6 hours ago, lost4ever said:

I thank you all, and I apologize and deeply appreciate your efforts.

However, sometimes I can be a bit sharp, and this is not my true nature. I know it is nothing personal.

I repeat my apologies.

---

Don't worry about it, we all are/been in the hole of WD, but we fight the long battle and eventually win ❣️

I apologize for talking so much here, but I feel it is much better than talking to myself.

I officially stopped the medication 13 months ago, but I wasn't completely 'clean' from chemicals due to the doctor's continuous attempts to introduce new drugs, which my body violently rejected. The first 8 months were brutal and constant, with physical symptoms being much stronger than the psychological ones. After that, the symptoms started fluctuating, becoming mostly psychological and completely chaotic, starting without any apparent reason. These waves would always begin with a state of hyper-focus, making me feel like I had turned into 'Spider-Man,' and right after that, the severe symptoms would hit.

Now, after 13 months total—including various drug interventions for days and exactly 4 months of being completely clean from any medication, supplements, or even caffeine—I am highly committed to an all-natural diet with zero processed foods. The only thing I haven't quit is smoking; I tried to reduce it, but the symptoms became severely violent.

Lately, external triggers have started bothering me, such as noises, lights, or even sudden movements. So my symptoms have become both random and triggered by these things at the same time. People say this shift is a good sign, but I honestly don't know.

Additionally, moments of joy and relaxation have started to terrify me. I feel an intense aversion to them, and I get a feeling that I am about to die whenever I feel relaxed. I don't know why.

Up until now, this is everything.

2 minutes ago, lost4ever said:

I apologize for talking so much here, but I feel it is much better than talking to myself.

it's okay it's your thread ! you post as you wish ❣️

3 minutes ago, lost4ever said:

Now, after 13 months total—including various drug interventions for days and exactly 4 months of being completely clean from any medication, supplements, or even caffeine—I am highly committed to an all-natural diet with zero processed foods. The only thing I haven't quit is smoking; I tried to reduce it, but the symptoms became severely violent.

sounds good, it's okay that you have one thing left, you still done a lot of work.

4 minutes ago, lost4ever said:

Lately, external triggers have started bothering me, such as noises, lights, or even sudden movements. So my symptoms have become both random and triggered by these things at the same time. People say this shift is a good sign, but I honestly don't know.

Additionally, moments of joy and relaxation have started to terrify me. I feel an intense aversion to them, and I get a feeling that I am about to die whenever I feel relaxed. I don't know why.

again normal, changing symptoms, i see in myself there is this pattern of worsening when getting closer to the shortest day of the year (sunlight wise), and improvement after the shortest day as the days get longer and approach the longest day of the year.

4 minutes ago, Lighty said:

it's okay it's your thread ! you post as you wish ❣️

❤️

again normal, changing symptoms, i see in myself there is this pattern of worsening when getting closer to the shortest day of the year (sunlight wise), and improvement after the shortest day as the days get longer and approach the longest day of the year.

Me too i notice that

14 hours ago, lost4ever said:

Here is the translation of your text into English:

---

I wish you a full recovery.

Unfortunately, my treatment was stopped cold turkey 14 times because of my doctor. I am not brave enough to endure the symptoms, but my body rejected all SSRIs.

I have experienced all psychological and physical conditions—truly all of them. I went through:

• Depersonalization

• Derealization

• Severe irritation of the lymphatic system

• Blood pressure fluctuations

• Heart rate (pulse) fluctuations

• Raynaud's phenomenon

• Emotional numbness (loss of feelings)

• Sexual dysfunction

• Constant, terrifying fear

• Panic

• Visual hallucinations

• Auditory hallucinations

• Tinnitus (ringing in the ears)

• Dizziness

• Loss of balance

• Intrusive thoughts

• OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder)

• Insomnia

• Hypnic jerks (sleep starts) before falling asleep, reaching up to 25 times

And there are many more, with no room to mention them all.

For the record, when I first started taking the drugs , it was just for mild anxiety and sleep issues.

Sounds like you had an awful doctor! That is unfair and I’m sorry you’ve experienced the worst of the medical system. I can assure you that I’ve experienced most, if not all of your mentioned symptoms recently or currently. I didn’t have any mental health struggles before Celexa and was actually put on it for a then unknown stomach condition. I CT 3 times technically and all were awful, so I have an idea what you’re experiencing. You are not crazy and what you’re experiencing is real. You also have done nothing to deserve it. Sadly, we are victims of a medical system that doesn’t know everything. One day because of us, psychiatric drugs will be prescribed with more care and hesitancy. What you’re feeling now is unfortunately normal and WILL end one day. Please hang on! You’re experiencing neuro-emotions which makes everything you’re feeling hurt 10-fold. This will pass.

Morning

Things are miserable, as always. I’ve completely lost myself. My bones ache with a feeling like a severe cold. I know it isn’t a cold, and I won’t take any medication because it’s useless. Even the anger toward the people who caused this has vanished. My lymphatic system is swollen. I feel afraid for no reason. I was explaining people's behaviors to my daughter, and she said, 'Exactly like you—always sick.' She’s just a child; she doesn't understand. I'm sorry, my lovely daughter, this isn't because of me. I used to wish I could cry; now I can, but I won't, because it won't change anything.

@lost4ever I am very sorry to hear this. Please know you are not alone.

2 hours ago, lost4ever said:

Morning

Things are miserable, as always. I’ve completely lost myself. My bones ache with a feeling like a severe cold. I know it isn’t a cold, and I won’t take any medication because it’s useless. Even the anger toward the people who caused this has vanished. My lymphatic system is swollen. I feel afraid for no reason. I was explaining people's behaviors to my daughter, and she said, 'Exactly like you—always sick.' She’s just a child; she doesn't understand. I'm sorry, my lovely daughter, this isn't because of me. I used to wish I could cry; now I can, but I won't, because it won't change anything.

Sending some love @lost4ever

I know you stopped other medications a while ago, but you've been drug-free for 4 months.

That's very early days, so it's not surprising that everything is very difficult. That said, there are some small, encouraging early signs, such as sometimes getting good nights with plenty of sleep, and symptoms coming and going.

Hopefully in time you will begin to improve further.

3 hours ago, lost4ever said:

Things are miserable, as always. I’ve completely lost myself. My bones ache with a feeling like a severe cold. I know it isn’t a cold, and I won’t take any medication because it’s useless. Even the anger toward the people who caused this has vanished. My lymphatic system is swollen. I feel afraid for no reason. I was explaining people's behaviors to my daughter, and she said, 'Exactly like you—always sick.' She’s just a child; she doesn't understand. I'm sorry, my lovely daughter, this isn't because of me. I used to wish I could cry; now I can, but I won't, because it won't change anything.

I’m sorry to hear this. Children just say things like that sometimes. Weren’t we like that ourselves? I remember saying the same kind of thing to my mother when I was young; she suffered from chronic depression and never touched medication. I can tell you’re a kind father. It will be okay. ❤️

Thank you for your kind words. I wish everyone a speedy recovery. What exhausts me the most are the psychological symptoms, such as racing thoughts that do not feel like my own—as if a fast-forwarded reel of thoughts is being displayed in front of me, or hearing screaming inside my head, or feeling like I am going to lose control. My foolish doctor kept telling me that these are not psychotic symptoms and that I am in control, but I want to know: are these symptoms normal during withdrawal?

1 hour ago, lost4ever said:

Thank you for your kind words. I wish everyone a speedy recovery. What exhausts me the most are the psychological symptoms, such as racing thoughts that do not feel like my own—as if a fast-forwarded reel of thoughts is being displayed in front of me, or hearing screaming inside my head, or feeling like I am going to lose control. My foolish doctor kept telling me that these are not psychotic symptoms and that I am in control, but I want to know: are these symptoms normal during withdrawal?

Hey @lost4ever, these are absolutely normal withdrawal symptoms. I’ve dealt with racing thoughts and feeling like I’m right on the brink of losing my mind. And I’ve definitely heard from others who have had auditory hallucinations like hearing screaming or music that isn’t there or someone calling their name for example. You’re definitely not alone 💜

Again, the way to go is coping skills, symptoms are an illusion, you are not dying, and your nervous system is sending false messages, better to stop analyzing and believing the random symptoms you get everyday and just let them happen, surrender to them and let them do as they want, and you do as you can.

On 9/19/2026 at 11:59 AM, Lighty said:

I do recommend you work on your coping methods if you haven't already, but again it's fine to have days where we have a hard time, but coping methods can help ❣️

Acceptance is key - Why does acceptance feel impossible?

Being a human, and dealing with emotions in WD

Lighty's Mindset Strategy

Breath And Meditation

again, work on your mindset ❣️ not worry about the symptoms that will happen anyways ❣️

A moment of realization that I hope is wrong: 14 years ago—3 years before I ingested the poison—I suffered from physical problems: very heavy sleep that I couldn't easily wake up from, as well as mild depression and discomfort in crowded areas. I had a business trip coming up, so I did a comprehensive checkup, and my D3 level was only 3. They informed me it was low and that I needed sun exposure, but I was already getting plenty of sun, to the point of looking 'crispy'. Is it possible that the cause was this vitamin deficiency, or something else?

A year ago, I raised my vitamin D3 level using injections until it reached 39, and now it has dropped to 12. I want to raise it again, but I am afraid of the reaction, keeping in mind that I have a severe reaction to B12 and Magnesium Glycinate. What do you advise me?

42 minutes ago, Lighty said:

Again, the way to go is coping skills, symptoms are an illusion, you are not dying, and your nervous system is sending false messages, better to stop analyzing and believing the random symptoms you get everyday and just let them happen, surrender to them and let them do as they want, and you do as you can.

again, work on your mindset ❣️ not worry about the symptoms that will happen anyways ❣️

Before I knew it was because of the medication, they used to diagnose me with anxiety, which then turned into GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), then OCD was added, and later PSSD (Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction). I self-taught CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention), and NSDR (Non-Sleep Deep Rest). These made my symptoms shift from being a solid, unmoving rock to being fluctuating. However, the waves now hit me as a complete package: a sound accompanied by fear, along with a hyper-focus on it. In that exact moment, I know what it is, but I can't control it—it's as if my reaction happens completely on its own

---

Just to document my daily symptoms: In my last post, I mentioned that I had a cold, but it wasn't a cold. I experienced severe sweating, after which it completely went away along with pain in my bones. Following that, I had a period of relief for an hour, but then my thoughts began racing as if they were competing against time, accompanied by cramps in my stomach. I wanted to return home, but I pushed through and stayed at work. Then, my thoughts started fluctuating and my derealization became severe. Afterward, I rode my motorcycle and stopped to walk for a bit. As usual with my old symptoms, when I stop and get off to walk, I feel like I am still moving forward. I accepted it and told myself I wouldn't fall. I walked for a short while and then continued my way back home. I arrived home—or rather, my safe zone—and then suddenly, a nervous breakdown was triggered by a simple sound, lasting for half an hour. Each time, it would drag me down with it. This time, I accepted it; I didn't try to stop it, and I wasn't afraid of it. The beautiful thing this month is that neither my sleep nor my appetite is affected by what happens—it's normal. After the episode ends, I can eat or sleep. It annoys me, yes, and sometimes delays my schedule, but it doesn't prevent me from doing them.I suffer from a lack of desire to drink water; I don't know why. Mind you, there are times when I drink water as if I am in a marathon. I try to drink a little bit whenever I remember.I try to compensate for fluids by using warm peppermint tea.My hatred and despair have returned; it's a good thing they returned in the morning, as they had disappeared.Today, on the 3rd or 4th day, sounds and lights have started affecting me—either causing anger and irritation or igniting an episode.This is what happened today, as far as I can remember

My life has become like a broken boat in the middle of a raging sea; there is no solution but to hope I reach land, without any power to control it.I do not regret stopping the medication at all.I do not regret taking the medication either.I have made peace with everything.

29 minutes ago, lost4ever said:

I have made peace with everything.

that's good, i used to be mad, i got so injured from short term use where i was forced to take drugs cause i was bed bound and because i had emotional symptoms as well, they made it into a "I made it up" thing, but being angry at the past solves nothing.

Just accepting symptoms makes it way less sufferable cause you are not resisting reality.

The symptoms used to come one at a time during a single wave, lasting for weeks. Now, they come all at once, fluctuating throughout the entire day as if I’m stuck on a Ferris wheel.

I don't recognize my own face, nor do I recognize my voice. I have abdominal cramps, and a feeling that everything is foreign. I experience swellings on my scalp, irritability, a burning sensation in my flesh, a feeling of being cross-eyed, twitching in my facial muscles, and tinnitus. I have moderate fear, a complete loss of emotion, and pain at the base of my brain. I feel like my head and ears are a pressure cooker about to explode. There's a loss of balance, thoughts that aren't mine, intense thirst, dry eyes, a runny nose, and a cold-like feeling—all occurring at the exact same time.

How I hate the warnings: 'Call the emergency room,' 'Don't be alone,' 'See a doctor,' 'Call the hotline.' What hotline are you talking about? 'You can endure this,' 'You can handle it.' Go back to the clinic that used to taper my medication too fast, only to put me right back on the full dose? My doctor admits these aren't psychiatric symptoms, but at the same time, he denies they are caused by the medication. He says the symptoms will end in two weeks. He doesn't know that if my symptoms were a TV show, I am currently in Season 11, and my brain wants to renew it for more seasons.

I have started calling this combined wave 'The Great Healing Wave.' It seems that giving it this name has made it less psychologically heavy for me.

Exhausted

I'm sorry @lost4ever. This will not be forever. We're here for you.

My biological clock regulated itself, and I slept for more than 10 hours of deep sleep, during which I only woke up twice for less than a minute each time. However, I know the hellish wave is coming; I’ve experienced this before after periods of long, deep sleep.

I woke up feeling normal and went out to have some tea in the garden. I heard the sounds of children in the morning, and my brain immediately told me, 'You are hallucinating.' I ignored it, but it was annoying. Afterward, I actually saw them; they spoke to me, and one of them brought me two pieces of cake—it was a very sweet gesture from them.

Then, my brain started questioning and doubting everything: 'You are imagining things' or 'This is a dream.' This symptom(intrusive skepticism/doubt)is entirely new to me; I've never had it before.

Also, I have no desire to shower anymore. It has been 3 or 4 days now. To give you some context, I used to shower at least once a day, but I don't know why it feels so incredibly heavy now.

I am hungry right now, so I will prepare some food for myself and then head to work.

I wish you all a full recovery and a beautiful morning.

On 9/21/2026 at 11:10 AM, lost4ever said:

Thank you for your kind words. I wish everyone a speedy recovery. What exhausts me the most are the psychological symptoms, such as racing thoughts that do not feel like my own—as if a fast-forwarded reel of thoughts is being displayed in front of me, or hearing screaming inside my head, or feeling like I am going to lose control. My foolish doctor kept telling me that these are not psychotic symptoms and that I am in control, but I want to know: are these symptoms normal during withdrawal?

They're normal withdrawal symptoms to the point that they're pretty much "classic" symptoms of it.

2 hours ago, lost4ever said:

My biological clock regulated itself, and I slept for more than 10 hours of deep sleep, during which I only woke up twice for less than a minute each time. However, I know the hellish wave is coming; I’ve experienced this before after periods of long, deep sleep.

Long, deep sleep at all at a few months off, and better periods at all at a few months off are both really positive signs of improvement.

Hopefully in time you will have more consistent, decent nights of sleep without worse days afterwards.

I’m rambling just like every other day. My day fluctuates as usual, going up and down. My stupid brain keeps discovering new things—for instance, realizing that I have eyes, or that shadows exist, or noticing that there is motion when I walk. I've gotten used to it.The terrifying thoughts that had disappeared for a long time came back 3 days ago, and they returned today as well. I noticed something: these thoughts drain my energy far more than any other symptom. It’s a frightening exhaustion, even when I try my best to stay relaxed.I have 3 patterns of symptoms:A mild, continuous pattern that fluctuates wildly throughout the same day, flaring up and burning out instantly.A moderate, weekly pattern, like a signal light—it’s either on or off.A severe pattern, which is what I experienced during the first 8 months. Now, this pattern rarely happens, lasting no more than 8 hours before disappearing. It starts relatively slowly and fades away only after leaving me completely exhausted.The symptoms are still fluctuating. I cannot use behavioral therapy; any fear I manage to overcome just comes back again. I am now convinced it is purely chemical.We just have to be patient.

2 hours ago, lost4ever said:

We just have to be patient.

Exactly, patience and acceptance, we will make it through, it's only symptoms and not reality ❣️

Good morning. Everyone tells me that sleep is good and helps with healing. This month, my sleep has become a full 8 to 10 hours, but when it improved, my symptoms got worse. I don't know why, especially the thoughts.