Hi, my name is Michael, 32 and from Germany, Munich. 

 

You can find my journey so far here on my blog at sa

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/33017-mischade-mirtazapine-withdrawal-and-possible-permanent-damage/page/6/

 

MischaDE: This is my first post made on sa when I joined August of 2025. 

 

Hello everyone, my name is Michael, I am 32 from Germany, Munich.

In February I developed problems with my sleep and even had a panic attack. I used  to be a nightowl and I wanted to change my sleep schedule to sleep like a normal human during the night.

 

On the 27th of February I decided to go to a neurologist and expert on sleeping issues because I could not sleep the 3 nights before and I was expecting to get a sleeping pill or something of that sort. After I explained the whole situation to her she prescribed me Mirtazapine 15 mg (she assumed I was bipolar) which immediately I had very bad feelings towards as I did not want to touch antidepressants at all.

In my mind I knew I wasn't going to touch them but I went to the pharmacy and got them anyway just in case I could not sleep again. At home I thought to myself "What is the worst that could happen?" and took one pill, it knocked me out pretty fast. The sleep wasn't great and I felt very bad the next day as if I was cooking from the inside.

 

Lord knows why I decided to take any pills after that. In the first week I could still tolerate them but I noticed I became very sensitive to noise. I tried to quit them for one day 3 times in the timeframe that I took Mirtazapine because I felt so bad but I also could not sleep without them anymore so I reinstated, which I now realize was a bad mistake. The problem was that the sleep became gradually less and less, from sleeping like 10 hours I slept only 3 or even less which drove me crazy. Mirtazapine at some point gave me total insomnia due to the pain I was in and no doctors could help, they all sent me to psychiatry which did not take me in either and the doctor that prescribed me those pills did not take my concerns seriously and even upped my dose once to 30 mgs.

 

At that point I was suicidal and did not want to live anymore as my body was just falling apart and I could not even sleep, I thought it was over and something was wrong with me until the 15th of April where I finally quit Mirtazapine cold turkey and was prescribed Olanzapine and Lorazepam 5 mg by a different doctor for sleep and I finally started sleeping again. The issues that I developed on Mirt (insomnia, panic attacks, heart palpitations, pains along my veins, constipation, trouble eating, issues with my vision, erectile dysfunction, pressure feeling in my brain, severe breathing issues to the point that I felt like I could not get enough air even outside) got a bit better but still remain to this day. I became more rational and gained some hope that I could recover from this.

 

Right now I am only on 5 mg Olanzapine and 5 mg Melatonin and thankfully I don't struggle with my sleep at all anymore. The issues I have remain though and I personally believe Mirtazapine has done something to my bloodflow, as I have spotted spider veins down there and my scrotum hanging more loose (never mind everything feeling quite numb down there), making it painful to walk despite having almost totally numb testicles (for a while they just hurt badly and then became numb). In general my pain increases whenever I move a lot and it always feels like it's along the veins. No matter which doctor I go to they never find anything and tell me I'm a healthy individual.

 

I am coming here to hopefully get some advice that could be potentially helpful, because I am desperate and believe I have destroyed myself for life. I would also like to speak to some people who have been through similar torture as I have. Every single day I am so full of regret and think to myself "Why did I not listen to my instincts and not take it?" and I am extremely disappointed in myself. Of course this makes me very depressed and as of now the only way to deal with it is to hope it can get better in the future even if recovery is slow and distract myself so I can make it through the day.

 

Thank you for hearing me out and I am looking forward to speaking to you guys!

 

P.S.: I should also mention that the Doctor told me that Mirtazapine is not addictive and will only cause me to be really tired and hungry. She did warn me in the beginning to not stop but at that point I was still feeling ok and could have quit.  The more I took the drug, the worse it became. I highly doubt that the cold turkey attempts harmed me as much as just taking the drug. I had an adverse reaction to it from the beginning and the side effects never subsided. I feel like an absolute idiot that I kept taking it just because I was afraid of not sleeping.

Welcome to the forum, MischaDE.

 

I am the Recovery Assistant Bot and I am here to post some information for you whilst we await replies from other members.

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications. If you are experiencing an adverse reaction to them, withdrawal difficulties or are injured by them, we are very sorry to hear this and will do what we can to help you.

 

While we are waiting for human members to reply, there are some things you can do that will help you get the most out of this forum whilst you await further support.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help

 

Please update your signature. This will allow members to see some basic information about your drug history and situation so that they may help you best. Information on how to do this is located in the guides linked above, but here is a direct link:

https://antidepressantrecovery.org/misc.php?action=help&hid=8

 

Once this is done, future posts made by you will have this signature turned on by default.

 

If you have migrated here from "SurvivingAntidepressants" feel free to post a link to your old thread in this one, or include it in your signature.

 

We hope that you will find this forum helpful.

Hey mate

 

Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting your intro thread. 

 

I’ve linked your sa blog above for you. 

 

Great to see you here. 

 

Chippy

Hello, nice to see you here.

I see you copied your first post from surviving antidepressants.

Would like to ask you how are you doing nowadays, considering that you are now off Olanzapine.

I am not doing that well but I can manage. I sleep enough but it's harder to fall and stay asleep. Dealing with some head pressure as well but I am now accustomed to the suffering. It's probably going to take a while to get better. Thanks for asking man, appreciate it!

Hi Mischa,

I don't know how to do for following a person (thread). It is a little bit complicated... In SA we click on Follow and that is. But here?

I am Svetla.

Hi Mischa,

I don't know how to do for following a person (thread). It is a little bit complicated... In SA we click on Follow and that is. But here?

I am Svetla.

Hey

 

If you post on a thread you’ll already be following the thread automatically. If you want to follow a thread that you’ve not posted on hit subscribe below. 

 

Chippy

Hey mischa 

So sorry to read your story.

It's outrageous what was done to you (all of us) but please remember it's not your fault! We all fell into the same pit when we trusted doctors who brought us only destruction.

Luckily our system is resilient with amazing ability to heal and we are on our way there.

I hope you are a little more stable now.

Sending you lots of strength.

I am not doing that well but I can manage.

It's good that you can manage, I myself worry to get in a situation I can't manage.

If you can manage and distract yourself and pass the time, it's way easier to get passed this and survive.

so good for you.

Hi Mischa,

I don't know how to do for following a person (thread). It is a little bit complicated... In SA we click on Follow and that is. But here?

I am Svetla.

I am not sure either but I think I accepted your buddy request. Sending my best wishes to you!

---

Hey mischa 

So sorry to read your story.

It's outrageous what was done to you (all of us) but please remember it's not your fault! We all fell into the same pit when we trusted doctors who brought us only destruction.

Luckily our system is resilient with amazing ability to heal and we are on our way there.

I hope you are a little more stable now.

Sending you lots of strength.

Thanks a lot for the encouragement! I really need it since I have been in a slump for a while now.

---

I am not doing that well but I can manage.

It's good that you can manage, I myself worry to get in a situation I can't manage.

If you can manage and distract yourself and pass the time, it's way easier to get passed this and survive.

so good for you.

I am not going to lie, it is very hard. Its just unimaginable for me at the moment that I could be healthy one day again but we will see. Thanks for dropping by! I am happy about everyone checking in.

I am not doing that well but I can manage. I sleep enough but it's harder to fall and stay asleep. Dealing with some head pressure as well but I am now accustomed to the suffering. It's probably going to take a while to get better. Thanks for asking man, appreciate it!

Hey Mischa

 

Sorry to hear you're not doing that well. Your sleep and head issues I can relate with. Sounds like your mind set it good. It's important to keep this. Biggest coping skill going I think.

 

Hope you are having at least an ok Christmas.

 

Chippy

I am not doing that well but I can manage. I sleep enough but it's harder to fall and stay asleep. Dealing with some head pressure as well but I am now accustomed to the suffering. It's probably going to take a while to get better. Thanks for asking man, appreciate it!

Hey Mischa

 

Sorry to hear you're not doing that well. Your sleep and head issues I can relate with. Sounds like your mind set it good. It's important to keep this. Biggest coping skill going I think.

 

Hope you are having at least an ok Christmas.

 

Chippy

Hey Chippy! 

Thanks, I am doing my best. Today I woke up as if my body was very irritated at me. Scary stuff. Other than that just the usual, making it through the day.

 

I hope you are doing ok too and healing of course!

Thank you for joining.

 

I agree, sleeping a reasonable amount of hours is good progress at under 4 months off of medication even if the sleep isn't good quality.

 

Hopefully at some point you will begin to notice concrete improvements. Hopefully that is sooner rather than later.

Thanks Luke!

Hi @MischaDE,

 

Nice to see you here as well. Wishing you a happy New Year already. I’m sure it will be better than this year has been. Let’s keep in touch, sending you all the best and lots of strength to push this through.

Hi @MischaDE,

 

Nice to see you here as well. Wishing you a happy New Year already. I’m sure it will be better than this year has been. Let’s keep in touch, sending you all the best and lots of strength to push this through.

Thanks! Wishing you a happy new year as well! 

 

Next year can only get better, so I try to look at it posivitely.

 

Thank you again for checking on me and I am of course wishing you the best on your healing journey!

---

Thank you for joining.

 

I agree, sleeping a reasonable amount of hours is good progress at under 4 months off of medication even if the sleep isn't good quality.

 

Hopefully at some point you will begin to notice concrete improvements. Hopefully that is sooner rather than later.

By the way Luke, I also wanted to say thanks for creating this website for us.

Hi MischaDE, it seems a lot of us have had our issues with Mirt. I had had problems with other Rx and just wanted to sleep regularly again, so I got on the Mirt train unaware of how awful it is to taper this Rx. I wish I had never taken any ADs or benzos or other classes, but I got caught on a merry go round postpartum. Here we are though. 

It seems you have a good mindset and hopefully your Sx have and will continue to improve since your first SA post. Your name is definitely familiar but I’m not sure we’ve posted to each other on SA. 

I’m doing my best to be connected with others on here but once back to work after 2 weeks off, it can get tricky with finding time regularly. I’ll figure out a rhythm though. 

Best in your recovery.

By the way Luke, I also wanted to say thanks for creating this website for us.

 

You're welcome. I hope it is useful.

 

@Chippy has also put in a lot of work and deserves thanks.

 

 

I'm not recovered, but I am improving over time. It is likely that you will too, eventually.

By the way Luke, I also wanted to say thanks for creating this website for us.

 

You're welcome. I hope it is useful.

 

@Chippy has also put in a lot of work and deserves thanks.

 

 

I'm not recovered, but I am improving over time. It is likely that you will too, eventually.

Absolutely! Thanks to Chippy too!

---

Hi MischaDE, it seems a lot of us have had our issues with Mirt. I had had problems with other Rx and just wanted to sleep regularly again, so I got on the Mirt train unaware of how awful it is to taper this Rx. I wish I had never taken any ADs or benzos or other classes, but I got caught on a merry go round postpartum. Here we are though. 

It seems you have a good mindset and hopefully your Sx have and will continue to improve since your first SA post. Your name is definitely familiar but I’m not sure we’ve posted to each other on SA. 

I’m doing my best to be connected with others on here but once back to work after 2 weeks off, it can get tricky with finding time regularly. I’ll figure out a rhythm though. 

Best in your recovery.

Thank you! I saw your name a couple times on survivingantidepressants. 

 

Not sure what to say here but thank you for dropping in! I wish you all the best as well!

Happy new year everyone! I hope this year will get better for us, it must and that our healing continues! Cheers!

That’s fine! I hope to have some coping strategies info posted soon. We’ll see how this site develops over time to support each other. 

 

Happy New Year! It will be a better year—this 2026!

Happy New Year too mate!

 

Hope 2026 brings you lots and lots of progress!

Thanks guys!

Hi Миша,

 

I hope you have improvement. Скажите мне что так. Такой ужась не можете бьiт для всегда, вселенски ум съществует, он смотрить что мьi не плохите люди.

How is it possible such a suffering, endless, unbearable, horrendous?!?!?!

Svetla

Hi Миша,

 

I hope you have improvement. Скажите мне что так. Такой ужась не можете бьiт для всегда, вселенски ум съществует, он смотрить что мьi не плохите люди.

How is it possible such a suffering, endless, unbearable, horrendous?!?!?!

Svetla

You are right. This cannot be endless. Holding on as best as I can and sending greetings and best wishes Svetla!