Hi all,

 

Really nice to meet you, albeit in trying circumstances. 

 

I have never had any mental health issues; never been on antidepressants or any psych meds before this period. I am a 34 year-old male, living in the UK. 

 

My story begins with me recently having my first child with my beautiful wife 3 months ago, my life up until now has been extremely fulfilling, filled with good friends, lots of trips away and loving life. I have had a successful career with currently being the Head of a team with a great boss, colleagues and last year for the first time in my working career, placed in the top 1% of performers. Unfortunately, I have now been off-work for 3 months, with no end to this in sight.. 

 

When my son was born, like any new parent, I experienced a significant amount of anxiety. I had OCD which manifested itself into me believing I would become like my grandmother who was 'apparently' seriously ill and diagnosed with major depressive disorder (I now question whether it was the meds making her that way). She was always in and out of psychiatric hospitals and most of my family alienated her because she was 'a very sick lady'. Anyway, over the course of a month my anxiety got higher as I became afraid of this idea, so I sought help from the GP who prescribed me Sertraline without any mention of withdrawal, precautions or anything else to be aware of, I went home and left the pills on the side with a view that I'd try and tackle this without meds (I have always been sceptical and a gut feeling has always told me to stay away). One day, my wife and I were out and about and I experienced a panic moment with my anxiety being quite high. On returning back home and chatting with my wife and my Mum, I decided that I'd take the ADs as I have other family members who are on ADs without any issues and are doing fine, they're harmless etc! Surely, it would be the same for me, right?.... Upon taking my first pill, I immediately felt it. I felt like I was muted and calm, but then the anxiety surge began and refused to stop. I found myself completely overwhelmed with constant panic and heart palpitations. I slept for 3-4 hours that night, the next day after talking with my Mum who naively said, "they can take a few weeks to work, you need to keep going". Well, this proved to be the downfall of the dominos... I took the 2nd dose and that night experienced a total loss of control, I had muscle spasms, electric shocks through my limbs, a heart that I thought was going to fail and a constant state of fear and perceived madness. I ended up attending A&E at 5am, waited 6hrs for a doctor to tell me that I was experiencing a panic attack and that I was fine, offered me a diazepam and to cease the sertraline. I decided against the diazepam as I was convinced that the benzo would cause me further damage, again a mistake that I would come to regret... I returned home and despite me trying to have a warm bath, calm myself and relax my state of panic did not let up, I returned back to the GP that night who had zero interest in helping me, despite me being deeply upset and looking for help to sleep, he just prescribed me zopiclone and ushered me out of his little office and 'wished me well', I ended up back in A&E that morning with even worse symptoms than before, my family were trying to get me admitted to a pysch hospital. I was actually referred to the CHMT and upon seeing a psychiatrist at the hospital, he prescribed me Mirtazapine 15mg and told me to go home and sleep with the medication. When I asked him about side effects, he simply stated 'only 2' and that weight gain and no sexual disfunction, these were the only 2 I needed to be concerned about. If only I had just taken the Diazepam to calm down and process my thoughts without taking the Mirtazapine... I might not be in the position I am now, hindsight eh? Beautiful thing. 

 

Upon taking my first dose of Mirtazapine, I slept for 12 hours and woke up the next day feeling oddly ok. Over the course of 1-week however, I started to get really bad emotional bluntness, complete ED and DP/DR along with feeling groggy and cognitive decline, this also included feelings of deep despair and crying spells. I was unable to process the required steps on how to make a sandwich or do anything more than just walk around in a daze. When speaking to one of the CHMT workers at my home, they told me "change my thoughts on meds" "stop being against it" "buck up my ideas" and that "these symptoms will fade over time..." I decided to drop to 7.5mg with the view of stopping after. The CHMT team dropped me after 3 days, when I asked about seeing someone about my concerns about the medications I was taking, they replied stating that I was 'stable enough' and that 'mental health is one of the most underfunded sectors in the UK..' I decided to look at getting a private psychiatrist to help, after having quite a few (very expensive) meetings and him repeatedly telling me that all of what I was experiencing was my anxiety manifesting itself and had nothing to do with the medication stating 'it is simply impossible', he was especially hard keen in replacing Mirtazapine with Quetiapine, me? Not so much.. After being on 7.5mg for 3-weeks and fed up with the groggy side effects, initially I was told that I could 'just stop' as I was on half of the lowest dose possible, I rejected this and in agreement with my GP and the psychiatrist, I decided to taper off from 7.5 -> 5.25 (7 nights) -> 3.75 (6 nights), I was feeling great during my taper period but had slight symptoms of a cold which I brushed off because my wife had been a bit unwell a week prior, I even had euphoria with feelings of relief and tears of joy to finally be feeling 'me again', I started walking my dog again and really enjoying life with my new son and wife, it felt so good. I was due to be returning back to work and all my colleagues and team were ecstatic to see me back.. I later learnt that this was the 'honeymoon period' of a withdrawal. After just 2 days of returning back to work, I came off a meeting with one my team members and felt an immediate surge of unease and anxiety which I hadn't felt for a while, this then proceeded to me feeling extremely hot and sweaty which both my wife and I agreed that it could be due to the stress of going back to work (never caused me any issues). Upon going to bed that night, I woke up from a horrible bloody nightmare (never have nightmares) completely sweating. So much so, that the bed was soaked through. After panic setting in, I realised what this was... I was in withdrawal. That night, I didn't sleep more than 2hrs and had constant heart palpitations. The next night was the same, I took a lorazepam at 3am to try and mitigate the effects I was having, I emailed back my psychiatrist who booked an immediate appointment the next day, he immediately said 'lets instate my quetiapine plan with immediate effect' stating that my anxiety was now out of control and that I needed something to target it right away. He told me that I could 'stop and start' the drug whenever I wanted to, that we would only be using it for a few days and that Mirtazapine could be reinstated and continued without an issue. He proceeded to find me an open pharmacy at 7pm (despite me telling him that I could just pick it up the next day), I ended up going to Asda to pick up the prescription. Walking through a supermarket, with families and people doing their shopping whilst I am waiting to pick up an antipsychotic was a very surreal feeling. That night, I returned back home and re-instated the Mirtazapine along with the Quetiapine, it knocked me for 6 and I woke up with saliva covering half of my face. When walking around town with my wife, I began to have severe suicidal thoughts and depressive waves coming in and out (I have NEVER had this before), I immediately stopped taking it. The next day, I didn't have any of these thoughts and although felt in a daze, I was ok. My psychiatrist called me to ask how the drugs were going from a private number on a Sunday, I explained what had happened and he responds with 'right, we need to tackle this fast and increase the dose from 25 to 50 or 75', I declined stating that I was not prepared to take a drug which made me feel this way, he then proceeded quite forcefully instruct me to contact a private psychiatric hospital and get myself inpatient care.. I tried to test a dose of 12.5mg that night to see if it was me or the drug? Guess what happened the next day? Yep, you guessed it.... Same thoughts about ending it. Over the course of the week that followed, I then reduced taking promethazine with Mirtazapine and I am now in the process of trying to stabilise on 5.25mg which has somewhat seemed to have worked, I have waves of feeling ok and happy/positive and then doom of my life is ruined and I am destined for severe withdrawals whenever I come off this drug (like today). I have a referral in progress for the Describing Clinic in North London with Mark Horowitz but I would assume that is months/years off being the NHS.... I am debating whether to just stay here for a long period of time, return to work potentially and look to taper in 6 months? Only issue is that it makes me feel lethargic, unable to focus properly and my work requires quite an intense amount of brain power. At the moment, I am in limbo waiting and wondering whether these effects will lessen and enable me to at least enjoy a bit of time with my new son and family before I begin.

 

I'll preface by saying that during all of this time, most of my family and friends (including my wife) have been very concerned and worried about my state of wellbeing, they have increasingly applied pressure for me to 'trust the doctors' and 'listen to the experts', I have been told by my wife that from the outside, it looks like I am clinically insane because of my obsession with medication and the effects they are having on me. They have all had a really hard time accepting the fact that what I have experienced, is a reality and that 'I need help'. It has been extremely isolating and lonely recently as I watch the relationships with my loved ones break down, one-by-one. My argument will always be, 'if this was ruining your life and there was nothing you could do, would you not be obsessed by it too?' I have an appointment tomorrow with the hospital in person, once again he'll probably prescribe more drugs that I refuse to take and my family will continue to tell me 'you're not accepting any help and this is your fault'.

 

Unfortunately, I am now at the end of my discovery journey where I have realised that I fall into the 'unlucky' category like many others. My next 2-3 years are going to look a lot different than what I had planned them to look like and I am absolutely devastated. I had dreams and aspirations for my new family that are slowly slipping through my fingers.. My wife is from France and is on the verge of returning home, along with my son, as she does not want him to grow up in the same household that she did when she was younger and her Mum was suffering from a life-long severe schizophrenia diagnosis. Although I love her dearly, I am leaning to agree that I do not wish to put either of them through the next part of my journey either. The Mirtazapine bomb is ticking.... I have no idea if or when it will be defused.

 

Appreciate you greatly if you have made it this far. Again, nice to meet you all... In a bittersweet way, that I wish we didn't have to.

 

Taper Man

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here: Guidelines

 

Thank you for updating your signature with your drug history, that will be a helpful reference on your posts moving forwards.

These are some general recommendations collected from around various peer support communities over time:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them. In the early stages such as this, this is best avoided entirely.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

 

I won't dissect your post in its entirety to keep my response a bit clearer and briefer, instead I'll pick out a few specific points.

 

The first is that, as you have experienced, the overwhelming majority of people who prescribe these medications are incredibly cavalier about any potential risks, and in many cases are outright dismissive about harms or deny that they are even possible. This is plainly ridiculous- even common over the counter drugs can cause adverse reactions for some people.

 

It is surely completely possible to have an adverse reaction to psychiatric medications that alter brain and body functions as well.

 

Unfortunately, you have also come to learn that the majority of practitioners are simply undergoing a trial and error process of suggesting new drugs and seeing what sticks- even expensive private psychiatrists. If you read around the stories here and on SA, you'll find that many have experienced similar.

 

2 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Over the course of the week that followed, I then reduced taking promethazine with Mirtazapine and I am now in the process of trying to stabilise on 5.25mg which has somewhat seemed to have worked, I have waves of feeling ok and happy/positive and then doom of my life is ruined and I am destined for severe withdrawals whenever I come off this drug (like today). I have a referral in progress for the Describing Clinic in North London with Mark Horowitz but I would assume that is months/years off being the NHS.... I am debating whether to just stay here for a long period of time, return to work potentially and look to taper in 6 months? Only issue is that it makes me feel lethargic, unable to focus properly and my work requires quite an intense amount of brain power. At the moment, I am in limbo waiting and wondering whether these effects will lessen and enable me to at least enjoy a bit of time with my new son and family before I begin.

 

The hope would be that in time you will stabilise, at least somewhat. It can be difficult to unpick a whirlwind of drug changes and what effects they can have on you and it may be that many of your issues are from the "prescription cascade" you have experienced. It is hard to say whether you also experience adverse effects from Mirtazapine or whether that is more tolerable and you'll stabilise.

 

What seems clear to me, is that your body needs stability and not even more changes at this point. This is my own opinion, not medical advice. You're free to continue trusting the professionals but you have arrived at a place many others do in peer support communities- the realisation that they cannot help you and do not even believe that the problem you want help with is real.

 

As for timescales, it's again incredibly hard to predict, you may feel yourself stabilising in the coming days- the windows are a good sign. You may instead take longer or only partially stabilise. Adverse reactions can vary significantly.

 

  

2 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Unfortunately, I am now at the end of my discovery journey where I have realised that I fall into the 'unlucky' category like many others. My next 2-3 years are going to look a lot different than what I had planned them to look like and I am absolutely devastated.

 

I think it is premature to assume this.

 

You may well stabilise on the dose you are taking relatively soon, and you might then be able to taper off of it slowly down the line while experiencing minimal issues. The timescales can vary a huge amount.

 

Having ok times is a very good sign.

 

It is not a given at all that the next 2-3 years of your life will be suffering and a much reduced quality of life.

 

My advice (personal and not medical), would be to hold where you are, give it 2-3 weeks of hopefully stabilising while taking care of yourself as best you can and giving yourself grace, and then take stock again after that and see where you are.

 

Thank you for joining the forum, I hope that this place provides good support for you.

Hi @The_Taper_Man I am so sorry to hear of ypur experiences, especially your family rejecting you as a result of what you know in your heart. I am a UK psychiatrist with 13 years as a Consultant and I never knew this could happen until it happened to me. If it is any consolation I am now taking my patients reports very seriously, being super careful with tapers and initiating meds, and when I feel better, will be teaching in my NHS Trust to raise awareness. My own prescriber didn't even believe me, even though I was screaming it at her from within 2 weeks of starting meds that something wasn't right. I had years more experience and outranked her as a Clinical Director, but no, she knew better than I knew my own brain and body.

 

I guess that is my overall message. YOU know yourself best, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. I feel dreadful that your wife is thinking of leaving and taking your baby. If there is ANYTHING I can do, let me know. I have lost my children as well (different reasons) and haven't seen them in 2 years. I know that pain. 

 

PERSONALLY, and I speak only for myself, I have found melatonin useful for sleep and magnesium and L theanine very calming and helpful. I used benzodiazepines and Promethazine (both sparingly) at first but realised they too could exacerbate the problem.

Hello @The_Taper_Man, I am so sorry for your suffering. What could be a wonderful time in your life, having a new baby, has turned into a nightmare due to ignorant doctors and a dysfunctional health system. It’s so sad. I really hope for you that you will stabilize soon and that your family will find a better understanding of your situation.

Here is a resource that might be helpful (maybe not because it is more made for people who taper off from longtime use. In your case, it is absolutely possible, that you will still lie soon since you have taken the drugs for such a short time. But maybe you wanna have a look):

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Tlw-xEpRWk_K6177V_A_xnfbUUHq2n_ktdeFr3Un4-s/edit?fbclid=IwAR1G4tInfYLWerrZmrMSngjujO9HrE4A7LvSKY6iKlONllnW83KDJ9KWWtM&tab=t.0

 

Take care, Nemina 

I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing, stabilising on a relatively low dose of mirtazapine before tapering slowly. As Luke said, if you are able to take it as slowly as needed, it doesn’t have to be anywhere near as bad as what you’ve already been through.

 

Your child would absolutely not be better off without you. Please don’t write yourself off.

 

Your wife understandably has a bias because of her experience with her mum. She sees you coming to a viewpoint on psych meds that disagrees with mainstream psychiatrists (the "experts"), and it triggers anxiety for her. It is the fault of the medical profession refusing to see and acknowledge the harm. Do you have enough information to share with her - maybe we need to round up all the peer-reviewed research papers on withdrawal and drug injury for people to find easily. There was a BBC Panorama programme a few years ago called 'The Antidepressant Story' that was very good, it’s probably still online somewhere.

 

I hope you feel much more stable soon.

15 hours ago, Luke said:

Welcome to the forum!

 

This is a volunteer-run, community forum aimed at helping those who are tapering and/or experiencing difficulties with psychiatric medications and withdrawl syndrome. We are not medical professionals and cannot offer medical advice. We simply offer support and opinions which you could use as talking points with a medical provider knowledgeable in withdrawing off psychiatric medications.

 

Please familiarise yourself with the forum rules and the disclaimer located here: Guidelines

 

Thank you for updating your signature with your drug history, that will be a helpful reference on your posts moving forwards.

These are some general recommendations collected from around various peer support communities over time:

 

-Stay Hydrated 

 

-Eat a good clean whole food diet, avoiding processed foods and sugars.

 

-Stay away from caffeine, alcohol and antihistamines and any other psychoactive substances.

 

Supplements are to be avoided initially, as they often irritate our nervous systems. Try to get your nutrition through food.

 

Down the line, you may wish to introduce Fish Oil and Magnesium. Those who can tolerate them have found them calming to the nervous system. Be careful try one at a time and start low and see how you get on should you choose to try them. In the early stages such as this, this is best avoided entirely.

 

A daily walk is very important as much as you can manage, if you can manage it. Gets you your fresh air and Vitamin D does wonders for your mind!

 

 

I won't dissect your post in its entirety to keep my response a bit clearer and briefer, instead I'll pick out a few specific points.

 

The first is that, as you have experienced, the overwhelming majority of people who prescribe these medications are incredibly cavalier about any potential risks, and in many cases are outright dismissive about harms or deny that they are even possible. This is plainly ridiculous- even common over the counter drugs can cause adverse reactions for some people.

 

It is surely completely possible to have an adverse reaction to psychiatric medications that alter brain and body functions as well.

 

Unfortunately, you have also come to learn that the majority of practitioners are simply undergoing a trial and error process of suggesting new drugs and seeing what sticks- even expensive private psychiatrists. If you read around the stories here and on SA, you'll find that many have experienced similar.

 

 

The hope would be that in time you will stabilise, at least somewhat. It can be difficult to unpick a whirlwind of drug changes and what effects they can have on you and it may be that many of your issues are from the "prescription cascade" you have experienced. It is hard to say whether you also experience adverse effects from Mirtazapine or whether that is more tolerable and you'll stabilise.

 

What seems clear to me, is that your body needs stability and not even more changes at this point. This is my own opinion, not medical advice. You're free to continue trusting the professionals but you have arrived at a place many others do in peer support communities- the realisation that they cannot help you and do not even believe that the problem you want help with is real.

 

As for timescales, it's again incredibly hard to predict, you may feel yourself stabilising in the coming days- the windows are a good sign. You may instead take longer or only partially stabilise. Adverse reactions can vary significantly.

 

  

 

I think it is premature to assume this.

 

You may well stabilise on the dose you are taking relatively soon, and you might then be able to taper off of it slowly down the line while experiencing minimal issues. The timescales can vary a huge amount.

 

Having ok times is a very good sign.

 

It is not a given at all that the next 2-3 years of your life will be suffering and a much reduced quality of life.

 

My advice (personal and not medical), would be to hold where you are, give it 2-3 weeks of hopefully stabilising while taking care of yourself as best you can and giving yourself grace, and then take stock again after that and see where you are.

 

Thank you for joining the forum, I hope that this place provides good support for you.

 

Thank you very much, Luke. I have been trying to my best to stay optimistic but have failed continuously; I think that it doesn't help that I was initially put on this medication due to the severe anxiety and OCD after my son was born, as a result you can probably imagine that due to the numerous calls to 111, A&E visits, GP notes and a psychiatrist hellbent on putting this entire ordeal down to anxiety; It makes my case extremely weak when trying to explain what I am feeling... It could be a bit of both (meds and underlining anxiety), I assume that it probably is. 

Hey @The_Taper_Man

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

First of all I want to say how very sorry I am for what you have been through. I read your post last night and it really touched me.

 

Some on here have been long time users of ADs and are now trying to get clear of them. There are alot like you who have been harmed early doors and are now let picking up the pieces. I fit into the later camp too. What makes this worse (if that was possible) is the Gaslighting by the system and the lack of support and understanding we all encounter from those around us. It is a difficult thing to come to terms with.

 

We are all here for you. We get it.

 

I empathise with your experience a lot. Until you take these meds and have seen behind the curtain you won't understand.

 

Obviously we are not medical professionals. I will however give you my thoughts.

 

I essentially agree with Luke. You had a serious ADR from the first pill. This causes CNS bruising. Any further drugs and sudden changes to doses cause additional harm. Like being punched and then punched again repeatedly. 

 

It is hard to know what to do when you find yourself stuck on a drug your body is irritated by.

It's seen that ADRs reduce as the dose drops. So now you are on a lower dose you may find you feel a bit better. I think I can see this in your post? If so sitting here while you find stability would be a good idea in my view. Then a taper off at a rate you are comfortable with. We can help you talk about what that might look like once you are stable if you would like? Again not medical advice but we can certainly offer some insight into this if you would find that helpful.

 

Im not sure where you are at with promethazine at the moment? Did you just take it occasionally and have now stopped?

12 hours ago, sarahw said:

Your child would absolutely not be better off without you. Please don’t write yourself off.

I absolutely whole heartedly agree. A child needs a father too. I hope your wife can come to understand what has happened to you and stay. You will need them and they need you too. Perhaps show them some videos or there is a letter a member posted in the coping skills section you could read and see if that might help.

 

Family and friends just don’t get it? Letter from Angie

 

22 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

It makes my case extremely weak when trying to explain what I am feeling... It could be a bit of both (meds and underlining anxiety), I assume that it probably is. 

This happens to all of us unfortunately we are put in a box so we cant advocate for ourselves. It terrible. Anxiety is not a sickness it is a normal Human response to normal human events! They should never try to label and medicalise it as a condition because it is not. Nor is being hungry! We just need food!

 

My advice would be to take back control of your situation. You've identified you have some issues pre drug. That is good.

It is however hard to unpick it from your drug harm.

 

Work on your day to day life. This is ground zero.

 

Eat well. Sleep the best you can with a regular bed time. I have a post of sleep in the coping skills area. Maybe take a look.

 

Sleep in WD

 

Remove yourself from toxic situations as much as you can.

 

Give yourself time to stabilise. Time to grieve all this.

 

You can get off all the meds and recover from this. And get your life back together.

 

We are all here for you.

 

Chippy

2 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

 

Thank you very much, Luke. I have been trying to my best to stay optimistic but have failed continuously; I think that it doesn't help that I was initially put on this medication due to the severe anxiety and OCD after my son was born, as a result you can probably imagine that due to the numerous calls to 111, A&E visits, GP notes and a psychiatrist hellbent on putting this entire ordeal down to anxiety; It makes my case extremely weak when trying to explain what I am feeling... It could be a bit of both (meds and underlining anxiety), I assume that it probably is. 

 

It's hard to know.

 

What is clear, is that throwing more drugs at the problem (regardless of what it is) hasn't made it better, and has frequently made it worse.

 

You may want to talk to your wife and emphasise that you are planning to hold where you are for a little bit and that stability is probably best for you in terms of your wellbeing and ability to be present with her and your child, and that you want to reach a point where you're doing okay again on this basis.

14 hours ago, Sminismoni said:

Hi @The_Taper_Man I am so sorry to hear of ypur experiences, especially your family rejecting you as a result of what you know in your heart. I am a UK psychiatrist with 13 years as a Consultant and I never knew this could happen until it happened to me. If it is any consolation I am now taking my patients reports very seriously, being super careful with tapers and initiating meds, and when I feel better, will be teaching in my NHS Trust to raise awareness. My own prescriber didn't even believe me, even though I was screaming it at her from within 2 weeks of starting meds that something wasn't right. I had years more experience and outranked her as a Clinical Director, but no, she knew better than I knew my own brain and body.

 

I guess that is my overall message. YOU know yourself best, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. I feel dreadful that your wife is thinking of leaving and taking your baby. If there is ANYTHING I can do, let me know. I have lost my children as well (different reasons) and haven't seen them in 2 years. I know that pain. 

 

PERSONALLY, and I speak only for myself, I have found melatonin useful for sleep and magnesium and L theanine very calming and helpful. I used benzodiazepines and Promethazine (both sparingly) at first but realised they too could exacerbate the problem.

 

Thank you Sminismoni; very grateful for your reply. At the moment, my work is currently processing the income protection claim for their insurance and my case is being passed over as anxiety. I am having a really hard time trying to make the actual injury from medication hold-up because, as per my reply to Luke.. I was prescribed this due to severe anxiety and OCD, the medication and the issues I have faced have sent it all to another level and from the outside, it very much looks like I am completely absorbed and points directly back to my original diagnosis of OCD and anxiety. Which, we both know is not truly the case.. I am fighting the same issues many of us do, no one believes the words we speak. If you are open to a private consultancy with me, I'd take you up on the offer.

On 1/30/2026 at 10:04 AM, Chippy said:

Hey @The_Taper_Man

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

First of all I want to say how very sorry I am for what you have been through. I read your post last night and it really touched me.

 

Some on here have been long time users of ADs and are now trying to get clear of them. There are alot like you who have been harmed early doors and are now let picking up the pieces. I fit into the later camp too. What makes this worse (if that was possible) is the Gaslighting by the system and the lack of support and understanding we all encounter from those around us. It is a difficult thing to come to terms with.

 

We are all here for you. We get it.

 

I empathise with your experience a lot. Until you take these meds and have seen behind the curtain you won't understand.

 

Obviously we are not medical professionals. I will however give you my thoughts.

 

I essentially agree with Luke. You had a serious ADR from the first pill. This causes CNS bruising. Any further drugs and sudden changes to doses cause additional harm. Like being punched and then punched again repeatedly. 

 

It is hard to know what to do when you find yourself stuck on a drug your body is irritated by.

It's seen that ADRs reduce as the dose drops. So now you are on a lower dose you may find you feel a bit better. I think I can see this in your post? If so sitting here while you find stability would be a good idea in my view. Then a taper off at a rate you are comfortable with. We can help you talk about what that might look like once you are stable if you would like? Again not medical advice but we can certainly offer some insight into this if you would find that helpful.

 

Im not sure where you are at with promethazine at the moment? Did you just take it occasionally and have now stopped?

I absolutely whole heartedly agree. A child needs a father too. I hope your wife can come to understand what has happened to you and stay. You will need them and they need you too. Perhaps show them some videos or there is a letter a member posted in the coping skills section you could read and see if that might help.

 

Family and friends just don’t get it? Letter from Angie

 

This happens to all of us unfortunately we are put in a box so we cant advocate for ourselves. It terrible. Anxiety is not a sickness it is a normal Human response to normal human events! They should never try to label and medicalise it as a condition because it is not. Nor is being hungry! We just need food!

 

My advice would be to take back control of your situation. You've identified you have some issues pre drug. That is good.

It is however hard to unpick it from your drug harm.

 

Work on your day to day life. This is ground zero.

 

Eat well. Sleep the best you can with a regular bed time. I have a post of sleep in the coping skills area. Maybe take a look.

 

Sleep in WD

 

Remove yourself from toxic situations as much as you can.

 

Give yourself time to stabilise. Time to grieve all this.

 

You can get off all the meds and recover from this. And get your life back together.

 

We are all here for you.

 

Chippy

 

I am unsure how to quote specific points but I thank you for replying and giving me some comfort Chippy, I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow where I am going to try and get her to add ADR to my file so that my insurance claim for work can see that this wasn't just due to a 'bout of anxiety' that they all keep forcing the narrative for. 

 

At the moment, I am trying my best to be a good father to my newborn son and support my wife but my cognitive abilities are severely reduced, I am unsure if this due to the mirtazapine or whether its because of the chemical cocktail that my brain has just recently been through, with the quetiapine and lorazepam... either way I am just hoping it levels out soon so I can discuss potentially returning at least back to work even if I am not feeling 100%, it might help divert my anxiety and OCD. Although, at the moment with the way my mind is... I doubt I'll be able to perform in a professional setting, I struggle sometimes to make lunch. If I lose my job, then we truly are screwed and my life will fall apart at the seams. 

 

I stopped the promethazine and everything else just over a week ago, I am now only taking mirtazapine at 5.25mg and I am sleeping every night without waking, I am getting up with anxiety at 7-8am, I go to bed at roughly 10pm every night. I have tried to be consistent with my re-instatement. 

 

Again, thanks Chippy. Hopefully my story will be a positive one in the end.. 

On 1/29/2026 at 9:08 PM, sarahw said:

I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. It sounds like you’re doing the right thing, stabilising on a relatively low dose of mirtazapine before tapering slowly. As Luke said, if you are able to take it as slowly as needed, it doesn’t have to be anywhere near as bad as what you’ve already been through.

 

Your child would absolutely not be better off without you. Please don’t write yourself off.

 

Your wife understandably has a bias because of her experience with her mum. She sees you coming to a viewpoint on psych meds that disagrees with mainstream psychiatrists (the "experts"), and it triggers anxiety for her. It is the fault of the medical profession refusing to see and acknowledge the harm. Do you have enough information to share with her - maybe we need to round up all the peer-reviewed research papers on withdrawal and drug injury for people to find easily. There was a BBC Panorama programme a few years ago called 'The Antidepressant Story' that was very good, it’s probably still online somewhere.

 

I hope you feel much more stable soon.

 

Thank you Sarah, I am sleeping and although groggy and filled with anxiety most of the time I am somewhat 'functioning'. I'll do my best to keep going, I'll admit that at the moment it is super hard though. 

19 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I am unsure how to quote specific points

Hey 

If you want to quote a section of a topic just highlight the text you want to quote and a little box will appear next to it. Click that and it adds it to the reply window for you.

 

19 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

thank you for replying and giving me some comfort Chippy, I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow where I am going to try and get her to add ADR to my file so that my insurance claim for work can see that this wasn't just due to a 'bout of anxiety' that they all keep forcing the narrative for. 

My pleasure mate. We are here to support one another. There is a protracted withdrawal code 'SNOMED CT' now that should cover ADRs too. Yes you should have the correct code on your file plus more importantly your insurance can see what has really happened.

 

19 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

At the moment, I am trying my best to be a good father to my newborn son and support my wife but my cognitive abilities are severely reduced, I am unsure if this due to the mirtazapine or whether its because of the chemical cocktail that my brain has just recently been through, with the quetiapine and lorazepam... either way I am just hoping it levels out soon so I can discuss potentially returning at least back to work even if I am not feeling 100%, it might help divert my anxiety and OCD. Although, at the moment with the way my mind is... I doubt I'll be able to perform in a professional setting, I struggle sometimes to make lunch. If I lose my job, then we truly are screwed and my life will fall apart at the seams. 

Im sure you are doing a great job. It's hard healing dont be hard on yourself. I know you're doing your best and I suspect they do too. 

It is hard to know the cause of it all. I tend to think of it as all connected and not one specific thing. I think this is probably accurate too.

Distraction is so important. Im not sure what I would have done with things to keep my mind busy this last couple of years. However as you say going back to work might be a stretch for you, I guess just need judge it as you go. Your health is your most important asset so I wouldn't push it particularly if you dont need to.

One day at a time. I know that is easier said than done, Im sorry you have all these things adding pressure to your recovery/taper. 

 

19 minutes ago, The_Taper_Man said:

stopped the promethazine and everything else just over a week ago, I am now only taking mirtazapine at 5.25mg and I am sleeping every night without waking, I am getting up with anxiety at 7-8am, I go to bed at roughly 10pm every night. I have tried to be consistent with my re-instatement. 

 

Again, thanks Chippy. Hopefully my story will be a positive one in the end.. 

You're sleeping very well. Thats great. Yeah Id not touch promethazine or any antihistamines if I were you. Not good for you CNS now unfortunately. I learned this the hard way.

 

The waking with Anxiety is common and is high cortisol levels causing it. Often this burns off during the day and most people feel better come the evening.

 

Any time. I very much hope and believe I will be reading your success story one day.

10 minutes ago, Chippy said:

Im sure you are doing a great job. It's hard healing dont be hard on yourself. I know you're doing your best and I suspect they do too. 

It is hard to know the cause of it all. I tend to think of it as all connected and not one specific thing. I think this is probably accurate too.

Distraction is so important. Im not sure what I would have done with things to keep my mind busy this last couple of years. However as you say going back to work might be a stretch for you, I guess just need judge it as you go. Your health is your most important asset so I wouldn't push it particularly if you dont need to.

One day at a time. I know that is easier said than done, Im sorry you have all these things adding pressure to your recovery/taper.

 

I am trying my best to mate, that's all I can do.

 

With the work situation, I absolutely require my cognitive function for my job. Work has potentially offered for me to come back gradually and in a different, less pressured position if that works better for me. The issue is that I have been off for 3 months now and it has been passed over to the insurers... I understand that going back is risky but at the same time, I need that income for my family. 

12 minutes ago, Chippy said:

You're sleeping very well. Thats great. Yeah Id not touch promethazine or any antihistamines if I were you. Not good for you CNS now unfortunately. I learned this the hard way.

 

The waking with Anxiety is common and is high cortisol levels causing it. Often this burns off during the day and most people feel better come the evening.

 

Any time. I very much hope and believe I will be reading your success story one day.

 

Yes, I am taking that at least as an indication that I am going in the right direction? Especially this early on...? I have been severely debating whether to just jump off and face head on what is waiting for me but deep down I know this is probably the wrong decision, probably causing another collapse and even further damage to my CNS and potential of full recovery. It's just so hard as I wish I could just go back to having some mild anxiety and having my brain fog removed.. 

 

14 minutes ago, Chippy said:

My pleasure mate. We are here to support one another. There is a protracted withdrawal code 'SNOMED CT' now that should cover ADRs too. Yes you should have the correct code on your file plus more importantly your insurance can see what has really happened.

 

 

Thanks for this, I'll ask if my GP can get this code added. The only issue as I said before, is that on my file... It is a mess of A&E visits, multiple reports for anxiety/panic and overall paints a really grim picture that supports their biased claims that none of this is due to the medication.. I am worried that the income protection claim won't be accepted and my only next option would be to force myself back to work.. 

5 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Thanks for this, I'll ask if my GP can get this code added. The only issue as I said before, is that on my file... It is a mess of A&E visits, multiple reports for anxiety/panic and overall paints a really grim picture that supports their biased claims that none of this is due to the medication.. I am worried that the income protection claim won't be accepted and my only next option would be to force myself back to work.. 

 

They can also add that you've had an adverse reaction to medication generally in your medical history and name the medication. I know this because I made them list a severe withdrawal reaction to Mirtazapine.

Well... I guess we're nearly at the point of no return.

 

My wife told me today that the traumatic events of the past 3 months have been nothing short of a nightmare to live thru with me, she unfortunately doesn't feel 'love' for me anymore and the husband she married in 2024, doesn't even resemble the same man today. The resentment she has towards me now, far outweighs the support she once had for me. The thing that set this off was a note and in a complete, near psychosis state I left when going through the horrible withdrawals of my fast taper a couple of weeks back, although I have tried to explain that this was chemical driven, she hasn't forgiven me since and I have seen the love disappear from her eyes as the days have gone by.

 

All of this ordeal has affected so many of my relationships, I haven't slept a night with my son because of the panic and anxiety I experienced at the start and now Mirtazapine knocking me out every evening means I wake up groggy and unable to function for the majority of the day ahead. My mum is absolutely devastated that all of this is happening and people around me are just constantly blaming me for the issues I am facing, makes me laugh though that not once has anyone actually taken the time to do some research or actually read up on what I am experiencing. It just falls into the same bucket that 'I am mentally ill'. 

 

Whilst I sit here with the metallic taste of my daily mirtazapine dose in my mouth, I am unsure where any of this is going to lead. I have had thoughts of selling our house and using my half of the proceeds to take 2-3 years off work and recover from this ordeal alone. I just don't think this environment is any good for me, neither my wife or my 3-month old son.. 

 

I am heartbroken that it has come to this, I never dreamt in a million years that I would be sitting here typing this message. 

Hello @The_Taper_Man

I am sorry to hear your story. I don’t have any great words of wisdom to impart other than I bought a great book by Anders Sorenson all about safely tapering and the science behind it written in a layman’s way. I have learnt a lot from this book. I too am scared by all this but am holding out that “this too shall pass”
I  wantyou to know that there are people out in the world that don’t blame you and that you have friends on this site that understand and support you..

all the best,

Heather..

@The_Taper_Man, you are not alone. We all here support you. Somebody who didn't experience the deep Hell of the unbearable withdrawal cannot understand you. Our suffering is brutal, a real agony, there is not such a torture on earth, nor words to describe this terror. We will hope that the brain knows how to reach homeostasis and works hard towards it.

I am also on the horrendous Mirtazipine, .3 mg, and so much in mental pain to continue the tapering. For the moment hold with hope of stabilization. We are here to encourage each other, hang on.

Svetla

6 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Well... I guess we're nearly at the point of no return.

 

My wife told me today that the traumatic events of the past 3 months have been nothing short of a nightmare to live thru with me, she unfortunately doesn't feel 'love' for me anymore and the husband she married in 2024, doesn't even resemble the same man today. The resentment she has towards me now, far outweighs the support she once had for me. The thing that set this off was a note and in a complete, near psychosis state I left when going through the horrible withdrawals of my fast taper a couple of weeks back, although I have tried to explain that this was chemical driven, she hasn't forgiven me since and I have seen the love disappear from her eyes as the days have gone by.

 

All of this ordeal has affected so many of my relationships, I haven't slept a night with my son because of the panic and anxiety I experienced at the start and now Mirtazapine knocking me out every evening means I wake up groggy and unable to function for the majority of the day ahead. My mum is absolutely devastated that all of this is happening and people around me are just constantly blaming me for the issues I am facing, makes me laugh though that not once has anyone actually taken the time to do some research or actually read up on what I am experiencing. It just falls into the same bucket that 'I am mentally ill'. 

 

Whilst I sit here with the metallic taste of my daily mirtazapine dose in my mouth, I am unsure where any of this is going to lead. I have had thoughts of selling our house and using my half of the proceeds to take 2-3 years off work and recover from this ordeal alone. I just don't think this environment is any good for me, neither my wife or my 3-month old son.. 

 

I am heartbroken that it has come to this, I never dreamt in a million years that I would be sitting here typing this message. 

My heart goes out to you, these horrible drugs are causing immense destruction that those around us will never understand.

Sorry you are being accused of something beyond your control, it is so unfair and it's definitely not your fault.

You are not alone, we are here to support you through this terrible process.

Please hang in there, I know you don't feel that way but you are stronger than you can imagine.

Sending you lots of strength and healing.

17 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Yes, I am taking that at least as an indication that I am going in the right direction? Especially this early on...? I have been severely debating whether to just jump off and face head on what is waiting for me but deep down I know this is probably the wrong decision, probably causing another collapse and even further damage to my CNS and potential of full recovery. It's just so hard as I wish I could just go back to having some mild anxiety and having my brain fog removed.. 

Hey, Yes sleep is important. Honestly listen to your gut here. You should never abruptly stop an AD. It doesnt end well. Your sleep will likely fall apart and your suffering and injury much worse. You know this. I get the feeling you want the drug from your system it is common to feel this way.

 

17 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Thanks for this, I'll ask if my GP can get this code added. The only issue as I said before, is that on my file... It is a mess of A&E visits, multiple reports for anxiety/panic and overall paints a really grim picture that supports their biased claims that none of this is due to the medication.. I am worried that the income protection claim won't be accepted and my only next option would be to force myself back to work.. 

Yes I know it can be a mess. Well you can only do what you can do here. Just push as much as you can to get your record all ship shape and accurate to your circumstances. 

 

10 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

My wife told me today that the traumatic events of the past 3 months have been nothing short of a nightmare to live thru with me, she unfortunately doesn't feel 'love' for me anymore and the husband she married in 2024, doesn't even resemble the same man today. The resentment she has towards me now, far outweighs the support she once had for me. The thing that set this off was a note and in a complete, near psychosis state I left when going through the horrible withdrawals of my fast taper a couple of weeks back, although I have tried to explain that this was chemical driven, she hasn't forgiven me since and I have seen the love disappear from her eyes as the days have gone by.

This is incredibly hard. Family often don't and can't understand. I have been lucky and my wife is very understanding and 'gets' it so does my son. This has been massive for me. I have others, many others who have not.

I cant really say much here other than to say, try to be patient with her. Don't add fuel to the fire with comments back. Just reassure her of what has happened to you, tell her you love her, tell her you will be ok eventually and that you could do with her support now even though that may seem hard for her to provide. At the same time you to find a resilience in here somehow, dig deep and find survival mode. Here we just prioritise what needs to be done for the day, do that and focus on healing. I said before this really is ground zero and rebuilding all this back up isnt going to pretty. But slowly one small step at a time you will work it. I know you will.

 

10 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

makes me laugh though that not once has anyone actually taken the time to do some research or actually read up on what I am experiencing. It just falls into the same bucket that 'I am mentally ill'. 

This is what I experienced. They just won't even try. I dont know why.

 

10 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I have had thoughts of selling our house and using my half of the proceeds to take 2-3 years off work and recover from this ordeal alone. I just don't think this environment is any good for me, neither my wife or my 3-month old son.. 

Try to keep your decisions simple. No rash choices. Wait till you know the facts from your insurance and so on.

 

I feel you, we all do. This is why we started the forum, we are all here for you.

 

Chippy

Hello @The_Taper_Man I’m sorry to read of the terrible time you’ve been having, and being treated so arrogantly by medical professionals.  It sounds like an adverse reaction to sertraline caused some serious nervous system issues.  

Medical people often can’t tell the difference between mental health conditions (such as anxiety) and adverse effects of meds or withdrawal, as all are caused by some kind of destabilisation of the nervous system. (We can also have a mixture of both, when we add more anxiety because what’s happening to us is so scary).  Since many of them don’t tend to believe in withdrawal or adverse reactions they tend to attribute everything to anxiety and depression.

 

I hate hearing at how disrespectfully medical professionals treat mental health patients - they seem to treat people like idiots, or naughty children, instead of partnering with us in our health decisions.  There still seems to be such a blame and shame mentality around mental health, as if we somehow chose to be ill. Unfortunately the only tool most of them have in their toolbox is meds, so their answer is usually to add new meds, increase doses or switch to another med.

 

It’s really hard when family members just don’t understand what we’re going through. My husband told me I should be able to “pull myself together”. A couple of years later he got very stressed in his work and started experiencing anxiety for the first time in his life, and he told me he now had a better idea of what it was like for me.  He got through it without taking meds, no doubt because he’d observed my experiences.  People who haven’t been through anything similar just don’t get it.  I feel like people would be more supportive if we had a physical ailment like pneumonia or a broken leg.

 

There are non-med approaches to anxiety that you could look into - for example, Dr Claire Weekes has some great techniques that helped me a lot.   Also I found relaxation exercises very helpful to calm the nervous system down.  If you’re interested let me know, I could provide more information.

I think you’re doing the right thing not making changes and waiting to stabilise on your low dose of mirtazapine. I’m a bit confused as to whether you were taking quetiapine or promethazine, or both?

Sorry this is kind of long and rambling. Anyway, you will get lots of support and encouragement here.  Sending you ((((hugs))))

Hello, I am reaching out to welcome you here! I had a similar circumstance when postpartum years ago--been drugged quite a bit since, with some time off at different intervals but an unstable nervous system due to all the Rx assaults, back on Rx, and now tapering just Mirt, thankfully but not the smoothest of sailing. It seems you have some good support here already, and I can be of support too. I just have some time constraints with work once the week starts up. Take care and God bless/well wishes!

Edited February 2Feb 2 by namastejen1

On 2/1/2026 at 11:22 PM, skamen said:

@The_Taper_Man

I am also on the horrendous Mirtazipine, .3 mg, and so much in mental pain to continue the tapering. For the moment hold with hope of stabilization. We are here to encourage each other, hang on.

Svetla

Thank you so much Svetla; Are you able to work currently? I am hoping to maybe attempt to get back once I have stabilised a bit on 5.25 albeit with the fog and grogginess...

17 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

Hello, I am reaching out to welcome you here! I had a similar circumstance when postpartum years ago--been drugged quite a bit since, with some time off at different intervals but an unstable nervous system due to all the Rx assaults, back on Rx, and now tapering just Mirt, thankfully but not the smoothest of sailing. It seems you have some good support here already, and I can be of support too. I just have some time constraints with work once the week starts up. Take care and God bless/well wishes!

 

Thank you so much NamasteJen, I am hoping to stabilise on 5.25mg and return back to work... How do you find it? It seems like quite a mixed bag of people that either can or can't work, a lot of people on the support group via Facebook are unable to work currently. 

On 2/2/2026 at 8:40 AM, Songbird said:

Medical people often can’t tell the difference between mental health conditions (such as anxiety) and adverse effects of meds or withdrawal, as all are caused by some kind of destabilisation of the nervous system. (We can also have a mixture of both, when we add more anxiety because what’s happening to us is so scary).  Since many of them don’t tend to believe in withdrawal or adverse reactions they tend to attribute everything to anxiety and depression.

 

Hi Songbird, thank you for your message! Indeed, the worst thing is that across all of my reports it is basically indicated that I am dealing with severe anxiety and OCD but nowhere does it mention that it could actually be due to the drugs they've been prescribing... My GP, thankfully put sertraline down in my NHS notes as an 'allergy'. I'd call it more than just a simple allergy but I guess it's better than nothing. 

 

On 2/2/2026 at 8:40 AM, Songbird said:

There are non-med approaches to anxiety that you could look into - for example, Dr Claire Weekes has some great techniques that helped me a lot.   Also I found relaxation exercises very helpful to calm the nervous system down.  If you’re interested let me know, I could provide more information.

 

Absolutely! I'd love to hear about anything that could help me at least achieve a somewhat functional life whilst I start to taper off this horrible thing.

 

On 2/2/2026 at 8:40 AM, Songbird said:

I think you’re doing the right thing not making changes and waiting to stabilise on your low dose of mirtazapine. I’m a bit confused as to whether you were taking quetiapine or promethazine, or both?

 

So.... When I collapsed after my rapid taper off of mirtazapine a couple of weeks back, my wonderful £360/hr private psychiatrist put me on 25mg of quetiapine (always wanted to try it, quite pushy) in a view of getting me off mirtazapine and replacing it. That went down like a lead balloon and I ended up having horrific dark thoughts and mood swings, I only took it twice and then stopped, refusing to take it. Funnily enough, the private psychiatrist then dropped me, refused to work with me further and advised I should be checked in to The Priory (psych hospital) and intensive care was required. I didn't proceed with any of his recommendations, sat at home trying to 'ride the wave' and took promethazine and lorazepam to help with the insomnia, the horrible effects and dark thoughts however went on every day for about 2x weeks after I had reinstated the mirtazapine. I am only now slowly feeling okish, despite the usual grogginess of mirtazapine. Currently, I am only taking 5.25mg.