well she sent another breakup style text today and that’s the last thing I needed on this taper.

I know it’s normal but for me and in this spot it’s pretty existential and heavy and feels like a death sentence. I have no hope and things just keep getting worse.

I need to know this gets better. I’m at 1.3 mg and feel miles away from any relief.

12 minutes ago, Need to End said:

well she sent another breakup style text today and that’s the last thing I needed on this taper.

I know it’s normal but for me and in this spot it’s pretty existential and heavy and feels like a death sentence. I have no hope and things just keep getting worse.

I need to know this gets better. I’m at 1.3 mg and feel miles away from any relief.

I think a couple other members have said she seems to be stringing you along for her own reasons. Maybe the best thing to do is to make a clean break and stop torturing yourself. One less complication in your life.

That would be easy if it felt good but it’s making my anxiety and panic increase and prove I’ll be alone

“But” is the most dangerous word in recovery. It gives your anxious mind an excuse to leave you stuck in a place you hate. You may want or even need to do something, “but” you can’t because you might feel worse or it might not work out. So you stay locked in place. Has that been working for you? If you took a few more chances and did more positive things for yourself, maybe things would change for you.

I’m sorry things aren’t working in your relationship but it’s bringing you no joy. Only fear of loss or being inadequate. This could be a sign it’s time to move on and find someone who is a better match for you.

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

That would be easy if it felt good but it’s making my anxiety and panic increase and prove I’ll be alone

It's you and your own reactions increasing your anxiety and panic.

Did anyone else here go through this alone? Without a spouse in their 40’s?

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

Did anyone else here go through this alone? Without a spouse in their 40’s?

This is your anxious mind at work again trying to convince you that you’re worse off than everyone else. You’re not. Some members here live with family yet they’re utterly alone in their struggle. Everyone’s suffering is unique and uniquely awful. This also means anyone can recover. My advice is to stop comparing your situation to others’ and concentrate on your recovery.

Edited September 8Sep 8 by mstimc60

I know others are struggling - I just want to hear others making it through similar situations To. give me hope as mine does feel hopeless.

I’m not minimizing anyone else’s journey at all and my heart goes out to everyone. I wish I was able to support everyone more here. I’m just so scared by all my non taper circumstances and then this taper makes me feel like I can’t do it because it adds so much to the mix. It’s in freaking real. So I’m looking for hope in hearing others experience if that makes sense.

Edited September 9Sep 9 by Need to End

Many of us have shared our journeys. There is a huge variety of circumstances among us. You may or may not find others who share your specific experience, but the important take away is that anyone in any situation can recover. You can too.

Hang in there @Need to End.

It’s a dark night of the soul.

You have the tools to overcome the challenges you face. I have to believe that all those who struggle do too. Don’t give up hope, you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Ty. I just want to get this drug out of my system!

14 hours ago, Need to End said:

Ty. I just want to get this drug out of my system!

I understand. But you need to practice coping skills as well. That will make your WD a lot more bearable and hasten your recovery.

14 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

I understand. But you need to practice coping skills as well. That will make your WD a lot more bearable and hasten your recovery.

100% N2E, it is important to start to understand this injury and learn to implement some of the coping skills others have been helping you to understand. We are here for you, using daily support from the team here is fine but no substitute for learning the skills to help support yourself. You can do it, these are life long skills that help even after WD. You've got this mate. Lots of great videos on youtube from the community about it....

I’m sorry I’m so overwhelmed. I need to organize what these coping skills are. I’m so overwhelmed and scared that I don’t even have these in mind when you guys refer to them except maybe acceptance and walking.

@Gaucho i am on day 9 of 1.3mg and I know we talked about trying to move off this quickly. I literally just walked around my empty house which used to have my family and life in it and I was frantically repeating to myself under my tears “it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m okay, it’s okay” like a scared child.

Today the news for my industry got even worse so I am full of panic about money my future more than ever as business is likely to come to a near standstill now. All the while I keep inching toward my 48th bday in a few months.

How do I balance this with reducing? I have a friend who went off much quicker and did have a few months of hell but is back to his normal self. I’m at 1.3mg and I see a lot of people going so slow like .045, .0445 etc…. That will take a lifetime. Am I screwed if I don’t walk it down that slowly?

2 hours ago, Need to End said:

I’m sorry I’m so overwhelmed. I need to organize what these coping skills are. I’m so overwhelmed and scared that I don’t even have these in mind when you guys refer to them except maybe acceptance and walking.

@Gaucho i am on day 9 of 1.3mg and I know we talked about trying to move off this quickly. I literally just walked around my empty house which used to have my family and life in it and I was frantically repeating to myself under my tears “it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m okay, it’s okay” like a scared child.

Today the news for my industry got even worse so I am full of panic about money my future more than ever as business is likely to come to a near standstill now. All the while I keep inching toward my 48th bday in a few months.

How do I balance this with reducing? I have a friend who went off much quicker and did have a few months of hell but is back to his normal self. I’m at 1.3mg and I see a lot of people going so slow like .045, .0445 etc…. That will take a lifetime. Am I screwed if I don’t walk it down that slowly?

There's very little involved except a willingness to accept and allow. No organising, no fighting, no pushing through, no reacting, no searching for solutions. By allowing and accepting you can slowly let your body and brain recognise safety. It sounds simple, but it's not necessarily easy. It takes time and practice.

2 minutes ago, Catbird said:

There's very little involved except a willingness to accept and allow. No organising, no fighting, no pushing through, no reacting, no searching for solutions. By allowing and accepting you can slowly let your body and brain recognise safety. It sounds simple, but it's not necessarily easy. It takes time and practice.

@Catbird is 100% right. Acceptance, mindfulness and other coping skills aren’t things you do when you feel better. They’re things you do to feel better. Work on what you can control and it’ll make it easier to handle the things you can’t.

13 hours ago, Need to End said:

I’m sorry I’m so overwhelmed. I need to organize what these coping skills are. I’m so overwhelmed and scared that I don’t even have these in mind when you guys refer to them except maybe acceptance and walking.

@Gaucho i am on day 9 of 1.3mg and I know we talked about trying to move off this quickly. I literally just walked around my empty house which used to have my family and life in it and I was frantically repeating to myself under my tears “it’s okay, it’s okay, I’m okay, it’s okay” like a scared child.

Today the news for my industry got even worse so I am full of panic about money my future more than ever as business is likely to come to a near standstill now. All the while I keep inching toward my 48th bday in a few months.

How do I balance this with reducing? I have a friend who went off much quicker and did have a few months of hell but is back to his normal self. I’m at 1.3mg and I see a lot of people going so slow like .045, .0445 etc…. That will take a lifetime. Am I screwed if I don’t walk it down that slowly?

I'd drop another .05 now and tentatively hold for a week. I trust your last reduction went okay. The idea at this point is to reduce quicker rather than quickly.

Try not to focus much on how others are tapering. They may have reasons for moving very slowly that may not necessarily apply to you. Keep in mind that we are all different in our journeys.

I’m not sure how I feel - I def spent more time in bed the last week but also had relationship issues and massive industry work issues so idk what’s causing what. @Gaucho

Also very dizzy and have been shorter with people. This on top of all the usual terror other things I have shared.

These are very common WD and taper symptoms. Try to go easy on yourself and use calming exercises if you're able.

Ty. Im going to go to the gym - the hopelessness and depression are off the charts and my self confidence is horrible. I just want off this drug guys. Every day feels like its worse. Fatigue, lack of motivation, depression, my face is constantly broken out and skin looks unhealthy.

Going to the gym is a good idea. You need to be out in public where life is more “normal “ and the workout will both distract you and help burn off some excess emotional energy.

TY. Ive been going pretty much every day during the whole taper so it hasn't really helped me escape this pain and daily cycle of hell :(. I want to get better I just don't want to do this pain anymore.

40 minutes ago, Need to End said:

TY. Ive been going pretty much every day during the whole taper so it hasn't really helped me escape this pain and daily cycle of hell :(. I want to get better I just don't want to do this pain anymore.

It won't be forever. Be patient with yourself and the tapering process. It takes time but you will recover.

Is it possible that I did permanent damage sue. I fast tapered over 2 month period initially?

Someone shared that they have read tapering too fast causes permanent damage?