Hi @Richie,

 

thank you for your reply.. it does not feel that way tho? Like I am so blank / blunted that I cant even feel anxiety / panic / stress. It is so weird..

17 minutes ago, Sophia said:

Hi @Richie,

 

thank you for your reply.. it does not feel that way tho? Like I am so blank / blunted that I cant even feel anxiety / panic / stress. It is so weird..

No problem @Sophia

 

a more in depth description below.

 

When you take a medication or substance for a while, your brain adjusts its wiring and chemical balance around it. It starts to rely on that outside input to keep emotions, stress, and mood regulated.

When you stop cold turkey, the brain doesn’t have time to slowly recalibrate — so it goes into emergency mode.

One of the brain’s emergency responses is emotional shutdown.

Why shutdown?

• Emotions (especially anxiety and fear) are very energy-intensive

• When the system is overwhelmed, the brain sometimes says: “Too much — let’s mute everything to survive.”

• This is the same mechanism behind shock, dissociation, and numbness after trauma

So instead of feeling anxiety, sadness, or panic, you feel:

• nothing

• flat

• disconnected

• unreal

It’s not that emotions are gone.
They’re temporarily offline while the brain tries to rebalance its chemistry and nervous system signals.

I have agonised about writing this but as I come to the end of 5 months off all medication I thought I needed to put on record where I am at. If only to look back on for myself.

 

I'm not going to lie, I feel worse than months 1-4. My most distressing and enduring symptom is emotional blunting, anhedonia and apathy. This is present 80% of the time. When not in this state, I have periods of 1-3 hours of either crying, feeling low and heavy, or phases where I feel very strange emotions that barely even have words. Chemical feelings of eeriness, confusion, irritability, fear, where I am easily triggered and psychologically have sunburnt skin. 

 

Cognitively I feel slow, not switched on, like cotton wool and my sense of time is strange (weeks drag but at the same time I don't notice changes in daylight/seasons). I don't notice much in my environment unless it is right in front of me.

 

On a physical level I have developed 3 new symptoms this month: burning head, prickling sensations all over (sometimes with itchy skin) and nausea. I have ongoing regular insomnia, muscle twitching, feeling hyper-awake and wired (eyeballs popping out of my head after a shot of cocaine feeling), feeling sluggish and heavy, night sweats, feeling jittery inside, dry skin/oily skin, blurry vision.

 

Symptoms that are rare or have diminished in intensity are constipation, heavy pressure feeling in my ribs, the severe brain fog (where I literally couldn't orientate some days and find the fridge in my kitchen), frank depersonalisation and the severe derealisation (still present but less frequent and intense).

Edited February 28Feb 28 by Sminismoni

Hi @Sminismoni I can relate with most that you wrote.. this emotional blunting is so severe.. along with many head symptoms. I don’t even understand how a human brain can work this way. 
 

I don’t even feel negative emotions anymore. My brain feels like concrete or swollen. Along with severe head pressure. It is beyond awful. 
 

I wish you strength ❤️‍🩹

3 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

I have agonised about writing this but as I come to the end of 5 months off all medication I thought I needed to put on record where I am at. If only to look back on for myself.

 

I'm not going to lie, I feel worse than months 1-4. My most distressing and enduring symptom is emotional blunting, anhedonia and apathy. This is present 80% of the time. When not in this state, I have periods of 1-3 hours of either crying, feeling low and heavy, or phases where I feel very strange emotions that barely even have words. Chemical feelings of eeriness, confusion, irritability, fear, where I am easily triggered and psychologically have sunburnt skin. 

 

Cognitively I feel slow, not switched on, like cotton wool and my sense of time is strange (weeks drag but at the same time I don't notice changes in daylight/seasons). I don't notice much in my environment unless it is right in front of me.

 

On a physical level I have developed 3 new symptoms this month: burning head, prickling sensations all over (sometimes with itchy skin) and nausea. I have ongoing regular insomnia, muscle twitching, feeling hyper-awake and wired (eyeballs popping out of my head after a shot of cocaine feeling), feeling sluggish and heavy, night sweats, feeling jittery inside, dry skin/oily skin, blurry vision.

 

Symptoms that are rare or have diminished in intensity are constipation, heavy pressure feeling in my ribs, the severe brain fog (where I literally couldn't orientate some days and find the fridge in my kitchen), frank depersonalisation and the severe derealisation (still present but less frequent and intense).

Hey @Sminismoni just wanted to say how much I admire your resolve. You’ve had such a hard time of things the last few months and the pressure of work and your visa to deal with. This will all be a distant memory one day and I know you will go on to be a force for good and change once this is all over for you. Xxx

 

Chippy

Thanks @Chippy and @Sophia. I am only just managing to stay at work. I have stepped down from my Clinical Director role. I spend evenings and weekends in bed. My friends are sick of me cancelling catch ups and talking about WD. I am feeling so hopeless about recovery.

 

Today has been one of the worst. Multiple symptoms from chemical anxiety this morning and prickly skin, to depression and tears, to being literally unable to move my limbs for 3 hours (but mind racing, so trapped in my own body). Now head is burning and throat is very sore. I have an ice pack on my head.

 

I have a Zoom call with Mark H on Wednesday to talk about how I can help with his research or raising awareness via teaching. I have already been successful in getting him to change the referral criteria for the NHS National Deprescribing Clinic to include people on ADHD medication.

Hi @Sminismoni,

 

How awful this all is.. I actually think it is positive that you see fluctuations in both your emotions as in your mind (blank vs racing thoughts). It means that all pathways are still working and your brain searches for balance. I am 100% sure you will heal. The fact that you will meet with Mark and can use your personal and professional experience is wonderful ❤️

8 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

Thanks @Chippy and @Sophia. I am only just managing to stay at work. I have stepped down from my Clinical Director role. I spend evenings and weekends in bed. My friends are sick of me cancelling catch ups and talking about WD. I am feeling so hopeless about recovery.

It’s impressive you can still do anything and a testament to your strength. 😊

I understand, life looks really different all of a sudden doesn’t it. 
You will recover. It can take such a long time unfortunately. We always feel things won’t change, until they do. Trust me, Ive seen it myself.

 

8 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

 

Today has been one of the worst. Multiple symptoms from chemical anxiety this morning and prickly skin, to depression and tears, to being literally unable to move my limbs for 3 hours (but mind racing, so trapped in my own body). Now head is burning and throat is very sore. I have an ice pack on my head.

I’ve had a lot of this. The first 8 months was full of chemical anxiety. I was a loss with what to do. I just stopped. I did nothing to make that happen.

I empathise with the burning head. This is unfortunately still my biggest problem. 
 

8 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

have a Zoom call with Mark H on Wednesday to talk about how I can help with his research or raising awareness via teaching. I have already been successful in getting him to change the referral criteria for the NHS National Deprescribing Clinic to include people on ADHD medication.

This is great! Did you book one of his research meetings in the end?

Wow you have already made a difference. 😊

17 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

I'm not going to lie, I feel worse than months 1-4.

 

Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for the initial withdrawal to be this way. It can often take some time before you can look back and see steady progress.

 

What I can say, is that for a very, very long time I was extremely ill, physically and mentally disabled. For quite some time, I needed full time care, or close to it. I couldn't get myself a glass of water, couldn't feed myself, couldn't understand TV if I could get myself in front of it and so on.

 

It took me over two years to begin working 2x 2h periods a week again.

 

However, in time, I got a lot better. I still have recovery to go, but I'm no longer any of the above.

 

 

I know you're only just about managing to work, and it's at reduced capacity, and I know that you're still in a place where you can go downhill as well as up, but what I absolutely believe is that you will improve in time- almost everybody does. The point of sharing the above is to illustrate that even symptoms like that are recoverable.

 

I experienced much of what you have, and it did improve. It's possible- likely even, by my judgement.  

 

 

On 2/20/2026 at 6:54 PM, Sminismoni said:

Luke I would be more than happy to come and support you if you feel this would help. Not sure if MHRA will welcome me gatecrashing your next meeting, but one thing I have a hell of a lot of letters after my name, GMC registration and coming on 19 years experience in Psychiatry. One would hope that might lend weight to the argument.

 

Perhaps not joining in the meeting, but I'd be willing to share a letter to support what I've been doing, or something along those lines?

 

It won't be for a few months, and there's no pressure.

 

If you wouldn't mind, please PM me and I'll let you know my thoughts?

I just had a professional meeting with Mark H.

 

Info for those in the UK: He encouraged me to get a referral to the NHS Deprescribing clinic but warned me that rejection rates are high because the treatment is classified as tertiary level care, so it needs approval from your local Integrated Care Board (ICB). Even if the clinic accepts your GP referal, your local ICB might refuse to fund it, meaning you can't access the clinic. What great news. And there are currently no private alternatives. 

 

I asked if there was any research working on predicting who was most at risk of protracted withdrawal and he said he was of the opinion that everyone is. And that the problem is the drugs themselves, not an individual's genetics or any particular individual risk factor innate to the person, and that length of exposure over a lifetime and number of drugs were the biggest risk factors. 

 

We had a very lovely collegial discussion. 

What was Mark hoping that the deprescribing clinic would accomplish for you?

 

 

2 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

I asked if there was any research working on predicting who was most at risk of protracted withdrawal and he said he was of the opinion that everyone is. And that the problem is the drugs themselves, not an individual's genetics or any particular individual risk factor innate to the person, and that length of exposure over a lifetime and number of drugs were the biggest risk factors.

 

It's an interesting discussion, but I am strongly of the opinion that it's more complex than that and that there is some other kind of risk factor or predisposition that is unknown:

 

I have encountered many who have had very long term, severe withdrawals from short-term use. I myself was not a long-term user.

 

I am in touch with someone off this forum who had very similar withdrawals from mirtazapine to me after reacting adversely and immediate stopping again after 3 weeks of use.

 

It's important to keep in mind that those who pay for Mark's services are usually trapped on various medications having had difficulty tapering, or reinstating etc. and those who used one for a short time, had their lives destroyed/became totally disabled know there's nothing he can do for them, such as myself.

13 minutes ago, Luke said:

What was Mark hoping that the deprescribing clinic would accomplish for you?

Mainly provide letters confirming the diagnosis and to confirm I am "receiving treatment" (which would be attendingtheir peer support group LOL). I need this to access long term paid sick leave through my work. Also, my ex-husband is taking me to court for additional child support, arguing that in Australia I used to run a private practice working 50 hours per week. He is claiming I am deliberately earning less than I am capable of, by "only" working 40 hours per week in the NHS and not doing evening/weekend private work. I need evidence of illness and disability to fight this.

 

13 minutes ago, Luke said:

It's an interesting discussion, but I am strongly of the opinion that it's more complex than that and that there is some other kind of risk factor or predisposition that is unknown:

I actually agree with you Luke, which is why I asked him. He is a clever man, on the frontiers of this epidemic, but I don't believe he holds all the answers, because we are simply too early in the game in terms of research. But no one is going to fund genetic testing and a study on this. It is not in Big Pharmas interests to do so, and most research money comes from them. Government funding is only for conditions that cause significant disability to large numbers of the population and we can't prove this is the case. It is so frustrating. 

Edited March 4Mar 4 by Sminismoni

2 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

We had a very lovely collegial discussion. 

I am happy you did! Who knows what will come out of all this for you professionally? I’m sure your experience will be valuable for very many people if you will find a good place for you in the future.

 

4 minutes ago, Luke said:

It's important to keep in mind that those who pay for Mark's services are usually trapped on various medications having had difficulty tapering, or reinstating etc. and those who used one for a short time, had their lives destroyed/became totally disabled know there's nothing he can do for them, such as myself.

I agree with @Luke here. It must be more complex. And probably research would reveal some risk factors that we cannot recognize on the forum because we cannot control systematically the influence factors. Randomized controlled trials are needed for something like this. I would also assume that Horowitz has a a bias because the complicated cases that are still tapering are showing up and not those who are off the drug or have been on it very short.
 

I myself have been taking a lot of different SSRI s for 10 years and parallel I was dependent on Zolpidem for sleep. Then I did a switch, which was basically a CT from Sertralin and reinstatement of Lexapro before I started tapering - also not good. BUT  there are many people on this forum that are suffering way worse than me who have taken less and for  a much shorter time. It would be great to have good research on this so that some people wouldn’t even start these drugs because they’re in greater risk. Or that you could differentiate who needs what kind of taper.

 

anyway, I’m happy you are looking ahead! This may be will develop into a very fruitful professional relationship.

2 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

Mainly provide letters confirming the diagnosis and to confirm I am "receiving treatment" (which would be attendingtheir peer support group LOL). I need this to access long term paid sick leave through my work.

 

I see, that makes sense.

 

You may also want to seek referral to various NHS services to look at symptoms etc. such as neurology and any others that symptoms indicate. GPs can also update your patient record with drug sensitivities.

 

These may also add to your case that you are undergoing investigation.

 

Also, for your health, it's worth having blood tests and other low-risk tests if you are able to, to rule out anything else. You are likely in withdrawal, but it is also possible that the stress your body has been under and withdrawal itself have caused knock-on effects such as significant nutrient deficiencies. There's no harm in ruling this out.

 

  

2 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

Also, my ex-husband is taking me to court for additional child support, arguing that in Australia I used to run a private practice working 50 hours per week. He is claiming I am deliberately earning less than I am capable of, by "only" working 40 hours per week in the NHS and not doing evening/weekend private work. I need evidence of illness and disability to fight this.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. It seems immensely unreasonable that this is even possible.

 

  

2 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

I actually agree with you Luke, which is why I asked him. He is a clever man, on the frontiers of this epidemic, but I don't believe he holds all the answers, because we are simply too early in the game in terms of research. But no one is going to fund genetic testing and a study on this. It is not in Big Pharmas interests to do so, and most research money comes from them. Government funding is only for conditions that cause significant disability to large numbers of the population and we can't prove this is the case. It is so frustrating. 

 

Agreed.

 

I also think that withdrawal syndrome is much more common than thought. I regularly encounter discourse online of this kind of nature:

 

"My brain just needs medication, as soon as I stop, I get far, far worse and have to go back on"

 

"I just have a broken brain, and XYZ drug corrects this. Without the drug, I can't function at all."

 

Things of this nature are very common in online discourse on antidepressants. I don't think it's unreasonable to question at all whether they truly do quickly return to their pre-drug baseline, which is total inability to function, now that we know that withdrawal can last a lot longer than a week or two.

 

 

It has always been crazy / scary to me that people can completely “stabilize” again when they change to their previous dose when they made a cut. To me it seems that way that the individual has no control/power over their own moods / emotions. Now that I am off the medications myself for 5 months and deal with emotional blunting, I still feel I am not in control over my own moods. While before the medications, my mood was always the direct result of my own inner world, which was the result of my internal/external circumstances. Before the medications, I could directly influence my emotions with my thoughts and vice versa. Sorry, I hope this makes sense haha.
 

I really think these drugs are way more powerful than most people think. 

13 minutes ago, Luke said:

Also, for your health, it's worth having blood tests and other low-risk tests if you are able to, to rule out anything else

@Luke I've had multpile investigations including a 24 hour urine collection to rule out an adrenal gland tumour (phaeochromocytoma). All normal except low Vit D, and borderline B12 and Folate - just above deficient so I am now taking these as supplements. GP said the wait for neurology to rule out multiple sclerosis was 6 months for initial consult, then 3 months for MRI and follow-up. Or I could go private. I said don't bother, because I know this isn't a brain tumour, dementia or MS. 

2 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

@Luke I've had multpile investigations including a 24 hour urine collection to rule out an adrenal gland tumour (phaeochromocytoma). All normal except low Vit D, and borderline B12 and Folate - just above deficient so I am now taking these as supplements. GP said the wait for neurology to rule out multiple sclerosis was 6 months for initial consult, then 3 months for MRI and follow-up. Or I could go private. I said don't bother, because I know this isn't a brain tumour, dementia or MS. 

 

Yeah, agreed. Whatever you can do to be "under investigation" is likely to look better for any sort of fitness to work/sickness assessments.

I've had one of my worst nights ever. 2 hours sleep. Restlessness, wide awake, then jittery, sluggish feelings, and awful thoughts. Catastrophic thoughts with SI that got much worse watching WD videos on YouTube in the middle of the night. I convinced myself I would end up bedbound, losing my job, losing my visa, having to pack up my house and move back to my home country with no accommodation organised, no ability to work, no diagnosis to claim sickness benefits, all on my own whilst in WD. I tried acceptance, self compassion, letting the thoughts flow, but they were so dense and front and centre it didn'thelp. I was tortured for 10 hours straight and it is only easing slightly now. Even knowing they were WD thoughts and would pass didn't help one iota.

 

Mark H didn't inspire me with much confidence or hope yesterday. He said Atomoxetine was akin to Venlafaxine (which I kind of knew) in terms of withdrawal. He suggested I reinstate but I had weird thoughts and serious side effects on the drug already so this doesn't feel like a helpful option for me. He highlighted how many drugs I had been on and off in a short period of time in 2025, and the fact I had been on Sertraline for years in my 20s and 30s, until age 45, with trials of Escitalopram, Fluvoxamine, Vortioxetine and Bupropion in those decades too (none of which posed a problem coming off and i was drug free for most of 2024). 

 

I'm so scared of not being able to work anymore. It would literally mean I have 60 days to leave the country once my working visa is curtailed. Add to that my ex husband still fighting me for child support (he is a multi-millionaire btw) and I feel so awful. And nothing and no one can help. Even my therapist doesn't get it.

19 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

I've had one of my worst nights ever. 2 hours sleep. Restlessness, wide awake, then jittery, sluggish feelings, and awful thoughts. Catastrophic thoughts with SI that got much worse watching WD videos on YouTube in the middle of the night. I convinced myself I would end up bedbound, losing my job, losing my visa, having to pack up my house and move back to my home country with no accommodation organised, no ability to work, no diagnosis to claim sickness benefits, all on my own whilst in WD. I tried acceptance, self compassion, letting the thoughts flow, but they were so dense and front and centre it didn'thelp. I was tortured for 10 hours straight and it is only easing slightly now. Even knowing they were WD thoughts and would pass didn't help one iota.

 

Mark H didn't inspire me with much confidence or hope yesterday. He said Atomoxetine was akin to Venlafaxine (which I kind of knew) in terms of withdrawal. He suggested I reinstate but I had weird thoughts and serious side effects on the drug already so this doesn't feel like a helpful option for me. He highlighted how many drugs I had been on and off in a short period of time in 2025, and the fact I had been on Sertraline for years in my 20s and 30s, until age 45, with trials of Escitalopram, Fluvoxamine, Vortioxetine and Bupropion in those decades too (none of which posed a problem coming off and i was drug free for most of 2024). 

 

I'm so scared of not being able to work anymore. It would literally mean I have 60 days to leave the country once my working visa is curtailed. Add to that my ex husband still fighting me for child support (he is a multi-millionaire btw) and I feel so awful. And nothing and no one can help. Even my therapist doesn't get it.

@Sminismoni My heart goes out to you.

 

I agree RI doesn't seem a good route for you. You would then be stuck on a drug and having to taper off, now you are off your body has the chance to recover. Time is the key for sure.

 

Your brain has been through a lot and is certainly the cause of all of this. 

 

I know how hard it is to keep your thoughts calm when in WD. Not an easy task at all. We need to keep our stress levels low but unfortunately your situation doesn't lend itself to that I know.

 

I would just try to take each day as it comes and avoid (as HARD as it is!) worrying about things that haven't happened yet.

 

Life never stays the same and I hope and believe you will look back on this and very proud of how you dealt with it all and won!

 

Chippy

I believe I've had my first window today. Probably doesn't mean much to the old timers here, but it is important to me. I feel about 70% my normal self at the moment. Something shifted about 3 hours ago and my thoughts felt a little more clear,my body a little bit more robust (I did some yoga asana that I haven’t felt capable of since July 2025). I walked into town and noticed cherry blossoms on the trees, and that they were pretty. I went to the bookstore and was drawn to a book on architecture, and bought it because I felt able to read, if only briefly. I went to the supermarket and bought cheese, because I felt like a Saturday afternoon cheese platter in front of the TV (something my ex husband and I did all the time). The emotions are mild, but they are there. It is afternoon now and I am home and I am tired, like I need an afternoon nap - and even that is normal for me after being out in town. 

 

I know this is unlikely to last, and it isn't 100%. My vision was still very blurry in town and my head burning mildly. This morning, I was still sweating with PGAD and jitteriness at 7am.

 

But I feel so glad I have finally had an elusive window 5.5 months after stopping all meds. This has literally happened after one of the most hellish, tormenting weeks ever for me. I am pleased, because it means that my brain is capable of resuming "normal factory settings" at some point in the future. 

4 minutes ago, Sminismoni said:

I believe I've had my first window today. Probably doesn't mean much to the old timers here, but it is important to me. I feel about 70% my normal self at the moment. Something shifted about 3 hours ago and my thoughts felt a little more clear,my body a little bit more robust (I did some yoga asana that I haven’t felt capable of since July 2025). I walked into town and noticed cherry blossoms on the trees, and that they were pretty. I went to the bookstore and was drawn to a book on architecture, and bought it because I felt able to read, if only briefly. I went to the supermarket and bought cheese, because I felt like a Saturday afternoon cheese platter in front of the TV (something my ex husband and I did all the time). The emotions are mild, but they are there. It is afternoon now and I am home and I am tired, like I need an afternoon nap - and even that is normal for me after being out in town. 

 

I know this is unlikely to last, and it isn't 100%. My vision was still very blurry in town and my head burning mildly. This morning, I was still sweating with PGAD and jitteriness at 7am.

 

But I feel so glad I have finally had an elusive window 5.5 months after stopping all meds. This has literally happened after one of the most hellish, tormenting weeks ever for me. I am pleased, because it means that my brain is capable of resuming "normal factory settings" at some point in the future. 

This is fantastic news and VERY promising. Happy to hear this. 😀

@Sminismoni I’ve been reading some your thread. You’ve been through and are going through a lot. I hope your window is proof of more to come. Sounds like your meet with Horowitz wasn’t that helpful. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things work out ok for your job etc. I wish you peace 

Pokey 

Windows at all in the first 6 months is a good sign.

 

As you say, it is likely to be up and down moving forwards, but having a window is part of moving forwards.

 

17 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

I am pleased, because it means that my brain is capable of resuming "normal factory settings" at some point in the future. 

 

This is it. Occasionally okayish functioning is the first step along the road towards eventual consistently good functioning.

Well, after my 3 hour window yesterday I am paying for it today with WD symptoms from hell. I am sorry if I am posting a lot. I am single, live alone, and have literally no family in the UK. My teenage children live in my home country with their father and both of them cut contact with me during the divorce. He has alienated them from me, saying I am unstable and mentally unwell. My daughter turned 18 last week. I sent a card and gift but had no reply

 

This morning I had frightening levels of depression and SI, which felt chemical, to be fair. I wasn't able to cope or challenge or even step outside the thoughts, I was convinced it was real. And all afternoon I've still felt low, sluggish, hopeless, and with a pressure feeling in my ribs that is unrelenting. The problem is, some of the depressive thoughts feed into real themes, things I have struggled with before WD e.g. focusing on all the difficulties my ADHD has caused, and knowing life will continue to be difficult even after WD recovery now that I can never manage it with medication. I look back on my 20s, 30s and 40s and see such abject failure in lots of areas of life, and constant fatigue and struggle especially basic functioning and making/keeping friends. Especially the last part. I just don't know, and have never known social cues or how to connect with others. I often wonder if I am also autistic. This gets me down and ramps up 1000% in WD depression.

 

People seem to report feeling good when they heal. But I know that yes, there were good times before WD, but also a hell of a lot of loneliness, anxiety and depression. Feeling different, like an outsider my whole life. And it's worse knowing I can never have pharmacology for that ever again (Sertraline did help me for many years). 4 years of therapy haven’t helped, because my neurodiversity makes it too hard to internalise concepts and skills (in one ear, out the other).

 

I'm just feeling rotten and need to get it out of my head.

I am so sorry for your suffering @Sminismoni! My heart goes out to you. I know, that you know it, but I just want to reassure you once more: your life will be way better than you can imagine now that you are in a wave. In a wave, we are convinced that what we feel and think is reasonable, but it is not. For example, there’s the possibility that you will have a very interesting professional life in the future. Being so skilled as a high ranking psychiatrist and at the same time, knowing so much now about medication from inside out. You just made a very interesting connection with Mark Horowitz, who knows what will come out of this. Also, your alienated children are now still under the very strong influence of their father. But they will grow up and be able to make their own opinions and decisions. I have friends whose children are very angry towards the father for alienating them from their mother and as grown-ups are big friends with their mother. Everything is possible.
You will make it. Life will be very different from how you picture it right now. Take heart! You’re not alone. ❤️‍🩹