@Chippy That actually makes a lot of sense to me. I’ve always been someone who tries to solve, control and carry everything, and withdrawal seems to amplify that massively.

I wanted to ask if this kind of stress could set back my stabilization again… but there I go again trying to control and predict everything haha.

Maybe learning to accept uncertainty and let go a bit more really is part of the healing process 🙏

1 minute ago, Sandnit said:

Maybe learning to accept uncertainty and let go a bit more really is part of the healing process 🙏

I think you answered your own question:)

Thank you both @Chippy and @Fullhealing for your kind replies and support.

Really grateful for the work you do here 🙏

Update:

Today honestly feels a bit like I’m back to square one again, even though rationally I know that’s probably not true. When the nervous system gets this activated, it can really feel that way.

Last days it spikes around 11:00 for no clear reason and then takes a long time to calm down again. Evenings where somewhat better. Part of me keeps trying to figure out if this is withdrawal, stress, emotional triggers, or all of the above together. But I’m also starting to realize that the constant analyzing and trying to “solve” everything probably keeps my system even more activated.

Hopefully things will settle again 🙏 Not so long ago i was thinking about starting tapering again ...look where i am now ppffffff

5 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

Part of me keeps trying to figure out if this is withdrawal, stress, emotional triggers, or all of the above together. But I’m also starting to realize that the constant analyzing and trying to “solve” everything probably keeps my system even more activated.

I’m sorry to hear. It’s all three things for sure! You deal with stress and emotional triggers using the tool that is your nervous system. So when your nervous system is injury/dysregulated it can’t handle those stressors. If this wasn’t the case I’m sure you breeze the stressors no problems.

Such a journey this process! You’ll get there. One day closer.

@Chippy Thanks. It really shows how important it is to learn to carry, accept and let go a bit more instead of constantly trying to solve and control everything, (which im not yet good at) because not everything in life can be prevented or fully controlled.

And also to keep trusting that the body and nervous system can still heal, even when things feel very intense in the moment .....right??🙏

18 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

@Chippy Thanks. It really shows how important it is to learn to carry, accept and let go a bit more instead of constantly trying to solve and control everything, (which im not yet good at) because not everything in life can be prevented or fully controlled.

And also to keep trusting that the body and nervous system can still heal, even when things feel very intense in the moment .....right??🙏

I agree completely. And I think you touched on a good point too, that this is not just in wd but life in general after wd, like a super power! If you can accept everything for what it is and not try to control it you can really find some inner peace I believe.

@Chippy , thanks!! Do you think i'm stil healing underneath all these waves, stress reactions and triggers?

1 minute ago, Sandnit said:

@Chippy , thanks!! Do you think i'm stil healing underneath all these waves, stress reactions and triggers?

Of course! But the question some what goes against the grain of your new found non fixing acceptance 😀

The main thing is change what you can and accept the rest. Trust you did your best and the body will deal with the rest.

Sorry for that! Rou’re right @Chippy i can see how even that question was still me searching for certainty and trying to fix things.

I’m still learning that I don’t need to have everything figured out before I can let go a bit more and trust the healing process 🙏

@Sandnit Please don't be so hard on yourself ,my goodness it's hard for anyone to accept what we are going through .Yes when I'm ok accepting comes easy but when in a nasty wave all bets are off ,you are not alone in how you feel ..yes we band about the word accepting but I find it hard and like you I find it difficult to let go ,we are not alone in this and as I said please don't feel like you failed to achieve this ,your just human like the rest of us going through this horrific journey ❤️🙏 ...when you are stronger you will build resilience and will be surprised at how you will be able to handle anything that comes your way .Just get through each day ,acceptance will.come when it's ready ❤️

Thank you @Beehive I think you described it perfectly. On better days acceptance feels much easier, but when the nervous system is heavily activated it suddenly feels almost impossible again.

I also notice I sometimes turn “acceptance” into another way of trying to fix or control how I feel. Still learning that it’s okay if things stay bad for a while 🙏

@Sandnit Just do your best to get through the tough times ,no need to overthink it ,as I said acceptance will come when it's ready no need to try and force anything, as you said that's still trying to control the situation...to be honest you can't control any of this so don't try just get through as best you can ❤️

@Beehive , so true.... Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate this so much.

We got this!!

@Sandnit We certainly have ,we are all here together on the same path ,ready to pick each other up when we fall . We are stronger together and we are never alone ,you can and you will get through this 🤝🤝🤝

Thank you @Beehive ❤️ That’s such a comforting thought. This process can feel very lonely at times, but it really helps knowing we’re all walking this difficult path together 🙏

2 hours ago, Sandnit said:

I’m still learning that I don’t need to have everything figured out before I can let go a bit more and trust the healing process 🙏

Exactly. Acceptance is a continuous practice and not something we ever perfect 😃

You are doing great!

1 hour ago, Sandnit said:

also notice I sometimes turn “acceptance” into another way of trying to fix or control how I feel.

This is so common! Yes 100%. Acceptance isn’t fixing everything with acceptance! I do this too sometimes. Learning to let it all go is very hard indeed. But it’s important to keep that practice up, daily I find, just bringing yourself back to it when it slips. It really is the most important of all the coping skills imo. Not the easiest but most important.

I have to also add that it’s important to accept, that sometimes you cant accept, or you just fail to be able to accept some days. Don’t get caught in the trap of feeling guilty when you can’t manage it, that’s ok. I actually think it’s a natural eb and flow to have moments where we can manage it and moment where we fail. The trick is to not give up on it.

6 hours ago, Sandnit said:

Update:

Today honestly feels a bit like I’m back to square one again, even though rationally I know that’s probably not true. When the nervous system gets this activated, it can really feel that way.

Last days it spikes around 11:00 for no clear reason and then takes a long time to calm down again. Evenings where somewhat better. Part of me keeps trying to figure out if this is withdrawal, stress, emotional triggers, or all of the above together. But I’m also starting to realize that the constant analyzing and trying to “solve” everything probably keeps my system even more activated.

Hopefully things will settle again 🙏 Not so long ago i was thinking about starting tapering again ...look where i am now ppffffff

I'm so sorry @Sandnit the abyss that pop up out of nowhere is so awful! rest assured that wd is the base and what sits on top sucked into a disproportionate spiral, that's what bad chemicals do although I know very well how hard is to stop the mind from digging for rationality, there's none.. not much to do except let time take its course.

Hang in there, it will be over soon xxx

Edited May 24May 24 by Fullhealing

Thanks @Chippy ❤️ Really appreciate your insight and support. I think this is such an important lesson to keep practicing, even on the difficult days 🙏

Thanks @Fullhealing ❤️ That makes a lot of sense. Really appreciate the reassurance and support 🙏

Update: Last night was rough and I woke up very activated again this morning. The nervous system feels very on edge at the moment and my mind immediately wants to jump into fear and overanalyzing again.

Trying to remind myself that I’ve had these intense waves before and that they eventually shifted again, but it feels so endless at the moment.... But it is not ....i got this!!

4 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

.i got this!!

You totally do! Another AR warrior! 🛡️⚔️

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

You totally do! Another AR warrior! 🛡️⚔️

Thanks @Chippy , My WD mind keeps telling me I’m not doing a good job because I’m not feeling better yet. But past experiences and other AR warriors keep reminding me that healing is still happening underneath it all.

Just now, Sandnit said:

Thanks @Chippy , My WD mind keeps telling me I’m not doing a good job because I’m not feeling better yet. But past experiences and other AR warriors keep reminding me that healing is still happening underneath it all.

No you are coping really well, it is a tough journey, but you have this!