

Here is the translation of your text into English:

---

I wish you a full recovery.

Unfortunately, my treatment was stopped cold turkey 14 times because of my doctor. I am not brave enough to endure the symptoms, but my body rejected all SSRIs.

I have experienced all psychological and physical conditions—truly all of them. I went through:

• Depersonalization

• Derealization

• Severe irritation of the lymphatic system

• Blood pressure fluctuations

• Heart rate (pulse) fluctuations

• Raynaud's phenomenon

• Emotional numbness (loss of feelings)

• Sexual dysfunction

• Constant, terrifying fear

• Panic

• Visual hallucinations

• Auditory hallucinations

• Tinnitus (ringing in the ears)

• Dizziness

• Loss of balance

• Intrusive thoughts

• OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)

• Insomnia

• Hypnic jerks (sleep starts) before falling asleep, reaching up to 25 times

And there are many more, with no room to mention them all.

For the record, when I first started taking the drugs , it was just for mild anxiety and sleep issues.

I don't know why I'm talking about this; I feel like all of this is pointless.

Today, a nervous breakdown drove me to smash anything in front of me—anger over a trivial matter. I wanted to smash my phone, but I just factory reset it instead. I don't know why, but I didn't regret it.

After that, complete brain fog set in, along with violent hypnic jerks before sleep, abdominal cramps, despair, and a fear of any sound—even a whisper makes me startle. I slept for 9 consecutive hours after that. I woke up, and my brain started replaying the events of yesterday. I ate a little food, and I feel some calmness now.

I want to cry but I can't. Am I weak? Am I going crazy? Am I truly crazy and just don't realize it? Did I commit a deep sin to deserve this?

Edited September 20Sep 20 by lost4ever

17 hours ago, Lighty said:

you are not the only one, there are people here who cold turkeyd and suffering badly. or had an ADR.

I believe in you, you will be fine ❣️ The fact you do manage to work and do stuff is very good ❣️

Everyone here is a volunteer in a sense, and we all have our own health issues, it's sometimes hard to comment on everybody's threads as there are a good amount of people here who comment on their threads daily, it's not personal.

I thank you all, and I apologize and deeply appreciate your efforts.

However, sometimes I can be a bit sharp, and this is not my true nature. I know it is nothing personal.

I repeat my apologies.

---

@lost4ever I am sorry you are suffering. We all understand on here. Time and coping skills are key here. Over time, maybe very slowly, this will all get easier for you. Keep the faith it won't always be this way.