2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Of course, there are many success stories on YouTube (I will share some links later), as @mstimc60 said with determination and self work the way out is guaranteed

Thanks @Fullhealing

3 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

Of course. It takes time and you need to work at it, but you will heal

Thanks @mstimc60

41 minutes ago, SpiroC said:

yes I never knew a human beings mind could ever do that. It felt unnatural and other worldly in nature. It felt like I was splitting / loosing my mind and it was down right the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me.. I’m so scared that I’ll never go back to who I was before. I know I’m only 4 months into this but damn it’s been hands down the worst most traumatic experience of my life.

The Greek root word for anxiety is "split mind". It literally forces you to live in two worlds--the real one and the one in your mind. Besides dealing with the unreasonable and persistent fears your anxious mind creates, you need to live and function in the real world. It is beyond stressful, but you will make it!

33 minutes ago, SpiroC said:

Thank @Chippy , read some horror stories on curving antidepressants tonight with people who were on far less than me and it scared the living Sh*t out of me

I recommend sticking to success stories and avoiding excessive research into causes and symptoms. Your anxious mind will latch onto them and push them to the fore of your thinking.

1 hour ago, SpiroC said:

but when one’s own mental faculties have taken a hit and you’re scared of your own mind it becomes increasingly difficult to have any sort of hope for the future.

I completely understand what you mean. This last year has been the worst and scariest of my life. When your mind is compromised like this it can feel like your entire identity is gone and you don't recognize yourself anymore. But if it makes you feel better, I'm starting to catch little glimpses here and there of my real self, like who I was before this all started. And it makes me believe that I'll get back there slowly but surely.

How's work going for you? It's great that you're still able to work through this at least.

@SarahMc, how long it took for you before noticing the glimpses you mention? I start my month 14 after CT upon doctor "advice" from 2 ADs + lithium, and the Hell is brutal. No window, no light. This is not me, my entire personality is gone, I am like an alien, I cannot work, I cannot function. I have been completely AD free for 40 days now, when I jumped to 0 from my last AD. As a result: insomnia, awful cortisol spikes, deep depression, hellish anhedonia, nausea, stomach and muscle pains...

Edited April 30Apr 30 by skamen

49 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

I completely understand what you mean. This last year has been the worst and scariest of my life. When your mind is compromised like this it can feel like your entire identity is gone and you don't recognize yourself anymore. But if it makes you feel better, I'm starting to catch little glimpses here and there of my real self, like who I was before this all started. And it makes me believe that I'll get back there slowly but surely.

How's work going for you? It's great that you're still able to work through this at least.

It's wonderful that you see sparks of the real you @SarahMc it's the most encouraging sign there is!

Even if it's small now, hold on to it, it will only grow.

Well done for your courage and determination!

11 hours ago, SpiroC said:

Thank @Chippy , read some horror stories on curving antidepressants tonight with people who were on far less than me and it scared the living Sh*t out of me

Yes it is best IMO to focus on your own healing path. There is no benefit dwelling on someone elses. I see time and time again people looking for that one story that will reassure a person they will heal, its a rabbit hole, and it does not help.

We must learn to accept. Accept what has happened. Accept that we will heal. Accept that is may be hard for some time. Accept that we have the strength to get through this. We must stop resisting and looking for reassurance of healing. We must start to trust it will happen. Provide the body with the good things it needs for this process, and take one day at a time. It is a process, a journey, we all know it well. You will learn to know it too.

Chippy

15 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

The Greek root word for anxiety is "split mind"

This is incorrect. Split mind is the root for Schizophrenia, where "schizo" means split (as in schism) and "phrenia" is mind.

@SpiroC Your definitely not stuck like that neuroplasicity is happening all the time .When I get stuck in a wave I think I'm going to be like this forever and there is no way out ...the window I'm.in now however brief ,I feel like me completely everything is normal and I can't imagine how I felt when I was in a wave it's like it never happened ! Please just keep going it's not permanent as @Chippy keeps saying the worse you feel the more healing is happening and I 100 % believe that !!

@Beehive thanks for the encouragement, I think what’s getting to me the most is that I was only in Zoloft for years. Then when I tried coming off and had panic attacks and anxiety I was pollydrugged so bad then when I tried to get off that stuff after only 2 months of use I lost my mind then I was pollydrugged some more. Like I don’t see many success stories of people that this had happened to so badly. @Chippy

Just now, SpiroC said:

Like I don’t see many success stories of people that this had happened to so badly.

As we I have already said. Please stop looking for stories of people just like you.

I can assure you MANY people in this community are poly drugged. It is very common.

It is also common for people. Oh so common for people to think they are the WORSE case ever. You are certainly not!

@Chippy - I’ve been in this hell for 4 months , I feel like it’s hopeless

@SpiroC You haven't lost your mind ..your brain is just trying to find balance after all the changes ....its like someone has made a jigsaw puzzle of your brain and very slowly it has to find all the different pieces to put together ,it will find those pieces and it will complete the puzzle. You will function normally again just help it along the way by being kind to yourself . Your brain is trying to help you it wants you to be whole again you need yo trust it to complete the puzzle unfortunately it will take time and patience

27 minutes ago, SpiroC said:

@Chippy - I’ve been in this hell for 4 months , I feel like it’s hopeless

I know. It can take such a long time for things to settle. But there is always hope. Do remember that most people don’t write a success story on a website. Most just either don’t think too or just want to move on. We do heal. That’s not to say it can’t take some time to heal. But healing happens. It’s just about keeping going whilst that happens. Everyone finds their own approach to this.

Is it normal to feel like completely dysfunctional ? Like I used to be able to do so many high level things now it’s like I can’t do nothing. @Chippy @mstimc60 @Beehive

It almost feels like I broke my brain @Chippy @Beehive @mstimc60

@SpiroC, you are not alone. I am in the same situation as you.

3 minutes ago, SpiroC said:

Is it normal to feel like completely dysfunctional ? Like I used to be able to do so many high level things now it’s like I can’t do nothing. @Chippy @mstimc60 @Beehive

Oh yes! Very normal. Unfortunately

2 minutes ago, SpiroC said:

It almost feels like I broke my brain @Chippy @Beehive @mstimc60

Not broken. Bruised.

@SpiroC Absolutely normal for withdrawal, because of all the changes that are going on its like the brain going into fight or flight or freeze . What that does is activates the fear and emotions part of the brain and shuts down the front part the pre frontal cortex where we do all our thinking and logic ...its only temporary though ...the other day I looked at my oven and couldn't remember what buttons I had to press ! It's temporary believe me I now know how to work my oven

2 hours ago, SpiroC said:

Is it normal to feel like completely dysfunctional ? Like I used to be able to do so many high level things now it’s like I can’t do nothing. @Chippy @mstimc60 @Beehive

Absolutely @SpiroC there with you, our system is in a state of war and survival, so no power left for anything else, part of the process, as it cleaned and returns to balanced functioning, the lust for life will return, we are on our way there.

3 hours ago, SpiroC said:

Is it normal to feel like completely dysfunctional ? Like I used to be able to do so many high level things now it’s like I can’t do nothing.

This has happened to me too. I still can't work because the stress of my job dramatically worsens withdrawal symptoms for me. And on my worst days I've been unable to do basic tasks. A couple weeks ago I was driving to the gym and I got really confused about how to get there even though I've been going multiple times a week for years. It's scary, I get it! But my brain fog and cognitive issues are slowly starting to lift just like my other symptoms, and I think yours will too.

4 hours ago, SpiroC said:

It almost feels like I broke my brain @Chippy @Beehive @mstimc60

Fortunately, the brain is amazingly resilient and once your nervous system has a chance to regain some balance, this feeling will fade. It does take time. Be kind and patient with yourself and healing will come.

But what I’m not understanding is I’m still on the drugs ? Like how can I be in WD if I’m still on the drugs @Fullhealing @mstimc60 @SarahMc like i dont understand what the fudge is going on ?

You did a pretty fast taper on some of these meds and its catching up with your nervous system. You're also on more than one med so they're interacting with each other. Its not unusual to have symptoms months after tapering or even stopping.