Morning update: sleep was reasonably okay and I seem to be waking up a bit later again, which I'll gladly take as a small win. Unfortunately the morning anxiety/activation is bad again.

I'll try not to judge the whole day on how I feel now.... Hoping, praying for windows and some stability.

Today has been another reminder that life keeps happening alongside WD. My son got his finger caught in a bike chain at school, so I spent part of the day taking him to the doctor. Thankfully he's okay and now relaxing at home.

The anxiety and activation are still very much present, but I'm trying to remind myself that I don't have to sit around waiting for a window. They have always come eventually, and I believe stabilization will too....

2 hours ago, Sandnit said:

Morning update: sleep was reasonably okay and I seem to be waking up a bit later again, which I'll gladly take as a small win. Unfortunately the morning anxiety/activation is bad again.

I'll try not to judge the whole day on how I feel now.... Hoping, praying for windows and some stability.

Glad you slept a little more, hope the anxiety burns itself off as the day passes.

11 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

Today has been another reminder that life keeps happening alongside WD. My son got his finger caught in a bike chain at school, so I spent part of the day taking him to the doctor. Thankfully he's okay and now relaxing at home.

The anxiety and activation are still very much present, but I'm trying to remind myself that I don't have to sit around waiting for a window. They have always come eventually, and I believe stabilization will too....

This is very wise indeed. The world does keep spinning whilst we recover and healing is happening regardless!

Thank you, @Chippy

It's easy to feel like everything is on hold while we're waiting for relief, but life keeps moving and healing keeps happening in the background regardless right?

6 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

but life keeps moving and healing keeps happening in the background regardless right?

Oh 100%

@Chippy , One thing I've been thinking about today is that I do believe better days and stabilization are ahead. They always have.... That should be enough....

I think part of me still wants/ expects quick relief. Things don't work like that so I get discouraged or start rumentating..... Or is it just WD brain ....?

I guess that's one of the hardest parts of this process: knowing it will get better, but not knowing when.

2 hours ago, Sandnit said:

I guess that's one of the hardest parts of this process: knowing it will get better, but not knowing when.

For sure. The fact that the timeline is uncertain and the process isn’t linear makes this much harder for me. It’s like struggling forward in the pitch black without being able to see the light and just having to tell ourselves over and over that it’s there. Or I guess more accurately sometimes it’s pitch black but other times we see a light dangled before us only to have it ripped away again 😅.

But at least we’re not alone and we have others who have been down the same road and have made it out! We’ll all get there.

@SarahMc , Thanks!!

One thing I've been reminding myself of today is that the light isn't only at the very end of the taper or recovery process. I've had genuinely good days and even good periods along the way, so I know it's possible to experience relief and joy even while still healing.

56 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

One thing I've been reminding myself of today is that the light isn't only at the very end of the taper or recovery process. I've had genuinely good days and even good periods along the way, so I know it's possible to experience relief and joy even while still healing.

Absolutely, and thanks for the reminder — I needed that today! I’ve also had good moments and even days while trying to stabilize, even if sometimes that’s hard to remember. One day at a time 😊

22 hours ago, Sandnit said:

@Chippy , One thing I've been thinking about today is that I do believe better days and stabilization are ahead. They always have.... That should be enough....

I think part of me still wants/ expects quick relief. Things don't work like that so I get discouraged or start rumentating..... Or is it just WD brain ....?

I guess that's one of the hardest parts of this process: knowing it will get better, but not knowing when.

100% learning to accept that time and not seeking out quick relief is a real challenge for all of us I think. This is probably the biggest skill we can gain, learning how to suffer well. Quick fixes cause long term pain....

Update: A much better day than I've had in a long time. Not symptom free, not great, but definitely more manageable, with some genuine relief this afternoon and evening.
Feeling grateful for that relief tonight and hoping for more of it in the days ahead. Not just for myself but everyone here!!

42 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

A much better day than I've had in a long time. Not symptom free, not great, but definitely more manageable, with some genuine relief this afternoon and evening.

Glad to hear it! Fingers crossed that it continues.

9 hours ago, Sandnit said:

Update: A much better day than I've had in a long time. Not symptom free, not great, but definitely more manageable, with some genuine relief this afternoon and evening.
Feeling grateful for that relief tonight and hoping for more of it in the days ahead. Not just for myself but everyone here!!

May this relief stretch very long and gets better, so pleased for you xx

11 hours ago, Sandnit said:

Update: A much better day than I've had in a long time. Not symptom free, not great, but definitely more manageable, with some genuine relief this afternoon and evening.
Feeling grateful for that relief tonight and hoping for more of it in the days ahead. Not just for myself but everyone here!!

Amazing to read! More to come!

Thank you, @Chippy , @SarahMc and @Fullhealing

I really appreciate the encouragement and support!! Your the best!

I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself, but compared to the last couple of weeks these 2 days have been a much better .... Not great but much more manageable. Also sleep improved a lot.

Hoping it continues to get better, but grateful regardless. 🙏🌿

Really glad to hear it @Sandnit. Great for you, and gives hope to the rest of us!

21 hours ago, Chippy said:

Amazing to read! More to come!

@Chippy , in hope so.......

A bit of an update: I could already feel last night that things weren't quite as good as the previous evening. This morning I woke up early again with more anxiety/activation than I've had over the last couple of days.

I'll be honest, there is some fear underneath it that I'm slipping back into those really heavy wave days. And also the "what did it so wrong" questions ......But this up and down is normal right before things become more stable?

I think i remember for the last long wave in had last year it was very up and down for quite a while before stability and WD normal set in....

Hoping and praying for more Windows and stability for all of us.

Edited June 6Jun 6 by Sandnit

Ps. The last couple of days and still I have bad neck pain.... Could this also be WD??

1 hour ago, Sandnit said:

@Chippy , in hope so.......

A bit of an update: I could already feel last night that things weren't quite as good as the previous evening. This morning I woke up early again with more anxiety/activation than I've had over the last couple of days.

I'll be honest, there is some fear underneath it that I'm slipping back into those really heavy wave days. And also the "what did it so wrong" questions ......But this up and down is normal right before things become more stable?

I think i remember for the last long wave in had last year it was very up and down for quite a while before stability and WD normal set in....

Hoping and praying for more Windows and stability for all of us.

34 minutes ago, Sandnit said:

Ps. The last couple of days and still I have bad neck pain.... Could this also be WD??

You are surviving while navigating such a crazy challenging journey that will surely raise great doubts and fear, it only makes sense but our system is always geared towards healthy functioning and we must trust it even though I know how hard it is in the midst! just reminding you and myself that we are on the right track.

And body pain is so common, wd doesn't spare any cell /:

Wishing you much easier days ahead @Sandnit you are coping great!

2 hours ago, Sandnit said:

I'll be honest, there is some fear underneath it that I'm slipping back into those really heavy wave days. And also the "what did it so wrong" questions ......But this up and down is normal right before things become more stable?

Oh yes! So very normal!

2 hours ago, Sandnit said:

Hoping and praying for more Windows and stability for all of us.

It's coming!

1 hour ago, Sandnit said:

Ps. The last couple of days and still I have bad neck pain.... Could this also be WD??

Certainly we all seem to have joint and various pains in WD. Im getting all sorts in that area this year.

Sorry to hear you’re back in it today @Sandnit, I have a lot of anxiety this morning too. Hoping for a nice window for both of us soon 💜

@SarahMc , better days will come for us!

Morning update: woke up early again and the anxiety/activation is definitely back this morning.

So cruel after a couple of better days... but those better days are proof that my body can still move into a better place and that it will continue to do so with time right?

1 hour ago, Sandnit said:

Morning update: woke up early again and the anxiety/activation is definitely back this morning.

So cruel after a couple of better days... but those better days are proof that my body can still move into a better place and that it will continue to do so with time right?

Sorry to read. It can be cruel, this process is litterally like this for most of us. Yesterday I was pretty awful, today not too bad! So up and down!

The better days are amazing news! Total signs of healing and stablity happening!

@Chippy , sorry to read about your bad days. I hope the better days get the upper hand for you in time.

Update: Yesterday was awful for me. The symptoms stayed with me relentlessly almost all day, so different compared to a couple of days ago. This morning I woke up really anxious again, with those familiar "back to square one" thoughts and the "will this ever get better?" fears.
I know I've had these thoughts before during waves, but they still feel very real when you're in the middle of them.
Man, I never expected such a brutal and long wave after such a nice, long and relatively stable period. But I must not forget that I've also had better days during this wave, and that this is not how it will stay ..... It is hard pfffff