6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Can withdrawal really become this severe? Can a wave genuinely make you feel this profoundly unlike yourself and unable to access any positive feelings?

I need to know that other people have experienced something this extreme and that this state was still able to change.

As I said previously, at this kind of timeframe I was still having week-long physical deteriorations where I couldn't walk and talk.

As for anhedonia, it is a very, very common withdrawal symptom.

Both are recoverable, and there is a lot of precedent for people recovering from them.

Last night I slept around 6 hours. It still took some time to fall asleep and there were many small awakenings.

My husband had to get up very early this morning for a day trip, and afterwards I managed to fall asleep again for a while. During that morning sleep I had very intense, vivid dreams.

I don't know if anyone else had this while taking mirtazapine, but for me vivid dreams were a terrible side effect. I would wake frightened and disoriented, and it took time to realise what had been a dream and what was real. This morning was nowhere near as bad, but the feeling was strangely familiar.

Today is also the first day in the past weeks that I am home alone with the children. My husband has been around most days until now.

I went for a run and included a few faster 100-metre intervals, but my exercise tolerance is still much lower than normal. Even running faster doesn't give me that usual good feeling. It just feels unpleasant.

Today the symptoms are not as intense. I feel more apathetic, but at least there is some calm.

After the run I sat on the terrace listening to the trees moving in the wind. Nothing was actively bothering me in that moment, but at the same time I didn't really want anything either.

I know I can't expect to suddenly feel huge happiness or euphoria, and I don't need that. What I miss is that normal inner pull towards life. A little motivation, interest and excitement. Looking forward to a workout. Wanting to cook because I normally enjoy planning food, preparing it and tasting it.

Right now everything feels flat and indifferent. I don't really want anything.

That feels so unlike me as a person, and that is why it scares and saddens me. I almost feel like I am observing myself from the outside.

Today the heavy foggy feeling is less intense, which I am grateful for. But I still don't feel fully connected to the flow of life, time or the environment around me. I still feel somehow separated from everything.

Now I am going for a walk with the children and to buy flowers for their first day of school tomorrow.

From my heart, I wish every one of you a peaceful and gentle last day of summer.

6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I don't know if anyone else had this while taking mirtazapine, but for me vivid dreams were a terrible side effect. I would wake frightened and disoriented, and it took time to realise what had been a dream and what was real. This morning was nowhere near as bad, but the feeling was strangely familiar.

Yes, and then upon ceasing mirtazapine it was very bad, for the small amounts I was sleeping.

Vivid nightmares and waking up extremely stressed is still a common issue in flare ups now past 40 months off.

19 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

but for me vivid dreams were a terrible side effect.

Unfortunately vivid dreams are very common on and off the drug. I still have this too. Was just thinking how wild mine were last night actually!

19 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Even running faster doesn't give me that usual good feeling. It just feels unpleasant.

I love to hill walk, this is how I find walking now, unpleasant, I used to feel so alive up in the hills with the wind in my face. I often go and just push through, I can't wait till this stops for me.

19 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

From my heart, I wish every one of you a peaceful and gentle last day of summer.

Same and for you too

Hope Autumn/Fall brings you some peace and more healing xxx

Yesterday was surprisingly calm. Compared with the previous days, I felt much better and was able to do many normal things.

Sleep is still difficult to start and fragmented, but it was more connected and I got almost 7 hours. I still didn't feel properly rested, but this is definitely an improvement.

Today we took the children to school, I went running with my husband, made lunch and even managed to sit at my computer and answer messages I had been postponing. My concentration was much better. My exercise tolerance is still strange though, especially my heart rate, which rises and falls unusually compared with my normal running.

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

I honestly don't know anymore where the wave ends, what is withdrawal, what is fear from everything I have experienced, and where I am underneath it.

Is it possible to eventually recover not only physically, but also regain that basic feeling of safety and wellbeing, where life simply feels okay again?

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

Hi @HopeOfHealing. It's great that you've seen some noticeable improvement in your wave. As we know, recovery from this type of nervous system injury is never linear. It is one thousand percent normal for mood symptoms to fluctuate during the same day. Sometimes I experience multiple shifts in mood within the same 30 min!

You will very likely experience more ups and downs as you recover from your wave. This is all part of the process. You will still get through it.

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I honestly don't know anymore where the wave ends, what is withdrawal, what is fear from everything I have experienced, and where I am underneath it.

Is it possible to eventually recover not only physically, but also regain that basic feeling of safety and wellbeing, where life simply feels okay again?

Try not to overthink things. It is most likely that the vast majority of what you are experiencing is withdrawal. You will recover your feeling of peace and wellbeing once you've healed.

23 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day?

Yes, this is normal. Many times during my journey, I have had just minutes feeling like nothing happens just to get on these waves of terrible symptoms minutes later.

So, it is normal to be good one minute just to go back next minute.

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Yesterday was surprisingly calm. Compared with the previous days, I felt much better and was able to do many normal things.

Sleep is still difficult to start and fragmented, but it was more connected and I got almost 7 hours. I still didn't feel properly rested, but this is definitely an improvement.

Today we took the children to school, I went running with my husband, made lunch and even managed to sit at my computer and answer messages I had been postponing. My concentration was much better. My exercise tolerance is still strange though, especially my heart rate, which rises and falls unusually compared with my normal running.

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

I honestly don't know anymore where the wave ends, what is withdrawal, what is fear from everything I have experienced, and where I am underneath it.

Is it possible to eventually recover not only physically, but also regain that basic feeling of safety and wellbeing, where life simply feels okay again?

Also, I want to recommend the following book,"Don't feed the monkey mind", how to stop the cycle of anxiety, fear and worry by Jennifer Shannon, LMFT...

When I was on my worst month, I found a psychotherapy to help me with CBT. She recommended me the book and it's what I still use to cope with these symptoms. Love the book and I still go back when in doubt....

Remember, many of our symptoms are just part of the waves and healing process. We have no control over the intrusive thoughts, negative thoughts, physical symptoms. We don't have control of our mind, but we do have control how you take or persive your symptoms. Floating is the best way to deal with this as hard as it is ..

Take care

5 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

This is where acceptance is helpful. My self-talk in a situation like this would be..this is exactly what I’m supposed to feel right now in order to heal. Or, my body is doing exactly what it should to heal. I don’t question or try and analyze. I accept what I am feeling as part of the process and know time will heal the withdrawal symptoms.

Happy to read that you’re sleeping better :)

Edited 22 hours ago22 hr by Wildflower

11 hours ago, Wildflower said:

This is where acceptance is helpful. My self-talk in a situation like this would be..this is exactly what I’m supposed to feel right now in order to heal. Or, my body is doing exactly what it should to heal. I don’t question or try and analyze. I accept what I am feeling as part of the process and know time will heal the withdrawal symptoms.

This 100%!

Last night I again felt like I could not properly fall asleep through the night. I just couldn’t switch off. My watch still shows several hours of sleep, so I must have slept in broken pieces, but I feel awful today.

The strangest part is that I can’t even explain exactly what is wrong. I have so many strange sensations in my body and emotionally, but I can’t describe them properly. Just this unbearable inner uneasiness, despair, and feeling that something is very wrong.

I am struggling a lot right now. I am getting through it minute by minute and I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.

I really hope some of you can write to me again and help me make sense of this. Can this really still be a wave? I don’t understand what is happening, but I also don’t really have another explanation.

Sorry for repeating myself. I am just not coping very well at the moment.

Today I also had a call with a psychologist who specializes in sleep. I explained my whole situation, but she said she had no experience with cases like this and didn’t know much about this kind of withdrawal situation. In a way I expected that, but I think I keep looking for something I can actively do because simply waiting feels endless.

Have any of you had periods where you were living minute by minute for a long time? Where everything else in life felt paused? Where you started seriously doubting what was happening to you?

You all seem incredibly strong to me when I read how you got through this. I still don’t understand how something like this can actually be accepted.

6 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Last night I again felt like I could not properly fall asleep through the night. I just couldn’t switch off. My watch still shows several hours of sleep, so I must have slept in broken pieces, but I feel awful today.

The strangest part is that I can’t even explain exactly what is wrong. I have so many strange sensations in my body and emotionally, but I can’t describe them properly. Just this unbearable inner uneasiness, despair, and feeling that something is very wrong.

I am struggling a lot right now. I am getting through it minute by minute and I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.

I really hope some of you can write to me again and help me make sense of this. Can this really still be a wave? I don’t understand what is happening, but I also don’t really have another explanation.

Sorry for repeating myself. I am just not coping very well at the moment.

Today I also had a call with a psychologist who specializes in sleep. I explained my whole situation, but she said she had no experience with cases like this and didn’t know much about this kind of withdrawal situation. In a way I expected that, but I think I keep looking for something I can actively do because simply waiting feels endless.

Have any of you had periods where you were living minute by minute for a long time? Where everything else in life felt paused? Where you started seriously doubting what was happening to you?

You all seem incredibly strong to me when I read how you got through this. I still don’t understand how something like this can actually be accepted.

I'm sorry about your struggles. This is really inhumane for all of us. Based un signature, you cold turkey your medications. Now, your body is working hard to find stability and live without the drug. If everyone else before us were able to get out, we can get out of this too.

Hang in there. Things will improve slowly....

On 9/1/2026 at 3:18 PM, HopeOfHealing said:

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

It can. That's better than just being stuck in intense symptoms constantly. Try to keep that in mind.

6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Have any of you had periods where you were living minute by minute for a long time? Where everything else in life felt paused?

Yes, I spent a couple of years needing almost constant care, help with a large proportion of basic tasks etc. Life was paused.

6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Where you started seriously doubting what was happening to you?

No, it was obvious that these drugs had absolutely and totally destroyed every conceivable aspect of my health.