15 hours ago, Need to End said:

Hi guys I’m am feeling so depressed and doubting this could come from this process. It’s scaring the crap out of me. I had a good night out Friday night and then ever since just hopeless thoughts and no movement out of bed really.

That's great to hear you had a good night out. Sorry you've been struggling since but what changed in your thinking or your daily situation from Friday night? I mean, not to pry, but were you with someone else, by yourself, or with a group of people that night (strangers, acquaintances , or friends) , and then you returned later to your home and were you then alone and with certain thoughts? I'm wondering if going out like you did provided a social distraction for you, but then once alone in your home, you felt isolated and alone with your thoughts and then hopeless and depressed. Or maybe the social experience that night reminded you of what you had been more capable of doing when you were in a better state.

15 hours ago, Need to End said:

Ty I’m really trying it just feels worse and holding vs tapering in order to feel better is sooo confusing and I can’t make heads or tails of which is best and this is maddening.

I know, very, very confusing but the fact that you're having good moments shows that the system is slowly finding balance in its very unexpected way and maybe it's worth standing still and giving it more time.

Hang in there @Need to End remember that you're constantly healing.

You're coping great even though your mind for sure will make you doubt it!

Need to End, it's wonderful to hear you had a wonderful time out and definitely keep you distracted, you are making great progress, our bodies are amazing at healing, just give it time and patience. I would agree with Fullhealing and let your system settle, you my not want to disrupt it, it's doing what it needs to at this point. You are doing an amazing job my friend, stay strong, you are strong and resilient. 🤗

@Gaucho I was out with a woman I have been seeing for a while and it’s been in and off.

Need to End, this is a good thing, I hope you had a lovely time. Things are going in the right direction, keep the faith you are doing amazing.

Thank you. I hate how dark it gets most of the time. I spoke with my counselor (not taper coach) today and he was frustrated because the depression and anxiety have not improved which really frightened me. It was like he didn't want to keep working with me if we don't see progress. He wants to do ERP therapy.

@Gaucho @mstimc60 would love your feedback on ERP. It scares me because its literally intentinoally facing scary thoughts and my brain is telling me that is going to send me into a spiral :(

16 minutes ago, Need to End said:

would love your feedback on ERP. It scares me because its literally intentinoally facing scary thoughts and my brain is telling me that is going to send me into a spiral :(

ERP really worked for me. Its much more than just facing your thoughts. It gives you tools to rob them of their power. I highly recommend a book called Everyday Mindfulness for OCD: Tips, Tricks, and Skills for Living Joyfully.

It gives lots of great ERP tools and combines them with mindfulness. Its also written with a good dose of humor that helps us see just how outlandish many of our ruminations and fears really are.

Thank you. My counselor really has me freaked out by his feedback today. He said Im basically a threat to harm myself (which I don't believe i am) which now I feel like is his way of saying Im not going to make it. Not helpful when I already feel this bad. He makes it sound like Im choosing this which then makes me feel like its not the taper and it just starts a whole spiral of crap in my head that I don't know what to do with.

Edited July 27Jul 27 by Need to End

7 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Thank you. My counselor really has me freaked out by his feedback today. He said Im basically a threat to harm myself which now I feel like is his way of saying Im not going to make it. Not helpful when I already feel this bad. He makes it sound like Im choosing this which then makes me feel like its not the taper and it just starts a whole spiral of crap in my head that I don't know what to do with.

That's very common catastrophic thinking--seeing the worst possible meaning in what others say. We're just volunteers who offer peer-based advice, and I personally don't believe in second-guessing therapists--or members for that matter. But of course if you feel you may harm yourself, you need to get emergency help ASAP.

Having said that, interpreting what he said as telling you that your not going to make it may be just another case of catastrophizing. If he really thinks you're choosing this, I'd find another therapist. You need to seek ways of avoiding and managing the spiraling thoughts. The ERP book may be a good start.

This all feels like too much to digest and manage. Im trying my best. I just wish he would be a bit more supportive/reassuring.

You may think about finding someone with a little more empathy.

I could - just another thing to work on that feels like too much. Feels like drowning recently. Friday was a highlight but feels like it was transient and that one good thing isn't even steady.

Is there a reason my eyes are red and itchy every single morning even though I’m taking antihistamines? I feel like the klonopon has caused me eye issues the whole time.

Also my hands and arms are tingling / falling asleep much easier recently. Anyone experience this?

Edited July 28Jul 28 by Need to End

13 hours ago, Need to End said:

Is there a reason my eyes are red and itchy every single morning

Sounds like a histimine issue, which is very common in WD.

13 hours ago, Need to End said:

even though I’m taking antihistamines?

We generally advice against taking them most of the time. Your choice of course. Some have luck with a low histimine diet to reduce levels.

Ty. I feel like I’m wearing out my welcome guys but today is incredibly hard. I don’t see how I make it through these pressures of real life feeling this way. I’m alone in this and running low

3 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ty. I feel like I’m wearing out my welcome guys but today is incredibly hard. I don’t see how I make it through these pressures of real life feeling this way. I’m alone in this and running low

You're not wearing out your welcome but take a little time to review your previous posts. We've suggested various coping methods and reassured you that what you're going through is withdrawal. For example:

On 7/27/2026 at 3:28 PM, Need to End said:

I could - just another thing to work on that feels like too much. Feels like drowning recently. Friday was a highlight but feels like it was transient and that one good thing isn't even steady.

If you're not getting the support you need from your therapist, you absolutely should get a new one. The only thing stopping you is your anxious mind and ruminations convincing you its more than you can handle. The anxious mind wants to keep you trapped in indecision and fear.

We are here to support you on your journey, but only you can decide that's a journey you want to take.

I’ve been pushing for 2.5 years and I have had some other massive life events converge that are wildly stressful. A taper and a divorce for example feels like an impossible and rare combo. I’m doing erp and all the things. I just can’t seem to progress fast enough and that’s where I get worried that people are giving up on me.

Like today I have no mental energy and just fear and also no physical energy. I’ll force myself to go to the gym but it will be a force like every day.

I want to get off this damn drug as I feel like it’s winding me up and making me more like this - agitated and anxious and panicky and unable to rest. It’s really hard to focus enough to do coping skills and I’m not being dramatic .

Edited July 29Jul 29 by Need to End

We're not giving up on you--in fact just the opposite. We will stick with you no matter how hard it is for you. Ease up on yourself a bit and stop trying to hold yourself to an arbitrary timeline or some kind of standard you (or anyone else) can't meet. Do what you can when you can on any given day. Two and a half years may seem like a long time but the road to recovery is long and bumpy. Stop worrying about what may happen in the future and concentrate on the present.

10 hours ago, mstimc60 said:

We're not giving up on you--in fact just the opposite. We will stick with you no matter how hard it is for you.

100% N2E. We are with you all the way. You will have to bare with me. We have 500 members nearly and I am run off my feet in my morning session replying to those I have time to resond too. Don't feel you are ignored, we support you the whole way my friend.

Need to End, as mstimc60, and Chippy have said were are all here for you, to guide you, to support you, and to reassure you through this process, and yes my dear friend, this is a process, one that you will get through, even as unpleasant and difficult as it can be , you will get through this. Keep the faith my friend and ask God for strength and guidance, NTE he listens and will and has always carried us at our weakest. As mentioned earlier if you are not getting the support from your Therapist as you would of hoped, you might consider someone else. It's worth looking into. You are stronger than you realize and you will get through this, your system is just trying to settle itself, don't fight it, distract as often as you can. I myself work so I get on as often as I can. Hugs xxx Bernadette

NTE, just wanted to know, have you tried any grounding techniques, like walking in nature with your Shoes off and just feel the grass beneath your feet. Something to think about.

Sorry I did not see this reply. Ty. I’ve been trying erp this week and will keep working on that. Tonight the woman I care deeply about cancelled our dinner plans and of course I was disappointed and curious and all the things.

13 hours ago, Need to End said:

Sorry I did not see this reply. Ty. I’ve been trying erp this week and will keep working on that. Tonight the woman I care deeply about cancelled our dinner plans and of course I was disappointed and curious and all the things.

Things happen and I wouldn't read more into the cancellation than what it was. Its great you're trying ERP. Just making the attempt is a victory!

It’s hard because I feel like things have changed but yet it could be in my head … so hard when already feeling dark and defeated.

Hi guys, the anxiety is filling my body and brain this morning. Ive been at 1.5 for 12 days after a breif 3 week hold at 1.55. Lots of external pressures that i think are creating this. Fear of not making it is very strong and real. ALso I am exhausted and don't have the energy to work or focus. I have to work guys my life doesn't work if I don't.

Edited August 3Aug 3 by Need to End