1 minute ago, Need to End said:

Hi all, I'm sorry for all the questions.   My industry continues to get worse as the war in Iran is causing a direct deterioration of what i do.  I am having a really hard time believing I can hang on to everything and make it through this all.   The fear of losing my career and the challenges with the taper seriously feel like too much on a daily basis.  Im feeling constant panic and hopelessness all day every day and wonder how someone survives this level of fear and pressure. 

Yeah I understand you, it's probably gonna be hectic for a bit, and i can imagine the lack of certainty can stress you out more and make it tougher.

Make sure to take it one step at a time, you will find the way to deal with the challenges that come to you, most problems tend to get solved in one way or another, if that calms you down a little bit.

 

Thank you.   It does but at the same time what if it doesn't resolve.  Im barely hanging on and this level of pressure makes it hard to live day to day.  Im hoping that getting off the ssri will help a bit as I believe it is actually causing some of my distress.    Im not living a normal life where I am up at the crack of dawn and banging out a productive workday.  Im dragging through daily and have been for 2 years + while also losing so much financially and cognitively. 

5 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Thank you.   It does but at the same time what if it doesn't resolve.  Im barely hanging on and this level of pressure makes it hard to live day to day.  Im hoping that getting off the ssri will help a bit as I believe it is actually causing some of my distress.    Im not living a normal life where I am up at the crack of dawn and banging out a productive workday.  Im dragging through daily and have been for 2 years + while also losing so much financially and cognitively. 

you are talking about a what if, that story that you are saying isn't reality and isn't now, notice that you are making magical scenarios in your head that didn't happen, and probably won't happen, you are living out a future that doesn't exist currently, in the present. Sure, it may happen, but why you need to live now a situation that didn't happen yet ? You are stressing yourself over a hypothetical situation that isn't reality, and living it like it's now. 

only the now exists, the past is all memories and the future is uncertain, our brains tends to be negative as a survival mechanic to prepare to the worst, but it's not a good mindset to live in, especially in this condition, better to focus on the now, which is most of the time way more peaceful than our thoughts.

Nobody knows what will happen, better just live the moment, obviously you shouldn't be reckless but at the same time you shouldn't live out a hypothetical future that hasn't happened yet and stress about it. 

I hear you and you are right.   I find it very frightening to do what you say because it feels like if I do, one day I will wake up having nothing left and being freaking homeless.   I have had a lot of success financially and lost so much in the past 3 years that it feels inevitable its going to all continue to crumble (especially with the mindset from this drug and taper). 

 

I guess I don't know how to safely and peacefully carry on day to day while i get out of this drug. 

1 minute ago, Need to End said:

I find it very frightening to do what you say because it feels like if I do, one day I will wake up having nothing left and being freaking homeless. 

again, that's another story, notice how you are already living the situation ? it's not like you can't plan course of actions, while relaxing in the now, it doesn't mean you suddenly become a reckless guy that just throws money.

You can live in the now, while still planning for worst case scenerios, planning is good, but fear mongering and living the worst case scenario doesn't help, it actually even hinders your decision making !

So how about we could make a deal, you could plan what to do in case some things happen, but not fear monger and jump to the worst case ending, cause I assume you know yourself that you probably know how to plan things out and deal with situations as they occur, just like you have done in the past.

 

First thank you for engaging in this with me.   for my whole life I have not needed this level of support and reassurance but man do i need it now but hopefully not forever.  These drugs suck.   

 

I think my fear is that I am not in a place where i can pivot and problem solve and take on challenges and so on.  Normal me - all day long and it is what i always did best.   Now, I get by on the bare minimum due to constant fear and anxiety and hopelessness and depression.   PRior to this I always took on challenges and overcame / suceeded.  Im so scared that part of me is gone especially hearing how so many people suffer for years and years.   I have kids, am a single dad and have a life to rebuild and am so afraid of my age now.  All of this stuff consumes me constantly.   

 

 

1 minute ago, Need to End said:

First thank you for engaging in this with me.   for my whole life I have not needed this level of support and reassurance but man do i need it now but hopefully not forever.  These drugs suck.

We are all in this together.

 

2 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I think my fear is that I am not in a place where i can pivot and problem solve and take on challenges and so on.  Normal me - all day long and it is what i always did best.   Now, I get by on the bare minimum due to constant fear and anxiety and hopelessness and depression.   PRior to this I always took on challenges and overcame / suceeded.  Im so scared that part of me is gone especially hearing how so many people suffer for years and years.   I have kids, am a single dad and have a life to rebuild and am so afraid of my age now.  All of this stuff consumes me constantly.

I get you, I'm gonna believe regardless that things will turn out fine for you on that financial part.

Yeah people can suffer for a long time, but you can still make the best of your time, people end in all sorts of places for different reasons, it's best to try and make your best, and just accept that, okay im sick now, that doesn't mean I'll be like that forever, in fact I'll probably improve, but for now I'm gonna let my body do what it needs to do to heal.

Acceptance and the fact that people do in 99.9% of cases improve over time and heal out, will make it easy for you.

I have freaked out about my own situation as well for a long time, since 2024 i was so scared of my health and what not, and recently I managed to acquire some skills and learn to let go of controlling my body and it's health, and not resist whatever symptoms I get, might still get rough but I do survive those waves.

Okay that makes sense and i hope I am one who heals quickly as its been over 2 years already.    Are you doing better and are you functional? 

1 minute ago, Need to End said:

Okay that makes sense and i hope I am one who heals quickly as its been over 2 years already.    Are you doing better and are you functional? 

I have improved a bit over time with tolerance of certain things and how bad I am and for how many days.

I'm currently not functional, my story is a bit complicated and involved another condition, and i took a bunch of drugs in a short time, one drug my nervous system bound to really hard.

you can find success stories of people who been through stuff and have quit the drugs and have moved passed dealing with these things, There is a whole section for that both here and on SA.

 

 

 

Im sorry and I am here to support you in any way I can.   YOur attitude is great and will undoubtedly be a huge part of your healing. 

 

Those stories scare the life out of me because they are all several years long.   My assumption and hope is that people that get off and heal / get back to normal relatively quickly even after a tough withdrawal tend not to populate these forums so that would hopefully mean there are a lot of healing stories that aren't 3,4,5,6 plus years long out there we just don't see them posted anywhere. 

 

I hope that going from multiple different ssri's in a short period a little over 2 years ago didn't royally mess me up.   The doc had me go from Zoloft to lexapro to zoloft to lexapro to prozac and then i have been tapering prozac for 2 years.   When you say you were on a lot of drugs in a short period is it that kind of thing or something different?

2 minutes ago, Need to End said:

My assumption and hope is that people that get off and heal / get back to normal relatively quickly even after a tough withdrawal tend not to populate these forums so that would hopefully mean there are a lot of healing stories that aren't 3,4,5,6 plus years long out there we just don't see them posted anywhere. 

most people leave those communities for good once healed and don't post, also a lot of people that have 6-12 months of withdrawal don't even arrive at those communities, you tend to see more of the worst than those who have it easier.

4 minutes ago, Need to End said:

When you say you were on a lot of drugs in a short period is it that kind of thing or something different?

not the same thing really, you can see my history on my first post on my introduction page, also SA.

 

Got it.  I went and checked it out.  I hope you are able to start tapering once you stabilize.   I can share that the micro daily tapers have felt better then the cut and holds for me.   I do anywhere from .01 to .03mg/day.   If things get worse than my "normal bad" I hold for a day or 2 or 3.    Hoping to get off soon. 

 

Thank you for your guidance I can promise you I will need more of it regularly if you are okay with that.  Im sorry for being so off kilter.   Just determined to feel normal and get back on track. 

 

Currently I can work 3-4 hours a day and I work out 2 hours a day.   Been able to maintain my size and strength at the gym - actually gained some muscle in the last 2 years but also feel terrible all the time including at the gym. 

@Lighty and @Need to End I’m going through something very similar. I’m really activated at the moment. My last decrease was over 5 weeks ago and was 16mcg. When I’m like this my mind catastrophises a lot. I think it taps into subconscious fears developed in childhood (C-PTSD abuse and neglect) and uses catastrophising about money; feeling helpless and unable to care for myself if anything happens to my partner. On a rational basis I know these things are highly unlikely and I am able to reassure myself of this. However the emotional pain is almost unbearable at times and I can understand how we are drawn in to thinking this way. I’ve been practising sitting with these painful emotions, allowing them to be there and developing a self compassionate way of caring for myself (including gently telling myself these things are highly unlikely and reassuring myself of this). But by oh boy it’s not easy and it’s one of the most painful and challenging times I’m going through. It’s very depleting.

Any additional advice is welcome.

It's good that the microtapering is more tolerable, but it may be worth doing a hold for a while, or at least some longer holds, for more stability.

11 minutes ago, Luke said:

It's good that the microtapering is more tolerable, but it may be worth doing a hold for a while, or at least some longer holds, for more stability.

I agree. I know you are keen to get off Prozac, but with its very long half life I would attempt to slow down now, get a hold in and then taper more conventionally from there. WD can be very delayed with fluoxetine. Months.

Does anyone know why I am still having panic attacks/panic constantly when taking 1mg of Klonopin a day? 

2 hours ago, Need to End said:

Does anyone know why I am still having panic attacks/panic constantly when taking 1mg of Klonopin a day? 

Did you suffer with panic attacks prior to tapering @Need to End or do think it’s related to decreasing doses?

I never had anxiety and panic like i have since tapering.    I had "normal" anxiety but nothing like what Ive had for the past 2 years. 

2 minutes ago, Need to End said:

I never had anxiety and panic like i have since tapering.    I had "normal" anxiety but nothing like what Ive had for the past 2 years. 

Panic is usually due to hyper vigilance and hyperarousal coming from your limbic system, often generated by your self talk and hyperfocus on your symptoms. Reading back a little I can see that you’ve been focused on other people’s negative stories and your tendency to catastrophise. I’ve learned to be able to talk to myself is a gentle and caring way, and to accept the taper will take as long as it takes.  It’s important to create a sense of safety in your body and to do this you need to drop the alarmist nature of your thoughts and self talk. This is not an easy thing to do, it takes regular practice. You could check out the “Acceptance section” on this site and there are some great mind body resources online.

Ty - it means so much for you to share this and take the time to do so.  You are 100% right.  I don’t quite know how to do it with the taper, the financial pressure I’m under and the amount of money i have to pay my ex by next Jan.  It feels like I have the worst life in the world and no one would choose to keep going.  That’s honestly how I feel.  I kkkw that is not fair because others are suffering. And I absolutely am not minimizing that it’s just how it feels in my Brain.   

10 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ty - it means so much for you to share this and take the time to do so.  You are 100% right.  I don’t quite know how to do it with the taper, the financial pressure I’m under and the amount of money i have to pay my ex by next Jan.  It feels like I have the worst life in the world and no one would choose to keep going.  That’s honestly how I feel.  I kkkw that is not fair because others are suffering. And I absolutely am not minimizing that it’s just how it feels in my Brain.   

They are stories you’re telling yourself (I do the same) not reality. Have you done any cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT)? There are online courses for CBT and also self compassion. It’s really important for your body to feel a sense of safety. Seems like you’re actively working against it at the moment.

You're right - I just have lost so much in the past 2-3 years it feels accurate that i will keep losing things.  I have looked into those therapies and also my counselor wants to do ERP as the OCD has gotten really out of control.  I have to do blood work before he will continue to see me.   

 

I am down to 2.49mg.   Don't feel any worse just the normal crap for the last 2 years so I think thats good.   This crying over everything has got to stop.  I read someone on here posted that they actually started feeling a lot better as they tapered down and was trying to find who that was so i could hear more about that.  I would love to see things ease up more. 

8 hours ago, Need to End said:

Does anyone know why I am still having panic attacks/panic constantly when taking 1mg of Klonopin a day? 

You may have developed a tolerance and the current dose is no longer effective, as is the withdrawal from Prozac itself, which is giving its hard signs.

seems that @Catbird gave you great ideas but I understand the difficulty in implementing when chemicals are rampant without control, it is definitely a challenging task for all of us.

3 hours ago, Need to End said:

You're right - I just have lost so much in the past 2-3 years it feels accurate that i will keep losing things.  I have looked into those therapies and also my counselor wants to do ERP as the OCD has gotten really out of control.  I have to do blood work before he will continue to see me.   

 

I am down to 2.49mg.   Don't feel any worse just the normal crap for the last 2 years so I think thats good.   This crying over everything has got to stop.  I read someone on here posted that they actually started feeling a lot better as they tapered down and was trying to find who that was so i could hear more about that.  I would love to see things ease up more. 

Grieving is something you will need to make room for and it's very human to grieve over losses. it's a painful process @Need to End.  This is where acceptance comes in. From the outside perspective the excessive rumination and catastrophising is are creating loops and so you feel stuck.  I agree with @Fullhealing it can be difficult to try when you're in a lot of distress. However if you can accept even for half a minute that you're experiencing a profound sense of loss, fear and resistance it's a start.