Last night I managed to get around 5 hours of sleep again. I am grateful for that because every hour is a resource for my body and brain to recover.

The main difficulty is still getting into sleep. I tried letting my mind wander through random things, like imagining a walk through my city. When a fearful thought came, I told myself, “I don't have to think about this right now.” I think that helped reduce some of the anxiety, although falling asleep is still difficult.

The sleep itself also feels very strange. Sometimes I feel almost awake and asleep at the same time, and when I wake up I can feel confused about whether I was actually sleeping. This unusual quality of sleep is one of the things that makes me wonder if this is still part of a withdrawal wave.

But today is sunny. I went outside to have coffee and something to eat on a terrace and get some daylight. I am also planning another very easy run. I did one yesterday and I don't know whether it helped, but it felt good to do something familiar.

I want to start bringing structure back into my days, including the normal things that used to give me joy. Focusing on computer work is still very difficult, but maybe I can start with a few small tasks and gradually rebuild the belief that I can do these things again.

10 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

The main difficulty is still getting into sleep. I tried letting my mind wander through random things, like imagining a walk through my city. When a fearful thought came, I told myself, “I don't have to think about this right now.” I think that helped reduce some of the anxiety, although falling asleep is still difficult.

This is good, falling sleep can be hard with WD sleep, making sure you are not adding to it as I have said before is the thing to do. You are doing this now, you should be proud.

11 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

The sleep itself also feels very strange. Sometimes I feel almost awake and asleep at the same time, and when I wake up I can feel confused about whether I was actually sleeping. This unusual quality of sleep is one of the things that makes me wonder if this is still part of a withdrawal wave.

Oh yeah, this is so typical of WD, sometimes I will sleep for 5 hours and Im not sure I was asleep, just as you describe.

12 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I want to start bringing structure back into my days, including the normal things that used to give me joy

Distraction is so important, and packaging that up into a routine is the way to go I think.

Youre doing great, this is way to go, through the middle with a brave face and armed with coping skills. x

11 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Today was completely different from yesterday. Thank God, that uncontrollable, suffocating anxiety left me alone today. I could physically feel that with every breath I was able to take in more air.

I still feel strange. My head feels almost hungover and sore, not exactly tired but heavy. My eyes feel pressured, almost like when you are getting sick, although I don’t have a temperature or other symptoms. Everything just feels a bit strange.

But this evening I went for a walk with my family and I was actually able to feel present and enjoy our time together. I am so grateful for that.

And thank you to every one of you who has been here with me through this period. It means so much.

This is wonderful news @HopeOfHealing even though you are still experiencing bothersome symptoms, your sleep is improving, your anxiety is subsiding, you have been able to enjoy family time in a slightly more positive mood, this is very, very encouraging! I hope that this relief will put your mind at ease a little and give you a clear indication that you are still in the midst of a process and as the system heals further so will the symptoms without shaking the foundations too hard, until finally, over time they will disappear completely.

You are coping so well, be proud of yourself, well done.

4 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

The sleep itself also feels very strange. Sometimes I feel almost awake and asleep at the same time, and when I wake up I can feel confused about whether I was actually sleeping. This unusual quality of sleep is one of the things that makes me wonder if this is still part of a withdrawal wave.

I get this all the time, in fact this happened to me last night. I check the time and it feels like a bunch of time passed but I'm not sure whether I was awake or asleep. Definitely withdrawal.

4 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I am also planning another very easy run. I did one yesterday and I don't know whether it helped, but it felt good to do something familiar.

This is great! Even if you're not sure if the run helped after the fact, it sounds like it was a least a good distraction AND it didn't make you worse which is fantastic!

Keep going, you're doing the right things 😊

Thank you for the encouragement. I understand why you keep saying that acceptance matters and that adding more anxiety only makes this harder. I can actually see that clearly during the moments when I manage to zoom out and look at the situation from a distance.

In those moments, this looks like a withdrawal wave that needs time and patience. The symptoms fluctuate. Anxiety comes and goes, then fear, then this strange inner nervousness in my body and head. Right now I feel very dull and have a lot of anhedonia.

And as you mentioned, “artificial” is such an accurate word for it. The whole situation feels artificial. My feelings, my perception of everything around me, even the way I experience myself. It all feels strange and unreal, almost as if this state has been artificially imposed on me rather than being who I actually am.

Sometimes the thought still comes, what if this is some illness? But then I remind myself that after everything with the medications, I did stabilise and become much better. If I were permanently broken, would that improvement even have been possible? And then there are all your experiences too.

The problem is that during the really difficult moments I become completely zoomed in again, and then it feels endless.

Today, though, I managed to run. I walked with my husband and we talked about many other things instead of only spiralling around this. I even spent some time researching something online that genuinely interests me and has absolutely nothing to do with withdrawal.

I am not really enjoying these things yet. Right now I am mostly using them to redirect my attention. But at least I am doing them.

I also wanted to ask, do any of you get gastrointestinal symptoms during waves like this? I have GERD/reflux at the moment. Usually I experience it very rarely and it tends to be related to something I have eaten, but thinking back, it may also appear more during these bad periods. Do you think it could be connected?

And every time one of you tells me that yes, what I am describing can happen in withdrawal, I appreciate it enormously. Maybe my need to hear it repeatedly seems silly, but in the middle of this storm it helps me remember that I am not losing my mind, even when that is literally what it feels like.

Good morning! I wanted to post an update last night because my emotional symptoms had become much stronger. I had very intense depression and anhedonia, at a really high level. But it was already late, so I decided there wasn’t much point in analysing it and went to bed.

I didn’t fall asleep immediately, but something was noticeably different, in a good way. There was no intense anxiety and none of that horrible internal restlessness or pulling sensation that made it physically difficult to lie still. It was almost as if that part had simply switched off.

I also managed to sleep for longer stretches, with only brief awakenings. Towards the morning the sleep became lighter, but altogether I slept around 7.5 hours.

I feel quite groggy right now, so I will see how things develop during the day. But I am incredibly grateful for a night like this. Even during the periods when I was awake, just not having that horrible physical feeling was such a relief.

@HopeOfHealing sorry about your nasty neuroemotions last night, however it is great to hear of your better sleep, sounds like things are moving in the right direction for you, I think working on the mindset has helped things too.

6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Good morning! I wanted to post an update last night because my emotional symptoms had become much stronger. I had very intense depression and anhedonia, at a really high level. But it was already late, so I decided there wasn’t much point in analysing it and went to bed.

I didn’t fall asleep immediately, but something was noticeably different, in a good way. There was no intense anxiety and none of that horrible internal restlessness or pulling sensation that made it physically difficult to lie still. It was almost as if that part had simply switched off.

I also managed to sleep for longer stretches, with only brief awakenings. Towards the morning the sleep became lighter, but altogether I slept around 7.5 hours.

I feel quite groggy right now, so I will see how things develop during the day. But I am incredibly grateful for a night like this. Even during the periods when I was awake, just not having that horrible physical feeling was such a relief.

Great @HopeOfHealing even though it's still very challenging it's one of your most positive updates with a strong emphasis on acceptance. You put aside the endless analysis and let the system work at its own pace, this is the most effective but difficult path that we all learn to walk in.

Well done! Hopefully many more successful nights like this to come.

Edited Thursday at 01:09 PM5 days by Fullhealing

Good morning! I wanted to post an update last night because my emotional symptoms had become much stronger. I had very intense depression and anhedonia, at a really high level. But it was already late, so I decided there wasn’t much point in analysing it and went to bed.

I didn’t fall asleep immediately, but something was noticeably different, in a good way. There was no intense anxiety and none of that horrible internal restlessness or pulling sensation that made it physically difficult to lie still. It was almost as if that part had simply switched off.

I also managed to sleep for longer stretches, with only brief awakenings. Towards the morning the sleep became lighter, but altogether I slept around 7.5 hours.

I feel quite groggy right now, so I will see how things develop during the day. But I am incredibly grateful for a night like this. Even during the periods when I was awake, just not having that horrible physical feeling was such a relief.

One more thing I noticed while running. My heart rate is much higher than usual for the same easy effort.

I don’t think my physical fitness could have disappeared this quickly, so I wonder if this could also be related to nervous system regulation during the wave.

Has anyone noticed changes in exercise tolerance or unusually high heart rate during a wave or shortly afterwards? Did it gradually return to normal as you stabilised?

@HopeOfHealing I linked you a story in which someone was totally exercise intolerant for several years. It's a very common symptom.

If you can exercise to a degree, whilst exercising caution not to push yourself too far to the point that you worsen yourself, that's good.

Today has brought some unpleasant surprises again.

I already mentioned that my exercise tolerance has dropped significantly, and I mean really noticeably. Today while exercising I also noticed that the activity itself didn’t feel good or safe in my body. Instead, it almost felt like my body perceived the exercise as some kind of threat. It is a very strange feeling.

Later I went shopping for the last few things my children need for school. While I was in the shop, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling of fear, almost as if I was extremely frightened, except there was nothing I was actually frightened of and the feeling wouldn’t leave. Shops normally cause absolutely no anxiety for me, so I don’t think it had anything to do with being there.

Then I noticed how deeply sad and empty I felt. Everything around me seemed that way too. Like nothing really has any meaning.

Even very ordinary things feel different. Normally my morning coffee tastes and smells good, and the warmth itself gives me a small pleasant feeling. Right now I get none of that positive feeling. Normally I might want to choose nice clothes, get ready and look good, and there is a little excitement or pleasure in doing that. Right now I don’t care at all. I just put on something comfortable and clean because it doesn’t seem to matter.

That emptiness frightens me, especially because emotional symptoms somehow feel more real than physical ones. They feel like they are part of me.

But I also know there have been many moments during recovery when I genuinely enjoyed things again. Coffee, food, a shower, presenting at university, exercise and many other ordinary things. I have even written about those moments before, so although right now my mind tells me they weren’t real, I have my own words proving that they were. My husband also reminds me that he has seen those moments. Even yesterday I didn’t feel this hopeless.

Rationally I can understand that, but when I am inside this state it feels completely real and endless. It is difficult to separate myself from it. Existing itself feels exhausting because nothing I do seems to give me that normal positive emotional feedback. It is very difficult to put this feeling into words.

Does anyone recognise this as something that happens during a wave? Does what I am describing sound familiar from your own experience or from other withdrawal stories?

And can a wave really involve such dramatic changes in symptoms and feelings, even from one day to another?

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Today has brought some unpleasant surprises again.

I already mentioned that my exercise tolerance has dropped significantly, and I mean really noticeably. Today while exercising I also noticed that the activity itself didn’t feel good or safe in my body. Instead, it almost felt like my body perceived the exercise as some kind of threat. It is a very strange feeling.

Later I went shopping for the last few things my children need for school. While I was in the shop, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling of fear, almost as if I was extremely frightened, except there was nothing I was actually frightened of and the feeling wouldn’t leave. Shops normally cause absolutely no anxiety for me, so I don’t think it had anything to do with being there.

Then I noticed how deeply sad and empty I felt. Everything around me seemed that way too. Like nothing really has any meaning.

Even very ordinary things feel different. Normally my morning coffee tastes and smells good, and the warmth itself gives me a small pleasant feeling. Right now I get none of that positive feeling. Normally I might want to choose nice clothes, get ready and look good, and there is a little excitement or pleasure in doing that. Right now I don’t care at all. I just put on something comfortable and clean because it doesn’t seem to matter.

That emptiness frightens me, especially because emotional symptoms somehow feel more real than physical ones. They feel like they are part of me.

But I also know there have been many moments during recovery when I genuinely enjoyed things again. Coffee, food, a shower, presenting at university, exercise and many other ordinary things. I have even written about those moments before, so although right now my mind tells me they weren’t real, I have my own words proving that they were. My husband also reminds me that he has seen those moments. Even yesterday I didn’t feel this hopeless.

Rationally I can understand that, but when I am inside this state it feels completely real and endless. It is difficult to separate myself from it. Existing itself feels exhausting because nothing I do seems to give me that normal positive emotional feedback. It is very difficult to put this feeling into words.

Does anyone recognise this as something that happens during a wave? Does what I am describing sound familiar from your own experience or from other withdrawal stories?

And can a wave really involve such dramatic changes in symptoms and feelings, even from one day to another?

How do you handel this emotions . Lack of joy and motivation and feeling cozy. I’m in the beginning in the Wd. 15 days. How do you handle and deal with feelings of emptiness and depression?

How do you handel this emotions . Lack of joy and motivation and feeling cozy. I’m in the beginning in the Wd. 15 days. How do you handle and deal with feelings of emptiness and depression?

@HopeOfHealing, you were a member on SA, so you're likely quite familiar with it.

It was going for 15 years. In almost every post you're asking whether symptoms that are among the most common withdrawal symptoms have been experienced by anyone else.

I would suggest reading through some more stories on SA.

@Saar8srl In the beginning I don’t remember everything clearly, but I tried to keep doing things that I knew rationally would normally bring me joy. For example, I started running again. At first I just did it, but eventually I genuinely started enjoying it again.

The same happened with other small things. Little moments of pleasure and emotion started returning, including feeling love and connection with my husband and children. Every small moment gave me hope that this was temporary and gave me some relief. Over time those good moments became longer.

I have to admit that right now I am struggling to hold onto that perspective because I never expected such a strong and unexpected wave this late.

That is why I write here so much. Other people’s support and experiences give me hope. I reread your comments telling me that this can be a wave, that it can pass, and that others have experienced something similar. Somehow that gives what is happening a little sense of “normality”, if that word can even be used for something like this.

I pray to God. I walk a lot with my husband. Whenever a better moment comes, I try to really experience it and remind myself that feeling this way is still possible.

But when I am right in the middle of the wave, like now with this surge of depressive feelings, sometimes all I can do is endure it.

At the same time, I have already experienced significant and very real improvements during this journey. So despite how difficult it feels right now, I also want to say this, including to myself:

It will get better.

28 minutes ago, Luke said:

I would suggest reading through some more stories on SA.

@Luke I understand what you mean. I have read many stories on SA, research papers and a lot of other material about withdrawal, and I keep going back and reading regularly.

I know that many of the symptoms I ask about are described there. But somehow when it is actually happening to you, and you are right inside that state, it becomes very difficult to hold onto what you know rationally.

Sometimes I simply need another human being who has been there to tell me again, “Yes, I experienced this too. This can be withdrawal. It can pass.”

I know that might sound silly or not make much sense, especially when I keep asking similar questions. But right now that human reassurance helps me keep perspective when my own perspective disappears.

2 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Today has brought some unpleasant surprises again.

I already mentioned that my exercise tolerance has dropped significantly, and I mean really noticeably. Today while exercising I also noticed that the activity itself didn’t feel good or safe in my body. Instead, it almost felt like my body perceived the exercise as some kind of threat. It is a very strange feeling.

Later I went shopping for the last few things my children need for school. While I was in the shop, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling of fear, almost as if I was extremely frightened, except there was nothing I was actually frightened of and the feeling wouldn’t leave. Shops normally cause absolutely no anxiety for me, so I don’t think it had anything to do with being there.

Then I noticed how deeply sad and empty I felt. Everything around me seemed that way too. Like nothing really has any meaning.

Even very ordinary things feel different. Normally my morning coffee tastes and smells good, and the warmth itself gives me a small pleasant feeling. Right now I get none of that positive feeling. Normally I might want to choose nice clothes, get ready and look good, and there is a little excitement or pleasure in doing that. Right now I don’t care at all. I just put on something comfortable and clean because it doesn’t seem to matter.

That emptiness frightens me, especially because emotional symptoms somehow feel more real than physical ones. They feel like they are part of me.

But I also know there have been many moments during recovery when I genuinely enjoyed things again. Coffee, food, a shower, presenting at university, exercise and many other ordinary things. I have even written about those moments before, so although right now my mind tells me they weren’t real, I have my own words proving that they were. My husband also reminds me that he has seen those moments. Even yesterday I didn’t feel this hopeless.

Rationally I can understand that, but when I am inside this state it feels completely real and endless. It is difficult to separate myself from it. Existing itself feels exhausting because nothing I do seems to give me that normal positive emotional feedback. It is very difficult to put this feeling into words.

Does anyone recognise this as something that happens during a wave? Does what I am describing sound familiar from your own experience or from other withdrawal stories?

And can a wave really involve such dramatic changes in symptoms and feelings, even from one day to another?

@HopeOfHealing . I understand and it's frustrating, but I have had and still have those symptoms in 21 months journey. They fluctuates on a daily basis. Sometimes, I get joy and it's gone. I enjoyed walking, but I did lost it for a while because I was feeling afraid to even walk. It's like I wanted to walk,but the body did not. Also, the feeling of being in a store where suddenly, you feel fear sensation in your body. All that you are describing, I can relate to you. Now, I feel it sometimes in a wave. They are alot less intense, but they keeps on and off with weaker intensity.

What I do, I just learned to ignore it. If my body doesn't feel like walking, then, I change activity for a little bit like sit and read a book. Sometimes, it changes and even reading a book might give me fear sensation, but walking comes back. They, I keep changing and play around what my body wants to do without fighting it or even thinking about it. If I feel sad, I still try to make a smile on my face and do activities without the enjoyment.

All those symptoms are part of the healing process. It will eventually decrease in intensity and becomes mild.

The body knows how to heal. It will get better. Just do whatever you can to do things around. If you can't exercise, just read a book, or watch tv or do small walks.

Take care

I didn’t post anything yesterday because I wanted to see how I would feel and cope without constantly writing about it.

Starting sleep is still difficult every night, although the hours eventually add up. I had around 6.5 hours the night before and 5.5 hours last night. Last night was particularly difficult to start sleeping and I only managed to fall asleep around 3:30. There wasn’t even strong anxiety or a racing heart. I was lying there, letting my thoughts wander, but somehow sleep just wouldn’t start.

The hours of sleep are there, but I don’t wake feeling rested or well. Sometimes I actually feel more physical anxiety inside me when I wake up than when I went to bed. My head hurts and there is this strange pressure in my body. I think @Chippy described something similar, sleeping for many hours but still often waking exhausted and not feeling restored?

The hardest part yesterday was actually the daytime state. I felt extremely dull and almost intoxicated, like I wasn’t completely clear-headed. Reading SA, I thought dysphoria described it quite well. I don’t want to do anything, everything feels unpleasant and I almost want to escape from myself. I feel like neither I nor the world around me is completely real. It is simply uncomfortable to exist.

I still feel incredibly frightened and alone. Not physically alone, but internally. This is so intense and strange that it is difficult to direct my thoughts towards anything positive. I keep getting scared that I am somehow ill and that there is no way out of this.

Rationally I can still give myself all the arguments for why this fits a wave: the previous progress, the sudden change, the symptoms, the fluctuations and everything I have read.

What frightens me now is that this has already been going on for two weeks. I know waves can last much longer than this. @Luke has told me about going for a very long time without a real window, so rationally I understand that two weeks doesn’t mean something has become permanent. But when something is this intense, every day feels incredibly long.

I know that waves can still happen 20 months out, but I never expected something this severe. First the sleep, and now these depressive and dysphoric feelings and this inability to find any sense of comfort or peace. I feel like a zombie wandering around, existing and waiting for time to pass.

I know that the feeling that “this will never end” can itself be part of the symptoms. But when I am inside it, it is incredibly difficult to imagine how I could suddenly feel well again.

Please forgive me for repeating myself. I am not doing it because I don’t respect or remember what you have already told me, or because I want to waste anyone’s time. Right now I am searching for some sense, even virtually, that I am not alone and that what I am experiencing can still fit within this process.

At the moment, that connection helps me hold onto some perspective when I struggle to find it myself.

40 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I was lying there, letting my thoughts wander, but somehow sleep just wouldn’t start.

Oh how I know this only too well lol! There is nothing to be done, just relaxed and still nothing, Doesn't even phase me anymore, so used to it. I have periods where it's not a big issue, then it comes back.

41 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

The hours of sleep are there, but I don’t wake feeling rested or well. Sometimes I actually feel more physical anxiety inside me when I wake up than when I went to bed. My head hurts and there is this strange pressure in my body. I think @Chippy described something similar, sleeping for many hours but still often waking exhausted and not feeling restored?

Oh yeah! This is my biggest thing, if I can get 5-6 good hours, things are not so bad. I have 6 hours 2 nights ago and it was AMAZING! I woke feel pretty good. Sometimes I can do the same and I wake feeling terrible. We have no idea why, just the whole sleep system is so dysfunctional in wd.

43 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

so rationally I understand that two weeks doesn’t mean something has become permanent. But when something is this intense, every day feels incredibly long.

exactly, 2 weeks means nothing, but in a wave logic goes out the window. You are definitely in a wave though, no doubt about it.

44 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Please forgive me for repeating myself. I am not doing it because I don’t respect or remember what you have already told me, or because I want to waste anyone’s time. Right now I am searching for some sense, even virtually, that I am not alone and that what I am experiencing can still fit within this process.

No need to say sorry, you are not alone in this. Try to learn to come to terms with the wave, see that it's happen but don't give it so much air time in your mind, just see it as something that will burn itself off without you having to do anything or control it. Try to be a passenger and don't judge the route. xxx

I am writing because today, and especially right now, this feels unbearable.

It feels like some enormous depression and confusion at the same time. At the beginning, I could somehow separate the anxiety and sleep problems from myself and recognise them as something happening to me. These feelings are much harder because they feel so real, almost like they are me.

I can’t seem to feel anything positive. Nothing feels enjoyable and I don’t want anything. It feels unbearable simply to exist in this state, like I want to crawl out of my own skin.

I try to bring in positive or rational thoughts, but it feels like I can’t even access them properly. This feeling doesn’t seem normal. None of this feels normal.

Time feels like it has stopped and this has already lasted forever. It is difficult to comprehend that a human being can even feel like this.

Sometimes I wonder if I am somehow creating or exaggerating it, so I deliberately try to choose different thoughts. But I can’t seem to influence this sadness, emotional pain and hopelessness at all.

Can withdrawal really become this severe? Can a wave genuinely make you feel this profoundly unlike yourself and unable to access any positive feelings?

I need to know that other people have experienced something this extreme and that this state was still able to change.

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I am writing because today, and especially right now, this feels unbearable.

It feels like some enormous depression and confusion at the same time. At the beginning, I could somehow separate the anxiety and sleep problems from myself and recognise them as something happening to me. These feelings are much harder because they feel so real, almost like they are me.

I can’t seem to feel anything positive. Nothing feels enjoyable and I don’t want anything. It feels unbearable simply to exist in this state, like I want to crawl out of my own skin.

I try to bring in positive or rational thoughts, but it feels like I can’t even access them properly. This feeling doesn’t seem normal. None of this feels normal.

Time feels like it has stopped and this has already lasted forever. It is difficult to comprehend that a human being can even feel like this.

Sometimes I wonder if I am somehow creating or exaggerating it, so I deliberately try to choose different thoughts. But I can’t seem to influence this sadness, emotional pain and hopelessness at all.

Can withdrawal really become this severe? Can a wave genuinely make you feel this profoundly unlike yourself and unable to access any positive feelings?

I need to know that other people have experienced something this extreme and that this state was still able to change.

Hey @HopeOfHealing . I’m going through something very similar. Since last Sunday I have entered a horrific state, much of the symptoms you describe after feeling relatively ok for so long. I’m not sure whether it was from an intense workout the previous day or whether it is just part of the window and wave process. But yea, very unpleasant to the point where I wonder if I can actually work or not. Trying my best to float and accept, very hard

Hope you find relief soon @HopeOfHealing thinking of you

@Johan1233 I am so sorry you are going through something similar. I know how incredibly difficult and frightening this feels, especially after having felt relatively okay for a longer time.

Have you experienced other waves like this before, where you suddenly felt this bad after a better period? And did they eventually lift?

I truly believe this is a wave for both of us and that it will pass. Even if right now it is incredibly difficult to feel that from inside it.

Let’s keep each other in our prayers, and everyone else who is suffering through this too. I really hope we both find relief soon. ❤️

9 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

@Johan1233 I am so sorry you are going through something similar. I know how incredibly difficult and frightening this feels, especially after having felt relatively okay for a longer time.

Have you experienced other waves like this before, where you suddenly felt this bad after a better period? And did they eventually lift?

I truly believe this is a wave for both of us and that it will pass. Even if right now it is incredibly difficult to feel that from inside it.

Let’s keep each other in our prayers, and everyone else who is suffering through this too. I really hope we both find relief soon. ❤️

I haven’t had a wave quite this bad before, really odd. The DPD/DPRD is very strong with depression and anxiety, sleep issues and a host of physical symptoms. What’s strange for me is the duration of time. My waves rarely last a few days but also my windows rarely last a few days. This happened the last time I was in WD then all of a sudden it was like a switch in my brain and I was 80% better. That was last September and unfortunately back in WD since then.

Unless there is any other factor which has made you feel worse, I.e a dose change or something you did to make yourself worse then it’s almost certainly a wave . And with all wave’s, they lift, your’s will lift and so will mine

Sending love❤️

@HopeOfHealing I just want to reach out and hug you! I know exactly where you’re at mentally and emotionally. Sleep is something so integral and necessary for our survival, that it seems cruel not to have it. Insomnia has been my enemy for almost 17 months now, since I started a beta blocker for migraines. I then CT my SSRI and eventually weaned off the BB and still my sleep remained fractured. It’s been 10 months now and more often than not, I get very little sleep. I often describe it to my husband that I feel like a computer that refuses to shut down due to so many running programs. Then when I do force a shut down, it doesn’t really feel like I get rest. I’ve been using Unisom (doxycycline succinate) to sleep for a long time now. I’ve weaned myself down to a 1/4 of a dose using liquid, but sometimes have to go higher when I feel particularly stimulated. Perhaps give a small crumb of that a try? You’re not weak for needing a helping hand.

There have been periods of improvement. In fact, for about 6 weeks, my sleep got so much better in month 8/9 that I thought I was past the worst. However, a wave hit me in early August that is still going, although the last few nights not quite as bad. One thing I’m holding on to now is that occasionally when I do SLEEP, I dream and it’s been so long since I’ve done that.

I recently heard a story about a woman in withdrawal that went into a wave that lasted months and came out the other side better in many ways, although not completely healed yet. I’m holding on to that story and hoping that every terrible wave I endure is one step closer to a more stable CNS. It’s hard to always feel that way when you’re sleep deprived and emotionally exhausted, but not impossible.

Praying for you!