6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Can withdrawal really become this severe? Can a wave genuinely make you feel this profoundly unlike yourself and unable to access any positive feelings?

I need to know that other people have experienced something this extreme and that this state was still able to change.

As I said previously, at this kind of timeframe I was still having week-long physical deteriorations where I couldn't walk and talk.

As for anhedonia, it is a very, very common withdrawal symptom.

Both are recoverable, and there is a lot of precedent for people recovering from them.

Last night I slept around 6 hours. It still took some time to fall asleep and there were many small awakenings.

My husband had to get up very early this morning for a day trip, and afterwards I managed to fall asleep again for a while. During that morning sleep I had very intense, vivid dreams.

I don't know if anyone else had this while taking mirtazapine, but for me vivid dreams were a terrible side effect. I would wake frightened and disoriented, and it took time to realise what had been a dream and what was real. This morning was nowhere near as bad, but the feeling was strangely familiar.

Today is also the first day in the past weeks that I am home alone with the children. My husband has been around most days until now.

I went for a run and included a few faster 100-metre intervals, but my exercise tolerance is still much lower than normal. Even running faster doesn't give me that usual good feeling. It just feels unpleasant.

Today the symptoms are not as intense. I feel more apathetic, but at least there is some calm.

After the run I sat on the terrace listening to the trees moving in the wind. Nothing was actively bothering me in that moment, but at the same time I didn't really want anything either.

I know I can't expect to suddenly feel huge happiness or euphoria, and I don't need that. What I miss is that normal inner pull towards life. A little motivation, interest and excitement. Looking forward to a workout. Wanting to cook because I normally enjoy planning food, preparing it and tasting it.

Right now everything feels flat and indifferent. I don't really want anything.

That feels so unlike me as a person, and that is why it scares and saddens me. I almost feel like I am observing myself from the outside.

Today the heavy foggy feeling is less intense, which I am grateful for. But I still don't feel fully connected to the flow of life, time or the environment around me. I still feel somehow separated from everything.

Now I am going for a walk with the children and to buy flowers for their first day of school tomorrow.

From my heart, I wish every one of you a peaceful and gentle last day of summer.

6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I don't know if anyone else had this while taking mirtazapine, but for me vivid dreams were a terrible side effect. I would wake frightened and disoriented, and it took time to realise what had been a dream and what was real. This morning was nowhere near as bad, but the feeling was strangely familiar.

Yes, and then upon ceasing mirtazapine it was very bad, for the small amounts I was sleeping.

Vivid nightmares and waking up extremely stressed is still a common issue in flare ups now past 40 months off.

19 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

but for me vivid dreams were a terrible side effect.

Unfortunately vivid dreams are very common on and off the drug. I still have this too. Was just thinking how wild mine were last night actually!

19 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Even running faster doesn't give me that usual good feeling. It just feels unpleasant.

I love to hill walk, this is how I find walking now, unpleasant, I used to feel so alive up in the hills with the wind in my face. I often go and just push through, I can't wait till this stops for me.

19 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

From my heart, I wish every one of you a peaceful and gentle last day of summer.

Same and for you too

Hope Autumn/Fall brings you some peace and more healing xxx

Yesterday was surprisingly calm. Compared with the previous days, I felt much better and was able to do many normal things.

Sleep is still difficult to start and fragmented, but it was more connected and I got almost 7 hours. I still didn't feel properly rested, but this is definitely an improvement.

Today we took the children to school, I went running with my husband, made lunch and even managed to sit at my computer and answer messages I had been postponing. My concentration was much better. My exercise tolerance is still strange though, especially my heart rate, which rises and falls unusually compared with my normal running.

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

I honestly don't know anymore where the wave ends, what is withdrawal, what is fear from everything I have experienced, and where I am underneath it.

Is it possible to eventually recover not only physically, but also regain that basic feeling of safety and wellbeing, where life simply feels okay again?

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

Hi @HopeOfHealing. It's great that you've seen some noticeable improvement in your wave. As we know, recovery from this type of nervous system injury is never linear. It is one thousand percent normal for mood symptoms to fluctuate during the same day. Sometimes I experience multiple shifts in mood within the same 30 min!

You will very likely experience more ups and downs as you recover from your wave. This is all part of the process. You will still get through it.

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I honestly don't know anymore where the wave ends, what is withdrawal, what is fear from everything I have experienced, and where I am underneath it.

Is it possible to eventually recover not only physically, but also regain that basic feeling of safety and wellbeing, where life simply feels okay again?

Try not to overthink things. It is most likely that the vast majority of what you are experiencing is withdrawal. You will recover your feeling of peace and wellbeing once you've healed.

23 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day?

Yes, this is normal. Many times during my journey, I have had just minutes feeling like nothing happens just to get on these waves of terrible symptoms minutes later.

So, it is normal to be good one minute just to go back next minute.

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Yesterday was surprisingly calm. Compared with the previous days, I felt much better and was able to do many normal things.

Sleep is still difficult to start and fragmented, but it was more connected and I got almost 7 hours. I still didn't feel properly rested, but this is definitely an improvement.

Today we took the children to school, I went running with my husband, made lunch and even managed to sit at my computer and answer messages I had been postponing. My concentration was much better. My exercise tolerance is still strange though, especially my heart rate, which rises and falls unusually compared with my normal running.

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

I honestly don't know anymore where the wave ends, what is withdrawal, what is fear from everything I have experienced, and where I am underneath it.

Is it possible to eventually recover not only physically, but also regain that basic feeling of safety and wellbeing, where life simply feels okay again?

Also, I want to recommend the following book,"Don't feed the monkey mind", how to stop the cycle of anxiety, fear and worry by Jennifer Shannon, LMFT...

When I was on my worst month, I found a psychotherapy to help me with CBT. She recommended me the book and it's what I still use to cope with these symptoms. Love the book and I still go back when in doubt....

Remember, many of our symptoms are just part of the waves and healing process. We have no control over the intrusive thoughts, negative thoughts, physical symptoms. We don't have control of our mind, but we do have control how you take or persive your symptoms. Floating is the best way to deal with this as hard as it is ..

Take care

5 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

But there is still this background feeling of fear and threat. And this afternoon another strong wave of anxiety and inner restlessness suddenly came over me. Everything around me started feeling gloomy and frightening again, almost like being inside a horror movie.

This confuses me so much because I was already feeling noticeably better.

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

This is where acceptance is helpful. My self-talk in a situation like this would be..this is exactly what I’m supposed to feel right now in order to heal. Or, my body is doing exactly what it should to heal. I don’t question or try and analyze. I accept what I am feeling as part of the process and know time will heal the withdrawal symptoms.

Happy to read that you’re sleeping better :)

Edited September 1Sep 1 by Wildflower

11 hours ago, Wildflower said:

This is where acceptance is helpful. My self-talk in a situation like this would be..this is exactly what I’m supposed to feel right now in order to heal. Or, my body is doing exactly what it should to heal. I don’t question or try and analyze. I accept what I am feeling as part of the process and know time will heal the withdrawal symptoms.

This 100%!

Last night I again felt like I could not properly fall asleep through the night. I just couldn’t switch off. My watch still shows several hours of sleep, so I must have slept in broken pieces, but I feel awful today.

The strangest part is that I can’t even explain exactly what is wrong. I have so many strange sensations in my body and emotionally, but I can’t describe them properly. Just this unbearable inner uneasiness, despair, and feeling that something is very wrong.

I am struggling a lot right now. I am getting through it minute by minute and I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.

I really hope some of you can write to me again and help me make sense of this. Can this really still be a wave? I don’t understand what is happening, but I also don’t really have another explanation.

Sorry for repeating myself. I am just not coping very well at the moment.

Today I also had a call with a psychologist who specializes in sleep. I explained my whole situation, but she said she had no experience with cases like this and didn’t know much about this kind of withdrawal situation. In a way I expected that, but I think I keep looking for something I can actively do because simply waiting feels endless.

Have any of you had periods where you were living minute by minute for a long time? Where everything else in life felt paused? Where you started seriously doubting what was happening to you?

You all seem incredibly strong to me when I read how you got through this. I still don’t understand how something like this can actually be accepted.

6 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Last night I again felt like I could not properly fall asleep through the night. I just couldn’t switch off. My watch still shows several hours of sleep, so I must have slept in broken pieces, but I feel awful today.

The strangest part is that I can’t even explain exactly what is wrong. I have so many strange sensations in my body and emotionally, but I can’t describe them properly. Just this unbearable inner uneasiness, despair, and feeling that something is very wrong.

I am struggling a lot right now. I am getting through it minute by minute and I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.

I really hope some of you can write to me again and help me make sense of this. Can this really still be a wave? I don’t understand what is happening, but I also don’t really have another explanation.

Sorry for repeating myself. I am just not coping very well at the moment.

Today I also had a call with a psychologist who specializes in sleep. I explained my whole situation, but she said she had no experience with cases like this and didn’t know much about this kind of withdrawal situation. In a way I expected that, but I think I keep looking for something I can actively do because simply waiting feels endless.

Have any of you had periods where you were living minute by minute for a long time? Where everything else in life felt paused? Where you started seriously doubting what was happening to you?

You all seem incredibly strong to me when I read how you got through this. I still don’t understand how something like this can actually be accepted.

I'm sorry about your struggles. This is really inhumane for all of us. Based un signature, you cold turkey your medications. Now, your body is working hard to find stability and live without the drug. If everyone else before us were able to get out, we can get out of this too.

Hang in there. Things will improve slowly....

On 9/1/2026 at 3:18 PM, HopeOfHealing said:

Can a withdrawal wave really fluctuate this dramatically, even within the same day? Can you feel almost normal for a while and then suddenly be hit by these intense symptoms again?

It can. That's better than just being stuck in intense symptoms constantly. Try to keep that in mind.

6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Have any of you had periods where you were living minute by minute for a long time? Where everything else in life felt paused?

Yes, I spent a couple of years needing almost constant care, help with a large proportion of basic tasks etc. Life was paused.

6 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Where you started seriously doubting what was happening to you?

No, it was obvious that these drugs had absolutely and totally destroyed every conceivable aspect of my health.

Sending some love @HopeOfHealing hope today is better for you. This is 100% WD, it's hell but we can accept and in time this will all fade for you. You are not alone, we get it. xxxx

Good morning. Yesterday was difficult. In the second half of the day I had a massage appointment that I wanted to cancel, but I went anyway.

After the massage, at one point I had this strange feeling like something suddenly clicked or switched, and my mind opened up a little. But there was still anxiety and a kind of dull, drugged feeling with it. After walking for a while, that settled somewhat.

Last night was the best night I have had during these weeks. I fell asleep faster than usual, woke less, and overall the sleep felt more continuous. I slept around 7 hours.

This morning I woke up feeling strange, almost half asleep, but overall my head feels clearer today. I am calmer, and I do not have those extremely intense emotions and body sensations where I physically do not know what to do with myself.

What scares me is this strange feeling that I am here, but also not fully here. I can sit at the computer and listen to an online university lecture, and I know I am present. But at the same time it feels like I am watching myself from the outside.

It is almost like there is another line of thought running in parallel in my head, panicking about what is happening and what will happen next.

It is such a strange feeling. I can feel better and more functional, but at the same time still feel this horror somewhere in the background. Like I am finally here again, but only partly. I do not know how to describe it properly. It feels uncomfortable, confusing, almost like my mind is fragmented.

Can sensations like this, confusion, detachment and feeling not fully connected to yourself, also happen during withdrawal?

I am incredibly grateful for last night’s sleep. But maybe after everything that has happened, one better night is simply not enough yet to bring back the feeling of safety inside my own body and mind.

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

But at the same time it feels like I am watching myself from the outside.

It is almost like there is another line of thought running in parallel in my head, panicking about what is happening and what will happen next.

It is such a strange feeling. I can feel better and more functional, but at the same time still feel this horror somewhere in the background. Like I am finally here again, but only partly. I do not know how to describe it properly. It feels uncomfortable, confusing, almost like my mind is fragmented.

Can sensations like this, confusion, detachment and feeling not fully connected to yourself, also happen during withdrawal?

I am incredibly grateful for last night’s sleep. But maybe after everything that has happened, one better night is simply not enough yet to bring back the feeling of safety inside my own body and mind.

Hi @HopeOfHealing this is totally WD, I’ve been feeling this for the last weeks, like if my mind is divided also. Just keep your daily routine and don’t hold the thoughts, don’t fight with them, focus on the task itself and keep going. I don’t know yet if it is DP/DR but it my case it lifts during the day, and during the last three days I can wake up already with cleared mind.

Every night is healing night! Just keep going and work with yourself along the way.

This too shall pass.

10 hours ago, Healing_s said:

This too shall pass

@Healing_s 🙏❤️

Yesterday I had a friend’s baby shower. I tried to pull myself together as much as I could because I didn’t want to spoil her celebration.

At the restaurant I kept getting strange waves of anxiety that would come over me and then pass. After a while I felt a little calmer.

Last night I again seem to have slept a reasonable number of hours, but it still felt like I was half awake while sleeping, and today I feel extremely unrefreshed.

Today I have been overwhelmed by a sadness and hopelessness that is almost impossible to put into words. I keep crying. It feels as if all hope has disappeared.

I honestly cannot tell whether this is another symptom in this constantly changing chaos, or whether it is my emotional reaction to everything that has been happening and the fact that I cannot control it. The sadness feels incredibly deep, almost like I am grieving my whole life.

Today I am at home alone with my child. My child is watching TV and I am just sitting in one place crying, because every normal activity feels completely pointless. Eating, taking a shower, doing anything at all. Everything feels meaningless, and I cannot think or push myself out of this state.

I would be very grateful for any experiences or support. Have any of you had days like this during a wave, where the sadness and hopelessness suddenly became overwhelming even when some other symptoms were changing?

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Today I am at home alone with my child. My child is watching TV and I am just sitting in one place crying, because every normal activity feels completely pointless. Eating, taking a shower, doing anything at all. Everything feels meaningless, and I cannot think or push myself out of this state.

@HopeOfHealing ...this is definitely a hard journey that I don't even wish to my worst enemy. What you are experiencing is part of the healing process. I have experienced same symptoms as you during my first 6 months of hell. Life was passing by and all I did was to sit there and do everything I could to cope with the situation. I tried to put smile on my face to just make it to the day. Like it says, you fake it until you make it. I had many days that I couldn't even take a shower. I spent many days crying and confused and in top of that, I had to find ways to work and do my job as I needed to provide to family. Currently, at 21 months journey, I still struggles but it feels a lot better and symptoms are a lot less intense. I can function better and feel more attach to my surroundings. I feel the love of my family despite few days where I just don't have emotions. It's weird to feel good and bad at the same time.

During my worst time, I just learned to accept it and I spent many times reading other people successful stories. It gave me hope as many of the successful stories were in a lot of worst journey than mine.

Hold on to your child and family. Look at the future where the bright light is ahead of you. When this is all over, you will be a better person than ever.

The body wants to heal. If you feel like crying, go for it. I discovered that crying is part of healing our emotions. Unfortunately, we are taught that it's mean depression and that's not true. Craying makes us feel better and it releases energy. I did a lot of crying during this journey, and I can tell you that you will feel better.

Hold on my friend....you will get better...

Prayers for you...

Please, if anyone has experienced something similar, write to me. I really need to hear from people who understand this.

I feel unbearably bad today. It feels like I have fallen into an extreme depression. I am crying and the emotional pain is so intense that it feels almost physical, like my soul is being torn apart. I do not know how to tolerate it.

Nothing feels good. Distraction does not really work. I feel like I am losing my mind, like I am going crazy and cannot control what is happening inside me. The frightening part is that I am fully aware of it. Rationally I want to change it, I know why I am fighting and what I want to live for, but then this absolute hopelessness comes over me and I cannot see any future.

It feels like something very dark and heavy takes over me. I cannot believe a human being can feel something this intense. I know I need to be patient, but the panic, depression and despair together feel almost impossible to tolerate.

I keep trying to write down the facts that tell me this could still be a wave and that it can pass:

• I have a complicated medication history with severe adverse reactions, so prolonged effects on my nervous system are possible.

• Mark Horowitz has explained that setbacks can happen in protracted withdrawal, and many of you have described similar experiences.

• These feelings can apparently become extremely intense during withdrawal.

• I had been doing much better before this suddenly started.

• The symptoms appeared gradually, became stronger, and keep changing.

• Even around 20 months off, late setbacks can still happen, even after significant improvement.

• A wave can last for weeks.

• During these last three weeks there have already been changes and improvements in sleep and also some emotionally better periods. It has not been completely static.

• The symptoms I am having, including the strange sleep, anxiety, anhedonia, derealisation and severe depressive feelings, have all been described by others during withdrawal.

I keep repeating these things to myself, but today it is very difficult to believe them emotionally.

Most of the time my husband is nearby or I can call him. But these extremely dark thoughts keep coming over me and I am scared of completely losing control of myself.

Have any of you had a wave where the emotional pain, panic and hopelessness became this intense, even after you had previously improved? How did you get through those hours or days when everything inside you was telling you that there was no hope?

I would think that @Chippy or @Luke you

Might have had a similar experience as you were also on Mirtezapine and have a somewhat similar timeline as me.

Dear @HopeOfHealing

We all can relate to this intense, dreadfull, hopeless moments, where nothing matters anymore, except wanting the time to run fast so we can get out of this black hole that swolled us.

But we must endure! Healing is happen whether we do cope or not, but we can make it easier if we try our best to acknowledge and accept things are taking place. Take a deep breath, cry, and hold on for the ride.

Don’t lose hope, always keep believing! Go for a walk, do some tasks, within what you are able to. Play with your kids, read a book, make a puzzle. But don’t lose hope! Better days will come! As did came for everyone, even if it’s just a glimpse! Hold it close to your heart! It will get better!

It is sad that I can't spend quality time with my kids because I can't focus. I hug them and kiss them, say I love them, but that's about all I can manage. Sometimes we go for a walk with the dog together, and during those walks there are better moments when we can actually talk. Otherwise, I find myself wanting to hide most of the time because I don't want them to see me like this. I can't control the crying or the constant nervous pacing around the room. I can't imagine myself doing a puzzle or reading a book right now.

I had an online university lecture today a few hours ago. I just listened, but I couldn't take in any of the information. I heard the words, but I wasn't really there. I couldn't process or understand what I was hearing. Normally, studying has never been difficult for me.

2 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Have any of you had a wave where the emotional pain, panic and hopelessness became this intense, even after you had previously improved? How did you get through those hours or days when everything inside you was telling you that there was no hope?

Yes. I felt like I was improving slowly but steadily for several months, and then in late July/early August I had a terrible wave that included several days where I couldn't do much but cry all day. I barely ate and couldn't focus on anything. My husband was terrified and I could barely recognize myself. But it passed for me, and it will pass for you too. All you can do is keep engaging those coping skills as best you can and just endure until it gets better.

47 minutes ago, SarahMc said:

But it passed for me, and it will pass for you too. All you can do is keep engaging those coping skills as best you can and just endure until it gets better.

I am just worried it is third week already. I never had such long wave and it is 20 months already. I don't get it. Thank you for sharing your experience, very close to my state now.

I was reading @Rekonum thread and the comments from Sarah, Chippy and Luke, and it made me look at my own history differently.

In 2023, when I had already been off Brintellix for about 8 months, I suddenly experienced a huge wave after a relatively good period. My sleep crashed badly, so I went to my doctor for support. She told me that “my nervous system needs to be calmed down,” and that is how I ended up restarting medication for the second time.

After restarting, my reactions were extreme and completely different from the first time I had taken antidepressants — paradoxical reactions, severe side effects, and then several medication changes. Withdrawal was never considered at the time.

Eventually I ended up on Brintellix and mirtazapine, tapered off, and I am now 20 months medication-free.

Reading this thread made me wonder whether that big wave at 8 months was actually withdrawal and my nervous system was already sensitized when I restarted. Could restarting and all the medication changes still be affecting why I am struggling so much now? Could it make recovery longer or more difficult, and is there anything I can do now besides keeping things stable and giving my nervous system time?

I’d really appreciate your thoughts, especially @Chippy, @Luke and @SarahMc