@Luke can you help at all? I feel like I’m stuck and wil take 3.5 yrs to be functional once I’m at zero. I mean I basically cold turkeyed of an ssri before getting back on Prozac to begin this taper so I feel like I did worse than you did - cold turkeyed after a decade. Now a miserable taper and then my mind thinks I’m stuck for 3.5 years to become stable as you did.

@Need to End You might want to review this short article on cognitive distortions and how they lock us into negative thinking patterns, including catastrophizing. You're creating a negative reality that doesn't exist yet. Its really pushing you into a negative thought spiral that may become a self-made reality. A little reality checking can really help with your situation.

Edited September 18Sep 18 by mstimc60

Ok I’ll read it. Can you help me understand what the reality check is? For me it seems like I’m destined for that same path - I was on an ssri longer and initially I cold turkeyed and am doing miserably so why would I not be in the category that does horribly after zero for a long period?

2 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ok I’ll read it. Can you help me understand what the reality check is? For me it seems like I’m destined for that same path - I was on an ssri longer and initially I cold turkeyed and am doing miserably so why would I not be in the category that does horribly after zero for a long period?

First of all, some people CT and are perfectly fine--its rare but it happens. Others take an SSRI for a veery short time and have an adverse reaction that takes months or years to recover from. Either way, people recover. That's why there's little value to comparing your path to others, except when it comes to coping methods and symptom reduction.

Reality checking is pretty simple. You compare your catastrophic thoughts to what the reality of your situation is. The above is an example. Your catastrophic thinking is telling you that your taper was too fast and a slow taper with recovery will take many years. Its also telling you you'll be totally unproductive and alone. But the reality is that anyone in any circumstance can recover within a few years. Even within those years, things improve over time. And even at the moment, you're able to go out and have social interactions. You can apply to reality checking to any situation, but you have to calm your thoughts enough to see the reality that's all around you.

Ok but my mind is stuck on the “years” being the time after I’m at zero mg which is what scares me.z. I literally couldn’t survive in the state I’m in for years more - does that help clarify?

Maybe I missed something like did @Luke jave an adverse reaction? And when you say years are you including the time spent tapering?

I feel like the healing doesn’t really start until you’re at zero mg.

5 minutes ago, Need to End said:

And when you say years are you including the time spent tapering?

I started my taper in December 2006. I had to reinstate briefly twice because I wasn't doing a proper taper. If I remember right, it took me a little more than a year to get to zero from 20mg (?) of Paxil. Then another 16 months or so to reach what I define as recovery. So three years altogether.

7 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I feel like the healing doesn’t really start until you’re at zero mg.

That's incorrect. Symptoms can begin to decrease in intensity as you taper and get better at practicing coping skills. In fact, the more you work on coping as you taper, the better prepared you'll be to deal with remaining symptoms after you hit zero.

9 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ok but my mind is stuck on the “years” being the time after I’m at zero mg which is what scares me.z. I literally couldn’t survive in the state I’m in for years more - does that help clarify?

Yes, and I would say this is just another manifestation of the cognitive distortions you're experiencing. If your anxious mind can't find something real to worry about, it'll create something. In this case, creating a future of years of suffering, when there is no reason to think that will happen. Accept you can and will recover and work toward that.

Ok ty for this. I will keep trying. It’s getting harder ev day. I want the mental side effects to calm down so badly. I get scared it’s just me and my circumstances and I don’t have the fight in me to fix those so …

There's literally nothing to fight. Thoughts have no physical form or power, except for what we give them. Accept that the thoughts may come, but you don't have to make a home for them in your head. When you fight them, you give them attention they don't deserve. Try to let them come, but get on with your day as best you can. Rob them of them of the power to control your day.

4 hours ago, Need to End said:

Now I spiraling like it’s going to take 3.5 yrs after I’m at 0.

I noticed from your replies that you always focus on the timeline. Honestly, I actually started feeling a bit better once I stopped tracking the time.

1 minute ago, lost4ever said:

I actually started feeling a bit better once I stopped tracking the time.

Excellent! Again, I encourage you to read the article I linked. You can see how your thinking frames your perception of reality. Break that thought pattern and you'll be on your way to recovery!

Having a hard day feeling like this depression is here for good. It feels like it should have improved by now and I’m really getting stuck in my age and having To rebuild and I’m not even healthy yet.

I have the same feeling, but I am suffering from violent fear.A day must come when we return to how we used to be; when that happens, I will cry for a whole month, maybe even more.

I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope things turn for you soon.

I just want to stop taking this **** from the dose I’m at and roll the dice.

Stopping SSRIs was not my choice; it was because their effect became completely opposite (paradoxical). However, stopping the benzos was my own choice. I took a few doses of them, and it was very comforting, but I want actual healing; I don’t want to just mask the symptoms. When you quit them completely, you will get moments of feeling normal, but you will also experience violent fluctuations that make you wish you could reverse your decision.This is exactly what I went through.

Ty for sharing. I know from what I’ve been told that quitting from 1.3mg is probably not wise but literally suffering for every day with intense anxiety depression and si for 2.5 yrs is too much. I guess I’m not the only one but it feels very abnormal it seems like most others have an scute phase and then more manageable side effects for a long period rather than think intense suffering like I’ve got . Makes me think it’s something g else but I also kkkw I wasn’t like this before

The decision to stop treatment might be an irreversible one, and that is exactly what happened to me.I used to think just like you—that there are people who go through an acute phase, then experience side effects, and then manage to adapt. However, I researched deeply and found that such people do not really exist; they are very rare, and most likely, they only took the medication for a few weeks, not for 11 years like me, even if it was scattered over intervals.As for what I find during my research and from some doctors, they rely on the assumption that this is simply a relapse of the original illness—and here lies the irony

I mean during tapering. It seems like most people aren’t suffering the whole time.

I apologize for the misunderstanding.I did not have the luxury of tapering down. By the time I learned about it, it was already too late, and my body had completely rejected the medication.

I’m sorry to hear that. I fast tapered over 2 months originally and then went back in and have tapered down but it’s been hell the whole time

I'm not sure what you want me to do, I did answer your pm as well.

As I said, you could consider speeding up but this comes with considerable risks. It has taken me a long time to recover because I tapered way too quickly.

You are tapering slowly so the likelihood that it would take you that long to recover is much lower.

does anyone else get facial skin issues - redness/breakouts. On top of feeling horrible my skin looks so unhealthy.

35 minutes ago, Need to End said:

does anyone else get facial skin issues - redness/breakouts. On top of feeling horrible my skin looks so unhealthy.

I do. I get it on my shoulders and behind them too. Never had this issue before

39 minutes ago, Need to End said:

does anyone else get facial skin issues - redness/breakouts. On top of feeling horrible my skin looks so unhealthy.

I'm willing to bet a majority if my acne was the result of Adderall and Prozac. Always had really bad skin as well as Hidradenitis Suppurativa since 2007. Not even Accutane helped, and that was its own shitstorm.

Ty guys, I am sorry you have dealt with this. My skin health def seems worse.

@guacho - my taper coach and i talked today and discussed dropping to 1.2. Im scared to death as the depression has been horrible. If it were up to her completely she would have me hold for a really long tome but she also usually sees people be able to handle these drops a little better at lower doses like me on prozac.

I feel like im going to fall off a cliff into the abyss of depression and hopelessness. But also i want off this drug. I also don't want to do soething that extends my healing out longer. How do i make this choice?

Also my tinnitus has been louder the last week or 2.

Edited September 21Sep 21 by Need to End

@Need to End personally I am not against the idea of a long hold at some point. I do wonder if that might be a chance for your body to heal and adapt rather than potentially end up in WD once you have gotten to zero. I know it's tempting to assume the drug is the issue and coming off will solve it, it is often more complex than this unfortunately. No one can tell you what is the right move here, just sharing my thoughts.