One more thing I wanted to add: right now everything feels frightening again. There are no positive feelings, and my thoughts don’t seem to flow naturally like my own normal thoughts. It feels like my mind is stuck in this fearful, strange state again.

I’d tighten it somewhat so people are more likely to read and respond, while keeping the important improvement and the remaining symptoms:

Good morning. I wanted to share an honest update, including the improvements.

For the past two nights my sleep has finally been deeper than during these last 3–4 weeks. I am also starting to function again, at least partly — working a little, cooking and doing normal everyday things.

The extremely intense episodes of anxiety, dysphoria and that unbearable feeling of simply existing have also not been as strong these past couple of days.

There are moments when parts of me seem to come back — interest, motivation, enjoying food, conversations, music. Compared with even a week ago, these feel like significant changes.

At the same time, I am far from normal. Depression, fear and intrusive thoughts still come. After sleeping I wake extremely groggy/hungover and foggy, without a clear head. I also feel incredibly exhausted.

My exercise tolerance is still dramatically reduced. My HR behaves very differently, energy is low, and the drive and enjoyment I normally have for running are mostly missing. For those who experienced this during a wave: did the exhaustion, exercise intolerance and desire to exercise gradually return as you stabilised?

I also still don't have that deeper feeling of peace, safety and connection with life. My mind jumps ahead: Will I feel completely like myself again? Travel? Run marathons? Make plans without constantly thinking about my nervous system?

My husband says he can see improvement from the outside and keeps reminding me to look at the overall trend rather than expecting everything to become normal overnight. I think I somehow expected that one morning I would simply wake up and everything would suddenly be normal again.

So I would really like to ask those who have come through a major wave:

What did coming out of it actually look like? Was it gradual and uneven — better hours/days mixed with anxiety and strange symptoms — or did you eventually experience some kind of “switch”?

And perhaps most importantly: did ordinary life eventually feel ordinary again? Did the hypervigilance and fear fade? Did you regain that basic sense of peace, safety, joy and trust in your own body and mind?

This has been the worst wave of my withdrawal, and I never expected something this severe around 20 months off. That still shocks and frightens me.

My heart also breaks reading about people experiencing similar symptoms for even longer periods or without windows. It isn't fair to any of us, and I don't want to compare suffering.

But right now I can see some signs that things may finally be moving in the right direction. I am trying to acknowledge them and be grateful for every small window, even while I am still scared.

I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has been through a severe late wave and reached the other side.

Did anyone experience a strange kind of mental noise during a wave? Not actual sounds or voices and not even specific intrusive thoughts, but a feeling that your mind is never clear or quiet — as if there is some vague stream of thoughts or mental activity running in the background while you are consciously thinking and doing things normally. Almost like there are two layers of mental activity at the same time. It leaves my head feeling very foggy, cluttered and ‘unclear’. It is extremely difficult to describe.

@Chippy @Luke as you have a very similar drug history and similar timeline of stopping them, maybe you can comment? Have you seen such "mind chatter" symptom?

19 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

@Chippy @Luke as you have a very similar drug history and similar timeline of stopping them, maybe you can comment? Have you seen such "mind chatter" symptom?

Hey @HopeOfHealing WD causes all sorts of symptoms, you are not alone in any of this. It is really really important to start to learn to accept what is happening to you. You don't need us to confirm this on a daily basis :), this is not acceptance it's the opposite. You will be ok eventually, things will settle down. Your next step is to put energy into researching this topic of mindfulness and acceptance and start to let go of the control. You can't make healing happen, and overly fixating on every little symptom is not helping you. I say all this with love my friend. xxxxx

21 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

@Chippy @Luke as you have a very similar drug history and similar timeline of stopping them, maybe you can comment? Have you seen such "mind chatter" symptom?

Yes, racing and looping thoughts is a very common withdrawal symptom, and they were a factor in the story I sent you.

I would not say that our drug histories are similar. I count 8 drugs in your signature, I took one. At double your time off, I have never been able to go for a run and quickly become ill if I do much beyond basic household tasks and normal walking around, driving etc.

I understand that you're really struggling with this wave, but you're showing promising signs and glimmers of being better in pockets of it, and the only thing you can do is give it time. You're experiencing nights where you sleep well again, this does not happen to me at double the time off of one drug- early in this wave you were asking us whether you'd ever sleep ever again and a couple of weeks later, you are.

Obsessing over each symptom is a symptom itself, and I really think that you need to get out of the mentality of "days" and take a much more zoomed out view over months.

I believe that really what you're actually seeking is reassurance in general. I'm personally unaware of any stories of people who were able to exercise and had windows who did not go on to recover, and you're still within a pretty "normal" timeframe for this. It's also not that uncommon to have a significant late-stage wave and then go on to improve quite a lot coming out of it.

You're improving over time. That's all that matters, and all you need is more time to keep improving.

Thank you both so much for your messages! 🙏 I really appreciate them and honestly agree with every word. It is just so difficult when I am inside it.

It is true that I slept significantly better for a couple of nights, and I am very grateful. But last night I couldn't fall asleep again and barely slept. Today I feel physically awful, very depressed and want to cry. Sometimes I don't even know anymore what is a symptom and what is the consequence of everything I am going through.

1 hour ago, Luke said:

I count 8 drugs in your signature

@Luke, my signature doesn't even show the full drug history. During a few months I was switched through 10+ different drugs and combinations because I kept getting worse, before ending up on Brintellix and mirtazapine. Even on those I was never really well.

I never fully returned to my old self, but running, university and some travelling were huge progress and gave me so much hope. Reading what others are going through makes me realise how much progress that actually was.

Maybe that is why falling back like this hurts on another level. I had finally started to believe in recovery and see some light ahead.

5 hours ago, Chippy said:

every little symptom

@Chippy just wanted to say, that this doesn’t feel “little”. The feeling of depression that comes over me is like… someone would be ripping my heart out of my chest!

I understand acceptance, but this feel like something I cannot accept. I am not in control of my life. I seemingly cannot make any plans. They all can be simply washed away by a wave. One moment I am able to do something I like, the other I cannot stop crying. This doesn’t feel little at all.

Another strange thing today. This morning I suddenly felt physically ill, almost like I had a strong virus — chills, feeling cold and generally unwell. My temperature was 37°C, but later it was 36.7°C and the feeling seemed to ease. I have no other signs of illness.

It is so confusing. Is this actually something physical, or can the nervous system/withdrawal really create these flu-like symptoms?

Thankfully there are still moments of relief - deeper sleep, wanting to cook or briefly feeling okay. But then symptoms return again and it is so difficult to understand what my body is doing.

43 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

Another strange thing today. This morning I suddenly felt physically ill, almost like I had a strong virus — chills, feeling cold and generally unwell. My temperature was 37°C, but later it was 36.7°C and the feeling seemed to ease. I have no other signs of illness.

It is so confusing. Is this actually something physical, or can the nervous system/withdrawal really create these flu-like symptoms?

Thankfully there are still moments of relief - deeper sleep, wanting to cook or briefly feeling okay. But then symptoms return again and it is so difficult to understand what my body is doing.

@HopeOfHealing . All you are experiencing is withdrawal symptoms. The flu like same and changes in temperature same. I still deal with dose, but in 22 months, it's less intense.

Things will get better in time unfortunately. These drugs causes major changes in our nervous system and now the body is trying to correct everything and the reason you feel bad. When you feel bad, it's when your body is actually healing...

Hang in there and acceptance and patience is the key. I found walking outside helps me a lot and meditation....

Prayers for you...

Please don’t give up on answering me, even if I keep repeating myself. Call me weak or tell me I need to accept this better, but please stay in touch. I desperately need to know I’m not alone and that people really do get through this.

Yes, I’ve had better moments, a few better nights, and before this crash I had rebuilt so much of my life. But right now I am fighting very hard.

Yesterday the depression was extreme. Last night I was completely wired and couldn’t switch off, only collecting small pieces of sleep without really noticing. Today I’m so wired I can barely sit still. I feel like I need to escape from myself.

In the better moments I could function and enjoy things. Now I can barely access my normal thoughts - just fear and that “horror movie” feeling. I can’t cook, take the kids to school or comfortably be alone. My husband is basically taking care of me.

At night desperation makes me think about whether some drug could stop this, but after my previous severe reactions to medications, that thought scares me too.

It has been 4 weeks. I am praying and fighting every day.

Please, even if you have already answered me, stay in touch. Have you really been this bad and come through it? I need your hope right now.

Can this wave still calm down even if I am extremely scared and cannot control the fear?

Today’s main symptom is unbearable anxiety that seems completely independent of my thoughts or what I am doing. Walking barely helped. I had a shower and while I was under the water it eased slightly, but then returned.

It is so physical — almost like my jaw is trembling and it feels difficult to take a full breath. There is barely any relief from it today.

I really hope this symptom will ease again because at this intensity it is extremely difficult to tolerate.

I don’t know what to do anymore. The anxiety feels unbearable. My breathing is shallow, I literally feel like I can’t get a full breath, and my whole body is tightening up.

This evening there were literally a few minutes when I started yawning a lot and suddenly the feeling released — then it all came back again.

Walking, showers, everything I normally try seems to do nothing right now. It feels like constant torture.

Please help me. Have you experienced anxiety/hyperarousal this physically intense? What options do I realistically have in this state? Is there anything I can actually do to reduce this artificial “wired” feeling while I wait for it to settle?

23 minutes ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I don’t know what to do anymore. The anxiety feels unbearable. My breathing is shallow, I literally feel like I can’t get a full breath, and my whole body is tightening up.

This evening there were literally a few minutes when I started yawning a lot and suddenly the feeling released — then it all came back again.

Walking, showers, everything I normally try seems to do nothing right now. It feels like constant torture.

Please help me. Have you experienced anxiety/hyperarousal this physically intense? What options do I realistically have in this state? Is there anything I can actually do to reduce this artificial “wired” feeling while I wait for it to settle?

Yes you are not alone. Try to relax. You will be okay.

1 hour ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I don’t know what to do anymore. The anxiety feels unbearable. My breathing is shallow, I literally feel like I can’t get a full breath, and my whole body is tightening up.

This evening there were literally a few minutes when I started yawning a lot and suddenly the feeling released — then it all came back again.

Walking, showers, everything I normally try seems to do nothing right now. It feels like constant torture.

Please help me. Have you experienced anxiety/hyperarousal this physically intense? What options do I realistically have in this state? Is there anything I can actually do to reduce this artificial “wired” feeling while I wait for it to settle?

I know it all feels so terrifying and isolating but we all here know exactly what its like. It won't last forever as much as it convinces you it will. You need to be strong, implement some coping strategies. Acceptance can take time too which is everything in this.

Time to accept.

Time to ride the waves.

Time to heal.

We've got you, youre not alone and people a lot worse off have recovered 😉 youre doing great ❤️

I can’t sleep at all. I’m barely getting a few moments of sleep here and there. My anxiety is getting worse, and I’m suffering terribly.

I’m telling my husband to look for any clinics that specialize in withdrawal that might be available to me.

If I were to take mirtazapine again, what dose would I need to actually knock myself out? Is there any hope that it could help me?

2 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I can’t sleep at all. I’m barely getting a few moments of sleep here and there. My anxiety is getting worse, and I’m suffering terribly.

Im sorry things are rough for you again. Please remember how things keep fluctuating and you are having better periods of time.

2 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

If I were to take mirtazapine again, what dose would I need to actually knock myself out? Is there any hope that it could help me?

I would STRONGLY advise against this xxxxxx

18 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Please remember how things keep fluctuating and you are having better periods of time.

In my mind I agree @Chippy It is my greatest wish. But as I have slept so little if at all then my anxiety is off the chart. And it is just getting to the point where it is so hard to belive that such situation can calm down. I am literally shaking, i cannot sit still. During the night I cannot keep myself down. I constantly am jolted up. I sit there and the bad thoughts destroy me that then increase my anxiety. It is so hard to believe that such a condition can calm down. So so hard to believe. I am desperate!

@HopeOfHealing when in midst of a wave it’s very hard to imagine things being different. This is a common experience. It’s also common for those people to then reflect later from a much better place. You will too.

3 hours ago, HopeOfHealing said:

I can’t sleep at all. I’m barely getting a few moments of sleep here and there.

That's just not true. It's been 4 weeks of worse sleep, punctuated by a number of nights of better sleep. These are all from within the last few days:

On 9/10/2026 at 11:58 AM, HopeOfHealing said:

For the past two nights my sleep has finally been deeper than during these last 3–4 weeks.

On 9/12/2026 at 6:04 AM, HopeOfHealing said:

Yes, I’ve had better moments, a few better nights, and before this crash I had rebuilt so much of my life. But right now I am fighting very hard.

On 9/9/2026 at 3:15 PM, HopeOfHealing said:

Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in these 3.5 weeks. Not perfect, but I spent a large part of the night genuinely asleep and at times it felt very deep.

So, it's been 4 weeks of worse sleep punctuated with some nights of better sleep, actually. You're not helping yourself with this type of thinking and statements that just go against reality.

Also, you'd "rebuilt so much of your life". In the context of that, a few tough weeks sucks but it's going to change the fact that you've done that. You spent 3 months not posting at all, living your life away from the forum. I realise that you're struggling immensely but this is a temporary setback and you are very much feeding this at this point.

Many people here have had tens, if not hundreds of symptoms. Multiple posts a day asking if each individual symptom is a withdrawal symptom is not productive and is only feeding the anxious state that you're in. It's also getting pretty difficult to help you, as we're answering all of it as best we can whilst suffering with the same or similar, but most of the time you're just not taking in what's being said.

I'm way too unwell to go for runs, and at double the time off I have not had longer periods of being well and rebuilding my life. Yet, I'm reassuring you almost every day and each day there are multiple new posts asking the same thing, and ignoring all the past ones. If I send you a success story where someone recovered from similar symptoms, the next day you ask if anyone ever had such symptoms. Then again the next. I read about this setback and think "I'm consistently more unwell than that with no multi-day periods of being okayish, let alone months, and it has taken me years to get to that point".

Others are also putting significant effort into doing the same and they are also suffering a lot.

I've been in this for years now, and I've seen the pattern of people being better and disappearing for months, returning and desperately seeking loads of reassurance every day for a time, and then disappearing again when they're fine. There are only so many times I can give you the information that over the weeks and months, it is likely you will improve again. The fact that it is likely that you'll recover in months, doesn't change tomorrow, but you want that information tomorrow too.

I realise that you're really struggling, and want reassurance and support. I would recommend engaging with the wider forum, reading some other people's stories and connecting with them. Multiple, long posts every day on your own thread is just not helping you and you're winding yourself up more and more. Connecting with others might help a bit, and also the overwhelming majority of questions you're asking are easily answered by reading other people's stories. This might also help you to feel less alone.

5 hours ago, Luke said:

So, it's been 4 weeks of worse sleep punctuated with some nights of better sleep, actually. You're not helping yourself with this type of thinking and statements that just go against reality.

@Luke You're right, and I appreciate you saying it. I don't want to compare struggles or pain with anyone here — I know others are suffering too, we each have our own battles and come here for support, not to measure whose is worse.

I understand I need to survive this to the end, and that no one can do that part for me. But in the meantime I do value the support, and I value every response you take the time to write, more than it probably seems.

You're right that I should read more instead of asking the same things again, and I do try. But it also sometimes works against me: any symptom or timeline I read, I map onto myself: "Will I get that too, will it last that long for me too?" And the honest answer is no one knows. At low points, each piece of information like that becomes another reason in my head to think I'll fail. That's part of why I keep asking my husband to help me find and read stories and bring me more information. I'm looking for something to hold onto, even knowing it can't really answer the question.

The last couple of nights sleep has come in just a few hours - the night before last 4 total, last night maybe 2 - pieced together from tiny micro-naps, so it doesn't even feel like I've slept. It feels like the day just doesn't end and this keeps going.

This morning I had the thought that maybe I needed to go to the hospital or get back on medication; my husband talked me down and we agreed to give it one more day and decide Monday. Time is dragging. I'm pacing from room to room, tired and wired almost like never before. It's hard and while I want to believe that this will soon pass (as it has before), when you are in the eye of the storm it feels like it will never end or that the ending won't be good. It might be a weak mind problem... but what can I do? During the wave this feels like living hell.

Thank you again for the story you shared, and for being honest with me even when it's not what I want to hear. It does wake me up a bit. Tough love I guess. ❤️

Edited September 13Sep 13 by HopeOfHealing

@HopeOfHealing I’m so sorry you’re struggling. Instead of pacing the room, try and go for a small walk outside. Even a walk out to the mailbox and back every hour will help pull your attention away from how you’re feeling.

Withdrawal is different than your every day anxiety or depression symptoms. It’s unrelenting. The techniques that would ordinarily help, won’t stop the symptoms because your brain needs time to adjust. What you can do is practice acceptance and work on your inner talk while you are at this stage.

BTW, a hospital (I assume you mean mental health inpatient) will only put you back on meds. If you’re concerned about a medical issue, your PCP can run bloodwork. If you haven’t done that yet, it may be worthwhile if it will help reassure you.

Big hugs to you. This is really hard.

Yesterday I slept about 2 hours. Tonight I slept nothing. I feel like I am in agony.

The strangest thing is that I am absolutely exhausted, but sleep simply doesn’t start.

I know there are stories of people experiencing nights like this and eventually getting their sleep back, and I will search the success stories again. But right now I really need something to hold onto.

@Luke, I know you’ve experienced extremely poor sleep yourself - how did you get through the nights when you were barely sleeping?

If you personally experienced zero-sleep nights or periods of almost no sleep during withdrawal and your sleep eventually returned, please share your experience with me. I would be incredibly grateful to hear it.

4 hours ago, Wildflower said:

try and go for a small walk outside

@Wildflower thank you for the advice. I do try to walk as much as I can. For that moment it helps me to slow down my thoughts. Yesterday I also managed to have a relatively short walk around the neighbourhood.

4 hours ago, Wildflower said:

Withdrawal is different than your every day anxiety or depression symptoms. It’s unrelenting. The techniques that would ordinarily help, won’t stop the symptoms because your brain needs time to adjust

That seems to be true. The symptoms are relentless. Not like normal anxiety that can come and go. This stays what ever I do.

4 hours ago, Wildflower said:

Big hugs to you. This is really hard.

It certainly is! ❤️🙏

@HopeOfHealing you appear to be stuck in an extremely unhelpful pattern of reassurance seeking. It is a known phenomenon in anxiety and it perpetuates things rather than relieving it. And the more we provide this reassurance, the more we enable that pattern too. It's actually best on some level if we don't do this. Please read

Help an Anxious Loved One Break the Reassurance Cycle | Psychology Today United Kingdom https://share.google/1WQZ80VSRqZFA2eKS

There are dozens of other articles online talking about this and it's worth seeing the pattern you have fallen into for what it is.