On 2/2/2026 at 8:34 AM, Chippy said:

Yes I know it can be a mess. Well you can only do what you can do here. Just push as much as you can to get your record all ship shape and accurate to your circumstances. 

 

I did try Chippy and my records are looking somewhat a bit more aligned to the drug reactions but unfortunately it's the prior records which may cause a bit of issues.. Of course, the GP didn't want to edit any of them nor update them. This poxy private psychiatrist who I should never (in hindsight) of spoke to reports are even worse, pointing always directly back to the anxiety and OCD, in the reports you can even see me mentioning how I am concerned with the drugs and their effects/withdrawals but still no informed consent was provided, at no point was I ever told how difficult these drugs would be.

 

At least she put setraline as an allergy in the file, makes it sound like I got hayfever from the drug but hey-ho better than nothing eh?

 

On 2/2/2026 at 8:34 AM, Chippy said:

I feel you, we all do. This is why we started the forum, we are all here for you.

 

Thank you so much Chippy, and extended thanks to everyone who has commented so far.. Before joining this forum, I felt so alone and scared of the future. You have all made this feel more doable and feasible, I am not naive that this will be easy but, you give me hope.

 

On 2/1/2026 at 2:54 PM, Chippy said:

Distraction is so important. Im not sure what I would have done with things to keep my mind busy this last couple of years. However as you say going back to work might be a stretch for you, I guess just need judge it as you go. Your health is your most important asset so I wouldn't push it particularly if you dont need to.

One day at a time. I know that is easier said than done, Im sorry you have all these things adding pressure to your recovery/taper. 

 

Work have pushed for their claim and I have tried to be as transparent as possible, I included the private reports and the GP details etc. I guess we will see from here, my boss has offered me going to a more stress-reduced role if required, they are all very much interested in helping me get better but as we know, these things aren't linear. I see people on the Facebook group who are leading full and busy lives whilst tapering, I am hoping that once I stabilise... That could be me too?

3 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

At least she put setraline as an allergy in the file, makes it sound like I got hayfever from the drug but hey-ho better than nothing eh?

Its something. I guess you cant worry about it now. You've done all you can.

 

3 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Thank you so much Chippy, and extended thanks to everyone who has commented so far.. Before joining this forum, I felt so alone and scared of the future. You have all made this feel more doable and feasible, I am not naive that this will be easy but, you give me hope.

This is so good to hear. It's why we started the forum in the first place. Glad you are finding hope and community here. Makes it all worth while for me. Thank you.

 

4 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Work have pushed for their claim and I have tried to be as transparent as possible, I included the private reports and the GP details etc. I guess we will see from here, my boss has offered me going to a more stress-reduced role if required, they are all very much interested in helping me get better but as we know, these things aren't linear. I see people on the Facebook group who are leading full and busy lives whilst tapering, I am hoping that once I stabilise... That could be me too?

Time will tell as you say. Its good work is helpful and trying to support from their end. Thats pretty good to hear. 

 

Yeah no reason why not! Just give it time and when you are ready you may be able to go back in a reduced capacity. Perhaps from home or something. But obviously I have no idea whats possible within your work. Luke has had to deal with all this and he has done the same. Returned to work a bit and now he's easing back to more duties as time passes. Ill let him tell you more details.

Hi @The_Taper_Man. It is impossible for me to work now and it is my biggest concern. I love my profession but I am crushed by the anhedonia and the anxiety. If you can work, do it, it is my the most ardent advice.

Svetla

6 hours ago, Chippy said:

Yeah no reason why not! Just give it time and when you are ready you may be able to go back in a reduced capacity. Perhaps from home or something. But obviously I have no idea whats possible within your work. Luke has had to deal with all this and he has done the same. Returned to work a bit and now he's easing back to more duties as time passes. Ill let him tell you more details.

 

The work stuff and the insurance stuff actually, yes:

• GPs making no or inaccurate records
• Dealing with income protection insurance (which was incredibly difficult due to the above)

Well.. today we got to see a neuroscientist consultant! I am due for an MRI scan in the next few weeks to rule out any potential complications (we know there aren't any but we're following the mill for clarity). It might also help with the notes history in supporting my claims too.

 

Interestingly, during my meeting whilst I was giving my story to the consultant, she asked me "are you neurodivergent"? to which I responded, "yes I was diagnosed in 2023 with AuADHD". She then said "this makes a lot of sense"... So, essentially it is well known that neurodivergence plays a huge part in being sensitive about these medications. The reaction that I had to sertraline and the akathisia I experienced was a common reaction in a brain which is already a bit deficient in known dopamine levels... The more I am meeting with various people, the more confirmation I am getting. She also heavily questioned why I was prescribed quetiapine and that this was not a wise choice to make whilst being in the middle of an AD collapse.

 

I guess of course, it will be continued to be blamed on anxiety and the OCD as usual but when I was asked the question today "do you feel anxious right now?" my immediate response was "I do not feel anxious whatsoever, I feel fuc*king furious" and that seemed to convey my feelings accordingly. 
 

16 minutes ago, Luke said:

Dealing with income protection insurance (which was incredibly difficult due to the above)

How did you work that out Luke? Was your income protected during your period of being off-work?

Hey, @The_Taper_Man, I am so sorry for what is happening to you! And that it happened in such a vulnerable time, being father to a newborn and not married for very long. All this is so unfair. 
 

I agree with what are another member said: do not make big decisions in this state of mind and health. This is not the time to sell a house or quit a job for good.

Obviously, your wife is triggered by your state of health because she had a mentally sick mother. This can be very hard for her but also she should not make big decisions right now. Your situation can change fast, we all hope it for you! Also, after giving birth, her own hormonal system is very much in turmoil. She’s vulnerable too. So trying to calm down the situation and postpone any decisions might be helpful. 
maybe the offer of a less stressful position is a good one. This is not the time for pride, if your health forces you, do easier tasks, it is better than nothing. I had to step down from a leading position once for health reasons and I was very happy when that finally worked out. Right now I am working 20 hours a week and I couldn’t do more. I go to the office once a week and working from home has been a real blessing for me. I just stop and lay down when I feel overwhelmed. This way in the end I can be quite productive, even though I’m very fatigued and not stress resilient at all. It is good that you are transparent with your boss, my experiences with” saying it as it is” were always very positive in the end.

I send you a big hug and prayers go up for you.

Take good care!
Nemina

Your psychiatrist sounds like a jerk.  They seem to love quetiapine though, one psychiatrist I saw (who was otherwise a decent guy) put me on it to replace zopiclone for sleep as it was supposedly not addictive.  I only took it for a short period, had to up the dose a lot to get it to work for sleep, and then it gave me muscle twitches that lasted for about a year after I got off it. Scary stuff.

12 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

 

Thank you so much NamasteJen, I am hoping to stabilise on 5.25mg and return back to work... How do you find it? It seems like quite a mixed bag of people that either can or can't work, a lot of people on the support group via Facebook are unable to work currently. 

I was not so good many years ago in the Rx circus, took a few months off of work, and then a few times after that had blips of bad times, because I didn't understand the whole process of these Rx. But I have pressed on for the most part. I am a mental health provider--it feels as if, while I am helping others, it helps me too. My mind is focused on someone else. But I also ask God for help in helping others. I have done a lot of training around yoga, trauma (body-based), touch work--all good for the body and brain including the vagus nerve. I feel spared after a time of such terror. Yet, I still have to completely come off of the Mirt. I am appreciative of my situation and anything I can do to help others. That's my current story.

I think that this forum can be somewhat of a help for each of us as we are witnesses for others' issues. The two things that stick out to me that keep me going is my faith in God and being as positive as I can in all areas of life even when things feel like crap. Both are a mind- and heart-sense that only we can develop from within. I hope this helps. Take care ❤️

13 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

How did you work that out Luke? Was your income protected during your period of being off-work?

 

I had income protection insurance, which paid out a percentage of my income in the end. It took 11 months of fighting to get it.

 

This was not the fault of my employers nor my insurance company, who were both excellent. However, my GPs actively worked to make my medical records as obscure as possible, recorded dates incorrectly so that the chronology of becoming sick was very unclear, contradicted themselves repeatedly in writing, recorded very, very few of my symptoms to the point that my insurers were saying they'd never, ever seen a case where someone had had so many GP appointments with so few recorded symptoms and so on.

 

Your GPs may not be quite as bad as mine- mine put active effort into this.

 

However, my advice (which is personal, and not in any way legal nor clinical, and I could well be someone who is not at all worth listening to in either of these practices for all you know), would be to review your GP and medical records regularly to ensure that things are being recorded accurately, or at all. I was too ill and only found that records were very inaccurate and incredibly sparse as I tried to deal with insurance.

 

This is sensible advice in general (although again, I'm not a doctor and may be very insensible)- after appointments it is good practice to check the NHS app and review what has been recorded. Periodically, you may also wish to request your complete records via Subject Access Request (SAR) for the last few months/years encompassing this health journey so you can see it more completely (the NHS app records are shortened as far as I am aware). This takes a considerable amount of time (weeks to a month or two, typically AFAIK), so this is not something easily done in a rush.

 

It is likely that an insurer will want to see your complete medical history anyway.

 

12 hours ago, Nemina said:

Hey, @The_Taper_Man, I am so sorry for what is happening to you! And that it happened in such a vulnerable time, being father to a newborn and not married for very long. All this is so unfair. 
 

I agree with what are another member said: do not make big decisions in this state of mind and health. This is not the time to sell a house or quit a job for good.

Obviously, your wife is triggered by your state of health because she had a mentally sick mother. This can be very hard for her but also she should not make big decisions right now. Your situation can change fast, we all hope it for you! Also, after giving birth, her own hormonal system is very much in turmoil. She’s vulnerable too. So trying to calm down the situation and postpone any decisions might be helpful. 
maybe the offer of a less stressful position is a good one. This is not the time for pride, if your health forces you, do easier tasks, it is better than nothing. I had to step down from a leading position once for health reasons and I was very happy when that finally worked out. Right now I am working 20 hours a week and I couldn’t do more. I go to the office once a week and working from home has been a real blessing for me. I just stop and lay down when I feel overwhelmed. This way in the end I can be quite productive, even though I’m very fatigued and not stress resilient at all. It is good that you are transparent with your boss, my experiences with” saying it as it is” were always very positive in the end.

I send you a big hug and prayers go up for you.

Take good care!
Nemina

 

This is an excellent post @Nemina.

32 minutes ago, Luke said:

This was not the fault of my employers nor my insurance company, who were both excellent. However, my GPs actively worked to make my medical records as obscure as possible, recorded dates incorrectly so that the chronology of becoming sick was very unclear, contradicted themselves repeatedly in writing, recorded very, very few of my symptoms

Thanks Luke, I have the exact same situation as yourself. The income protection guys are calling me this afternoon to start the process, to which I’ll be paid a percentage if it’s found that I’ll be off for a long period. 
 

With that said, my concern is that I have had to upload all of the reports from the psychiatrist and all of his reports, coupled with those from the NHS are extremely biased and heavily lean towards anxiety and OCD. 
 

It’s interesting as I’ve been reviewing my notes and the countless amount of times that I’ve mentioned how Mirtazapine makes me feel groggy and sedated and I wanted off it… hopefully I’ll be able to convey how this was all driven by medication vs anxiety. Can’t imagine it’s going to be an easy feat though. I’m meeting with the GP again on Friday and they’re taking my bloods today to rule anything out so I’ll see if she’s willing to put on a final note to confirm this is medication withdrawal. 

Edited February 4Feb 4 by The_Taper_Man

On 1/29/2026 at 9:21 AM, The_Taper_Man said:

Hi all,

 

Really nice to meet you, albeit in trying circumstances. 

 

I have never had any mental health issues; never been on antidepressants or any psych meds before this period. I am a 34 year-old male, living in the UK. 

 

My story begins with me recently having my first child with my beautiful wife 3 months ago, my life up until now has been extremely fulfilling, filled with good friends, lots of trips away and loving life. I have had a successful career with currently being the Head of a team with a great boss, colleagues and last year for the first time in my working career, placed in the top 1% of performers. Unfortunately, I have now been off-work for 3 months, with no end to this in sight.. 

 

When my son was born, like any new parent, I experienced a significant amount of anxiety. I had OCD which manifested itself into me believing I would become like my grandmother who was 'apparently' seriously ill and diagnosed with major depressive disorder (I now question whether it was the meds making her that way). She was always in and out of psychiatric hospitals and most of my family alienated her because she was 'a very sick lady'. Anyway, over the course of a month my anxiety got higher as I became afraid of this idea, so I sought help from the GP who prescribed me Sertraline without any mention of withdrawal, precautions or anything else to be aware of, I went home and left the pills on the side with a view that I'd try and tackle this without meds (I have always been sceptical and a gut feeling has always told me to stay away). One day, my wife and I were out and about and I experienced a panic moment with my anxiety being quite high. On returning back home and chatting with my wife and my Mum, I decided that I'd take the ADs as I have other family members who are on ADs without any issues and are doing fine, they're harmless etc! Surely, it would be the same for me, right?.... Upon taking my first pill, I immediately felt it. I felt like I was muted and calm, but then the anxiety surge began and refused to stop. I found myself completely overwhelmed with constant panic and heart palpitations. I slept for 3-4 hours that night, the next day after talking with my Mum who naively said, "they can take a few weeks to work, you need to keep going". Well, this proved to be the downfall of the dominos... I took the 2nd dose and that night experienced a total loss of control, I had muscle spasms, electric shocks through my limbs, a heart that I thought was going to fail and a constant state of fear and perceived madness. I ended up attending A&E at 5am, waited 6hrs for a doctor to tell me that I was experiencing a panic attack and that I was fine, offered me a diazepam and to cease the sertraline. I decided against the diazepam as I was convinced that the benzo would cause me further damage, again a mistake that I would come to regret... I returned home and despite me trying to have a warm bath, calm myself and relax my state of panic did not let up, I returned back to the GP that night who had zero interest in helping me, despite me being deeply upset and looking for help to sleep, he just prescribed me zopiclone and ushered me out of his little office and 'wished me well', I ended up back in A&E that morning with even worse symptoms than before, my family were trying to get me admitted to a pysch hospital. I was actually referred to the CHMT and upon seeing a psychiatrist at the hospital, he prescribed me Mirtazapine 15mg and told me to go home and sleep with the medication. When I asked him about side effects, he simply stated 'only 2' and that weight gain and no sexual disfunction, these were the only 2 I needed to be concerned about. If only I had just taken the Diazepam to calm down and process my thoughts without taking the Mirtazapine... I might not be in the position I am now, hindsight eh? Beautiful thing. 

 

Upon taking my first dose of Mirtazapine, I slept for 12 hours and woke up the next day feeling oddly ok. Over the course of 1-week however, I started to get really bad emotional bluntness, complete ED and DP/DR along with feeling groggy and cognitive decline, this also included feelings of deep despair and crying spells. I was unable to process the required steps on how to make a sandwich or do anything more than just walk around in a daze. When speaking to one of the CHMT workers at my home, they told me "change my thoughts on meds" "stop being against it" "buck up my ideas" and that "these symptoms will fade over time..." I decided to drop to 7.5mg with the view of stopping after. The CHMT team dropped me after 3 days, when I asked about seeing someone about my concerns about the medications I was taking, they replied stating that I was 'stable enough' and that 'mental health is one of the most underfunded sectors in the UK..' I decided to look at getting a private psychiatrist to help, after having quite a few (very expensive) meetings and him repeatedly telling me that all of what I was experiencing was my anxiety manifesting itself and had nothing to do with the medication stating 'it is simply impossible', he was especially hard keen in replacing Mirtazapine with Quetiapine, me? Not so much.. After being on 7.5mg for 3-weeks and fed up with the groggy side effects, initially I was told that I could 'just stop' as I was on half of the lowest dose possible, I rejected this and in agreement with my GP and the psychiatrist, I decided to taper off from 7.5 -> 5.25 (7 nights) -> 3.75 (6 nights), I was feeling great during my taper period but had slight symptoms of a cold which I brushed off because my wife had been a bit unwell a week prior, I even had euphoria with feelings of relief and tears of joy to finally be feeling 'me again', I started walking my dog again and really enjoying life with my new son and wife, it felt so good. I was due to be returning back to work and all my colleagues and team were ecstatic to see me back.. I later learnt that this was the 'honeymoon period' of a withdrawal. After just 2 days of returning back to work, I came off a meeting with one my team members and felt an immediate surge of unease and anxiety which I hadn't felt for a while, this then proceeded to me feeling extremely hot and sweaty which both my wife and I agreed that it could be due to the stress of going back to work (never caused me any issues). Upon going to bed that night, I woke up from a horrible bloody nightmare (never have nightmares) completely sweating. So much so, that the bed was soaked through. After panic setting in, I realised what this was... I was in withdrawal. That night, I didn't sleep more than 2hrs and had constant heart palpitations. The next night was the same, I took a lorazepam at 3am to try and mitigate the effects I was having, I emailed back my psychiatrist who booked an immediate appointment the next day, he immediately said 'lets instate my quetiapine plan with immediate effect' stating that my anxiety was now out of control and that I needed something to target it right away. He told me that I could 'stop and start' the drug whenever I wanted to, that we would only be using it for a few days and that Mirtazapine could be reinstated and continued without an issue. He proceeded to find me an open pharmacy at 7pm (despite me telling him that I could just pick it up the next day), I ended up going to Asda to pick up the prescription. Walking through a supermarket, with families and people doing their shopping whilst I am waiting to pick up an antipsychotic was a very surreal feeling. That night, I returned back home and re-instated the Mirtazapine along with the Quetiapine, it knocked me for 6 and I woke up with saliva covering half of my face. When walking around town with my wife, I began to have severe suicidal thoughts and depressive waves coming in and out (I have NEVER had this before), I immediately stopped taking it. The next day, I didn't have any of these thoughts and although felt in a daze, I was ok. My psychiatrist called me to ask how the drugs were going from a private number on a Sunday, I explained what had happened and he responds with 'right, we need to tackle this fast and increase the dose from 25 to 50 or 75', I declined stating that I was not prepared to take a drug which made me feel this way, he then proceeded quite forcefully instruct me to contact a private psychiatric hospital and get myself inpatient care.. I tried to test a dose of 12.5mg that night to see if it was me or the drug? Guess what happened the next day? Yep, you guessed it.... Same thoughts about ending it. Over the course of the week that followed, I then reduced taking promethazine with Mirtazapine and I am now in the process of trying to stabilise on 5.25mg which has somewhat seemed to have worked, I have waves of feeling ok and happy/positive and then doom of my life is ruined and I am destined for severe withdrawals whenever I come off this drug (like today). I have a referral in progress for the Describing Clinic in North London with Mark Horowitz but I would assume that is months/years off being the NHS.... I am debating whether to just stay here for a long period of time, return to work potentially and look to taper in 6 months? Only issue is that it makes me feel lethargic, unable to focus properly and my work requires quite an intense amount of brain power. At the moment, I am in limbo waiting and wondering whether these effects will lessen and enable me to at least enjoy a bit of time with my new son and family before I begin.

 

I'll preface by saying that during all of this time, most of my family and friends (including my wife) have been very concerned and worried about my state of wellbeing, they have increasingly applied pressure for me to 'trust the doctors' and 'listen to the experts', I have been told by my wife that from the outside, it looks like I am clinically insane because of my obsession with medication and the effects they are having on me. They have all had a really hard time accepting the fact that what I have experienced, is a reality and that 'I need help'. It has been extremely isolating and lonely recently as I watch the relationships with my loved ones break down, one-by-one. My argument will always be, 'if this was ruining your life and there was nothing you could do, would you not be obsessed by it too?' I have an appointment tomorrow with the hospital in person, once again he'll probably prescribe more drugs that I refuse to take and my family will continue to tell me 'you're not accepting any help and this is your fault'.

 

Unfortunately, I am now at the end of my discovery journey where I have realised that I fall into the 'unlucky' category like many others. My next 2-3 years are going to look a lot different than what I had planned them to look like and I am absolutely devastated. I had dreams and aspirations for my new family that are slowly slipping through my fingers.. My wife is from France and is on the verge of returning home, along with my son, as she does not want him to grow up in the same household that she did when she was younger and her Mum was suffering from a life-long severe schizophrenia diagnosis. Although I love her dearly, I am leaning to agree that I do not wish to put either of them through the next part of my journey either. The Mirtazapine bomb is ticking.... I have no idea if or when it will be defused.

 

Appreciate you greatly if you have made it this far. Again, nice to meet you all... In a bittersweet way, that I wish we didn't have to.

 

Taper Man

Hello @The_Taper_Man.  Im sorry about your struggles and suffering.  I totally understand since I'm married with 7 children and how important family is during this journey.

 

After 12 years on this medication, one day, I realized that something was wrong.  Why I was on medication when I was feeling good.  I was emotionally numb and I thought it was because of my age.  I tried two times cold turkey and ended up with medication.  My wife, at first, never believed me and thought it was all in my head.  Until I met SA group, it's when I realized that what I was experiencing was due to the medication.  I finally got something to show to my wife and family.  They were able to understand and thanks God, my wife was always against this medication, but we thought that I could get out like taking a Tylenol.  We were wrong! 

 

Unfortunately, doctors are not really trained on this subject and ignore the side effects we actually report to them.

 

My suggestion is to show your wife this site, SA sites, and any podcast you find in YouTube related to withdrawal and antidepressants.  Now, my wife is totally supportive and my children are my best coaches during this journey.

 

There is light after this journey.  It's a long journey, but thrust me that good things will happen.

 

Like you, I have to work and provide to my family.  I enjoyed my job, but after having withdrawal symptoms, I developed or experienced fear to my job, coworkers, people, emails, brain fog, anxiety, dizziness, headache, etc....I tried to managed everything during my first five months of hell on a daily basis.   Painful and days went by slow.  While in office, I took so many restroom breaks to just sit in a toilet to cry and pray.  Thinking when this nightmare will settle down...

 

I really don't know how I managed my two days in office work.  God definitely gave me the strength because it was impossible for me to be able to still work.  I was always a sociable person and never depressed.  I only had this one time anxiety due to my first son and life changes.

 

After five months, I started to see windows and waves, but I never changed my reinstament dose.  I never took supplements, not any other medication.  I am currently holding longer and 13 months journey.   I feel a lot better now, but still ups and downs.   

 

You need to hold long and do not introduce or make any changes.  If no one understands your symptoms, you can show them podcast.  Focus on yourself and manage symptoms as much as you can.

 

During my first five months and I still do..

1. Read successful stories of recovery 

2. Avoid news

3. Three time a day meditation 

4. Accept symptoms and don't fight them. Just feel it without judgement.

5. Read positive stories.

7. Avoid negative people 

8. Take walks even if you don't feel it.

9. Put boundaries 

10. Write as much as you can in this site.

11. Know that you are not alone on this.

12. Put yourself first.

13. Listen to your body.  

14. Don't make changes in your dose for a long time.  

15. Although waves are bad, know that it's when the body is healing.

16. Waves and windows do happen.

17. Find a daily routine to deal with symptoms.

18. Depending on the symptoms, you might one to find a positive phrase to overcome negative thoughts and symptoms.  For instance, when I feel fear sensation, I repeat to myself "I'm not afraid, God is with me, this is just healing".  

 

Let us know how is going with you and I hope, your family understand and support you...

8 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Thanks Luke, I have the exact same situation as yourself. The income protection guys are calling me this afternoon to start the process, to which I’ll be paid a percentage if it’s found that I’ll be off for a long period. 
 

With that said, my concern is that I have had to upload all of the reports from the psychiatrist and all of his reports, coupled with those from the NHS are extremely biased and heavily lean towards anxiety and OCD. 
 

It’s interesting as I’ve been reviewing my notes and the countless amount of times that I’ve mentioned how Mirtazapine makes me feel groggy and sedated and I wanted off it… hopefully I’ll be able to convey how this was all driven by medication vs anxiety. Can’t imagine it’s going to be an easy feat though. I’m meeting with the GP again on Friday and they’re taking my bloods today to rule anything out so I’ll see if she’s willing to put on a final note to confirm this is medication withdrawal. 

 

The more you can do to get more records that show a multitude of neurological symptoms from an adverse drug reaction, the better. Even ones that don't specify a cause but list tangible physical symptoms are better than nothing.

 

My occupational health assessors (again through work) thought I had "functional neurological disorder". I didn't agree, but I didn't pushback too hard because that's a syndrome with physical symptoms that's "definitely being sick" so as far as they and my employers were concerned- I was sick.

 

You can't change old records, but you can keep sending new ones to consider after sending them them an original set as your diagnostic process develops.

16 hours ago, Raymond said:

Hello @The_Taper_Man.  Im sorry about your struggles and suffering.  I totally understand since I'm married with 7 children and how important family is during this journey.

 

After 12 years on this medication, one day, I realized that something was wrong.  Why I was on medication when I was feeling good.  I was emotionally numb and I thought it was because of my age.  I tried two times cold turkey and ended up with medication.  My wife, at first, never believed me and thought it was all in my head.  Until I met SA group, it's when I realized that what I was experiencing was due to the medication.  I finally got something to show to my wife and family.  They were able to understand and thanks God, my wife was always against this medication, but we thought that I could get out like taking a Tylenol.  We were wrong! 

 

Unfortunately, doctors are not really trained on this subject and ignore the side effects we actually report to them.

 

My suggestion is to show your wife this site, SA sites, and any podcast you find in YouTube related to withdrawal and antidepressants.  Now, my wife is totally supportive and my children are my best coaches during this journey.

 

There is light after this journey.  It's a long journey, but thrust me that good things will happen.

 

Like you, I have to work and provide to my family.  I enjoyed my job, but after having withdrawal symptoms, I developed or experienced fear to my job, coworkers, people, emails, brain fog, anxiety, dizziness, headache, etc....I tried to managed everything during my first five months of hell on a daily basis.   Painful and days went by slow.  While in office, I took so many restroom breaks to just sit in a toilet to cry and pray.  Thinking when this nightmare will settle down...

 

I really don't know how I managed my two days in office work.  God definitely gave me the strength because it was impossible for me to be able to still work.  I was always a sociable person and never depressed.  I only had this one time anxiety due to my first son and life changes.

 

but I never changed my reinstament dose.  I never took supplements, not any other medication.  I am currently holding longer and 13 months journey.   I feel a lot better now, but still ups and downs.   

 

You need to hold long and do not introduce or make any changes.  If no one understands your symptoms, you can show them podcast.  Focus on yourself and manage symptoms as much as you can.

 

During my first five months and I still do..

1. Read successful stories of recovery 

2. Avoid news

3. Three time a day meditation 

4. Accept symptoms and don't fight them. Just feel it without judgement.

5. Read positive stories.

7. Avoid negative people 

8. Take walks even if you don't feel it.

9. Put boundaries 

10. Write as much as you can in this site.

11. Know that you are not alone on this.

12. Put yourself first.

13. Listen to your body.  

14. Don't make changes in your dose for a long time.  

15. Although waves are bad, know that it's when the body is healing.

16. Waves and windows do happen.

17. Find a daily routine to deal with symptoms.

18. Depending on the symptoms, you might one to find a positive phrase to overcome negative thoughts and symptoms.  For instance, when I feel fear sensation, I repeat to myself "I'm not afraid, God is with me, this is just healing".  

 

Let us know how is going with you and I hope, your family understand and support you...

 

Thanks so much @Raymond for your lovely response and your words for encouragement, luckily my parents and my wife have recently started to come around to the fact that I am hypersensitive to medication and it is no longer a mystery to everyone. 

 

The problem I have with holding this dose is the severe lethargy I get from mirtazapine, it wouldn't be as bad if I was not hungover and groggy most of the time. It has improved over these past few days I'll admit but I am still cognitively impaired and nowhere near at the same level as I was a few months ago. 

 

Did you reinstate your dose immediately after experiencing withdrawal symptoms or did you stay off for 5 months and then reinstate? 

16 hours ago, Luke said:

The more you can do to get more records that show a multitude of neurological symptoms from an adverse drug reaction, the better. Even ones that don't specify a cause but list tangible physical symptoms are better than nothing.

 

That was my thought process too; yesterday I had my call with the insurance and gave them my physical symptoms but was also really transparent around the anxiety piece too. I tried to make it clear that although yes, I did have severe anxiety after my son was born... This then translated into something completely different...

 

How you feeling today Luke? I seemed to have levelled out this week thank God, not sure if this is me stabilising or whether I am in a window? I had a horrible migraine on Tuesday but that seems to have now left too. 

2 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Did you reinstate your dose immediately after experiencing withdrawal symptoms or did you stay off for 5 months and then reinstate? 

I reinstated as soon as I had withdrawal symptoms which was two weeks after cold turkey.  

 

I reinstated 5mg and it took few symptoms away.  Then 7 months to later, I cut no more than 1.5% but I have been holding since October with no cuts.  I think my brain still catching up with my cold turkey...

 

I'm holding as much as I can to allow full stabilization or at least, have longer windows with no fear sensation..

2 hours ago, Raymond said:

I reinstated as soon as I had withdrawal symptoms which was two weeks after cold turkey.  

 

I reinstated 5mg and it took few symptoms away.  Then 7 months to later, I cut no more than 1.5% but I have been holding since October with no cuts.  I think my brain still catching up with my cold turkey...

 

I'm holding as much as I can to allow full stabilization or at least, have longer windows with no fear sensation..

 

That is a long time with withdrawal symptoms... man, I am sorry for you. I am glad to hear that you are doing a bit better though. I reinstated my dose of 5.25mg 3 days after I stopped, my withdrawal symptoms came on heavy and severe, within 3 days of stopping my dose which leads me to wonder how truly sensitive I must be to these meds... I am starting to stabilise now 4 weeks after my reinstatement so I am hoping I can begin my taper. Although I am still experiencing a bit of DR and anxiety, I am not sure if I should continue wait. @Chippy & @Luke what do you guys think?

4 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

 

That is a long time with withdrawal symptoms... man, I am sorry for you. I am glad to hear that you are doing a bit better though. I reinstated my dose of 5.25mg 3 days after I stopped, my withdrawal symptoms came on heavy and severe, within 3 days of stopping my dose which leads me to wonder how truly sensitive I must be to these meds... I am starting to stabilise now 4 weeks after my reinstatement so I am hoping I can begin my taper. Although I am still experiencing a bit of DR and anxiety, I am not sure if I should continue wait. @Chippy & @Luke what do you guys think?

Hey bud. I’d sit it out a bit longer if you still have symptoms. I know it’s frustrating but try to get a stable as you can before dropping imo. 

3 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

 

That is a long time with withdrawal symptoms... man, I am sorry for you. I am glad to hear that you are doing a bit better though. I reinstated my dose of 5.25mg 3 days after I stopped, my withdrawal symptoms came on heavy and severe, within 3 days of stopping my dose which leads me to wonder how truly sensitive I must be to these meds... I am starting to stabilise now 4 weeks after my reinstatement so I am hoping I can begin my taper. Although I am still experiencing a bit of DR and anxiety, I am not sure if I should continue wait. @Chippy & @Luke what do you guys think?

@The_Taper_Man.   How long have you been on medication?  I was 12 years on medication.  This is important because even if you feel good, waves can come at any time.  The Central nervous system takes time to heal from this drugs.

 

My journey summary 

Months 1- 4 pure hell

Months 5- 8 more windows then waves

Months 9 - amazing month more like me

Months 10- 12 old symptoms came back but not intense 

Currently 

Months 13 - many improvement, but waves continue to up and down.  Every day is different.   

 

My waves are more in the morning hours from 7am to 10am or 11am.  Then, it improves..

9 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

 

That is a long time with withdrawal symptoms... man, I am sorry for you. I am glad to hear that you are doing a bit better though. I reinstated my dose of 5.25mg 3 days after I stopped, my withdrawal symptoms came on heavy and severe, within 3 days of stopping my dose which leads me to wonder how truly sensitive I must be to these meds... I am starting to stabilise now 4 weeks after my reinstatement so I am hoping I can begin my taper. Although I am still experiencing a bit of DR and anxiety, I am not sure if I should continue wait. @Chippy & @Luke what do you guys think?

You need to hold for a long time.  If you see improvement, you need to allow time and see if symptoms do not come back.  Unfortunately, to find stability after being sensitive can take months to years in some people.  However, as time passes by, symptoms becomes gradually less intense...

 

Your body will tell you when you will be ready to cut no.more than 10% per month.  I will suggest to start with a very low percentage first and see how your body reacts...

 

Hanging there for the journey...you will make it.

2 hours ago, Raymond said:

@The_Taper_Man.   How long have you been on medication?  I was 12 years on medication.  This is important because even if you feel good, waves can come at any time.  The Central nervous system takes time to heal from this drugs.

 

My journey summary 

Months 1- 4 pure hell

Months 5- 8 more windows then waves

Months 9 - amazing month more like me

Months 10- 12 old symptoms came back but not intense 

Currently 

Months 13 - many improvement, but waves continue to up and down.  Every day is different.   

 

My waves are more in the morning hours from 7am to 10am or 11am.  Then, it improves..

@Raymond I was only on it for 1 month prior to me deciding to taper.. My waves are similar to yours, they come in the morning with intense OCD and anxiety and then it seems to fade a bit as I get up and move. Today though, the DP/DR doesn't seem to have shifted. Let's see what tomorrow brings! 

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hey bud. I’d sit it out a bit longer if you still have symptoms. I know it’s frustrating but try to get a stable as you can before dropping imo. 

Thanks @Chippy - I feared this may be the case... I am even debating holding here for a long period so I can get back to work, maybe a bit of normality as I am longing for it at the moment after the recent 3-month ordeal.. I just really wish I could jump off and no longer be on this, especially since I have only taken the drug for a couple of months now. 

 

Anyway, despite the DP/DR and lingering anxiety today, I managed to get both of the bed sheets changed over, cleaned my aquarium, played with the boy and took the dog out in the rain. I'm grateful that at least I am partially functioning at this dose, tomorrow I might even see if I can have a look at the motorbike and get cracking on the exhaust.. I'll wait and see what tomorrow brings. 

 

What you think about holding longer for a 'normal life' instead of trying to accelerate the taper? The pros are that I can be functional, the cons is that I am on the drug longer.

23 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

 

That was my thought process too; yesterday I had my call with the insurance and gave them my physical symptoms but was also really transparent around the anxiety piece too. I tried to make it clear that although yes, I did have severe anxiety after my son was born... This then translated into something completely different...

 

How you feeling today Luke? I seemed to have levelled out this week thank God, not sure if this is me stabilising or whether I am in a window? I had a horrible migraine on Tuesday but that seems to have now left too. 

 

If you're improving, hopefully you are stabilising after reinstating. This might not be linear, you may still have days when you do not feel good. It is important to reframe things and try to consider where you want to be over the next weeks.

 

16 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Anyway, despite the DP/DR and lingering anxiety today, I managed to get both of the bed sheets changed over, cleaned my aquarium, played with the boy and took the dog out in the rain. I'm grateful that at least I am partially functioning at this dose, tomorrow I might even see if I can have a look at the motorbike and get cracking on the exhaust.. I'll wait and see what tomorrow brings.

 

That's quite a level of functioning given everything that's been going on. Hopefully you'll continue to stabilise and get to be really quite functional. The reinstatement seems to be working, it likely needs more time to work.

 

 

16 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

What you think about holding longer for a 'normal life' instead of trying to accelerate the taper? The pros are that I can be functional, the cons is that I am on the drug longer.

 

I cannot tell you what to do.

 

However, what I would say, is that I strongly wish that I'd stabilised and then tapered slowly, instead of being 100% disabled for a couple of years, and then ill and suffering for longer than that. I'd give almost anything to rewind the clock and remain mostly functional on the drug despite the symptoms it gave me and to take it slower and not be harmed in the way that I ultimately was.

 

You're improving, I'd suggest giving that time to keep happening. If you're able to live and be functional, I'd preserve that at all costs, having experienced the polar opposite of that for years.

16 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Thanks @Chippy - I feared this may be the case... I am even debating holding here for a long period so I can get back to work, maybe a bit of normality as I am longing for it at the moment after the recent 3-month ordeal.. I just really wish I could jump off and no longer be on this, especially since I have only taken the drug for a couple of months now. 

 

I know mate. CT would be rough on you I think. It's never advisable. Trust me. Your brain will be adapted to the drug at this point and needs a gentle route down. This is best done form a position of stability. The lower you go the harder it is. At 5.25mg effect on the brain of Mirt is still pretty high about 16%. When it comes time to start your drop PM me and Ill give you info on taper plans.

 

17 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Anyway, despite the DP/DR and lingering anxiety today, I managed to get both of the bed sheets changed over, cleaned my aquarium, played with the boy and took the dog out in the rain. I'm grateful that at least I am partially functioning at this dose, tomorrow I might even see if I can have a look at the motorbike and get cracking on the exhaust.. I'll wait and see what tomorrow brings. 

Sounds good bud. Positive. This hold here is working for you. Keep it up.

 

17 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

What you think about holding longer for a 'normal life' instead of trying to accelerate the taper? The pros are that I can be functional, the cons is that I am on the drug longer.

This is totally your choice. Just hold for the minute and see how stable you can get yourself. Getting off itsnt a race. It's completely possible you can work and taper.

 

Chippy

6 hours ago, Chippy said:

This is totally your choice. Just hold for the minute and see how stable you can get yourself. Getting off itsnt a race. It's completely possible you can work and taper.

 

This would be an absolute dream to me right now @Chippy, I just feel like I am losing my mind at the moment, my brain just doesn't work at all neither does it seem to want to focus on anything else apart from this situation, I have become obsessed with it. I just got back from the GP today who has spoken to their psychiatrist and guess what he asked... "is your patient diagnosed with autism?" Seems we're slowly starting to see a pattern here.. Although it still doesn't help me any further, I have come to the final conclusion that I am indeed, alone in this (of course not here with you guys).

 

@Luke Because of the above, my sick notes are now reflecting "medication sensitivity" alongside anxiety/OCD. I guess I can see that as a bit of win that it is finally being recognised.

 

As the days go on, I continue to question my sanity and whether I'll ever get back to who I was before. I am slowly losing the motivation and hope I once had, on days like this I ask myself if the gruelling journey in front of me, is even worth taking. 

2 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

 

This would be an absolute dream to me right now @Chippy, I just feel like I am losing my mind at the moment, my brain just doesn't work at all neither does it seem to want to focus on anything else apart from this situation, I have become obsessed with it. I just got back from the GP today who has spoken to their psychiatrist and guess what he asked... "is your patient diagnosed with autism?" Seems we're slowly starting to see a pattern here.. Although it still doesn't help me any further, I have come to the final conclusion that I am indeed, alone in this (of course not here with you guys).

 

@Luke Because of the above, my sick notes are now reflecting "medication sensitivity" alongside anxiety/OCD. I guess I can see that as a bit of win that it is finally being recognised.

 

As the days go on, I continue to question my sanity and whether I'll ever get back to who I was before. I am slowly losing the motivation and hope I once had, on days like this I ask myself if the gruelling journey in front of me, is even worth taking. 

@The_Taper_Man the obsessions, so incredibly strong, my life has become pretty much my symptoms and everything around it, awful.

I do think it's part of a biochemical storm, like adrenaline rush and other symptoms beyond our control, proof to me that when I'm not waving it's almost if not non-existent without making any effort and trying to change my mindset, not to mention that I didn't have any obsessive thinking before.. it makes sense, those drugs are extremely potent with a huge psychological effect among many other things so I strongly believe it will fade/gone as we progress with our healing.

Edited February 6Feb 6 by Fullhealing