6 hours ago, Chippy said:

How's your French? Good Im guessing?

 

Where would you live?

My French is pretty fluent, I'd be ok getting by no issue. We would probably be in the South West mate, that is where she is originally from. 

 

6 hours ago, Chippy said:

I know what you mean about friends. They cant really be expected to understand Im afraid. Ive seen a few rare instances where friends are REALLY supportive must mostly they either struggle to understand or, as you said, have lives to get on with.

It really is tricky... I've stopped trying to explain it to them now as they just look at me like I am batshit crazy and most don't really understand it @Chippy.

 

1 hour ago, LostinCanada said:

Can you downsize where you are...smaller home, one vehicle, etc? Can you apply for disability through your employer or try PIP? 

We could look to reduce finances and downsize but I doubt that will do much for my mental recovery either, it is quite expensive to live on one salary in the UK and we would find it hard to manage. I don't think I can claim disability either, I wouldn't qualify. I have an income claim in progress with my employer but again, I doubt that will be plain sailing. @Luke had to fight for 11 months to get his. With a 3-month old at home and a wife about to return back after her maternity leave, the clock is ticking. 

 

I am signed off work until the 3rd of March. I am debating whether to attempt a slow phased return with less responsibilities and see whether I could cope with managing. Not only will it give me a sense of identity again, it'll hopefully help with my anxiety and OCD over time as I'll have something else to focus on, what do you think @LostinCanada?

 

1 hour ago, LostinCanada said:

Reacting as quickly as you did screams ADR to me....

I thought that ADRs were mainly associated with extreme anxiety and akathisia? The only side effect I got from it was SI and it went away when I stopped, the weird thing is that the week after I stopped.. On the exact same days (Fri and Sun) the extremely strong thoughts returned... They have now lessened, I had a bit on Sun morning but by the evening I was OK. 

 

On a side note, I woke with quite bad anxiety this morning, immediately got up and took 500ml of water and went out for a long walk. I then had severe DR when we went out shopping which lifted quite quickly after a drink and I was OK for most of the afternoon. I had a lovely window, which came when I returned home and laughed and joked with my wife and son. I had a call with a GP earlier about the stone that I had found on Sunday in the shower, was told that it was not anything serious but she prescribed me some macrogol (laxatives) if ever I need it... It can cause serious complications such as blocking the bowels if not managed. Consequently, we went for a shop and I got loads of healthy food to start from tomorrow. I am hoping that if I can improve my gut health, my mental wellbeing will follow suit.  

15 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

thought that ADRs were mainly associated with extreme anxiety and akathisia

No...it is any extreme symptom/reaction...

17 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Not only will it give me a sense of identity again, it'll hopefully help with my anxiety and OCD over time as I'll have something else to focus on,

I know some have found it helpful in withdrawal to go to work, have the distraction, etc. 

If you can slowly phase back in and have an understanding employer, it might be worth it....only you can know.

21 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

doubt that will be plain sailing. @Luke had to fight for 11 months to get his.

This is criminal...it took me months in Canada but they put me on full social assistance while it was pending.... honestly the amount is so small, they act like they are giving you a cash cow. 

Definitely don't rule out France, just look at it from all angles. ❤️🙏

1 hour ago, LostinCanada said:

No...it is any extreme symptom/reaction...

2 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I mean, the black box warning could be considered severe I guess? It has now caused me to have depression which I never had before. Hopefully it becomes less intense as time progresses... 

 

1 hour ago, LostinCanada said:

If you can slowly phase back in and have an understanding employer, it might be worth it....only you can know.

I actually do have a really understanding employer and boss, can work from home for a long period and a phased return is also something which is accommodated to me. Of course, my cognitive decline, derealisation and waves are really difficult at times but I am questioning how much of that is anxiety driven vs meds... Hard to tell. I also have the responsibility of my small family who needs me, this is why I don't really have a choice in the matter. I need my salary for us to survive, even if that means underperforming at work for a couple of years...

20 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

black box warning could be considered severe I guess?

I think that is definitely at the top of the list.... It's criminal.

22 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I need my salary for us to survive, even if that means underperforming at work for a couple of years..

I think it is really about managing expectations...if you are adequately doing your job, that is enough...we have to let go of the ideas of excellence and perfection sometimes. Be kind to yourself. ❤️🙏

26 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

I think that is definitely at the top of the list.... It's criminal.

You want to know the insane thing @LostinCanada? When I spoke to the psychiatrist the next day and told him my symptoms, he immediately told me that it as my anxiety talking and we needed to increase the dose even further and I quote ‘attack it harder’. Luckily I only took half a dose the next day and stopped immediately after… I wish I could sue the guy. 

28 minutes ago, LostinCanada said:

if you are adequately doing your job, that is enough

Not sure if I’ll be able to do it adequately at all if I’m being honest, it took me an hour to do a weekly grocery shop online earlier and this is when my cognitive function is actually working! Haha! Either way, I can’t help but feel that losing my job and my home will just cause even further anguish and distress which inevitably will prevent me from healing any further… 

16 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

My French is pretty fluent, I'd be ok getting by no issue. We would probably be in the South West mate, that is where she is originally from. 

 

That is cool mate. Id love to speak a language. French is the closest I get to it but honestly it's rubbish still! Very jealous. 🙂 

 

Would you rent a place then? Get some warmer weather down there! 😎

 

16 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I thought that ADRs were mainly associated with extreme anxiety and akathisia?

ADRs can give you symptoms like WD mate.

 

What ever you decide mate we are here for you! I have to say France sounds temping to me!

 

Chippy

3 hours ago, Chippy said:

Would you rent a place then? Get some warmer weather down there! 😎

 

My wife is tinking that we could sell the house, use the proceeds to set ourselves up and I'd be able to take some time to heal / work part-time and we would live out there for a few years. Alternatively, I could rent out my house (which would be a quicker process) and still go out there but have capital here if we need it. Ideally I'd just like to return back to my current job and for life to return to somewhat semi-normal whilst I taper off of mirtazapine. 

 

4 hours ago, Chippy said:

ADRs can give you symptoms like WD mate.

Yeah, I guess. I mean the sertraline ADR was Akathesia for sure, no doubt about it. I ended up in A&E without sleep for 48hrs, them trying to pin that on a panic attack is quite comical to say the least... The quetiapine I am not sure, I didn't get any other symptoms aside from the sheer depression and SI (black box), the strange thing is the returning depression which now comes in waves since taking the x2 doses, I never experienced depression in my life and never had it prior to the drug. Very odd. 

 

How you getting on @Chippy? How's the day been? 

You have a sick note for at least a little bit longer.

 

I'd at least give it that much time and see where you are before resigning from your job, selling your house and moving abroad.

 

That might end up being the right decision, but it would be better to make it having decided it is the right decision rather than a snap one.

1 hour ago, Luke said:

You have a sick note for at least a little bit longer.

That is very true @Luke but that sick note is not going to be forever mate and houses take a bit of time to sell my man. A decision needs to be proactive rather than reactive in this situation to avoid further stress/financial strain. 
 

My current sick note runs out on the 03/03, my plan is to see how stabilised I am and whether I can cope with a phased return and working from home. I’ll never now unless I try. 
 

I seem to struggle a lot in the mornings, however I’ll say that I’ve noticed the start of my weeks Mon-Tues are usually ok and are my best days, I can cook dinner and play with my son etc.. it then progressively gets worse thru the week…. It’s like my brain has remembered the withdrawal and quetiapine, it repeats itself (Weds & Sun). Very odd.  

18 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

My wife is tinking that we could sell the house, use the proceeds to set ourselves up and I'd be able to take some time to heal / work part-time and we would live out there for a few years. Alternatively, I could rent out my house (which would be a quicker process) and still go out there but have capital here if we need it. Ideally I'd just like to return back to my current job and for life to return to somewhat semi-normal whilst I taper off of mirtazapine. 

Got you. So you could buy somewhere down there then? Perhaps it's cheaper? Probably knowing this country! As you said if you wanted to keep the seat warm rent your place out for a bit. Options. Im glad you have them bud.

 

18 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Yeah, I guess.

Oh no definitely mate. Non of this happens in a vacuum. It's all an accumulation of damage. Each time we take more drugs or move doses around or experience an ADR, it complicates things. You cant 'assign' symptoms to certain events. It's not how it works. 🙂 

 

Im going ok mate. Up and down. Good day today. Heads a bit burny but managing. Feel decent apart from that. 🙂 

 

Chippy

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

So you could buy somewhere down there then? Perhaps it's cheaper?

No mate, we'd probably use the proceeds of the house to set ourselves up and time for me to taper off. Houses do not sell overnight, nor does the process of buying another one, (certainly abroad) make for an easy feat. It sounds easy enough but in actuality, it's a complex and a time consuming process @Chippy. Either way, I am trying not to worry about it for the time being but with unemployment in the UK being at its highest levels, it does become somewhat worrying when I look over at my family. I think I will just need to jump back in and see whether I can do my job at work soon, I can't keep going like this. 

 

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

You cant 'assign' symptoms to certain events. It's not how it works. 🙂 

Yeah, it's a bit of an interesting one isn't it. I have noted it down to chat with Mark H about it later this afternoon. I'd like to explore why I never felt depressed before but now, get waves coming in and out. 

 

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

Im going ok mate. Up and down. Good day today. Heads a bit burny but managing. Feel decent apart from that. 🙂 

 

That is really good to hear mate, to be honest I have also had an 'ok' week.. despite me waking up with anxiety every day and having near constant DR when I go outside, it has been tolerable and I am sleeping every night without any issues whatsoever. Still got the constant cognitive issues along with the fog that stays all the time but hey-ho can't have all of it, can we?

 

@Chippy can you do me a favour please mate? I noticed that my post title has an error on Mirtazapine, it reads Mirtazaine - Can you correct it for me when you get sec 🙂 Thank you!

1 hour ago, The_Taper_Man said:

No mate, we'd probably use the proceeds of the house to set ourselves up and time for me to taper off. Houses do not sell overnight, nor does the process of buying another one, (certainly abroad) make for an easy feat. It sounds easy enough but in actuality, it's a complex and a time consuming process @Chippy.

Yeah it isn’t an easy process selling and buying houses. Done it a few times myself. Can be quite stressful too.
 

1 hour ago, The_Taper_Man said:

That is really good to hear mate, to be honest I have also had an 'ok' week.. despite me waking up with anxiety every day and having near constant DR when I go outside, it has been tolerable and I am sleeping every night without any issues whatsoever. Still got the constant cognitive issues along with the fog that stays all the time but hey-ho can't have all of it, can we?

Thanks mate yeah it’s good to feel some progress. 
Glad you’re having an ok week. Up and down is the hallmark of all of this. 

1 hour ago, The_Taper_Man said:

@Chippy can you do me a favour please mate? I noticed that my post title has an error on Mirtazapine, it reads Mirtazaine - Can you correct it for me when you get sec 🙂 Thank you!

Done 😀

22 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Yeah it isn’t an easy process selling and buying houses. Done it a few times myself. Can be quite stressful too.

Apologies for my ignorance there @Chippy my brain in the morning is certainly not as good nor sharp as it once was at the moment... Not sure why I assumed I am the only guy on earth who has bought/sold a house. My bad, mate. 

 

24 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Thanks mate yeah it’s good to feel some progress. 

I am hoping if I keep my head up, thoughts positive and try to get back to a bit of 'life' then I can make these windows last a bit longer and keep the momentum going, wishful thinking.. Maybe? Here's to hope eh mate!

 

23 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Done 😀

Much appreciated 🙂 

3 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Apologies for my ignorance there @Chippy my brain in the morning is certainly not as good nor sharp as it once was at the moment... Not sure why I assumed I am the only guy on earth who has bought/sold a house. My bad, mate. 

No mate. Nothing to apologise for! You’re right it isn’t a quick process. You will no doubt have to factor this in when considering what you might choose to do. 
 

5 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I am hoping if I keep my head up, thoughts positive and try to get back to a bit of 'life' then I can make these windows last a bit longer and keep the momentum going, wishful thinking.. Maybe? Here's to hope eh mate!

That’s it. Gotta keep your head up as much as possible. All helps having a good mindset. Damm it’s hard some days though! One day at a time. That’s all we can mainly do. 

So.... Met with Mark H today, got some really good info from him and we spoke about the recent interactions I have had with the drugs prescribed. He made an interesting point, that I am a 34yo with a nervous system that can bounce back from this more than someone who would be in an older position such as in their 70s based on the recovery progress I have already been making... He believes that I should not stay on the drug longer than I need to and that it would be wise to try dropping in dose soon, such as 3% and observing how it goes. He mentioned to me that there is a direct correlation about time on the drug vs long-term use and that whilst I can absolutely experience withdrawals from it, my CNS should in theory be able to bounce back once I finish the taper.

 

I guess he gave me hope that this should be finished in months rather than years and that I am not destined to be on this for years to come, either way I am not sure what you guys think but I was thinking of going to meet with him once a month to follow up on my progress with the taper. 

 

Consequently, I met with another psychiatrist straight after meeting with Mark and he said the famous words and I quote "I have never seen someone have these experiences from the taper you initially did, usually I would stop all of my patients on 7.5mg." When I asked what happens when people experience withdrawal, he said that he would look at a different drug that works better for the re-emerging symptoms they are getting... Safe to say, that meeting didn't last as long and wasn't as enjoyable as the one I had with MH.

 

All in all, it's been a positive day today and I am optimistic about my next steps. I think sometimes a lot of this is believing in our own bodies and minds and what they are capable of, I am not naive that this journey will be a walk in the park. I am also not one to question the power of my own self, I know that I can do this. Over the next coming weeks, I am going to try and really tap in to my mind, body and soul becoming one on this journey so we can work together in managing whatever fallout I am due to experience. 

 

7/10.

Edited February 19Feb 19 by The_Taper_Man

Hi, how did you get an appointment with Mark H? I live in the UK and thought it was only possible through the NHS Deprescribing clinic? I would love to get his opinion on my reaction to ADHD medication.

9 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

Hi, how did you get an appointment with Mark H? I live in the UK and thought it was only possible through the NHS Deprescribing clinic? I would love to get his opinion on my reaction to ADHD medication.

Send me a pm @Sminismoni

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

in all, it's been a positive day today and I am optimistic about my next steps. I think sometimes a lot of this is believing in our own bodies and minds and what they are capable of, I am not naive that this journey will be a walk in the park. I am also not one to question the power of my own self, I know that I can do this. Over the next coming weeks, I am going to try and really tap in to my mind, body and soul becoming one on this journey so we can work together in managing whatever fallout I am due to experience. 

@The_Taper_Man this is so positive that you had some good suggestions today! The bottom line is being true to your instincts and following the power of what your intuition tells you. It will not be a picnic, but you WILL get through it however you choose your path. You will get your good life back. The fight is worth it, and you will win. 💪😊

12 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

So.... Met with Mark H today, got some really good info from him and we spoke about the recent interactions I have had with the drugs prescribed. He made an interesting point, that I am a 34yo with a nervous system that can bounce back from this more than someone who would be in an older position such as in their 70s based on the recovery progress I have already been making... He believes that I should not stay on the drug longer than I need to and that it would be wise to try dropping in dose soon, such as 3% and observing how it goes. He mentioned to me that there is a direct correlation about time on the drug vs long-term use and that whilst I can absolutely experience withdrawals from it, my CNS should in theory be able to bounce back once I finish the taper.

This is a great move mate. I agree with everything he has said. Once you can measure your symptoms under 3/10 then have look at a small drop and see how you go.

 

12 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I guess he gave me hope that this should be finished in months rather than years and that I am not destined to be on this for years to come, either way I am not sure what you guys think but I was thinking of going to meet with him once a month to follow up on my progress with the taper. 

We've not talked about taper schedules but certainly if you can get stable and manage a test drop based on your short term use you could look at a quicker taper. Its all about listening to your body and not rushing it when you are not feeling good.

 

I think if you want to speak to Dr H more regularly and you can afford to this is a great idea.

 

12 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Consequently, I met with another psychiatrist straight after meeting with Mark and he said the famous words and I quote "I have never seen someone have these experiences from the taper you initially did, usually I would stop all of my patients on 7.5mg." When I asked what happens when people experience withdrawal, he said that he would look at a different drug that works better for the re-emerging symptoms they are getting... Safe to say, that meeting didn't last as long and wasn't as enjoyable as the one I had with MH.

Haha yes most mainstream professionals are still unaware of how dangerous these drugs are. Dr H is the best we have currently and a really nice guy to go with it.

 

12 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

All in all, it's been a positive day today and I am optimistic about my next steps. I think sometimes a lot of this is believing in our own bodies and minds and what they are capable of, I am not naive that this journey will be a walk in the park. I am also not one to question the power of my own self, I know that I can do this. Over the next coming weeks, I am going to try and really tap in to my mind, body and soul becoming one on this journey so we can work together in managing whatever fallout I am due to experience. 

Glad to read this mate. A good mindset is no bad thing and can only help

 

Chippy

15 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

Hi, how did you get an appointment with Mark H? I live in the UK and thought it was only possible through the NHS Deprescribing clinic? I would love to get his opinion on my reaction to ADHD medication.

 

He does private consultation work outside of the NHS.

On 2/18/2026 at 6:57 PM, The_Taper_Man said:

That is very true @Luke but that sick note is not going to be forever mate and houses take a bit of time to sell my man. A decision needs to be proactive rather than reactive in this situation to avoid further stress/financial strain. 
 

My current sick note runs out on the 03/03, my plan is to see how stabilised I am and whether I can cope with a phased return and working from home. I’ll never now unless I try.

 

That's all I was suggesting. I hope that you are able to feel somewhat stabilised and that you can make decisions from a position of what you feel is right for you and your family.

Well… found out that my job situation is now becoming a lot worse and I didn’t have as much time as I thought I did for sick leave. 
 

As a result, this has left us in a dire situation where things are about to become a lot more complicated shortly and ruin us financially. 
 

In addition to that, today I was woken up at 4am by a huge cortisol dump and OCD intrusive thoughts about SI. Ever since taking quetiapine, it seems that every Saturday I am having to relive the horrible SI that I had on it, every single fucking Saturday. I’m sick of it. On top of that, every Wednesday my brain seems to remember my withdrawal and I’ll have something else come out of the woodwork, either aching knee joints or this weeks famous anxiety and OCD anchor! Right back to the start of when I had postpartum OCD! How wonderful. Not only have I had to deal with my boss telling me that my time is up and I have to come back to work in 2 weeks, I also have severe SI coupled with severe OCD and anxiety which never stops.  
 

On Monday we’re putting our house up for sale and debating on where this will lead us next, I’ve tried to remain positive and optimistic about all of this but I’ll be brutally honest that I’m not sure how much more I can take of all of this, watching everything around me crumble to pieces whilst I’m unable to bond or care for my 4-month old son, getting ruined financially is breaking my heart every day that goes by. My family want me to ‘snap out of it’ and ‘do what needs to be done’ but after spending 3 hours in a loop this morning with horrible dark thoughts, I’m wondering how it actually ‘can be done’. 

 

Today we visited the aquarium and all around me were Dads and families having a good time, all I could do was have tears in my eyes and think I’d never get to have that for myself. 
 

As I said above, I’m sick of this. Sick of feeling ill and my brain constantly working against me, I’m sick of the constant pressure of having to uphold my family and not being able to deliver on the promises I made, sick of watching everything I’ve worked for over 15 years, fall apart in front of me. 
 

0/10. 

Edited February 21Feb 21 by The_Taper_Man

I am so sorry to hear you are dealing with so much all at once. It's good you have a plan. Hopefully your house will sell quickly. Just take it one day at a time....

The most important thing is you have a beautiful wife and son. That's all that matters...not where you live or how much money you make. 

Try to take it day by day. Make sure you are staying safe...❤️🙏