On 8/17/2026 at 11:38 PM, Lighty said:

Also I started having an issue with blood going out sometimes when i go to the toilet, first was in stains but now more noticeable, not sure if it's hemorrhoids or something else, either way I have an appointment to a gastric doctor in 9 days, and trying to treat it as a hemorrhoid in the meantime.

The bleeding I had, had resolved by itself with a bit more care on my end, i cancelled my appointment cause it was more of an appointment due to it feeling like something that needs to be checked immediately.

Still dealing with the usual fatigue but not expecting it to go anywhere for quite a bit of time.

47 minutes ago, Lighty said:

The bleeding I had, had resolved by itself with a bit more care on my end, i cancelled my appointment cause it was more of an appointment due to it feeling like something that needs to be checked immediately.

Still dealing with the usual fatigue but not expecting it to go anywhere for quite a bit of time.

So glad to hear it sorted itself out! Still a checkup might not be a bad idea just for peace of mind.

Hope that fatigue kicks off soon!

Just now, Fullhealing said:

So glad to hear it sorted itself out! Still a checkup might not be a bad idea just for peace of mind.

I might but it's not urgent now and it was a random doctor appointment, my mom and brother have a better gastric doctor that has phone appointments and works on fridays, would be more convenient.

Sending some love mate, x

Had today one of the shittiest days of my life, crazy dyskinesia, at times dead exhausted then forced to move by dyskinesia, sometimes overstimulated like crazy, was bad at early day, mid day was okayish and then evening was also so bad, was so bad to a point i couldn't even meditate or anything cause i had no control over my breath, being dead exhausted and then uncontrolled movements while still being basically almost fully paralysed, at least it's over for now.

Edited August 31Aug 31 by Lighty

I'm so sorry, @Lighty . But as you said at least its over for now. Can you think of any trigger or did it come out of the blue? Or has it been building up for a while?

1 minute ago, mstimc60 said:

Can you think of any trigger or did it come out of the blue?

probably out of the blue, wave started yesterday evening, being more sensitive to things im usually not that sensitive to don't count as triggers since I usually tolerate them more fine. once the nervous system is unaligned, you can react to almost anything.

5 minutes ago, Lighty said:

once the nervous system is unaligned, you can react to almost anything.

That's very true and the fact you can embrace that will help keep you on track to get past it. But it sucks while we're in it!

crying, no breath control, drooling, dyskinesia, feeling like dying.

my CNS actually flipped on it's head this night/evening with the most crazy **** symptoms ever, everything just went to ****, i couldn't take it anymore, with all my coping methods experience, i hope i get to sleep and maybe improve tomorrow, i just want my life to be semi proper, i don't get why i deserve this, what did i do deserving this.

1 hour ago, Lighty said:

crying, no breath control, drooling, dyskinesia, feeling like dying.

my CNS actually flipped on it's head this night/evening with the most crazy **** symptoms ever, everything just went to ****, i couldn't take it anymore, with all my coping methods experience, i hope i get to sleep and maybe improve tomorrow, i just want my life to be semi proper, i don't get why i deserve this, what did i do deserving this.

I'm so sorry, @Lighty . But you know the symptoms are only temporary. None of us deserve this suffering, especially when it comes from out of nowhere, but you will recover. I hope you are being kind and patient with yourself till you get past this window.

my main worry is I might have something nurological that was not diagnosed that started in 2024, and it just maybe progresses, the thing is im not hesitating to go to hospital cause I really don't trust them, and I have no energy on top of that, and they could mess up mirtazapine potentially, there is always the chance they couldn't really do anything except more drugs.

Also the chance they will just put me in a psych ward and injure me further.

I hope i could be in a normal state one day.

Edited September 12Sep 12 by Lighty

to be fair the wave now seems to feel like now like the wave I had a year ago, like somehow i got all the progress a way and im feeling the same way as a year ago.

Lots of love to you @Lighty, you will get through this wave just like you got through the last one. My thoughts are with you today.

I don't know what's going to happen to me, i might end up in a very bad way, ill update when i can.

1 minute ago, Lighty said:

I don't know what's going to happen to me, i might end up in a very bad way, ill update when i can.

Take each moment as it comes. Try not to project into a future that doesn't exist yet--the anxious mind always wants to go to the worst possible outcome but that almost never happens. Positive thoughts going out to you my friend!

18 minutes ago, Lighty said:

I don't know what's going to happen to me, i might end up in a very bad way, ill update when i can.

I'm sorry things are feeling turbulent atm @Lighty remember that however deceptive this wave feels it can't overshadow the amazing progress you are making!

Keep accepting as much as possible and keep being strong, it will pass as always.

🤍 שנה טובה וקלה ככל האפשר

Im doing better now, just been wild that's it.

33 minutes ago, Lighty said:

Im doing better now, just been wild that's it.

Glad youre feeling better @Lighty ❤️

i slept great, woke up, dread and dyskinesia started, been getting worse, i might need to rely a bit on Lavender tea.

maybe winter is slowly coming and the days are getting shorter which makes me worse...

I have this general pattern since before drugs even. that i get worse when the days get shorter, and then i start getting better when days become longer after December 20th, with longest day being around June 20th

4 hours ago, Lighty said:

i slept great, woke up, dread and dyskinesia started, been getting worse, i might need to rely a bit on Lavender tea.

Sorry to hear @Lighty. I hope the tea helps and that you get some relief as the day goes on.

4 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

Sorry to hear @Lighty. I hope the tea helps and that you get some relief as the day goes on.

at the end i didn't need the tea, it calmed down on it's own, im now just mostly tired and feeling like i have cognitive dysfunction in a way.

On 9/11/2026 at 9:44 PM, Lighty said:

crying, no breath control, drooling, dyskinesia, feeling like dying.

my CNS actually flipped on it's head this night/evening with the most crazy **** symptoms ever, everything just went to ****, i couldn't take it anymore, with all my coping methods experience, i hope i get to sleep and maybe improve tomorrow, i just want my life to be semi proper, i don't get why i deserve this, what did i do deserving this.

Nobody deserves this, and definitely not you.

Yesterday I still had remnants of the wave but today I seem out of it.

I don't seem to really get dependency on the Lavender tea, so I can use it as needed.

Another thing I wanted to mention, I will be getting a referral to a movement disorders specialized unit in Sheba hospital, so I could get more tests, I also bet they won't be as stupid there as it's specialized neurologists but i will be testing them myself, regardless it would be good to get a proper diagnosis of dyskinesia and I could always see what I could do from there.

Edited September 15Sep 15 by Lighty

1 hour ago, Lighty said:

Yesterday I still had remnants of the wave but today I seem out of it.

Happy to hear this Lighty.

1 hour ago, Lighty said:

Another thing I wanted to mention, I will be getting a referral to a movement disorders specialized unit in Sheba hospital, so I could get more tests, I also bet they won't be as stupid there as it's specialized neurologists but i will be testing them myself, regardless it would be good to get a proper diagnosis of dyskinesia and I could always see what I could do from there.

Sounds potentially promising. I know that you know to be cautious around doctors, so I won't give you my usual warnings! Keep us updated 😊

I will likely be worse and less active in the coming 3 months.

The pattern of worsening after the longest day of the year and improving after the shortest day still proves itself, tho it is easier in February vs October for instance since there is negative adaptation on October vs positive one on February.

This has been a thing since my original condition manifested in 2024.

my best period is in the spring.

Edited September 18Sep 18 by Lighty