29 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Ty.  I’m just really struggling being alone and my age of 47 is really stressing me out like it’s too late and I’m finning out of time. It wouldn’t different if I was 30.

Everything you wish for yourself can definitely come true only in the right timing. for now, try to focus on recovery, anything else adds unnecessary pressure and delays it, when you cross this bridge, you will still have enough time to work on your other desires.

It's never too late!

7 hours ago, Need to End said:

Can it really swing like that in one day? 

Most certainly! 

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

Ty.  I’m just really struggling being alone and my age of 47 is really stressing me out like it’s too late and I’m finning out of time. It wouldn’t different if I was 30.

We all feel like this regardless of age. It’s never a good time to be in wd. I’m just a smidge younger than you. Plenty of time to recover and enjoy life my friend. There are MANY older than you dealing with this. Many younger too. Don’t get in your head about the future. Just accept the now. 

Thank you - I never worried about my when before this / and I assume long so much hasn’t helped either .  I’m a completely different person than 3 years ago 

53 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Thank you - I never worried about my when before this / and I assume long so much hasn’t helped either .  I’m a completely different person than 3 years ago 

All of us, impossible to stay the same in the face of the horrors we are going through, just be aware that most of it if not all is chemicals flying around unchecked changing your mindset, the old you is still there just covered in a thick layer now.

Edited April 1Apr 1 by Fullhealing

36 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Thank you - I never worried about my when before this / and I assume long so much hasn’t helped either .  I’m a completely different person than 3 years ago 

No. This is common. Wd brain makes us ruminate. It’s an actual symptom. Sometimes it can’t be helped and just reminding yourself this isn’t you and is a symptom helps. As it eases you can retrain your mind to stay present. 

8 hours ago, Need to End said:

Ty.  I’m just really struggling being alone and my age of 47 is really stressing me out like it’s too late and I’m finning out of time. It wouldn’t different if I was 30.

I’m 65 and still optimistic. You can still live your life if you’re tapering at a rate with which your body and mind can tolerate. It may not be what you envisioned, however if you can accept it will take as long as it takes, you can adapt. 🤗

@Need to End you might find this video helpful 

 

Nervous system sensitisation

On 3/31/2026 at 2:02 AM, Gaucho said:

 

Hey @Need to End,

 

I just wanted to reflect something back to you based on what you’ve been saying.

You’ve mentioned more than once that when you hold, nothing really improves, even after months, and when you reduce, you don’t feel worse either. That’s actually an important pattern. It suggests your symptoms may not be strongly tied to each dose change at this point, but more in line with an ongoing adverse reaction to your med, which you also had years ago.

 

Because of that, I think what @Luke said in his recent reply makes a lot of sense.  That is,  in essence, if your reductions aren’t ramping things up, it seems reasonable to keep going slowly and gently rather than feeling like you need to stay stuck waiting for a stability that hasn’t been showing up with holds.

 

I also  hear how much pressure you’re under trying to make the exact right decision. Like @Chippy said, your recovery doesn’t depend on getting every step perfect; your body can still heal even if the path isn’t exact.

 

You’re not doing this wrong, rather you’re paying close attention to your body in a really difficult situation, and that matters.

 

Hello @Need to End I just wanted to hop by and say hello . I’m so sorry for your suffering. The road seems endless, but I’m sure, there’s an end to it. I can relate very much to your problem, not knowing whether to hold or to go on with tapering. I have the same pattern, where I feel not better while holding, and not really worse while reducing. I’ve been holding for 3 1/2 months and didn’t feel  any difference then I gave up holding and went on with my taper. I still do not know whether this was the right decision. Every time I get worse, I think I should have been holding longer and every time I have a window I think I should go faster….

@Gaucho has made an excellent summary of this. I try to follow this idea, too: since I do not find stability while holding I keep going. And then sometimes I see people who are holding very patiently and they get better after a year or so and have a better taper after that. Maybe I should have done this but then I think in this year I could have come so far… I don’t know. Just wanted to share.

Thank you everyone.   The feedback is really helpful and clarifying some of what to expect as my fears are making it feel bigger than it is most likely going to be as i get to 0.   You all mean a lot to me and I am so thankful for the feedback.   I will be here to give back when i am better and have the ability to actually help others but in the meantime this communication and connection helps more than you guys know.  I am down to 2.39 (crossed another barrier 🙂 - into the 2.3's now and was in the 3.6's about 80 days ago).   Sert occupancy wise this is somewhere between 30 and 40%.    

 

I promise Ill need more support so please don't give up on me 🙂  

44 minutes ago, Need to End said:

Thank you everyone.   The feedback is really helpful and clarifying some of what to expect as my fears are making it feel bigger than it is most likely going to be as i get to 0.   You all mean a lot to me and I am so thankful for the feedback.   I will be here to give back when i am better and have the ability to actually help others but in the meantime this communication and connection helps more than you guys know.  I am down to 2.39 (crossed another barrier 🙂 - into the 2.3's now and was in the 3.6's about 80 days ago).   Sert occupancy wise this is somewhere between 30 and 40%.    

 

I promise Ill need more support so please don't give up on me 🙂  

We are here for you all the way! 🙏

Does anyone know of a story where it actually got easier for someone as they tapered to zero?  
 

 

5 hours ago, Need to End said:

Thank you everyone.   The feedback is really helpful and clarifying some of what to expect as my fears are making it feel bigger than it is most likely going to be as i get to 0.   You all mean a lot to me and I am so thankful for the feedback.   I will be here to give back when i am better and have the ability to actually help others but in the meantime this communication and connection helps more than you guys know.  I am down to 2.39 (crossed another barrier 🙂 - into the 2.3's now and was in the 3.6's about 80 days ago).   Sert occupancy wise this is somewhere between 30 and 40%.    

 

I promise Ill need more support so please don't give up on me 🙂  

Congrats on the milestone stone. A little less drug win. 
 

You are very welcome and the support isn’t going anywhere!

 

You are doing great. 

10 hours ago, Need to End said:

Does anyone know of a story where it actually got easier for someone as they tapered to zero?  
 

 

Good question, @Need to End.

 

In the years I've been observing the tapering experiences of members I've seen plenty of people feel better as they tapered lower.  Where this stands out the most is when their med has turned on them (become paradoxical).  I've seen this happen somewhat more  during benzo tapers, but the same phenomenon can happen with antidepressants, too.  

 

I was taking clonazepam like you and after 6 years of use I hit tolerance, and soon after tolerance withdrawal set in.  One of my symptoms was depression, not severe, but bad enough.  What I discovered was after just a few reductions from the start of my taper, that depression disappeared.  I can't explain the exact mechanism behind that, but I don't have to understand it.  What matters is that my depression had lifted.

 

Your journey has unfortunately been a very tough one.  What adds to its complexity is the fact it appears to defy what's written in a support site's "playbook".  When a member is struggling and destabilized, advice comes with good intentions, lived experience, and a dose of wisdom.  That's why we're advised to hold to stabilize.  That often makes sense and is the best option, but not always.  When someone's on a psych med that gives them intolerable side effects (which don't always emerge around the time a med is started) or adverse reactions, like you appear to be having, slowing a taper down is often not the best option.

 

If you aren't doing so already, it may pay for you to jot down your symptoms--and give them a rating--in a daily journal.  I found it helpful to do so during my benzo journey.  It's a good way to determine patterns and make decisions whether or not to change course based on those.  And it's also a potential way to compartmentalize our journey so that we can focus on recording our experience in a limited way and then move our attention to other non-med/non-taper things.

 

I'm wishing you the best.  It's good you're asking questions and reaching out for support.

 

 

 

 

13 hours ago, Need to End said:

Does anyone know of a story where it actually got easier for someone as they tapered to zero?  
 

 

You are certainly not alone. As @Gaucho has said some find their drug goes paradoxical after hitting tolerance and find they feel better after a few drops. The brain appears to be forced into ‘catching up’ rather than fighting the drug. We don’t understand the mechanism but it is true some have this experience.
 

Again as Gaucho has said, some develop an ADR or bad side effects and need to taper to reduce them. This is certainly always been you from what we can see. 
 

I agree, it’s a good idea to track your symptoms. Could help you understand if your current plan for tapering down should change at any point. 
 

It is seen that side effects and ADRs reduce with the lower dose, so it could be slowing or holding becomes an option/the right thing for you to do, as you get lower. Logging things might help you see if and when this happens. 

Thank you.  I feel so alone and like I’m not a part of anything.  This sadness and constant paranoia is so incredibly hard to live through.  It’s been 2 years of this.  I just want it to stop so bad.   I don’t want to do anything and nothing brings joy or peace or safety. 

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

Thank you.  I feel so alone and like I’m not a part of anything.  This sadness and constant paranoia is so incredibly hard to live through.  It’s been 2 years of this.  I just want it to stop so bad.   I don’t want to do anything and nothing brings joy or peace or safety. 

This is temporary. Whilst it’s awful, you will, in time, return your normal function. I hope as the dose lowers this improves. As suggested. Track and rate this so you can see which direction it is heading. 

Ty.   These nights just repeat themselves and it’s like torture honestly.  

Like I was just laying dead still in my bed and my daughter came home and I go all panicky and cried and it’s ridiculous to be like that. 

It feels like everyone has a partner, has direction, has goals, has happiness and I’m 47 running out of time fearing I’ll never feel okay again and will be alone.  It’s so heavy and painful 

20 minutes ago, Need to End said:

It feels like everyone has a partner, has direction, has goals, has happiness and I’m 47 running out of time fearing I’ll never feel okay again and will be alone.  It’s so heavy and painful 

This is just an illusion. Everyone has problems in their lifes. We all try to project a sense of, ‘im all over this’ but the reality is far from true. 
 

What causes normal (not wd) anxiety is this sense of having to be at a certain point at a certain time. Like it’s a game to achieve as much or more than your peers. It’s a stupid game. What’s the point. The act of it makes us anything but present, constantly living the future for fear of being left behind. 
 

Your 40s is a good time to forget about all that, and just focus on healing, and then enjoying the rest of your life, free from those pressures. What ever you choose to do with it. There are no rules. 

But I still want to have the business success that I had before this and I’m scared with 50 around the corner that I’m done and won’t ever feel normal or safe in my own skin again.  
 

everything sets me into a spiral these days like my system can’t handle any stress.  I had a great life built and it’s all torn down.  It took me 2 decades to build it. I don’t have that time left anymore.  
 

my gf breaking up with me really took this over the top and then she keeps texting me but says things like “we need to each find our person” and that makes me feel like nothing.  Ev time she reaches out it reiterates stories and I never had these stories at least not like this.  I need it to stop. 

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

But I still want to have the business success that I had before this and I’m scared with 50 around the corner that I’m done and won’t ever feel normal or safe in my own skin again.  

Perhaps ban the word ‘but’. It isn’t serving you. 
 

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

Ev time she reaches out it

Maybe she’s lost right to continue to do this….

 

One day at a time. Your nervous system wants some peace. Time to let it all go and just focus on the now. The future will take care of itself without you doing anything. Let go of the control just do what you can and accept the rest.

On 4/2/2026 at 1:08 AM, Need to End said:

I promise Ill need more support so please don't give up on me 🙂

Nobody is left behind here !

1 hour ago, Need to End said:

But I still want to have the business success that I had before this and I’m scared with 50 around the corner that I’m done and won’t ever feel normal or safe in my own skin again.  
 

everything sets me into a spiral these days like my system can’t handle any stress.  I had a great life built and it’s all torn down.  It took me 2 decades to build it. I don’t have that time left anymore.  
 

my gf breaking up with me really took this over the top and then she keeps texting me but says things like “we need to each find our person” and that makes me feel like nothing.  Ev time she reaches out it reiterates stories and I never had these stories at least not like this.  I need it to stop. 

I am truly sorry, it's very challenging place to be in. the world you were used to may have stopped for a while, but remember that it is temporary.

I totally understand how hard it is to believe it when your mind is so active, all contents are catastrophic in withdrawal, but it won't be forever, that's the truth. 

You will be able to build yourself even more successfully when you get out of this nightmare. try to hold on to it.

Edited April 4Apr 4 by Fullhealing