I’m so sorry for you, pokey, what a tough situation and what a tough decision. I don’t know if that is helpful and of course one cannot generalize, but I have made the experience that my brain gives me some space when I have to do something really stressful like a difficult work situation or traveling. Very often, the symptoms subside during the stressful time. I had to fly once (and back)when I was still quite early in my journey, maybe seven months after the almost CT that I did. It was really manageable. but I have to add that there was no change in time zone involved.

I would encourage you to plan on taking the trip and prepare yourself accordingly and if it is impossible on this day, you have to accept, but at least you have given yourself the chance. And maybe you will have the strength to do it!

Our loved ones are the most valuable “thing” we have on this earth. I wish very much for you that you can be reunited with your wife and daughter. ❤️ you are in my prayers, @Pokey449

Thank you @Nemina I wish it was just WD I was dealing. A personal crisis has erupted which is adding greatly to my stress level. And I’m still getting poor sleep due to CPAP. It’s about more than I can handle. I’ve called 988 at least twice due to thinking of a final solution. To be honest I’m in crisis.

20 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

@Chippy i can’t blame everything on the antihistamine or WD. I’m

I understand mate.

20 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

I’m struggling in a major way & being stressed by issues with the love of my life.

The nervous system is the tool we use to manage/process emotional events, it's gonna struggle to do this for you when it is so wobbly, so I would 100% blame WD here still. The added stress doesn't help

20 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

My CPAP is royal pain in the ass messing with my sleep as well.

This is certainly a factor for you

20 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

Life is full of worry now in addition to WD 😢😢

Oh Pokey, I am sorry mate, life is never easy, and it doesn't stop in WD unfortunately. We are here for you mate. x

@Chippy I think I was on a path to being able to fly on Monday to be with my family. I’m having my doubts now. I’m only getting 3 hours of sleep a night now. My sleeping heart rate has increased as well as my BP. Nothing dangerous but a sign my body is under a great deal of stress. This latest personal matter has really revved up my stress level. And it won’t be resolved soon. Couple all that with cpap issues & WD it makes for a perfect storm. My therapist says I’m in crisis and has offered all the precautions I should take to protect myself. Just really tired. 😪

18 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

@Chippy I think I was on a path to being able to fly on Monday to be with my family. I’m having my doubts now. I’m only getting 3 hours of sleep a night now. My sleeping heart rate has increased as well as my BP. Nothing dangerous but a sign my body is under a great deal of stress. This latest personal matter has really revved up my stress level. And it won’t be resolved soon. Couple all that with cpap issues & WD it makes for a perfect storm. My therapist says I’m in crisis and has offered all the precautions I should take to protect myself. Just really tired. 😪

Hey mate

I am so sorry to hear this. You are not in crisis, you are suffering a combination of things, a perfect storm as they say. If you were not in WD you would be in a much better place to cope with all of this. It only takes a small amount of stress ontop of what is already a difficult situation to ramp your symptoms. Plus the Antihistamine hasnt helped. Lots going on here mate. You have the strength to cope. I know it does not feel like it but you do. Work as much as you can to find some peace and acceptance of the things you cannot change. It sounds as though what you have going on is very upsetting, however everything is temporary and all situations in life are resolveable. Keep your mind in the day, if you can't fly, then you cant't, so be at peace with that. Your nervous system needs as much peace as you can deliver it. Go after it selfishly and unapologetically.

@Chippy thanks so much for your wise & kind words. Yes a lot going on now. One of them involving the love of my life which makes it extra worrisome. Cpap, WD. It’s a lot to absorb. But I feel like I’m gradually dealing with all of it with greater ease, at least for the present moment. Who knows what it will be like later. Sometimes you can only deal with life moment by moment. I’ll keep you posted. Wish I was closer I’d give you a “guy hug”🤣😂

19 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

@Chippy thanks so much for your wise & kind words. Yes a lot going on now. One of them involving the love of my life which makes it extra worrisome. Cpap, WD. It’s a lot to absorb. But I feel like I’m gradually dealing with all of it with greater ease, at least for the present moment. Who knows what it will be like later. Sometimes you can only deal with life moment by moment. I’ll keep you posted. Wish I was closer I’d give you a “guy hug”🤣😂

Pleasure my friend, I would love a big man hug if there wasn't a huge ocean between us lol!

I can imagine how very tough this must feel. Anyone who has been married, and happily so for years will relate. It's easy for me to say, and boot on the other foot I would be devistated too, if I was having issues like this. I do believe however that the human mind can use mindfulness to cope with practically anything, no matter how distressing. I wish you didn't have to deal with atm. Hopfully things can improve with this situation and if not you can find some peace with it. You deserve that much

@Chippy I’m convinced one of two things is happening to disrupt my sleep. Either the drugs are suppressing my respiration causing me to waken feeling air starved or something physically is happening to do so. A pulmonary issue or cardiac. But nothing directly points to that. I keep waking at 2-3 or 4 am feeling air starved regardless if I am using cpap or not. I can’t figure it out for sure. My sleep medicine doc has been of no help. Unless it’s WD of and by itself causing respiratory distress. But to do that it would have to affect cardio-pulmonary function in someway. And cpap doesn’t seem to be mitigating it. I’m perplexed as to what I can do about it. I don’t know how long I can take this. It’s debilitating.

@Pokey449, how are you? Do you thing that you will be able to travel Monday?

Svetla

Hi @skamen Svetla: well I'm in the process of packing, but I am struggling with fear. Fear of collapsing in a busy airport. Being away from my "safety blankets"!! I continue to wake up in the wee hours feeling like I am starved for air & very anxious. I just learned my wife may want a divorce which has thrown me for a big loop, but she wants me to come to my daughters house where she is at. I'm both afraid to go, and afraid to stay. Being alone for so long now has really gotten to me. Waking alone in the dark empty house at 3am gives me a deep, palatable foreboding. I need to be around the ones I love and that love me or still care about me. So I'm trying to move forward despite the fear of it all.

Pokey

@skamen I have one other question. During your cortisol spikes do you feel air starved or short of breath? Whatever is waking me up, and do think it’s cortisol hell I’m often feelingxx bc starved for air.

Hey @Pokey449 just a quick Hello. Hope you’re ok all things considered

55 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

@skamen I have one other question. During your cortisol spikes do you feel air starved or short of breath? Whatever is waking me up, and do think it’s cortisol hell I’m often feelingxx bc starved for air.

I can say to you that I had been getting shortness of breath for years, but my cortisol was normal several times.

Yes, @Pokey449, short of breath which causes me a deep breathing. This cortisol Hell doesn't stop for me, already 6 months straight. And also the smallest stress triggers hot wave and a deep sensation of torture. I am so sorry that you have to go through a stressful time now.

Svetla

18 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

@Chippy I’m convinced one of two things is happening to disrupt my sleep. Either the drugs are suppressing my respiration causing me to waken feeling air starved or something physically is happening to do so. A pulmonary issue or cardiac. But nothing directly points to that. I keep waking at 2-3 or 4 am feeling air starved regardless if I am using cpap or not. I can’t figure it out for sure. My sleep medicine doc has been of no help. Unless it’s WD of and by itself causing respiratory distress. But to do that it would have to affect cardio-pulmonary function in someway. And cpap doesn’t seem to be mitigating it. I’m perplexed as to what I can do about it. I don’t know how long I can take this. It’s debilitating.

Im sorry things are so distressing for you still mate, hopefully things will settle a little again, as they have before. This time for longer I hope.

15 hours ago, Pokey449 said:

Hi @skamen Svetla: well I'm in the process of packing, but I am struggling with fear. Fear of collapsing in a busy airport. Being away from my "safety blankets"!! I continue to wake up in the wee hours feeling like I am starved for air & very anxious. I just learned my wife may want a divorce which has thrown me for a big loop, but she wants me to come to my daughters house where she is at. I'm both afraid to go, and afraid to stay. Being alone for so long now has really gotten to me. Waking alone in the dark empty house at 3am gives me a deep, palatable foreboding. I need to be around the ones I love and that love me or still care about me. So I'm trying to move forward despite the fear of it all.

Pokey

This is so much extra stress for your nervous system to cope with and I am quite sure it will be making all this much harder for you. I hope you can get to your Daughters so you can be with your loved ones and try to resolve this situation. Your doing great considering. Made of tough stuff you.

@Chippy i don’t know what to do about going to my daughters. I awoke again at 230 and that was it for the night. I really need to get away from here. This being alone has become a hovering dark foreboding presence that descends over me night & day. But I don’t want to drag my misery to my daughters house and to my wife who is staying with her. I feel like I need to be relatively healthy and upbeat to be with my wife given what’s going on between us now.

I’m having breathing issues with & without cpap. I get up & I’m fine. I just can’t figure out what’s happening to wake me up. I fall asleep in a few minutes. But then am blasted awake and that’s it for the night. 🫩

8 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

i don’t know what to do about going to my daughters.

I understand mate, tough call

8 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

I awoke again at 230 and that was it for the night. I really need to get away from here. This being alone has become a hovering dark foreboding presence that descends over me night & day.

Sorry to hear, I can get that, might be good to get away and see your family.

9 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

But I don’t want to drag my misery to my daughters house and to my wife who is staying with her. I feel like I need to be relatively healthy and upbeat to be with my wife given what’s going on between us now.

Im sure your Wife and Daughter can understand that you are suffering, and that this is not your fault. Even if they don't understand the damage that has been done, mental health is a thing most are sympathetic to, hopefully they can take onboard the harm that has happened here and be supportive.

10 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

I’m having breathing issues with & without cpap. I get up & I’m fine. I just can’t figure out what’s happening to wake me up. I fall asleep in a few minutes. But then am blasted awake and that’s it for the night. 🫩

Sleep in WD is so complex and confusing, I and others on here know this only too well, non of it makes sense, add in your cpap situation, just more complex still. I know it's tempting to blame the cpap and it might be part of it, but honestly what you are going through is so common in WD and those of us without a cpap on each night don't have anything else to suspect other than WD or anything we can do about it. Im off the drug for example, just time and patience, all there is for me.

@Chippy i dont know how much more of this I can stand. The WD affects, the miserable sleep, the loneliness, the personal matter with my wife. My therapist said the other day I was in crisis. I think he’s right. I feel fried and scared. I’ve called 988 3x the past 10 days. I’m

Feeling overwhelmed.

@Chippy you said: “Im sure your Wife and Daughter can understand that you are suffering, and that this is not your fault”.

The thing I think it is my fault. I should have known better than taken the damned doxepin in the first place. I think my wife thinks it’s my fault as well, because I had told her in the past “never again”, but here I am

1 hour ago, Pokey449 said:

@Chippy you said: “Im sure your Wife and Daughter can understand that you are suffering, and that this is not your fault”.

The thing I think it is my fault. I should have known better than taken the damned doxepin in the first place. I think my wife thinks it’s my fault as well, because I had told her in the past “never again”, but here I am

To blame are those who put you on these psychiatric meds in the first place without warning you what could happen. When you make a bad decision during crisis, which is not your fault, it is not on you either. Please dont let anyone tell you this.

4 hours ago, MischaDE said:

To blame are those who put you on these psychiatric meds in the first place without warning you what could happen. When you make a bad decision during crisis, which is not your fault, it is not on you either. Please dont let anyone tell you this.

@Pokey449 I couldn't have said it better myself.

Thinking of you, @Pokey449 . What a very hard situation. I will pray for you.

Hi @Chippy @skamen yesterday morning I woke up feeling decent for a change. Yesterday was my day to fly to be with family. I said was not going to decide I’d go or not until the day of my flight to give myself every chance I could to hope for the best and be able to go. So yesterday morning I woke feeling human again, yinged & yanged and made the decision to go and be with my loved ones.

I had a feather in my cap for a change.

But then I went and did something that may have been stupid. While waiting on my departing flight i went to the bistro. I had a cup of coffee. Regular, freshly ground coffee. I hadn’t had a regular

( caffeinated) cup of coffee in months. I typically drink decaf instant at home and some times put a 1/4 teaspoon of regular in with it. I was so proud of myself for deciding to brave the world going to be with my family. Felt like I deserved a really good cup of coffee for a change. That’s all well and good. But I think that cup of regular coffee was an insult to my tender CNS. My heart rate was up a 100 yesterday sitting still in the Chicago airport. i couldn’t sleep at all last night I was so restless. Creepy crawly Akathisia. Nausea. Could one cup of coffee really do that to a person like those of us here. suppose I was more stressed than I thought with navigating the madness of the Chicago airport. Whatever, no more fully caffeinated coffee for me. I’m

Kicking myself. I just hope it doesn’t take days to calm down. I’m feeling pretty rough this morning.

9 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

Hi @Chippy @skamen yesterday morning I woke up feeling decent for a change. Yesterday was my day to fly to be with family. I said was not going to decide I’d go or not until the day of my flight to give myself every chance I could to hope for the best and be able to go. So yesterday morning I woke feeling human again, yinged & yanged and made the decision to go and be with my loved ones.

I had a feather in my cap for a change.

But then I went and did something that may have been stupid. While waiting on my departing flight i went to the bistro. I had a cup of coffee. Regular, freshly ground coffee. I hadn’t had a regular

( caffeinated) cup of coffee in months. I typically drink decaf instant at home and some times put a 1/4 teaspoon of regular in with it. I was so proud of myself for deciding to brave the world going to be with my family. Felt like I deserved a really good cup of coffee for a change. That’s all well and good. But I think that cup of regular coffee was an insult to my tender CNS. My heart rate was up a 100 yesterday sitting still in the Chicago airport. i couldn’t sleep at all last night I was so restless. Creepy crawly Akathisia. Nausea. Could one cup of coffee really do that to a person like those of us here. suppose I was more stressed than I thought with navigating the madness of the Chicago airport. Whatever, no more fully caffeinated coffee for me. I’m

Kicking myself. I just hope it doesn’t take days to calm down. I’m feeling pretty rough this morning.

Coffee did awful things to me while I was on Mirtazapine. I could not tolerate it at all.

19 minutes ago, Pokey449 said:

Hi @Chippy @skamen yesterday morning I woke up feeling decent for a change. Yesterday was my day to fly to be with family. I said was not going to decide I’d go or not until the day of my flight to give myself every chance I could to hope for the best and be able to go. So yesterday morning I woke feeling human again, yinged & yanged and made the decision to go and be with my loved ones.

I had a feather in my cap for a change.

But then I went and did something that may have been stupid. While waiting on my departing flight i went to the bistro. I had a cup of coffee. Regular, freshly ground coffee. I hadn’t had a regular

( caffeinated) cup of coffee in months. I typically drink decaf instant at home and some times put a 1/4 teaspoon of regular in with it. I was so proud of myself for deciding to brave the world going to be with my family. Felt like I deserved a really good cup of coffee for a change. That’s all well and good. But I think that cup of regular coffee was an insult to my tender CNS. My heart rate was up a 100 yesterday sitting still in the Chicago airport. i couldn’t sleep at all last night I was so restless. Creepy crawly Akathisia. Nausea. Could one cup of coffee really do that to a person like those of us here. suppose I was more stressed than I thought with navigating the madness of the Chicago airport. Whatever, no more fully caffeinated coffee for me. I’m

Kicking myself. I just hope it doesn’t take days to calm down. I’m feeling pretty rough this morning.

So glad to read that you were able to make your flight ❣️

Your CNS will settle 😊