Stop fighting. The thoughts and feelings are going to come whether you want them to or not. Accept that and work on not reacting to them. Take away their power to turn your world upside down. You're a professional at work, so I'm safe in assuming you don't panic when a problem comes up. Use that strength in your recovery.

Normally no - but now i do lol. No area of life is calm. Work is NOT normal experience for me. I am in panic whenever i am awake.

I went through he exact same thing. Every time the phone rang or I got an email at work, I was sure it was someone who was going to tell me I made a horrible mistake and would get fired. I watched the clock waiting for quitting time so I could get some relief. But oddly enough I earned a performance bonus in one of my worst WD years. What we perceive and what’s reality are often two different things when we’re in withdrawal.

So I will heal even if I keep tapering??

Yes. But you need to ease up on yourself.

I’m sorry … I am trying. I feel neurotic and know I’m annoying - I’m really trying. So much pressure I am waking up scared and depressed and lonely and hopeless and without energy and feeling old and done with etc… every freaking day for 2.5 yrs

We understand because we’ve all been there. But reminding yourself how miserable you are day after day isn’t doing you any good. Work on recovery methods instead of using your energy to make yourself miserable.

It seems like something happens daily that is another blow that would hurt in regular life. It’s honestly like the devil is making a comedy movie for himself

13 minutes ago, Need to End said:

It seems like something happens daily that is another blow that would hurt in regular life. It’s honestly like the devil is making a comedy movie for himself

Take the script back and write your own story. We can’t help some of the things that happen to us but we can choose how to react.

Was on the phone with my mom today and she is in mental health for 30-40 years. She is supportive however she is just having a hard time beleiveing what i am going through could last this long - 2-3 years. Now of course I am very concerned because of the level of pain and suffering that i have dealt with for 2-3 years constantly seems over the top to me too.

36 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Was on the phone with my mom today and she is in mental health for 30-40 years. She is supportive however she is just having a hard time beleiveing what i am going through could last this long - 2-3 years. Now of course I am very concerned because of the level of pain and suffering that i have dealt with for 2-3 years constantly seems over the top to me too.

Few people who have never experienced it can understand what we endure to get off the meds. Most people are happy to take them forever and never question why they don't feel better.

I mean she is in the mental health field for 30-40 years ont on meds for that long. she is just heartbroken over hearing me suffer and wants to help.

26 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I mean she is in the mental health field for 30-40 years ont on meds for that long. she is just heartbroken over hearing me suffer and wants to help.

Yes, family members usually want to help in ways they understand, which is why the best we can do is empathize with their point of view, but still do what's right for us.

ok thank you. I just feel like its something else. I was in straight panic and tears this am and not wanting to be here. I cannot escape fear and find no joy daily. It just seems like something else is doing this this is insane.

20 minutes ago, Need to End said:

ok thank you. I just feel like its something else. I was in straight panic and tears this am and not wanting to be here. I cannot escape fear and find no joy daily. It just seems like something else is doing this this is insane.

This is a great opportunity’s to practice replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Instead of trying to convince yourself there must be something else wrong, use that mental energy find ways to cope with and manage your ruminations. You can do this!

Is it true that I may not ever stabilize and need to keep tapering?

Anyone else here have that experience?

I am struggling to understand why 2.5 yrs in and every take is full of existential anxiety and depression to the point where going anywhere and doing anything is an extremely decorating and challenging thing. 2.5 yrs! And I’m down from 20mg to 1.4mg

4 hours ago, Need to End said:

Is it true that I may not ever stabilize and need to keep tapering?

Anyone else here have that experience?

I am struggling to understand why 2.5 yrs in and every take is full of existential anxiety and depression to the point where going anywhere and doing anything is an extremely decorating and challenging thing. 2.5 yrs! And I’m down from 20mg to 1.4mg

Noone can say for sure. Generally the advice is to hold till you stablise. You felt you never did feel stable on Prozac and have choosen to taper through this. Maybe things will be easier as you get lower if you are having an adverse reaction, however there is some injury here that time is going to heal my friend. One day at a time thats the best way mate.

I feel like its not possible for me to taper "too fast" since i am 2 years and 3 months into tapering prozac. If I go too fast through the last 1.4mg can I cause damage or am I just risking worsening of symptoms?

I want to go to 1.3mg tomorrow but I am so scared but also scared of staying on this drug as you all know by now. Im not finding relief and Im scared that Im up against timelines in life that demand I get better and they are very real.

5 hours ago, Need to End said:

I feel like its not possible for me to taper "too fast" since i am 2 years and 3 months into tapering prozac. If I go too fast through the last 1.4mg can I cause damage or am I just risking worsening of symptoms?

I want to go to 1.3mg tomorrow but I am so scared but also scared of staying on this drug as you all know by now. Im not finding relief and Im scared that Im up against timelines in life that demand I get better and they are very real.

You're asking good questions,and I understand your dilemma. I'm leaning towards speeding up your taper a bit as a trial, not expecting a quick fix or catastrophe, while tracking your symptoms without obsessing over them and periodically reassess.

But first, Im wondering if a microtaper would be worth trying. Making smaller reductions more frequently while doing periodic short holds. Just as an example, are you able to measure out your liquid Prozac so you could reduce your 1.4mg to, say, 1.38mg or 1.35mg instead of jumping down to 1.3mg?

Yes I could do that - I’ve micro tapered like that for a bit before. How frequently are you thinking?

Prozac is so weird with how slow it metabolizes and then I’m in category red in genesight so I think I metabolize even slower if I understand genesight correctly?

8 hours ago, Need to End said:

Yes I could do that - I’ve micro tapered like that for a bit before. How frequently are you thinking?

Prozac is so weird with how slow it metabolizes and then I’m in category red in genesight so I think I metabolize even slower if I understand genesight correctly?

I propose to start, and your being at 1.4mg and are planning to reduce to 1.3mg, you step down by .02mg per day for 5 days. I'd expect it will go okay for you, but id track each day but not overthink or obsess about it.

After you hit 1.3mg,then you can hold for a short time and think about how to proceed.

I believe any new taper strategy should be approached carefully and gradually. I'm hoping your having microtapered before has built up your confidence in using this method. You said you were quite anxious about your going down to 1.3mg, so I'm thinking dividing it into several steps will be less daunting. Also, going slower can be smoother and easier on the system, although for you the pattern has been consistently feeling the same after a reduction. Lastly, a microtaper is more flexible and we can tweak it along the way, and perhaps speed up the process so you can get off this med which has been nothing but **** for you.

Ok. Here is a snapshot of my recent dosage. Just want to confirm that it is safe to start the micro taper.

56 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ok. Here is a snapshot of my recent dosage. Just want to confirm that it is safe to start the micro taper.

Was there a reason why you updosed to 1.5mg on 7/23?

I didn't. I was at 1.54 before that. The chart has 840 entries/days I just showed you the most recent snippet but there was no updose.

Also AI says i should absolutely not drop and should hold .... this is so scary. I was just cleaning up / out an office at my work and came across all kinds of things that made me really really sad. Awards i have won, things I bought for the office and employees without any concern for money (posture things for their chairs, mini heaters, special key boards etc....). Thats who i always was and now seeing those things is breaking my heart because things are so so different. I don't have that same vision and freedom and excitement - that guy is lost but I like and need that guy so so so badly. I remember the excitement of building this office out. Now it feels like a death trap every day. The memories are absolutely killing me.

Edited Wednesday at 09:58 PM5 days by Need to End

53 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I didn't. I was at 1.54 before that. The chart has 840 entries/days I just showed you the most recent snippet but there was no updose.

Also AI says i should absolutely not drop and should hold .... this is so scary. I was just cleaning up / out an office at my work and came across all kinds of things that made me really really sad. Awards i have won, things I bought for the office and employees without any concern for money (posture things for their chairs, mini heaters, special key boards etc....). Thats who i always was and now seeing those things is breaking my heart because things are so so different. I don't have that same vision and freedom and excitement - that guy is lost but I like and need that guy so so so badly. I remember the excitement of building this office out. Now it feels like a death trap every day. The memories are absolutely killing me.

Sorry about the memories making you sad. I saw 1.45mg for 7/22 and then 1.5mg for the following day, so maybe there's a typo there?

If you decide to hold some more,that's ok. As you know, when we decide to hold that's not always risk-free either. It often makes sense to do so if one's tapered too fast or as a standard way to give one's system time to adjust and adapt, or time to allow for delayed symptoms. But for someone whose fighting their med itself, especially when symptoms have been severe and perhaps unsafe or existential, holding can simply prolong that sufferiñg.

AI can be a helpful tool. It's often right, but not always. I have found that it often resists making a conclusion even if there's .1% uncertainty. It also depends on what it's fed. So maybe it knows your history well,but maybe not.

So you could hold for now till you feel better about reducing. And then you can decide whether to continue what you've been doing or trial more frequent small reductions.