Damn I don’t know what to do tonight…

36 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Damn I don’t know what to do tonight…

I'd say hold for tonight. You don't want to feel "under the gun" while tapering and making decisions.

I always feel under the gun constantly so that won’t change :(. If I went to 1.3 the worst that could happen is I get more depressed and anxious?

19 hours ago, Need to End said:

I always feel under the gun constantly so that won’t change :(. If I went to 1.3 the worst that could happen is I get more depressed and anxious?

There's a lot of uncertainty during tapers so no one can know 100% what will happen. It's sort of a cautious trial-and-error experiment where we're the subject.

But know that reducing doesn't mean it will get worse, but yes, it's possible, and so is feeling better, or the same,which isn't really necessarily a completely bad outcome because at least you've reduced your dose.

It sounds like you're looking at your next move being a .1mg drop. That's not reckless, but I think this is scaring you, and that in itself could make that drop difficult. But I do note in your taper schedule where you reduced by .08 and .05. We can sometimes look back to previous reductions to give us a rough idea on how to proceed.

Using your liquid what's the tiniest reduction you are able to make? (Not advising you to make that reduction at this time)

I can do .01mg

I dropped to 1.35mg last night - really want to go to 1.3 mg

Edited Thursday at 09:30 PM4 days by Need to End

Give it time

Time is literally taking my life away. I’m 2 years and 3 months into Prozac and nearly 3 years from when I first crashed. The whole time has been hell. I don’t feel better or worse when I drop.

The more you bemoan it the longer and worse it will feel.

On 8/17/2026 at 6:07 PM, Need to End said:

Thank you. I don't feel good though ...ever. Its constant fear and pain. Its seriously like torture mentally and physically. Even though i show up at work for a bit or the gym or go out I am never grounded and safe.

Is constant SI common at all? It scares me tremendously.

It was and lately still is very common for me. Like you, I can still go to work and go to the gym, but there is an incredible unease, sometimes 24/7. Mine has reduced a lot over time, but still there. The SI that I experience doesn’t necessarily feel related to “life” it’s more a symptom of its own. I also had a lot of my issues triggered by relationship loss, job changes, moving, etc. so you aren’t alone in that.

I’m really sorry for your suffering. I spent countless hours reading threads on Surviving Antidepressants, typing keywords like “SI” and “suicidal”, etc. Many people have/had these feelings and kept going.

That’s all we can do right? Keep going.

I am constantly listening to anxiety podcasts and depression recovery stories to try and learn skills. We can’t know for sure what is within our control during these times.

I just went back over to SA and grabbed a bit of wisdom from a longtime user: Cymbaltawithdrawal5600. There’s some excellent advice throughout their thread.

This bit below has helped me in some dark moments.

“If anyone has read my long thread you may remember that there came a day when I knew I was going to recover. It came as a thought in my mind, not really one of 'my' thoughts and it happened in the shower. For I realized that for the first time in a couple of years that I actually felt good in there, the water felt nice and there was no sense of doom being in there. That was the turning point. But to get there, my body had been busy REMODELING itself and it was the first inkling that things had reached a point where they were now becoming VISIBLE.

 

Believe me, this was not the end. There were some very rough times ahead, I spoke about the depths of my depression and the constant suicidal feelings. And it may still not be the end but I'm over the hump I think. I am not quite ready to write a recovery story but this is the prelude to it, such as it is.”

Ty so much for sharing all of this and being open. I appreciate you!

@Need to End

I don't know if this is helpful advice or not.

When I feel like super **** I just give up. I forget about all my responsibilities, dreams, and promises I made to myself. All they do is just put stress on the moment when I am at my worst. I just put all my energy in thinking "This too shall pass".

I've spent hours just lying in bed with my eyes closed, not asleep but not quite awake. It's not really living, but its a lot better than being anxious and scared that you are going to die or keep getting worse. When I feel great, I feel so hopeful. When I feel like ****, I feel like its never going to get better and I question why I keep struggling and fighting.

I still question it to this day now that I am pretty disabled right now and in a slump. But you kinda just keep going. Either you get better or you die. Either way it beats fearing death at each and every moment. Death comes to everyone anyways, whether we like it or not. There's no shame in it catching you by surprise.

You aren't going to die yet. But I doubt you would believe me if I said so. I don't even believe myself or my support group in my moments of crisis. You would be surprised how resilient our bodies are. Living like this is not fun and pretty painful. Personally, I don't find the value in it. But it's the only life you got so enjoy as best as you can.

I lost my job, stamina, the ability to eat, money, friends, potential, and a whole lot more. But I've gained perspective and there's small moments in the day where I am not misrable and I find enjoyment. Crying about it for more than like 30 seconds stops being productive and actually makes you feel more sick. Some people have it a lot worse and can find ways to make it a bit more bearable. So it's possible to find moments of enjoyment instead of just complete misery.

I'm currently in a flare so I don't know how helpful this is but its the best I can offer. I honestly wish you the best and I hope you feel better sooner than expected.

I don’t try to or intentionally “bemoan” it :( it’s just freaking there constantly. I hear what you’re saying. But the thing is I’m not trying to. I try to love and the motivation and joy and anything positive is just not present yet the pressure is and the real life consequences are in my face every day. The things that have coincided all at once are insane to me.

On a positive note I have noticed my tinnitus is much lower almost non existent for the first time in 2 years.

I’ve heard from many that the physical symptoms tend to ease first while the mental stuff is the last to come around. Anyone heard the same?

21 hours ago, TooNorth said:

It was and lately still is very common for me. Like you, I can still go to work and go to the gym, but there is an incredible unease, sometimes 24/7. Mine has reduced a lot over time, but still there. The SI that I experience doesn’t necessarily feel related to “life” it’s more a symptom of its own. I also had a lot of my issues triggered by relationship loss, job changes, moving, etc. so you aren’t alone in that.

I’m really sorry for your suffering. I spent countless hours reading threads on Surviving Antidepressants, typing keywords like “SI” and “suicidal”, etc. Many people have/had these feelings and kept going.

That’s all we can do right? Keep going.

I am constantly listening to anxiety podcasts and depression recovery stories to try and learn skills. We can’t know for sure what is within our control during these times.

I understand your need to try to find answers by looking for stories and podcasts @TooNorth . However becoming immersed in these just shrinks your world. Maybe temper these by looking outwards and try to socialise, spend time in nature. A little bit of introspection can help, balance is important.

There this IG guy cold plunge cam who said he held for 18 months / im so scared that if I don’t hold forever they ill screw myself and then also I dint feel like holding helps me. This is so scary and I can’t focus on one pathway.

Also in so worried of losing this woman I love and everything feels like it’s falling. Apart.

2 minutes ago, Need to End said:

There this IG guy cold plunge cam who said he held for 18 months / im so scared that if I don’t hold forever they ill screw myself and then also I dint feel like holding helps me. This is so scary and I can’t focus on one pathway.

Also in so worried of losing this woman I love and everything feels like it’s falling. Apart.

Frankly, who cares about some cold plunge guy? Can you see the pattern you’ve fallen into? You search for reassurance but your anxious mind finds the worst possible news to reinforce your fears about never recovering. There isn’t “one” pathway. You need to be flexible enough to respond to your body and what it’s telling you. Tapering doesn’t have to be on a set schedule. What I see is that you’re putting a lot of unnecessary pressure on yourself to stick to an arbitrary timeline. Give yourself time to find and practice coping skills instead of worrying about what may or may not happen.

Ty - I hear you and it’s very helpful. I’m afraid that I have to fully stabilize in order to heal and at the same time I haven’t fully felt stable the whole time so I don’t know what to do. Do I hold for 12-18 Months hoping I stabilize but what if I don’t?

I don’t even know what stabilized is anymore and especially in this context if tapering. And what if I taper off before I stabilized ? What happens then? Am I screwing myself?

Tapering is about what you can tolerate as you reduce your dosage. There is no timeline you have to follow. You’ve got yourself all tied in knots over a schedule that doesn’t exist. Again take some time to practice coping skills and calm yourself then think about your next reduction. I can’t tell you if you should do another reduction soon or wait. Only you can tell that based on how you feel.

On that helps / so it’s not that I should wait until I feel normal it’s more about what I can tolerate? Is that what you are saying?

1 minute ago, Need to End said:

On that helps / so it’s not that I should wait until I feel normal it’s more about what I can tolerate? Is that what you are saying?

That’s what I did. I worked through the emotions and dark thoughts as I tapered and concentrated on coping. I was also trying to figure out what “normal” was as I went along. That’s what worked for me.

Ok so you didn’t feel good a you tapered and didn’t feel some magical stable feeling before dropping?

I am just so scared all the damn time and life pressures are kicking my ass and in the past I’d have the strength to fight back I just can’t feel that strength during this ev is fear

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

Ok so you didn’t feel good a you tapered and didn’t feel some magical stable feeling before dropping?

I am just so scared all the damn time and life pressures are kicking my ass and in the past I’d have the strength to fight back I just can’t feel that strength during this ev is fear

I went up and down throughout my taper. But I hung onto my windows during the dark times and worked on coping. I’d drop pretty regularly as long as I could manage the symptoms.

Ok. Sorry to be a pain but this is helpful. I don’t think I’ve had a true window.

Would you ever drink when you had causual si?

I want to understand how soon you’d drop symptom wise like what you would feel like when you dropped again before the drop.

I drank very little. My taper was 20 years ago so we didn’t know as much about it as we do now.

I created a tapering schedule and tried to stick with it as much as possible. When a tapering date came up, I’d assess how I felt. Unless I was totally miserable, I’d do the taper. But again, what’s tolerable is subjective and based on what each of us can take. And you need a plan on how to handle the symptoms regardless of how you intend to taper.