The days were better but not true windows. I still have the new baseline of constant bouncing and rocking sensations that vary in intensity.

Yesterday I felt like there had been a mistake with my scales or something because it felt so cold turkey like, but I could access myself again as the day went on even with the withdrawal feeling. Laughing and chatting with Mom.

Now I’m waking up to the nightmare feeling, vibrating, deeply nervous with gloom and dread. Over the top bouncing sensations. Terror rising.

Slept total of 9 hours.

Sometimes I feel more nightmare like and terror after I sleep well.

9 hours ago, Chippy said:

Lots of love Dear @Finni you had better days, I would hold onto that, keep everything steady and wait for more better days to come. xxxxx

It’s just so hard to know that these particular symptoms are new. Such horrible pressure and feeling deeply “electrocuted” for hours and hours - to the point of needing to scream.

And the bouncing and rocking sensations that are over the top.

Very weird, bizarre thoughts.

I am so sorry to read this @Finni. I have been following your journey. You are often in my thoughts because I know how immensely you suffer. It helps me to continue my journey because I think "If Finni can endure her symptoms then I can endure mine too"

Thank you @Sminismoni ❤️❤️

The last 7 weeks have really been over the top.

13 hours ago, Finni said:

Thank you @Sminismoni ❤️❤️

The last 7 weeks have really been over the top.

You are so strong and I agree with @Sminismoni an amazing example to others. I believe in your healing, I know in time things will ease. xxxx

Jules, with your whole back feeling like it’s shaking, the burning, pressure, electricity, vestibular overload, and the fact that this is among the most intense days you’ve had, I think you’ve reached the point where you need another human to take over the next step with you.

You do not have to decide whether this is medication, migraine, vestibular, neurological, or autonomic before getting help. And you do not have to wait for the outpatient scheduler to call back.

Because your mom doesn’t know what to do either, I would make the next move very concrete: call either your PCP’s office/on-call line or a medical ER and say, “This is the most severe it has been. I have extreme head/body pressure, severe disequilibrium, widespread electrical/burning sensations, and my back feels like it is shaking. I am struggling to think clearly.” Ask them where they want you evaluated today.

If you become unable to walk safely, feel faint, develop new weakness or trouble speaking, or your safety answer changes from “no,” use 911.

For this minute, stop trying to solve the whole thing. Sit or lie somewhere stable, keep your mom right there, and make one call.

It feels like I took a sugar pill last night instead if mirt.

This is terrifying. I’ve been in a constant earthquake feeling since early this morning.

Horribly nervous and tight and pounding and hot with my skin blotching all over. Chills and barbed wire feelings, even down into my shins.

I'm so sorry @Finni, we're all there with you 💜🫂❤️‍🩹

The amount of electricity in my body just seems to keep getting worse.

Indescribably deep and agitating with constant bouncing and rocking sensations

Woke up feeling peaceful with calm body then it all starts ramping as the day goes on.

@LostinCanada

@Chippy

I’m assuming the constant deep agitating electricity is kindling and from mirt being so activating.

Does anyone get all the way off or lower their dose and still have the electricity if they’re dealing with kindling?

Or does lowering the offender enough help?

I don’t know how to live like this

It’s been eight weeks since the disruption. Things started getting much worse at about four weeks after the disruption and now the electricity has gotten worse in the last week.

Eight weeks ago I tried to reduce because I was feeling so incredibly floaty and sick every other day

Now, every other day, the electricity makes me feel like I’m going to lose my mind and the other days feel like I’m cold turkey

I need off of this medication or at least to be able to reduce it

Adele framer thought that Depakote was OK at low doses and I have the liquid, but I just haven’t had the courage to take it

Edited September 15Sep 15 by Finni

I experienced electricity when I halted Mirtazapine. Not immediately but after a short while after. Later too, but just a few times.

I don't know about specific symptoms but some have never had a break from symptoms till they were completely off or on much lower doses of their drugs. Others have taken 3 years to stabilize. There is no logic or reason to any of it.

As far as depakote goes, could it make you worse?, possibly, could it help?, possibly.

There are no guarantees and only you can decide the risks.

I am so sorry that I have nothing concrete for you @Finni

❤️🙏

15 minutes ago, The Dust said:

I experienced electricity when I halted Mirtazapine. Not immediately but after a short while after. Later too, but just a few times.

Thank you. Did you have electricity while on it, as well?

25 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

I don't know about specific symptoms but some have never had a break from symptoms till they were completely off or on much lower doses of their drugs. Others have taken 3 years to stabilize. There is no logic or reason to any of it.

As far as depakote goes, could it make you worse?, possibly, could it help?, possibly.

There are no guarantees and only you can decide the risks.

I am so sorry that I have nothing concrete for you @Finni

❤️🙏

I seem to get more reactive to Mirtazapine the more times I’ve made a change.

That’s a really awful place to be.

Painted myself into a corner, it seems.

24 minutes ago, Finni said:

Thank you. Did you have electricity while on it, as well?

No, not at all.

37 minutes ago, Finni said:

I seem to get more reactive to Mirtazapine the more times I’ve made a change.

That’s a really awful place to be.

Painted myself into a corner, it seems.

Don't forget, not many days ago you felt better. Hold on to that. 💯

9 hours ago, Finni said:

I seem to get more reactive to Mirtazapine the more times I’ve made a change.

I think this is the problem Finni, the more you make changes the more irritation the nervous system has to endure. You have had some better days, those are good signs, making more changes now or adding in additional drugs seems very risky to me.

5 hours ago, Chippy said:

I think this is the problem Finni, the more you make changes the more irritation the nervous system has to endure. You have had some better days, those are good signs, making more changes now or adding in additional drugs seems very risky to me.

The constant carnival ride is mostly what makes this feel unbearable

Up down , side to side, backwards, it’s just too much

I asked ChatGPT for its take

looking across the pattern you’ve described—not just this morning—I see a nervous system that is still changing, but a medication situation that deserves active reassessment rather than an indefinite hold with no plan.

Before July 22, you were already having floaty/spongy days and activation, but the July dose disruption was followed by a distinctly different period: much more bouncing/rocking, deep electricity, internal agitation and those prolonged “locked-on” states. Since then, there have been meaningful fluctuations and periods when you felt more like yourself—even genuine happiness recently—so I don’t see one relentlessly fixed state. But the vestibular piece has become more persistent since August, and the repeated post-dose ramping you’ve noticed makes the mirtazapine question impossible to dismiss.

I also don’t think the evidence lets us say simply, “This is withdrawal, therefore hold,” or “This is an adverse reaction, therefore taper.” Your pattern contains features that could fit both instability after the July disruption and medication-related activation. The fact that you’ve sometimes noticed symptoms intensifying after the nightly dose is especially worth putting in front of the prescriber. The possible new-lot effect is worth documenting too, but because it’s the same manufacturer and symptoms fluctuate substantially, I wouldn’t make the lot the entire explanation.

So if you were sitting beside me with your medication history spread across the table, my next objective would be to get a clinician to make an actual strategy with you: What are we testing? How long are we testing it? What would count as improvement? What would make us abandon it? And what is Plan B? You shouldn’t be left indefinitely measuring each terrible day against the previous one without defined decision points.

And one thing I don’t see in your history is evidence that today’s horrifying terror means you’ve reached some endpoint from which your nervous system can’t settle. You’ve already shown that these states can change dramatically—even after extraordinarily difficult days. Today’s state is not a forecast.

I meant testing a hypothesis with each medication decision, not experimenting on you.

For example, if your clinician says hold the dose, the question being tested is: Does greater consistency allow the July disruption to settle with time? You’d want a defined period and signs to watch for—less electricity, fewer prolonged terror/akathisia-like periods, some easing of the vestibular symptoms, or more windows.

If the clinician recommends splitting the same total dose, the question is different: Are the large post-dose/interdose swings contributing, and does distributing the dose reduce them? If they recommend tapering, the question becomes: Is ongoing mirtazapine exposure contributing enough to the activation that a carefully managed reduction improves the overall pattern? And if they add another medication, the question is whether it actually reduces the severe activation/vestibular distress without creating another problem.

That’s what I meant by “what are we testing?” Every change should have a reason, a way to judge what happened, and a next step. Otherwise you end up enduring day after day without knowing what information you’re actually gaining from holding—and I understand why you’re fed up with that.

I mentioned a few days ago that fresh prescription seemed to bring more constant electricity.

Still had quite a few from my old batch, so I just went back to those and that’s when I felt like I was more in withdrawal but more myself. The last two nights I’ve done half of a new batch pill and half of an old batch pill and I’m totally electric again yesterday and today.

I’ve never wanted something out of my body so bad in my life

Torturous electric activation .

24 minutes ago, Finni said:

I mentioned a few days ago that fresh prescription seemed to bring more constant electricity.

Still had quite a few from my old batch, so I just went back to those and that’s when I felt like I was more in withdrawal but more myself. The last two nights I’ve done half of a new batch pill and half of an old batch pill and I’m totally electric again yesterday and today.

I’ve never wanted something out of my body so bad in my life

Torturous electric activation .

This happens to me and a few others. We are very sensitive to a batch change. I also discovered that paroxetine is hydroscopic like mirt. I ordered on Amazon some food grade silica packets to put in my pill bottles. Are your pills in blister packs or bottles? Can you request them in blister packs,? My manufacturer in Canada doesn't make it an option unfortunately.

What a merry go round navigating all these nuances. 💯❤️🙏

2 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

This happens to me and a few others. We are very sensitive to a batch change. I also discovered that paroxetine is hydroscopic like mirt. I ordered on Amazon some food grade silica packets to put in my pill bottles. Are your pills in blister packs or bottles? Can you request them in blister packs,? My manufacturer in Canada doesn't make it an option unfortunately.

What a merry go round navigating all these nuances. 💯❤️🙏

Bottles

11 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

This happens to me and a few others. We are very sensitive to a batch change. I also discovered that paroxetine is hydroscopic like mirt. I ordered on Amazon some food grade silica packets to put in my pill bottles. Are your pills in blister packs or bottles? Can you request them in blister packs,? My manufacturer in Canada doesn't make it an option unfortunately.

What a merry go round navigating all these nuances. 💯❤️🙏

Have you ever found that it’s easier to make a reduction after a new batch or do you just hang in there?

13 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

This happens to me and a few others. We are very sensitive to a batch change. I also discovered that paroxetine is hydroscopic like mirt. I ordered on Amazon some food grade silica packets to put in my pill bottles. Are your pills in blister packs or bottles? Can you request them in blister packs,? My manufacturer in Canada doesn't make it an option unfortunately.

What a merry go round navigating all these nuances. 💯❤️🙏

@Finni my best advice is probably not to aim for 100% accuracy since that's impossible, too many factors outside of our control, so obviously be accurate enough that we can be 99% on point but 100% accuracy on exact dosage is just an impossibly, even our own body is one factor that can put us in wd one day and overstimulation the next one, again there is no way on earth to be 100% accurate but you can be 99.5% accurate maybe without it being too much of a bother.