This intense nausea, tingling always gets worse late morning onwards. Something I have noticed for months. Since being worse down here it can be anytime really. Rarely at night but can hit early am.

This huge change in life full of loss, dysfunction and fear is really knocking my sensitive soul. I have been extremely irritable ( mostly with other people including my mum and one sister which I feel bad about). Living alone as I have done for many years was much easier in that regard.

I can't stop worrying about my future as it seems so bleak and overwhelming. I feel

so anti social and am avoiding people interactions as much as possible. However this can't go on as I will have to doing voluntary work next year if I can't get more 3 month medical certificates for my unemployment payment.

No GP clinics in this large town are taking new patients. I have my old GP until end of year via phone. He will write me at least one more certificate.

I have so many big worries and am too sick to do anything.

Praying I will turn a corner sometime.

Funny thing was yesterday up until my stress trigger was the best I had been for weeks or months. Now I am right back in it again.

Such a negative post, I realise that. I can't help wanting my old home back and feeling I made a big mistake. This looping is so unhelpful, so hard to be present with.

There has to be a silver lining that I cannot see yet or some unseen current flowing me in some direction that will help me. Right now it feels so wrong because I have become so much worse and more suffering.

Am I doing myself harm by letting my body get so exhausted and upset by this wd. Three bowel actions today ( last two way too quick). Trying to keep sodium, fluids up and force eating. Night time I can eat the most.

Initial weight loss 8 months ago when all this started , stable but can't afford lose anymore.

Haven't taken B vits for 5 days or so. Doesn't seem to change much.

I feel so stuck as I am too scared to re instate or change or add a drug in , but can't go down either. So have to hold I guess.

I have burning virtually all over today. Why can't I get to a window after such intense waves? Or are they even waves ? So confused in every way today.

Hey @Tracey I am very sorry things are so tough still. Breaks my heart to read.

I know this must feeling utterly endless to you right now. It isn't though. You've been through so much recently, so much change and loss, that's a lot for most people, when in WD, that's a brave thing you have done, making all those shifts. You should be very proud of youself tbh.

THE best thing you can do right now is to try to keep your mind as clear and stress free as possible. I know it can be hard not to worry about the future, I find the future often works itself out, with a minimal amount of input from us at the right time. We humans are very prone to projecting forwards and it causes so much suffering imo.

Try to make a healing bubble for yourself. Set the diet and routine clean and predictable, same thing each day and week, no surprises and do everything you can to accept and float over what ever comes, without judgement or overly analysising, just be a passenger in all this for a while. Let the body do what ever it needs to do, and don't resist. It will settle for you. It is good at it. It just takes so much time.

I wish there were some quick fixes for you. Time is our friend, mostly it is all we have. That and each other. xxxxx

@Tracey

It sounds as if your body is trying its hardest to find a rhythm with the every other day pattern.

Sending so much love 🩷

I’m in a very similar boat.

@Tracey I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I wish I was saying this to you in person over a nice cup of tea. You have taken on so much lately, and you have accomplished everything you set your mind to despite how you're feeling. That takes tremendous strength. And despite all that, you had a period of time yesterday where you felt the best you had in weeks or months. I know it was fleeting, but that shows you what your body can accomplish in time.

Please be kind to yourself and try not to overdo things out of a sense of guilt or obligation. We all need to put ourselves first sometimes, and right now it sounds like you need to take things easy for a little while. Even if it's hard for the folks around you to understand, we all get it and we're here for you 💜.

I'm so so sorry @Tracey my soul reaches out across the distance to rest beside yours in the dark. I know the tender, quiet courage that lives deep inside you, and I know YOU WILL weather this heavy, bitter tide.

Please, let the world narrow down to just gentle heartbeats, one fragile, tiny step at a time, looking no further than the breath you are taking right now, rest safely in the quiet truth that this storm, too, will break and pass.

Sending all my love xxxx

10 hours ago, Tracey said:

Funny thing was yesterday up until my stress trigger was the best I had been for weeks or months. Now

Hang on to this!

12 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Tracey I am very sorry things are so tough still. Breaks my heart to read.

I know this must feeling utterly endless to you right now. It isn't though. You've been through so much recently, so much change and loss, that's a lot for most people, when in WD, that's a brave thing you have done, making all those shifts. You should be very proud of youself tbh.

THE best thing you can do right now is to try to keep your mind as clear and stress free as possible. I know it can be hard not to worry about the future, I find the future often works itself out, with a minimal amount of input from us at the right time. We humans are very prone to projecting forwards and it causes so much suffering imo.

Try to make a healing bubble for yourself. Set the diet and routine clean and predictable, same thing each day and week, no surprises and do everything you can to accept and float over what ever comes, without judgement or overly analysising, just be a passenger in all this for a while. Let the body do what ever it needs to do, and don't resist. It will settle for you. It is good at it. It just takes so much time.

I wish there were some quick fixes for you. Time is our friend, mostly it is all we have. That and each other. xxxxx

20 hours ago, Chippy said:

Hey @Tracey I am very sorry things are so tough still. Breaks my heart to read.

I know this must feeling utterly endless to you right now. It isn't though. You've been through so much recently, so much change and loss, that's a lot for most people, when in WD, that's a brave thing you have done, making all those shifts. You should be very proud of youself tbh.

THE best thing you can do right now is to try to keep your mind as clear and stress free as possible. I know it can be hard not to worry about the future, I find the future often works itself out, with a minimal amount of input from us at the right time. We humans are very prone to projecting forwards and it causes so much suffering imo.

Try to make a healing bubble for yourself. Set the diet and routine clean and predictable, same thing each day and week, no surprises and do everything you can to accept and float over what ever comes, without judgement or overly analysising, just be a passenger in all this for a while. Let the body do what ever it needs to do, and don't resist. It will settle for you. It is good at it. It just takes so much time.

I wish there were some quick fixes for you. Time is our friend, mostly it is all we have. That and each other. xxxxx

Thank you my friend @Chippy. I have been so de centred by this change of routine living away from my quiet town and home. What an assault on my sensitive nervous system.

Yes I need to give myself more compassion given what I have been through this year. And patience. The title of my thread says it all.

Like your analogy of being a passenger and floating with whatever comes. It is so difficult when in that anguished state and feeling so weak, vulnerable, irritable. My body screams at me. Then the future fear, worry etc comes on board.

I have that nausea must be one of the worst symptoms ever !!!

Time and each other being our only friends , would agree and that is comforting. So grateful for this community xx

15 hours ago, Finni said:

Hang on to this!

Yes thanks @Finni and today another reasonable day compared to the horrific every other.

And yes we are in a similar boat. Got to get off these drugs we are sensitive to but can't reduce for real fear of making ourselves worse. Or increase for the same. xx

16 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

I'm so so sorry @Tracey my soul reaches out across the distance to rest beside yours in the dark. I know the tender, quiet courage that lives deep inside you, and I know YOU WILL weather this heavy, bitter tide.

Please, let the world narrow down to just gentle heartbeats, one fragile, tiny step at a time, looking no further than the breath you are taking right now, rest safely in the quiet truth that this storm, too, will break and pass.

Sending all my love xxxx

Beautiful and gentle support , thank you @Fullhealing .

Always walking alongside you. Narrowing the world down to just gentle heartbeats, love this. I sure can't take much from the world right now. It seems so loud, so impatient and abrasive right now. Aside from nature and animals.

I will check your thread later. I know you are holding after your recent dose changes.

Love to you and the fur kids xxx

16 hours ago, SarahMc said:

@Tracey I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I wish I was saying this to you in person over a nice cup of tea. You have taken on so much lately, and you have accomplished everything you set your mind to despite how you're feeling. That takes tremendous strength. And despite all that, you had a period of time yesterday where you felt the best you had in weeks or months. I know it was fleeting, but that shows you what your body can accomplish in time.

Please be kind to yourself and try not to overdo things out of a sense of guilt or obligation. We all need to put ourselves first sometimes, and right now it sounds like you need to take things easy for a little while. Even if it's hard for the folks around you to understand, we all get it and we're here for you 💜.

Thank you dear @SarahMc , yes I completed the move that I planned in January. I now have to live with my decision. Things are not better or easier, in fact harder. That I have to accept. Almost a bitter pill to swallow.

I have simply not been able to do things out of guilt or obligation, just too sick. It is hard for some people to accept that. I am a conscientious and responsible person and liked to help. I just can't do what I used to do and haven't since tapering the past 4 years.

Today is a better other day despite a rough sleep. Even when I don't sleep I think I am at least resting and laying flat out. The awful thoughts in the night are the worst really.

It feels quite selfish putting myself first . The way I have done it in the past was to live away from family and minimise social interactions and only have a few good friends. Avoiding people has been a coping mechanism all my life.

Thanks for your support xx

34 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Beautiful and gentle support , thank you @Fullhealing .

Always walking alongside you. Narrowing the world down to just gentle heartbeats, love this. I sure can't take much from the world right now. It seems so loud, so impatient and abrasive right now. Aside from nature and animals.

I will check your thread later. I know you are holding after your recent dose changes.

Love to you and the fur kids xxx

dear @Tracey I rejoice that today offers you a brief respite.

I'm indeed waiting for the system to find its calm, it is pleading for a moment's rest and I intend to honor that.

Keep your courage and strength, we shall endure this arduous journey together, but we will overcome!

Sending a boundless embrace to you and your lovely pets.

Dear Tracey, I'm sorry things have become more difficult for you.

Keep being strong and gentle with yourself.

I think of you often and truly hope for better days to start soon.

Wombat

8 hours ago, Tracey said:

Today is a better other day despite a rough sleep. Even when I don't sleep I think I am at least resting and laying flat out. The awful thoughts in the night are the worst really.

I'm glad you're getting a bit of relief today despite a bad sleep last night. I've always found it strange how in WD you can have a bad night's sleep and a decent day, or a good night's sleep and a terrible day. So different from normal life.

8 hours ago, Tracey said:

It feels quite selfish putting myself first . The way I have done it in the past was to live away from family and minimise social interactions and only have a few good friends. Avoiding people has been a coping mechanism all my life.

I deeply identify with this. I have a really hard time saying no, and WD is really forcing me to work on this and to learn to care less what others think. It's a bit easier for me than for others, I'd imagine, because I have always kept my circle relatively small since I'm an introvert by nature. I hope that as you adjust to your new surroundings you're able to find some peace and solitude.

@Tracey Tracey, I read this and just wanted to say something about what you said about putting yourself first. I don't think that's selfish at all. You've been unwell for a long time and you've been trying to keep going, help others and meet your responsibilities even when your body is telling you that you can't. There is nothing selfish about recognizing that you have limits right now.

I was glad to see that you had a better day. I know one better day doesn't make everything feel better, but it does remind us that things aren't completely fixed in one direction, even when it feels that way.

And please don't worry about your posts being negative. You're going through something incredibly difficult. You don't have to make your posts positive for us. You can come here exactly as you are.

xx

I love what these ladies have written.

You will get through this Tracey.

I know it is so, so hard and a lot of the time more than we can bear. But we have seen other people in our place and make it through.

One day, one minute at a time. We can all get through this.

Wombat

1 hour ago, Wombat said:

I love what these ladies have written.

You will get through this Tracey.

I know it is so, so hard and a lot of the time more than we can bear. But we have seen other people in our place and make it through.

One day, one minute at a time. We can all get through this.

Wombat

Yes so do I @Wombat . This community is amazing. I wished I could be more supportive of others. My time will come to give back.

Your support is precious. I hope you are doing okay at the moment. We can all get through this for sure. My mind tells me the opposite which is very unsettling. Withdrawal mind, primitive brain in action.

Loss of trust and confidence has been huge for me. I recognise it is an old deep issue I have always carried. It has come to the forefront with the wd state I am in. Have to keep reading these messages of hope.

I hope your day is reasonable 🙏🩷

2 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

@Tracey Tracey, I read this and just wanted to say something about what you said about putting yourself first. I don't think that's selfish at all. You've been unwell for a long time and you've been trying to keep going, help others and meet your responsibilities even when your body is telling you that you can't. There is nothing selfish about recognizing that you have limits right now.

I was glad to see that you had a better day. I know one better day doesn't make everything feel better, but it does remind us that things aren't completely fixed in one direction, even when it feels that way.

And please don't worry about your posts being negative. You're going through something incredibly difficult. You don't have to make your posts positive for us. You can come here exactly as you are.

xx

This is so lovely @RachelSusan . I just can't believe the support and acceptance I get here. I do feel so unworthy for being so negative, more so with other people in real life. I don't want to be rejected by society. It is hard enough with no employment.

Yes I have been unwell for a very long time and pushing just to survive. So exhausting and I simply can't push anymore. I have to eat well and care for my animals which is more than enough.

Thanks for accepting me as I am. This is huge. Xxxx

10 hours ago, SarahMc said:

I'm glad you're getting a bit of relief today despite a bad sleep last night. I've always found it strange how in WD you can have a bad night's sleep and a decent day, or a good night's sleep and a terrible day. So different from normal life.

I deeply identify with this. I have a really hard time saying no, and WD is really forcing me to work on this and to learn to care less what others think. It's a bit easier for me than for others, I'd imagine, because I have always kept my circle relatively small since I'm an introvert by nature. I hope that as you adjust to your new surroundings you're able to find some peace and solitude.

Me too @SarahMc . I have the same re sleep. Very strange, wd has a mind of its own so powerful.

I am an introvert also and have only ever had a couple of close friends at any one time. Being exposed to more people (just at supermarket or on walks) has been very difficult as I can't be as private and hide like I could. I dislike people seeing me like this even if they can't tell or there is no interaction. Perhaps I feel a bit 'out of control' even though I am not an aggressive person. The irritability is hard.

Praying I adjust. What I came from had no past memories like being here (where I was born and grew up). Feels like step backwards to my wd mind.

I am glad you are working on saying no. And wd forces this for sure.

Hope your day is ok xx

19 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

dear @Tracey I rejoice that today offers you a brief respite.

I'm indeed waiting for the system to find its calm, it is pleading for a moment's rest and I intend to honor that.

Keep your courage and strength, we shall endure this arduous journey together, but we will overcome!

Sending a boundless embrace to you and your lovely pets.

So kind @Fullhealing . I know you having a really really hard time at the moment.

Big warm embrace back to you and your furry precious kids. 💚

We have to keep hope, gentle strength alive. xxx

25 minutes ago, Tracey said:

My time will come to give back.

Yes it will. Sometimes it is all we can do to look after ourselves, but it will turn around.

26 minutes ago, Tracey said:

We can all get through this for sure. My mind tells me the opposite which is very unsettling. Withdrawal mind, primitive brain in action.

I read something mstimc60 wrote. I won't be able to quote it perfectly, but basically our anxious minds find something or anything from our past, or our future and blows it all up. It needs to stay in control so makes you dwell on it, and constantly be thinking and worrying about it.

This is where the acknowledge, accept, float comes in.

So very hard to do, and takes a lot of practise.

21 minutes ago, Tracey said:

Yes I have been unwell for a very long time and pushing just to survive. So exhausting and I simply can't push anymore. I have to eat well and care for my animals which is more than enough.

If you were unwell with a regular illness you would give yourself more grace I think. At least I do. Because this is all psychological and there is nothing physically wrong according to all the tests we do, we tend to be harder on ourselves and hope to "snap out of it". But really we know it is not that easy.

Caring for yourself and your animals may be all you can do at this moment. And that is enough at this moment. We have been told better days will come. We must believe that.

Thinking of you often dear Tracey.

Wombat

14 minutes ago, Wombat said:

Yes it will. Sometimes it is all we can do to look after ourselves, but it will turn around.

I read something mstimc60 wrote. I won't be able to quote it perfectly, but basically our anxious minds find something or anything from our past, or our future and blows it all up. It needs to stay in control so makes you dwell on it, and constantly be thinking and worrying about it.

This is where the acknowledge, accept, float comes in.

So very hard to do, and takes a lot of practise.

If you were unwell with a regular illness you would give yourself more grace I think. At least I do. Because this is all psychological and there is nothing physically wrong according to all the tests we do, we tend to be harder on ourselves and hope to "snap out of it". But really we know it is not that easy.

Caring for yourself and your animals may be all you can do at this moment. And that is enough at this moment. We have been told better days will come. We must believe that.

Thinking of you often dear Tracey.

Wombat

Thanks my friend. Accept and float is almost impossible but I have to try .

Chippy said something similar about being a passenger.

Think of you also dear @Wombat . xxx

Lots of love this morning for you @Tracey from the chippy household. No guilt or feelings of inadequacy, you must do what you must do to get through this, protect that inner peace, we are hear for you unconditionally my friend. xxxxx

3 hours ago, Chippy said:

Lots of love this morning for you @Tracey from the chippy household. No guilt or feelings of inadequacy, you must do what you must do to get through this, protect that inner peace, we are hear for you unconditionally my friend. xxxxx

Yes we are… thinking of you, dear @Tracey . Better times are ahead for all of us, even though it is very hard to believe sometimes. You are loved and respected, and you will never be alone in this journey. Sending you a big hug. ❤️

Hi Tracey, thank you for your message in my thread.

I have been thinking of you. Hope you are holding up ok.

Wombat