@SminismonithaSminismonithank

Thank you for your vulnerability. 

 

Your experience of being hit with symptoms after several month off matches mine. 

 

Plus, I relate to the loneliness. (I have moved 18 times during this hell.)

 

But let's let no one, ever again,  try to fit us into a predetermined box. There are no "shoulds."

 

Do wish I had more support? Do I wish I could work and afford more care? Do I wish I never laid eyes on a psychiatrist? (No offense.  You are welcome and every bit a victim of a messed up system as i.) Do I wish my particular experience was more common?

 

Yes to all the above, but I'm no longer going to say "I should be different "

 

Here I am and  I'll move forward.  I'm so glad you are here. Take it easy. I'm learning that understanding,  even on this forum where so many have suffered similarly,  takes much time.

 

 

 

Hi @Sminismoni

 

I had very bad emotional blunting on the medication so bad I couldn’t feel a thing. I just existed in a cloud. Once I done cold turkey my negative emotions came back but positive still no sign (anhedonia) you will get through this we all will we just got to stick together and support each other.

i see your a psychiatrist aswell Im sorry this has happened to you. I had a meeting with one recently and she tried to label me psychotic for telling her I stopped the meds and had all these symptoms I’ve never had before. Wanted me to start seroquel. I tried to tell her about these forums to read up on and she didn’t want to know. You will get through this we all will. Although it may be longer then we expect the finish line is the same for everyone. Also reading through your thread I have a very bad dry scalp along with bad skin so you’re not alone. 
 

❤️👊👌 

Edited February 12Feb 12 by Richie

It's the middle of the night, I am wide awake. Nausea is killing me. It's a new symptom that started, in hindsight, the day after I tried CBD oil once. The nausea comes with a weird wobbly feeling in my body and an even more weird "sinister" mood and thought pattern. Difficult to describe, but I feel eerie and spooked, like being stuck in a haunted house. Thinking of good things, caring people, cuddling my toy elephant, nothing is helping. Had a peppermint oil capsule for the nausea, also didn't help. Sigh. Just needed to share. Will try again to sleep. Maybe getting it off my chest here will let me rest.

4 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

Maybe getting it off my chest here will let me rest.

Hope it helped. X

I am feeling very demoralised about recovery. Went on SA and I cannot believe the number of people 4-5 years post cessation still struggling. Recovery in 18 months - 2 years seemed the exception, not the norm. These tended to be people who did years long tapers beforehand as well.

 

I feel out of place because I am not tapering (can't reinstate because I had an ADR to begin with) and no one else here or on SA has been on my medication and I can't find anything else online about people who have had withdrawal this long from it.

 

I think I might remove myself from the forums for a while.  I don't think this is good for my mental health.

4 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

I am feeling very demoralised about recovery. Went on SA and I cannot believe the number of people 4-5 years post cessation still struggling. Recovery in 18 months - 2 years seemed the exception, not the norm. These tended to be people who did years long tapers beforehand as well.

 

I feel out of place because I am not tapering (can't reinstate because I had an ADR to begin with) and no one else here or on SA has been on my medication and I can't find anything else online about people who have had withdrawal this long from it.

 

I think I might remove myself from the forums for a while.  I don't think this is good for my mental health.

Hi @Sminismoni

 

from all the research I have done most of the adr reactions tend to heal quicker I would say mostly in the 1-3 year range. Don’t worry about being on a different drug aswell it’s all withdrawal it’s all the same. If you see people withdraw from alcohol they tend to have the same symptoms to. This is a long gruelling process but you’re off the drug now and your body can heal. 

9 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

I am feeling very demoralised about recovery. Went on SA and I cannot believe the number of people 4-5 years post cessation still struggling. Recovery in 18 months - 2 years seemed the exception, not the norm. These tended to be people who did years long tapers beforehand as well.

 

I feel out of place because I am not tapering (can't reinstate because I had an ADR to begin with) and no one else here or on SA has been on my medication and I can't find anything else online about people who have had withdrawal this long from it.

 

I think I might remove myself from the forums for a while.  I don't think this is good for my mental health.

 

Those who continued to post on SA were the very small minority who were worst affected.

 

There were also many on SA who posted a few times and then stopped after 6-7 months because they were much better. Occasionally some returned to confirm this.

18 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

I am feeling very demoralised about recovery. Went on SA and I cannot believe the number of people 4-5 years post cessation still struggling. Recovery in 18 months - 2 years seemed the exception, not the norm. These tended to be people who did years long tapers beforehand as well.

 

I feel out of place because I am not tapering (can't reinstate because I had an ADR to begin with) and no one else here or on SA has been on my medication and I can't find anything else online about people who have had withdrawal this long from it.

 

I think I might remove myself from the forums for a while.  I don't think this is good for my mental health.

I think it’s good to stop looking for other people like you. We are all different and have different experiences of recovery. You’ll never find someone just like you who will give you a heads up on your future. Often as you’ve found all this leads to fear. 
 

One day at a time. If staying offline is good for you do that. But if you want to be connected just stay away from the stories and use the site as support and connections to others who understand. We’re always here for you when you need. 

Dear @Sminismoni, I’m so sorry for all your suffering! Yes, it can be demoralizing to see all these threads of people who have been stuck in withdrawal for very long. I can really relate to your thoughts and feelings.

But:  We have always to keep in mind that this is not a representation of what is normally happening. There’s a strong bias towards people who suffer longer, because they need the forums more and of course for longer. I have started to post on the SA forum after I have already been withdrawing for a year and still not being feeling good. Would I have been much better after a year, I would not have shown up on a forum. And I believe this is true for many people. All those who get much better soon never show up. And others who have been on the forum, but are getting better,  just disappear and do not return. Don’t lose heart! It is very typical for the mind in withdrawal and especially in a wave to catastrophize and to be convinced that this will go on forever. It’s symptom - not the truth.

having said all this, I want to encourage you to take a break whenever this feels better for you. whatever you prefer is respected.

 

sending you strength and peace.

 

 

I echo everyone else’s sentiments. We are here for you @Sminismoni and each other. If you need a break, then take it. But know we are here if you need the support. Isolation can make things feel worse. Community, or in relationship (God, therapist, friends, nature, etc.), is typically where healing happens. Of course, we can heal with individual time/activities. This is a support group—perhaps think of it that way—where we each have our own unique experience and expression. Be well, my friend.

Hi @Sminismoni,

 

I just wanted to reach out and send you some strength. I am sorry to read that you are suffering so much :(... I can really relate to your symptoms. I struggle a lot with reduced emotions and sensations along with cognitive problems, brain fog, head pressure and anhedonia. It is really awful! For what it is worth; I noticed the last 2 weeks that things are slooooowly improving a little. 

I truly believe that once you come out on the 'other side' of this, you will be an even better psychiatrist, one that the profession needs! Your lived experience gives you a level of empathy and understanding that no textbook could ever provide... Remember that and take care! You will heal ❤️‍🩹

I have sent an email this morning to the National Deprescribing Clinic as follows (will update if I get a reply):

 

Dear Team,

 

I am an Australian-trained Fellow of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists, currently working in the xxxxxx NHS Trust in a Community Mental Health Clinic. I am also myself currently 5 months into a severe and protracted withdrawal syndrome from Atomoxetine (I was on it for 4 months for ADHD in 2025).

 

I am wanting to get in touch with any of your medical staff or team in general to:

 

A) Lobby for a change in your referral criteria to include ADHD medication - I note that I myself would not currently be able to access your service for support.

B) See if and how I can get involved in this important work – either through education or supporting your clinic.

 

Until 2 weeks ago I was working as a Clinical Director in my Trust, line managing 14 Consultants but I have had to step down and am struggling to continue working overall at present.

 

Some days when I feel a little better I get motivated to help others in the same situation as myself, knowing I am in a unique position as a Psychiatrist to do so. I am reading the Maudsley De-prescribing Guidelines assiduously.

 

I have self-diagnosed my protracted withdrawal after being dismissed by my prescriber, having had multiple investigations (all normal) and being told that I need Lamotrigine because I clearly have Bipolar Disorder. I still do not have an “official diagnosis”, which makes negotiating with Occupational Health regarding workplace adjustments and sick leave difficult.

 

The one thing that may help me cope with this process is knowing that I am helping others in the same situation, when I can.

 

Any reply regarding points A and B above would be welcome.

 

Kind regards Sminismoni 

Very very good!! 

The link I previously gave you, may also be a connection to Dr. Horowitz since he is one of the advisors.

https://share.google/p9wjGIW0vuhWtijAl

 

 

@Sminismoni, as I said, I'm doing quite a lot of work on activism in the UK.

 

It would help me greatly to have more people involved. When you are doing a bit better, I would love to discuss with you how you can help with this.

6 hours ago, Luke said:

as I said, I'm doing quite a lot of work on activism in the UK.

 

How are you doing this or what are you doing?

I feel that Germany is years behind the UK when it comes to recognizing AD harm, dependence and withdrawal. To the best of my knowledge official guidelines still deny this, use euphemisms like "mild and brief discontinuation syndrome"  and don't advise to taper properly. 

6 minutes ago, Alfred1977 said:

I feel that Germany is years behind the UK when it comes to recognizing AD harm, dependence and withdrawal. To the best of my knowledge official guidelines still deny this, use euphemisms like "mild and brief discontinuation syndrome"  and don't advise to taper properly. 

Hello @Alfred1977 I will support you, if you want to do something in Germany.

49 minutes ago, Alfred1977 said:

 

How are you doing this or what are you doing?

I feel that Germany is years behind the UK when it comes to recognizing AD harm, dependence and withdrawal. To the best of my knowledge official guidelines still deny this, use euphemisms like "mild and brief discontinuation syndrome"  and don't advise to taper properly. 

 

In short:

 

I spoke to my local member of parliament (this is something you can do in the UK), and he agreed to help.

 

He has written letters on my behalf to various organisations. Through this I was able to get a meeting with the MHRA, that was chaired by the head of the MHRA. The MHRA is the UK's equivalent to the FDA in the USA, but only for medicines and medical treatments.

 

They are looking at updating warnings on antidepressants, and I'm due to meet them again to give input on the proposed changes in the middle of this year.

1 hour ago, Luke said:

They are looking at updating warnings on antidepressants, and I'm due to meet them again to give input on the proposed changes in the middle of this year.

Luke I would be more than happy to come and support you if you feel this would help. Not sure if MHRA will welcome me gatecrashing your next meeting, but one thing I have a hell of a lot of letters after my name, GMC registration and coming on 19 years experience in Psychiatry. One would hope that might lend weight to the argument.

I am wary about sharing my update because I almost don't know if this is real or my mind playing tricks on me, but in the last hour or so some of the emotional ice has melted and I can 30% feel things. In particular, I am thinking about the spring flowers and the lovely Regency architecture where I live, looking out my window. These things used to give me such private feelings of welbeing and joy at times. What I feel now is a shadow of that, very faint, but it's there.

 

I am also getting a very faint sense of comfort and wellbeing in anticipation of my Yin Yoga class in an hour. My yoga studio was always an anchor and literal safe space and going there without any feelings has been devastating. I still cannot do anything other than Yin Yoga as my body is still betraying me (sluggish heavy muscles and dizziness) but today I feel grateful (mildly) to be able to go. I am able to mildly connect with thoughts of my children too, who live overseas. 

 

I am hitting the 5 month no-medication mark. The rest of the days before this were hell and filled with crippling physical and emotional symptoms (even now my head is burning and I've been in bed most of the day with jitters, back spasm and depression). But this little faint reprieve from the emotional deadness is nice. I kniw it won't last, but will try to enjoy it 

Oh wow, what a touching message.  Thank you for sharing your progress with us. 

Thats good news @Sminismoni!! Happy for you! 😊

 

Just curious: are you able to cry easily or does that feel blunted as well for you? Do you also struggle with brain fog / head pressure ?

@Sophia I cannot cry at all. It is awful. I never feel.tired or relaxed either. I am a wired robot. Or I get awful depressive or angry cold hearted thoughts (but no feelings still). I had brain fog earlier in WD which was like literally feeling cloudy and confused. This has subsided but now my concentration is still awful because it just feels "dense" in my head, like I used to have beautiful lace curtains that let me see out, and now they are made of heavy velvet and it is thick inside my head.

Edited February 23Feb 23 by Sminismoni

@Sminismoni I can totally relate.. my brain cant feel tired, sleepy or drowsey either, but all in a very unnatural way. It feels very static and petrfied.. like there is a brick in my frontal lobe. Its not flowing or flexible anymore? I really wonder what the hell is happening in my brain. 

 

1 hour ago, Sophia said:

@Sminismoni I can totally relate.. my brain cant feel tired, sleepy or drowsey either, but all in a very unnatural way. It feels very static and petrfied.. like there is a brick in my frontal lobe. Its not flowing or flexible anymore? I really wonder what the hell is happening in my brain. 

 

Hi @Sophia

 

your brain has turned down the emotions due to the fight/flight system being switched on, once the cns settles you will start to notice little flickers of emotions coming back. Do everything you can to remain calm and help it along the way. If you look up fight or flight pictures online of the human body you can see what functions are turned of and slowed down during this process.