How does someone survive this when it’s this brutal everyday for 2 years and I just got through a divorce, have massive financial pressure and feel horrible in all levels every single day - massive Chemical depression anxiety and fear, weaping constantly, dizzy, tired, hopeless all to existential levels. The advice I get from my taper coach is “just hang on” and I don’t think I can anymore . It’s more than I think anyone realizes.

@Need to End im sorry to read. Your coach is broadly correct. In many ways this is a journey of survival. The healing will happen, we must stay here for it to happen. You are much stronger than you think. It won’t always be this way. Coping skills are very important though. It can vary from person to person which works best and at what point in the journey. Distraction & acceptance are two of the core ones. I think you are doing incredibly well imo! Hang in there! You will be proud of yourself looking back at this. 👊🛡️⚔️

33 minutes ago, Need to End said:

How does someone survive this when it’s this brutal everyday for 2 years and I just got through a divorce, have massive financial pressure and feel horrible in all levels every single day - massive Chemical depression anxiety and fear, weaping constantly, dizzy, tired, hopeless all to existential levels. The advice I get from my taper coach is “just hang on” and I don’t think I can anymore . It’s more than I think anyone realizes.

There is no escaping the brutality of the journey unfortunately @Need to End everyone in their different circumstances suffers here and understands you deeply.

Even if very long, it is still temporary.

Hang in there, you are much stronger than you think, you are constantly proving it to yourself.

Edited May 9May 9 by Fullhealing

4 hours ago, Need to End said:

Ty for this and ty for caring enough to even share. I will try. I honestly don’t know how to do this tbh. Like when I feel massive fear and anxiety mentally and physically or I vomit I don’t know how to not stress about it but I would love tj not

@Need to End It's not about adding in more strategies, it's about allowing things to be as they are. Your constant stressing has created a lot of resistance. Even if you can just feel the resistance without doing anything about it even for a moment it's a start. Your body is seeking feelings of safety and the less you fuel the reactions the body will relax even if only a little. It's not an easy fix, it's incremental practice over time which will help. There's a lot of YouTube videos on allowing and acceptance

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

@Need to End im sorry to read. Your coach is broadly correct. In many ways this is a journey of survival. The healing will happen, we must stay here for it to happen. You are much stronger than you think. It won’t always be this way. Coping skills are very important though. It can vary from person to person which works best and at what point in the journey. Distraction & acceptance are two of the core ones. I think you are doing incredibly well imo! Hang in there! You will be proud of yourself looking back at this. 👊🛡️⚔️

💯 This!

@Chippy is right.

To put it even more bluntly, the alternative to hanging on is to not hang on.

You have no choices other than those, or to experiment with more drugs and this typically is like throwing gasoline on the fire, so you'll not find many recommending this. Another choice would be to come off of the drug more quickly and deal with the fallout, but it can get a LOT worse, so again you will find few recommending this either.

Thank you all. This helps and I appreciate it.

Someone sent me a video of someone. Talking about ssri withdrawal and she said so many end their lives in withdrawal and she said she’s in 7th year of protracted withdrawal.

The severity of my situation makes me feel like I’ll be one of those stats - either end it or I’ll suffer for years and years. I dknt know how tj deal with that fear . I’ve been holed up in bed all day full of anxiety

2 hours ago, Need to End said:

Thank you all. This helps and I appreciate it.

Someone sent me a video of someone. Talking about ssri withdrawal and she said so many end their lives in withdrawal and she said she’s in 7th year of protracted withdrawal.

The severity of my situation makes me feel like I’ll be one of those stats - either end it or I’ll suffer for years and years. I dknt know how tj deal with that fear . I’ve been holed up in bed all day full of anxiety

With all due respect to whoever came up with that “statistic”, it’s nonsense. If significant numbers of people ended their lives in WD, there’d be untold numbers dying every day. 25% of the US population has dealt with depression or anxiety. That’s more than 87 million people. If just 20 percent took a med for it, that’s 17. 5 million. If even a fraction of those died in withdrawal, it’d be tens of thousands of people. I think we’d hear about it. Also, I’m not aware of any study or research on deaths linked to AD withdrawal, probably because it would be impossible to link a specific person’s cause of death to AD withdrawal. Withdrawal can be terrible, but it’s not a death sentence.

My advice would be to stop this kind of research. An anxious mind will find the worst possible news, exaggerate it, and then make seem inevitable. By staying in bed all day, you’ve left yourself alone with your ruminations and fears. You need to come up with some simple distractions to break the cycle of negative thinking.

3 hours ago, Need to End said:

Someone sent me a video of someone. Talking about ssri withdrawal and she said so many end their lives in withdrawal and she said she’s in 7th year of protracted withdrawal.

It’s good to not watch these kinds of videos. It is true some do end up taking their lives but this is not what happens to most. Just a few very sad cases. Most recover in 2-3 years and go onto to live good lives. Some are in it for longer but it gets easier for them over that time and most will go onto recover too in the coming years. I’m not so sure people never recover just some take much longer than is fair and have not recovered yet.

4 hours ago, Need to End said:

The severity of my situation makes me feel like I’ll be one of those stats - either end it or I’ll suffer for years and years. I dknt know how tj deal with that fear . I’ve been holed up in bed all day full of anxiety

You are experiencing neuro anxiety. This is chemical. Main thing is to not feed it with stress or negative videos and stories. We all have an element of uncertainty about our healing trajectory but we will heal. We must keep our minds on positive things and trust our bodies to get better again. There is nothing to gain worrying or feeding the worry with negative content.

You are doing much better than you think.

The challenge is I’m so depressed and scared I find it impossible to get up and out.

8 hours ago, Need to End said:

The challenge is I’m so depressed and scared I find it impossible to get up and out.

Sometimes the best we can do is hunker down and ride out the symptoms. But you can recover. It takes time and patience, and a good dose of self-forgiveness. You have some options even if you can't leave your home right now. There are simple distraction and physical coping techniques you can do that will set you on the right path.

Edited May 10May 10 by mstimc60

You can't really know what will happen past 0mg.

Second-guessing whether you'll take a huge amount of time to recover or not, before you've reached a state where you have no drugs in your system but your body isn't recovering at a reasonable pace, is not productive, even though I realise that it is daunting to think about.

Some people can and do recover relatively quickly once they are off of medications.

Ok - so it’s normal for me to be this panicked and depressed at this Stage? Tired and when I look at my face i look older and tired. Is this all normal?

36 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ok - so it’s normal for me to be this panicked and depressed at this Stage? Tired and when I look at my face i look older and tired. Is this all normal?

Yes, unfortunately, it’s absolutely normal. Your central nervous system is working hard to rebalance itself, and that can be stressful. And we all know stress can take a physical toll, including our appearance. As @Chippy said, it’s a chemical process that needs to adjust, and it will. And as he said, you can help it rebalance by doing things to calm your mind and relax your body. You will get through this!

Ok I feel like I just can’t relax and still have to work and survive. This is absolutely horrid and. It just keeps going. I’m a t 2.06mg rn. The thought of giving up is nearly constant and I hate it. I’m not trying to be a pain asking all these questions . It’s just brutal and I don’t see an end in sight. If I drift to sleep I wake to panic. Like there’s no break

I understand and we’re here to support you on the journey. I worked through my WD as well and it’s was very difficult at times. One thing you might want to try is called “Doing what you came to do”. When you get to work, tell yourself you are there to work and invasive thoughts will have to wait. You’re no trying to overcome or fight the thoughts; that gives them more power. You’re just defining some space for you to work. When you feel the thoughts begin to intrude, just remind yourself you’re there to do what you came to do.

Ok I’ll try that.

I’m so scared that I’m 47, behind now, and alone forever which I never feared not even a year ago. I also am so keyed up at work I vomit for the past 2 weeks. I’m open to trying it’s just the reality is the obstacles are so freaking high I cannot se over them. This entourage of challenges at the same time make me feel like my life wasn’t meant to be after all. Like who gets through all these things I’m facing and back to the top of their game at this time of life.

Most people do recover and lead satisfying lives. When I was a mentor on SA, a member cussed me out for offering false hope and swore he’d never get better. A few months later he posted that he was doing better. About a year later he felt he’d recovered. If you start working on even small coping methods, you will help yourself immensely. One thing you can do that requires zero effort is to stop constantly checking the Internet. I know you’re looking for reassurance, but the anxious mind will always gravitate towards the worst possible information.

BTW, I was 45 when I went through WD and recovery. You’re not too hold and you still have a future.

Ty you have been so kind to me and this whole commminity has been. And none of you have to.

This is helpful.

So you were 48 when you were through it? Do you feel your life is back on track where it was prior to withdrawal?

9 hours ago, Need to End said:

So you were 48 when you were through it? Do you feel your life is back on track where it was prior to withdrawal?

Yes! I actually feel I'm much better able to handle the ups and downs of life than I was even before I started taking Paxil. Going through this has taught me how to handle the things that put me on meds in the first place, and that has been a huge gift in my life. You can come out of this a stronger and more resilient person!

Guys I keep being told to do something else or more to fix this. Today I didn’t leave the house for the 3rd day. It feels so much more serious than withdrawal. I’m scared

15 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Guys I keep being told to do something else or more to fix this. Today I didn’t leave the house for the 3rd day. It feels so much more serious than withdrawal. I’m scared

Who’s telling you to do something else and what are they telling you to do?

My daughter my ex wife - they are saying to try a different medication etc….

Part of me believes them because this is so ridiculously difficult and I’m losing everything around me slowly because of this .

That’s to be expected. People who’ve never experienced WD think another pill is the answer, and it’s not. They mean well but another med may just make things worse. You may want to show them this site and share some of the WD stories with them.

You can recover but it will take time and effort. As we’ve advised before, start with little things. Just go outside into your backyard for a few minutes. Locking yourself away for three days left you alone with your ruminations. Now it’s time to try something else.

Ok - also is it normal to start to get paranoid that I’ve had lifelong depression?

It gets confusing because I know I’ve felt down before and dealt with anxiety but I don’t recall anything close to this but I keep hearing about people who are just depressed lifelong and I’m scared that’s me after 2 years of this