11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I think my CNS is finally starting to appreciate the routine and stability I have been giving it over these past 7 weeks.

So good to read 🙂 

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I am still waking up with fog, cognitive slowness and occasional spouts of low mood but I haven't experienced any chemical depression in over a week which is a massive win for me. In retrospect however, it seems I have traded some of the mental withdrawals for physical ones, I am getting really bad pains in my knee joints and shooting pains in my stomach. My skin is flaky, really dry and red and overall I do not look that well, seems that mirtazapine is the drug that keeps on giving... 

More proof I think holding is so important 🙂 

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I am still planning on my return to work next week,

Great news and good luck!

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Although, I am not putting any pressure on myself at this stage due to everything that has happened, it would be nice to see if I can at least function in somewhat of a capacity in my old role.

Yes you can't expect to be 100%, what ever you can do has to be enough mate.

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I am always concerned about my sleep being disrupted severely whilst I am off, it is always in the back of my mind but I guess if I stopped now it would be completely affected and collapse anyway so the only way forward, is forward.

It is another reason to go careful with Mirt. Rebound insomnia is common with this drug.

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I hope everyone is well and staying strong, we're all a collective and none of this will be forgotten. 

 

That is right. One big family. We here for you mate.

 

Chippy

Well.... it's been a while since I posted an update about my current situation. 

 

I had severe chemical depression with some heavy SI on Feb 21st, I was experiencing quite a bit of relief over the last couple of weeks, but then ups and downs and manageable symptoms (aside from this stupid derealisation) since then... Until, Wednesday 4th March. I met with my GP (who told me the PDC require funding and will likely take years) and the guys from work (income protection claim will likely be ongoing for a longer period) and it closed my window immediately, went on to trigger an intense wave which I have been unfortunately, unable to get out of despite my hardest and best efforts, every morning when I wake up, I have been experiencing severe disabling DR with strong OCD driven intrusive thoughts about everything, ranging from my current situation with work to how I am constantly failing my son and being his father, to even more severe and obscure topics, all topped off with a feeling of doom and hopelessness. I extended my return to work until the 16th March instead, remaining doubtful and I have my reservations that it will make the slightest amount of difference to the projectile and trajectory I am on. Although my boss is absolutely great and wants to try and accommodate my return as much as he can, there's something inside of us that both knows that the guy I was before all of this is pretty much dead as it currently stands, the long 2-3 hour hard-deal cruncher making meetings will not be managed nowhere near as successfully as prior to my injuries. It is a bittersweet conversation between us, every time we talk.

 

It was extremely foggy today, thick fog over everything in front of me. I walked for 2-3 hours just continuously marching towards the void, as they say "if you stare at the abyss long enough, eventually it will stare back" an eery feeling of my scenery matching the way my mind feels was quite surreal to say the least. I also met with a medium last week who went into great detail about the journey I am on and where it's leading (I gave zero info from my side), it was an interesting conversation. If anyone is interested, I am happy to share more.

 

Currently, it feels like I am under an immense amount of pressure to 'perform at life' and I have this large, overwhelming feeling to just hide under a rock and wait for everything to blow over. It is severely impacting all of my relationships from my friends to my wife, who is currently finding the waves as hard as I am. Losing everything and everyone around you on top of trying to recover from an injury you never asked for is easily one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Today, I have spoken and floated the idea of separation with my wife, so she can continue life with our son in a positive environment and I will find them again one day when I am healed, right now she is worn out by my near constant talk of symptoms and the non-stop ups and downs of 'recovery' and I really don't blame her in any way at all. Although we had our house valued, we haven't yet listed it but I think we're progressing to it becoming potentially a viable option.

 

On days like these, I truly wonder whether I will ever recover from the injuries, sustained from the drug assaults I was prescribed to 'cure my illness'. I ponder the thoughts of whether I will successfully make it out of this hell alive as I don't think I have the energy or willpower for years of this. 

 

I however, make a promise to every single one of you, that if I do make it thru, I will not let us be forgotten and once I have the energy to start shouting about our stories. You have my word, I will be shouting loud and wide.

 

1/10.

 

TTM

Edited March 9Mar 9 by The_Taper_Man

Oh wow, I hear so much WD thinking in your post. It lends itself to complete hopelessness and catastrophising. And often with a grain of reality woven in, which makes it hard to separate from. Please believe that part of this is your wave brain talking. I am thinking of you.

 

I would be interested in hearing what the medium guessed about your "journey". 

 

Regarding the Deprescribing clinic, yes, you must have ICB funding. That involves an application being made. What you do in the application and at the hearing is argue that this condition is stopping you working and removing a tax payer from the pool and onto potential benefits. Argue that funding your treatment at the Deprescribing clinic will be cheaper for the UK than potentially years of benefits and loss of a tax payer.

Hey @The_Taper_Man

 

Just thought I’d drop by. From your last post it seems that you’re really struggling, I’m so sorry to read that, I really am. We have similar pasts, I had an ADR to Mirtazapine and then another ADR to Sertraline. This was followed by 6 weeks of diazepam and Zopiclone. 
 

I can tell you from experience, all of the intrusive and looping thoughts, feeling of doom and hopelessness, well that’s not you and those thoughts and feelings will ease and then pass with time, they really will. As will your other symptoms. Things will get easier, it just takes time. 
 

I’m sorry to hear the symptoms have caused issues with your marriage, I understand how it can wear people down. Unfortunately, the only people who can truly understand the magnitude of this is us, the ones who suffer it. Two years ago I could never of imagined that such prolonged suffering was possible, especially from just a few tablets. I hope things pick up for you a little to ease the pressure and burden on you both. 
 

As for not having the energy or willpower to get through this, I’m saying you have and can! We’re far more resilient than we realise, you will get through this. Just keep moving forwards one day or step at a time, you’ll get there, we all will. You’ll come out of this stronger than you went into it. 
 

Always here for a chat. 
 

Nick 

Edited March 9Mar 9 by NBJ71

Oh, dear @The_Taper_Man, I feel you very well, what a hellish journey, what a mess, our suffering cannot be put under words, the human language doesn't have a vocables to describe this agony...

Me too, I was wondering what the medium told you about this Hell on Earth.

 

4 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Well.... it's been a while since I posted an update about my current situation. 

 

I had severe chemical depression with some heavy SI on Feb 21st, I was experiencing quite a bit of relief over the last couple of weeks, but then ups and downs and manageable symptoms (aside from this stupid derealisation) since then... Until, Wednesday 4th March. I met with my GP (who told me the PDC require funding and will likely take years) and the guys from work (income protection claim will likely be ongoing for a longer period) and it closed my window immediately, went on to trigger an intense wave which I have been unfortunately, unable to get out of despite my hardest and best efforts, every morning when I wake up, I have been experiencing severe disabling DR with strong OCD driven intrusive thoughts about everything, ranging from my current situation with work to how I am constantly failing my son and being his father, to even more severe and obscure topics, all topped off with a feeling of doom and hopelessness. I extended my return to work until the 16th March instead, remaining doubtful and I have my reservations that it will make the slightest amount of difference to the projectile and trajectory I am on. Although my boss is absolutely great and wants to try and accommodate my return as much as he can, there's something inside of us that both knows that the guy I was before all of this is pretty much dead as it currently stands, the long 2-3 hour hard-deal cruncher making meetings will not be managed nowhere near as successfully as prior to my injuries. It is a bittersweet conversation between us, every time we talk.

 

It was extremely foggy today, thick fog over everything in front of me. I walked for 2-3 hours just continuously marching towards the void, as they say "if you stare at the abyss long enough, eventually it will stare back" an eery feeling of my scenery matching the way my mind feels was quite surreal to say the least. I also met with a medium last week who went into great detail about the journey I am on and where it's leading (I gave zero info from my side), it was an interesting conversation. If anyone is interested, I am happy to share more.

 

Currently, it feels like I am under an immense amount of pressure to 'perform at life' and I have this large, overwhelming feeling to just hide under a rock and wait for everything to blow over. It is severely impacting all of my relationships from my friends to my wife, who is currently finding the waves as hard as I am. Losing everything and everyone around you on top of trying to recover from an injury you never asked for is easily one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Today, I have spoken and floated the idea of separation with my wife, so she can continue life with our son in a positive environment and I will find them again one day when I am healed, right now she is worn out by my near constant talk of symptoms and the non-stop ups and downs of 'recovery' and I really don't blame her in any way at all. Although we had our house valued, we haven't yet listed it but I think we're progressing to it becoming potentially a viable option.

 

On days like these, I truly wonder whether I will ever recover from the injuries, sustained from the drug assaults I was prescribed to 'cure my illness'. I ponder the thoughts of whether I will successfully make it out of this hell alive as I don't think I have the energy or willpower for years of this. 

 

I however, make a promise to every single one of you, that if I do make it thru, I will not let us be forgotten and once I have the energy to start shouting about our stories. You have my word, I will be shouting loud and wide.

 

1/10.

 

TTM

Sorry to hear this, but remember that all those OCD, and all symptoms are withdrawal from medication.   It will get better in time.  It's very sad that we end in this mess after following our own doctors advise......

 

I believe you can get out of this as many of us are trying to get back out life.  Others in worst situations have made it out, and you too can do it.  It might be a temporary stop in your career, but there are many more years to come.  You are young, and smart with great future ahead of you.  Don't let this thing get you off track.   Keep fighting it.   You will get through this journey as many of us....

 

It will get better.   I'm with you on this...

On 3/1/2026 at 11:16 AM, LostinCanada said:

This is so well said. Dr H really focuses on the math but that only explains so much. There are so many factors involved physically other than SERT. On top of that, not all of us have the resources or support to just quit life and do a fast taper. You have a job, wife, child, home.

I have quoted Chris Paige (taper coach) numerous times: "stability is more important than cessation". 

I am realizing a proper taper is an art.

❤️🙏

You are correct, I am still trying to come to terms with it all to be honest. 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I had severe chemical depression with some heavy SI on Feb 21st, I was experiencing quite a bit of relief over the last couple of weeks, but then ups and downs and manageable symptoms (aside from this stupid derealisation) since then... Until, Wednesday 4th March. I met with my GP (who told me the PDC require funding and will likely take years) and the guys from work (income protection claim will likely be ongoing for a longer period) and it closed my window immediately, went on to trigger an intense wave which I have been unfortunately, unable to get out of despite my hardest and best efforts, every morning when I wake up, I have been experiencing severe disabling DR with strong OCD driven intrusive thoughts about everything, ranging from my current situation with work to how I am constantly failing my son and being his father, to even more severe and obscure topics, all topped off with a feeling of doom and hopelessness. I extended my return to work until the 16th March instead, remaining doubtful and I have my reservations that it will make the slightest amount of difference to the projectile and trajectory I am on. Although my boss is absolutely great and wants to try and accommodate my return as much as he can, there's something inside of us that both knows that the guy I was before all of this is pretty much dead as it currently stands, the long 2-3 hour hard-deal cruncher making meetings will not be managed nowhere near as successfully as prior to my injuries. It is a bittersweet conversation between us, every time we talk.

Hey mate! So sorry to read this bud. Life stressors can really feed into all of this I know!

Its great your boss is so supportive. I think you need to be realistic about what you can manage when you go back. It takes time to come to the realisation, but things have changed for you, for the minute at least. There is zero benefit pretending otherwise. It just adds to the pressure.

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Currently, it feels like I am under an immense amount of pressure to 'perform at life' and I have this large, overwhelming feeling to just hide under a rock and wait for everything to blow over. It is severely impacting all of my relationships from my friends to my wife, who is currently finding the waves as hard as I am. Losing everything and everyone around you on top of trying to recover from an injury you never asked for is easily one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. Today, I have spoken and floated the idea of separation with my wife, so she can continue life with our son in a positive environment and I will find them again one day when I am healed, right now she is worn out by my near constant talk of symptoms and the non-stop ups and downs of 'recovery' and I really don't blame her in any way at all. 

Again my friend IMO you need to work on this. You can't put so much pressure on yourself. You can manage what you can manage and that is all you can ask of yourself. I also think that you need to remember that your family needs you, you guys are stronger together than apart. Your little one needs their Dad!

 

Marriage isn't about fun and sunshine contstantly. When you get married you make a vow to support each other through the tough times. When things get tough you don't run from it 🙂 

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

On days like these, I truly wonder whether I will ever recover from the injuries, sustained from the drug assaults I was prescribed to 'cure my illness'. I ponder the thoughts of whether I will successfully make it out of this hell alive as I don't think I have the energy or willpower for years of this. 

Time will resolve any injury mate. In a wave it is so hard to belive it. Try to not catastrophize about the future. Just keep to taking one day at a time. I know all this is overwhelming atm. I totally get that and WD is not helping matters! 

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I however, make a promise to every single one of you, that if I do make it thru, I will not let us be forgotten and once I have the energy to start shouting about our stories. You have my word, I will be shouting loud and wide.

This day is coming mate! And Im here for that! 100% I will be reading your success story one day! 🙂

 

Chippy

I'm sorry to hear you've been having a really difficult time.

 

Until then, it had seemed like you were beginning to find some stability on the dose you were taking. I hope that this is a setback and that you do again continue to trend towards stability.

@The_Taper_Man

 

you got this my Broski windows and waves. Just try think of the good times Inoe it’s harder then it seems cause Im in it myself and Im always texting you when I’m bad.

we’re in this together bro.

 

👊❤️

On 3/9/2026 at 10:05 PM, Sminismoni said:

Oh wow, I hear so much WD thinking in your post. It lends itself to complete hopelessness and catastrophising. And often with a grain of reality woven in, which makes it hard to separate from. Please believe that part of this is your wave brain talking. I am thinking of you.

 

I would be interested in hearing what the medium guessed about your "journey". 

 

Regarding the Deprescribing clinic, yes, you must have ICB funding. That involves an application being made. What you do in the application and at the hearing is argue that this condition is stopping you working and removing a tax payer from the pool and onto potential benefits. Argue that funding your treatment at the Deprescribing clinic will be cheaper for the UK than potentially years of benefits and loss of a tax payer.

Thank you @Sminismoni - Really appreciate it, the clinic have already told me that the funding is likely to be declined so I am not holding up much hope unfortunately, I am just going to try and accept this gruelling journey will have to be made by me, and by me alone. 

 

Edit: Without forgetting that I am not alone in a total sense, I have all of you guys and the community with me, that was not accurate of me to say I am alone.

 

On 3/9/2026 at 11:06 PM, NBJ71 said:

Hey @The_Taper_Man

 

Just thought I’d drop by. From your last post it seems that you’re really struggling, I’m so sorry to read that, I really am. We have similar pasts, I had an ADR to Mirtazapine and then another ADR to Sertraline. This was followed by 6 weeks of diazepam and Zopiclone. 

Thanks Nick, for dropping by and leaving me with some encouragement. I guess I struggle sometimes when I am stuck on this and haven't even yet reached the gruelling task of tapering off once 'stabilised'. I am still in the thick of withdrawal, I hate the way it feels like you're getting better for it to be ripped apart so easily from a trigger (or not). I'll continue to keep it moving, for as long as I can mange it.

 

On 3/9/2026 at 11:23 PM, skamen said:

Me too, I was wondering what the medium told you

Thanks Svetla, sorry to hear you are still in a difficult period. This wave for me does not want to end either.

 

On 3/10/2026 at 9:03 AM, Chippy said:

Hey mate! So sorry to read this bud. Life stressors can really feed into all of this I know!

Thanks a lot for the kind comments mate, agreed @Chippy, this is exactly what has set off this wave. It has been absolutely brutal mate, I am hoping it calms down once I can get my feet back under the table. I am trying to take it as it comes but the morning anxiety decides otherwise... 

 

On 3/10/2026 at 9:03 AM, Chippy said:

Again my friend IMO you need to work on this. You can't put so much pressure on yourself. You can manage what you can manage and that is all you can ask of yourself. I also think that you need to remember that your family needs you, you guys are stronger together than apart. Your little one needs their Dad!

If only I could, the unfortunate thing about this situation is that we have zero family around us. Couple that with my recent downfall with medication and our 5-month old, really doesn't make things easy. I am unable to do most of the things one would usually do as a Dad mate, I can't do nights and I often have moments where I just can't be around my son or wife because I just simply feel too sick physically. It means my wife is constantly having to pick up the slack and do mostly everything, it's really hitting her hard too. 

 

On 3/10/2026 at 9:03 AM, Chippy said:

Try to not catastrophize about the future. Just keep to taking one day at a time. I know all this is overwhelming atm.

I try my hardest not to, I really do. In moments where I feel like today though, I just can't help but wonder whether I'll cope. I feel so physically ill mate, full on flu symptoms with migraines and general feeling of being unwell. I got my bloods back and looking at the trending decline across the board makes me wonder whether the drug is continuously making me physically ill whilst also impacting me mentally too. I get not trying to catastrophize but at the same time, I look at the sheer mountain in front of me and it just leaves me hopeless.

 

On 3/10/2026 at 2:24 AM, Raymond said:

It will get better.   I'm with you on this...

Thanks a lot my good friend @Raymond - I know you are also going through something really tough at the moment so my thoughts are with you, make sure you keep me in yours when I am back at work next week. I'll be trying my best to remember how hard you battled your withdrawal when you were working in the early months..

 

On 3/10/2026 at 6:05 PM, Luke said:

I'm sorry to hear you've been having a really difficult time.

 

Until then, it had seemed like you were beginning to find some stability on the dose you were taking. I hope that this is a setback and that you do again continue to trend towards stability.

Thanks a lot @Luke, appreciate the kind words. Yeah, unfortunately it sucks that the window I was in was promptly closed by the realisation that I will indeed be returning back to a full-time office job from next week onwards, it seemed to have triggered one of the most intense waves I have experienced so far. Here's to hoping that my baseline will be more resilient after this one.

 

On 3/10/2026 at 6:15 PM, Richie said:

you got this my Broski windows and waves. Just try think of the good times Inoe it’s harder then it seems cause Im in it myself and Im always texting you when I’m bad.

we’re in this together bro.

My brother @Richie, how I am glad to have you with me on this journey. You have been a beacon of support to me in this wave mate, best way to describe how your support has felt is when I was wading my way thru the thick fog, despite you being in a really nice and good window yourself, you turned around and came back into the foggy darkness to offer me a helping hand which lifted my mood enough to settle down the worst of the horrible depression I was having these past couple of days. I am grateful man, I really am. 

 

Medium update;

 

@Sminismoni @skamen - For a bit of background, my grand mother was diagnosed with MDD and OCD (probably loads of other labels I am unaware of too). She suffered tremendously through her existence and was drugged since the age of 11 years old from the 1940s and 50s, throughout the years she had over 70 ECTs, was polydrugged on many ADs and antipsychotics and in and out of psychiatric hospitals with some stays lasting over multiple years, my family told me that every time she tried to stop her medications "all hell would break loose" "she felt no emotions, ever", I have wondered many times if the reason why she wanted to stop the meds was because deep down she wanted to be her true self without them, the sad thing is that I have now realised thru my own recent experiences, is that my grandmother was probably in protracted and severe withdrawal her entire life but never got the chance to see it. Not one soul would have believed her, if she was crying out to the world. She was pretty much alienated due to her 'illness'.

 

The medium took both my tarot cards and mixed the seance with some spirit contact, it was pretty surreal to see the cards which I chose matched that exactly of the difficulties I am currently facing. Most of the predictions were pointing towards me being successful in my 'journey' and although it being very difficult, that it would lead me to go on to helping others. A lot of the messages represented my prior self dying and something huge opening up which will eventually lead me to find my true life purpose. 

 

On the spirits front, I was visited by both my grandmother mentioned above and my other grandmother who was always full of energy and positivity (polar opposite of the other). The medium was shown by my grandmother that my birthday month would be a significant milestone, some bandages around wrists (healing) and the most interestingly but scary image was of 'the black dog', my grandmother would always describe her 'illness' as 'the black dog' and when the medium immediately said "does a black dog mean anything to you?" I felt my stomach churn, I knew exactly what he was referring to. He did also point out that the dog did not feel sinister or angry in anyway, this was reassuring. 

 

The seance went on for 2hrs15minutes and although I cannot recount everything here as it contains a lot of different messages. The main takeaways were that my progress would continue to improve, there will be a significant period of healing around my birthday month and that 'the black dog' representing depression was not agitated in any way which leads to a message of that too, will be overcome eventually. Ironically, I have never had to deal with any severe depression until now, probably why 'the black dog' has decided to show up. 

 

As you can tell, I enjoy talking. Hope you found the above enjoyable to read.

 

TTM

Edited March 11Mar 11 by The_Taper_Man

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Thanks a lot for the kind comments mate, agreed @Chippy, this is exactly what has set off this wave. It has been absolutely brutal mate, I am hoping it calms down once I can get my feet back under the table. I am trying to take it as it comes but the morning anxiety decides otherwise... 

 

I hope so too mate.

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

f only I could, the unfortunate thing about this situation is that we have zero family around us. Couple that with my recent downfall with medication and our 5-month old, really doesn't make things easy. I am unable to do most of the things one would usually do as a Dad mate, I can't do nights and I often have moments where I just can't be around my son or wife because I just simply feel too sick physically. It means my wife is constantly having to pick up the slack and do mostly everything, it's really hitting her hard too. 

I know mate. You have a lot on your plate. Im just saying try to work on these concepts we talk about here. It takes time and sometimes its just too much and you have the accept that you cant accept. But slowly I hope you can start to figured some these ideas out. You've got to not let guilt about your wife consume you. It won't help either of you. I know it's hard but you end up being your own worse enemy if your are not careful. You have got this!

 

11 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

I try my hardest not to, I really do. In moments where I feel like today though, I just can't help but wonder whether I'll cope. I feel so physically ill mate, full on flu symptoms with migraines and general feeling of being unwell. I got my bloods back and looking at the trending decline across the board makes me wonder whether the drug is continuously making me physically ill whilst also impacting me mentally too. I get not trying to catastrophize but at the same time, I look at the sheer mountain in front of me and it just leaves me hopeless.

I know. Wave brain has this effect.

 

If the drug was making your worse, IMO, you would feel bad in relation to the drug dose timing. Not be having windows of feeling better. If anything your OCD etc feeds into your WD symptoms rather than drug harming you, if you read the patterns. Or at least that what is what Im seeing from what you type.

 

I would reccomend reading these threads on here mate. Acceptance is a really important skill bud. There are some videos in the comments of both topics I highly recommend.

 

Acceptance is key

 

Why Acceptance Feels Impossible 
 

On 3/12/2026 at 7:52 AM, Chippy said:

I hope so too mate.

Only time will tell eh mate! I am feeling fairly optimistic about it but at the same time make sure I am taking the advice of letting be, what will be at the moment.

 

On 3/12/2026 at 7:52 AM, Chippy said:

I know mate. You have a lot on your plate. Im just saying try to work on these concepts we talk about here. It takes time and sometimes its just too much and you have the accept that you cant accept. But slowly I hope you can start to figured some these ideas out. You've got to not let guilt about your wife consume you. It won't help either of you. I know it's hard but you end up being your own worse enemy if your are not careful. You have got this!

I am trying my best with this and to be honest, usually we're on good terms. I guess having a kid is difficult at the best of times right? Let alone having to deal with something as difficult as all of this on top of it, I am giving myself grace that I am doing the best I can with what I can at the moment. 

 

On 3/12/2026 at 7:52 AM, Chippy said:

If anything your OCD etc feeds into your WD symptoms

This right here, is huge @Chippy!! And, something I have been pondering in thought recently and talking through with my therapist. I still struggle quite a bit with intrusive thoughts and as I have said before, anxiety and OCD was something that I had prior to all of this, it would be naive of me to think that it would magically just disappear without me working on it. Putting a positive spin on things, I am trying to use all of this as a way of rebuilding/retraining my mind to become stronger and more resilient.

 

On 3/12/2026 at 7:52 AM, Chippy said:

Acceptance is key

 

Why Acceptance Feels Impossible 

Thanks a lot for sharing these mate, I am actually using an app called 'Waking Up' - Have you heard of it? It is really good, albeit quite pricey. It centres a lot around the way meditation was taught in Buddhism and other ancient teachings from around the world, the construct of the mind and how we can have complete control over our thoughts and emotions towards anything. Essentially, what meditation is all about. 

 

Clearly, I still have a lot to learn about myself my friend. I am hoping that this withdrawal journey serves as useful tool for me to enlarge my awareness and consciousness.

Save this for a bad day. it looks like you have had some but are doing better now.

 

We are not perfect parents nor spouses nor workers. We have the ability to push through at times and sometimes we need to be a spectator. This is a good life lesson for all in your life and you. You are showing your son that despite all of this I am here for you, even if it feels like less than what you were doing.

I had a newborn and then later he was a toddler when all hell broke loose twice for me regarding the dreaded Zoloft then the subsequent merry-go-round of meds. I was alone with him a lot, because I was building my private practice, was a FT SAHM mom for about 6 months, then did light PT work until my practice became larger.

I did the best I could then even though I had so many side effects, then withdrawals effects. I am survivor of that horrible time and you will be too. My son is now 13, compassionate, has sympathy/empathy for people, is a helper, and also a real bugger sometimes too as a teenager, which is to be expected. I used to sit there and think I was a terrible mother, that I traumatized him somehow, why did I have to put him and my husband through all that I did--well, it was not what I did, it was what I endured due to the drugs.

But through my own therapy, I was met with much kindness and support for my medical and childhood trauma, and repeatedly uplifted. So I want to do that for you, right now. You are doing the best you can, which IS enough. Your son loves you and needs you. Do not sell yourself short just because you are not feeling well. You are worth it to be in your family's life every second of every day.

Be well, my friend. 🤗

Edited March 13Mar 13 by namastejen1

On 3/13/2026 at 11:24 PM, namastejen1 said:

Save this for a bad day. it looks like you have had some but are doing better now.

 

We are not perfect parents nor spouses nor workers. We have the ability to push through at times and sometimes we need to be a spectator. This is a good life lesson for all in your life and you. You are showing your son that despite all of this I am here for you, even if it feels like less than what you were doing.

I had a newborn and then later he was a toddler when all hell broke loose twice for me regarding the dreaded Zoloft then the subsequent merry-go-round of meds. I was alone with him a lot, because I was building my private practice, was a FT SAHM mom for about 6 months, then did light PT work until my practice became larger.

I did the best I could then even though I had so many side effects, then withdrawals effects. I am survivor of that horrible time and you will be too. My son is now 13, compassionate, has sympathy/empathy for people, is a helper, and also a real bugger sometimes too as a teenager, which is to be expected. I used to sit there and think I was a terrible mother, that I traumatized him somehow, why did I have to put him and my husband through all that I did--well, it was not what I did, it was what I endured due to the drugs.

But through my own therapy, I was met with much kindness and support for my medical and childhood trauma, and repeatedly uplifted. So I want to do that for you, right now. You are doing the best you can, which IS enough. Your son loves you and needs you. Do not sell yourself short just because you are not feeling well. You are worth it to be in your family's life every second of every day.

Be well, my friend. 🤗

Thanks so much for sharing this with me today @namastejen1, it really does me a lot to me and your words of encouragement are very much appreciated. I will indeed keep this to one side for when the dark days turn up.

 

Update:

In terms of update, tomorrow is the big day! I am finally, after 5 months of being off work, returning back to my job. I cannot believe I am sitting here typing this as many of you will know that it has been very much hit and miss and ups and downs recently, I am not naive that it is going to be difficult and probably set off a few waves here and there when I am back in the drivers seat. Nothing ever came easy for me in this life, I don't expect this to be much different.

 

I am immensely grateful and thankful @Chippy @Luke @namastejen1 @Raymond @skamen @Richie @NBJ71 @Nemina @Emsy @Sminismoni and for all of you who have been encouraging me during this so far, although I am still nowhere near at the end of my journey (still have to taper 5.25mg).. I feel a little bit more confident in myself and came out of the last wave with a little bit more cognitive power than I had before. I have been doing quite a lot of things recently, hence my lack of constant updates and I am hoping it will continue to trend in this direction whilst I give my nervous system the time it needs to recover and stabilise itself for the fight ahead. My diet is in check, my mind and soul are in check. Let's see where this leads.

 

I will update on how the return to work goes, I will be thinking of all of you and your words of encouragement when I am there.

 

Speak soon,

 

TTM

Best wishes for tomorrow. I hope you can make it work for your family!

7 hours ago, The_Taper_Man said:

Thanks so much for sharing this with me today @namastejen1, it really does me a lot to me and your words of encouragement are very much appreciated. I will indeed keep this to one side for when the dark days turn up.

 

Update:

In terms of update, tomorrow is the big day! I am finally, after 5 months of being off work, returning back to my job. I cannot believe I am sitting here typing this as many of you will know that it has been very much hit and miss and ups and downs recently, I am not naive that it is going to be difficult and probably set off a few waves here and there when I am back in the drivers seat. Nothing ever came easy for me in this life, I don't expect this to be much different.

 

I am immensely grateful and thankful @Chippy @Luke @namastejen1 @Raymond @skamen @Richie @NBJ71 @Nemina @Emsy @Sminismoni and for all of you who have been encouraging me during this so far, although I am still nowhere near at the end of my journey (still have to taper 5.25mg).. I feel a little bit more confident in myself and came out of the last wave with a little bit more cognitive power than I had before. I have been doing quite a lot of things recently, hence my lack of constant updates and I am hoping it will continue to trend in this direction whilst I give my nervous system the time it needs to recover and stabilise itself for the fight ahead. My diet is in check, my mind and soul are in check. Let's see where this leads.

 

I will update on how the return to work goes, I will be thinking of all of you and your words of encouragement when I am there.

 

Speak soon,

 

TTM

Sounds really positive mate. Good luck for your first day back. You’re going to do great. 😊 

I hope it goes well.

 

If you are able to manage it, it might serve as a good distraction. I hope so, anyway. Good luck.