Ill try but man I am freaked out. If this guy couldn't make it then wtf!

Just concentrate on what you need to do to recover. The rest of the world will take care of itself.

now Im also scared taht i dropped to 1.3. This is way too much to manage. IT makes me also feel like my brain won't heal because obviously his didn't.

Just now, Need to End said:

IT makes me also feel like my brain won't heal because obviously his didn't.

Again, you have no idea what reason or reasons he had for doing what he did. People die in car accidents every day but we tell ourselves it won't happen to us because we're careful and pay attention when we drive. Few if any of us stop driving when we read about a bad car accident. Use that same logic here. Just because it happened to one person doesn't mean it has to happen to you.

Should i leave my dose at 1.3? I am just scared that this is what everyone talks about getting to the lower doses and Im afraid my mind is going to get worse and I have already been so depressed and hopeless its not even funny i can't imagine going lower and right now i can't imagine it ever getting better.

I have so many people counting on me (ex, kids, work) yet i have zero family and am alone in my home constantly. Coming out of the bedroom is hard. THis guy apparently was back working in his garden recently and "doing better".

I'll let others with more experience in tapering advise you on another drop.

My advice is to stop thinking about the other person's death. You have no idea what the circumstances are or even how accurate the description you received was. You're shutting yourself away so its just you and your, thoughts, and that's not healthy. You are clearly able to get out sometimes, as difficult as that may be. There is no reason to think you're going to do worse, but you're not doing yourself any favors by constantly ruminating on how bad things can get, and then creating a reality for a future that may not happen. Replace those thoughts with positive affirmations and try to break the negative thought cycle.

Am I one of the worst at ruminating and worrying on this site?

9 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Am I one of the worst at ruminating and worrying on this site?

Not even close. Some members can't leave their rooms or get out of bed without help. Some project doom about events that will never happen. The important thing is to try to remember that your anxious mind and destabilized are driving your ruminations. They are not you.

Ok I feel like I message more than anyone. And am spinning /spiraling and circling the drain more than most

1 minute ago, Need to End said:

Ok I feel like I message more than anyone. And am spinning /spiraling and circling the drain more than most

Our whole reason for having this site is for members to message us. That’s why we’re here. You’re judging yourself much too harshly. And you’re doing far better than you think you are.

it feels very foreign to be afraid to be suicidal I never had these thoughts in my life. Now it feels like they are just getting worse - and it’s daily considering why am I still here with ev I’ve lost and this mess I’m in it feels like a hole I can’t climb out from. Are a lot of people suicidal on here constantly?

Please stop trying to compare your situation to everyone else’s. This isn’t a contest. We’ve all suffered in our own unique ways and none of us were any better or worse off than anyone else. SI is very common in WD but you don’t have to give the thoughts any power. Let them come and then leave. As I’ve said before focus on recovery.

Sorry it’s because I’m scared and I’m trying to find out where in this spectrum I am how bad. I’m not feeling better and it feels like it’s not going to happen and I don’t know what to do. I’m looking for hope - my life is full of insane pressure and loss and I can’t bare it

Hey man @Need to End . Take a breath. Start with that. I feel your pain, as many others here do. You’re catastrophizing and spiraling while looking for certainty.

You’re not gonna get much certainty, if any. One thing we can be somewhat certain of is this - time heals. In the meantime, there are some things that can be a lot more in your control.

Some of those being… taking care of yourself as best you can, and trying your best to accept that the desperate search for answers only intensifies the fear and symptoms associated with ‘not’ having them.

I deal with intense SI. Sometimes it’s the fear of doing it, sometimes it’s the actual feeling of ‘wanting’ it, even though I don’t want to die. One thing I been working on with ERP therapy is when those thoughts start spiraling saying “I don’t have to solve this right now.” “Maybe I do feel that way” and then I go back to whatever I’m doing, washing the dishes, driving, working, etc.

Hang in there, you’re gonna be ok!

Ty - it helps to know I’m not the only one with these thoughts constantly looming. I’m sorry you’re dealing with them too though.

I just need something in my life to break the right way. Divorce, gf breakup, massive financial loss, taper from hell for 2.5 years, being alone, work capacity diminished. Industry I’m in crashed - all at the same damn time. I don’t think I’m imagining how difficult this combination is and I’m human and can only take so much.

30 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Sorry it’s because I’m scared and I’m trying to find out where in this spectrum I am how bad. I’m not feeling better and it feels like it’s not going to happen and I don’t know what to do. I’m looking for hope - my life is full of insane pressure and loss and I can’t bare it

There really isn’t a spectrum. I’ve seen people who are almost totally disabled be well on their way to recovery in two weeks. And others have been stuck for months. Recovery isn’t linear and it’s different for everyone. What I can assure you is that if you start practicing coping skills and diversion, you’ll make things much easier for yourself and may recover sooner than you think.

16 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ty - it helps to know I’m not the only one with these thoughts constantly looming. I’m sorry you’re dealing with them too though.

I just need something in my life to break the right way. Divorce, gf breakup, massive financial loss, taper from hell for 2.5 years, being alone, work capacity diminished. Industry I’m in crashed - all at the same damn time. I don’t think I’m imagining how difficult this combination is and I’m human and can only take so much.

Life can throw all sorts of disasters at us. We can’t help that. The best we can do is decide how we respond. Try to change what you can, like dealing with feeling alone. You’re still able to go out. Don’t expect too much of yourself. You don’t have to handle everything perfectly. Try practicing gratitude for what you do have. Millions of people have no job at all or they’re trapped in unhappy marriages. I firmly believe God (or the universe if you prefer) never throws anything at us that He doesn’t give us the ability to handle. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and think yiu have to solve all your problems at once or by yourself.

Hi all - feeling exceptionally lonely today. My tinnitus is also back somewhat loudly. My eyes look like they have dark circles under them and I am utterly depressed. I dropped to 1.35 and then a week later to 1.3 and it’s been about 5 - 6 days at 1.3.

It feels like this is never going away and I’ll lose it all before I can recover. So much sadness and brokenness in my life this taper is just making it over the top impossible

21 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Hi all - feeling exceptionally lonely today. My tinnitus is also back somewhat loudly. My eyes look like they have dark circles under them and I am utterly depressed. I dropped to 1.35 and then a week later to 1.3 and it’s been about 5 - 6 days at 1.3.

It feels like this is never going away and I’ll lose it all before I can recover. So much sadness and brokenness in my life this taper is just making it over the top impossible

We're here to support you. Some days are rougher than others, but you'll make it. Just take one day at a time.

How do I know this is withdrawal. I remember feeling anxiety depression but also I don’t remember it being like this. I’m fn scared this doesn’t get better. Maybe now it’s just because I’m divorced and alone and business is tough and I’m older with less time ahead of me instead of being younger and building a life that was constantly ascending - maybe the taper is nothing …. Idk it just never felt like this

The fact that you recognize these symptoms as strange or more intense indicates they’re related to withdrawal and by no means your “new normal”. You’ve had a lot thrown at you besides your taper, so you’re feeling things more intensely than you otherwise would. Also, constantly telling yourself you’re too old or doomed to be alone is just making it worse. You really need to work on ways of avoiding the doom loop thinking.

I’m trying. I really am. I keep losing things and things keep getting worse. It’s unreal.

31 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I’m trying. I really am. I keep losing things and things keep getting worse. It’s unreal.

Your ruminations are making things look worse than they are. Try to use some of the mental energy you’re spending on ruminating to look for gratitude and positivity. People younger than you are bedbound by their symptoms or can’t hold a job. If you practice gratitude for what you have, the negative thinking will weaken.

Totally agree / just seems like they are there no matter what undo and the adrenaline rushes and hopelessness is just there constant and heavy it’s so fn scary

6 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Totally agree / just seems like they are there no matter what undo and the adrenaline rushes and hopelessness is just there constant and heavy it’s so fn scary

That’s why you need to practice coping and calming methods. They’ll it down on the cortisol rushes and ruminations.