26 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Oh no Bernadette, you don't have to apologize at all. You did not upset me. ❤️

It just make me a little worried. I know I can say no to taking the statins but then the alternative is to live a whole lot more healthily but I'm afraid I can't take all the necessary actions to lower my numbers as I'm dealing with PAWS.

My total cholesterol is at 236 and was at 149.

LDL is at 167 and was at 83.

That's a big jump in just 4 months.

The big thing is to be informed and make a decision based on that. If you have used them in the past without issue and they helped, that is a positive.

Apparently there are different tests now that are more accurate in determining risk.

AI search:

Better tests for figuring out your true heart disease risk include ApoB, Lipoprotein(a), and Coronary Artery Calcium (CAC).Apolipoprotein B (ApoB)What it does: Counts the actual number of harmful, artery-clogging particles in your blood.Why it is better: A standard LDL test measures the amount of cholesterol, but ApoB counts the particles themselves. Each bad particle has one ApoB protein, making it a precise count.Lipoprotein(a) [Lp(a)]What it does: Measures a sticky, inherited type of cholesterol particle.Why it is better: Lp(a) levels are mostly set by your genes and do not change much with diet. High levels raise your risk of early heart disease, which a standard test misses completely.Coronary Artery Calcium (CAC) ScanWhat it does: Uses a fast X-ray (CT scan) to look for hard calcium buildup in your heart arteries.Why it is better: It shows actual physical plaque already present. A score of zero means a very low risk of a heart attack in the next 10 years, even if your blood numbers look high.

16 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Oh no Bernadette, you don't have to apologize at all. You did not upset me. ❤️

It just make me a little worried. I know I can say no to taking the statins but then the alternative is to live a whole lot more healthily but I'm afraid I can't take all the necessary actions to lower my numbers as I'm dealing with PAWS.

My total cholesterol is at 236 and was at 149.

LDL is at 167 and was at 83.

That's a big jump in just 4 months.

Niels91, yes it can definitely be scary, I absolutely understand, my numbers jumped up in 7 months, to what they are now, . I have to keep my faith in the Lord to help get methrough this and he showed me the right path and direction. It sometimes infuriates me how so many here have to struggle when through this when big pharmaceutical think these are supposed to be safe, when they have no clue on the ramifications it does to ones bodies. So for the time being we continue to push through the healing process. Again, I'm so very sorry you have to go through this, you my friend are in my thoughts and sending prayers to much needed relief. ❤️

Hi guys,

I hope everyone is managing. 😊

I'm not doing too wel, unfortunately. The past two weeks, I experienced an incredible amount of anxiety which made me feel truly awful, hopeless and lost.

Thanks to the large amounts of adrenalin, I barely had any appetite and I felt like withdrawing from everything and everyone. I was either feeling very anxious or very depressed.

Most of the intense anxiety is gone now, and I'm thankful for that, but I stil feel quite depressed and overall, I just don't see much improvement in the anhedonia that I experience. It's such an unreal and alien thing to go through.

The things that I used to enjoy without issue are most often not enjoyable at all even though I regularly expose myself to them. I cannot understate how much this is affecting me. I just want to be able to feel these feelings again!

@Niels91 , I glade to hear the anxiety has lightened up, and sorry to hear your having issues with the anhedonia. I to myself had issues with this but that to did subside in time. I did have a shift in my system at about 21 months in and finally found some joy in the things I once enjoyed doing, it does get better my friend, but just wish it didn't take it's good ol' sweet time. Time and patience and it'll happen. Wishing for joy for you in the coming days, till then, hugs for now xxxx Bernadette

@Bernadette thank you for the support ❤️

I wish I could feel some hope again and actually believe that things will improve.

I've been in limbo for such a long time that I don't know what to think at this point. There are a lot of possibilities as to what might be going on. I'm starting to believe that I have PSSD and that it is permanent and I really don't want that to be the case.

Then again, what is the likelihood? We don't actually know because there are no reliable statistics and that doesn't help. I can't imagine that so many people who do have PSSD symptoms, remain in this state for ever. It seems quite unlikely but the longer the symptoms last, the more convinced I get.

I hope I get better in the next few months, I really do.

My dear friend, I don't think this the PSSD is permanent, just our bodies just trying to figure out where everything needs to be. In time it will return. Me being a lady and all the different hormones running ravaging, it does come back slowly. Our minds in this journey would like us to think this way, but the body is working tremendously hard to repair itself. It can be frustrating but I truly believe we will get there given the time it needs and not a second sooner. I'm truly sorry this is frustrating of the unknown but given the time and patience it will heal. Hugs for now xxxx Bernadette 🤗

@Niels91 sending some love mate, it is great you have had periods of being more positive, unfortunately waves and windows are so very typical in this journey and always make us feel lost and hopeless, today is not so good for me tbh and has dropped my own optimism, it's natural, however we must remember that we are designed to heal, many have been here before us and come out the otherside and you will too. One day at a time mate, we are all there right with you, cheering you on.

Thanks again, @Chippy . I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling great either... I genuinely hope it gets better as the day goes on.

We are indeed designed to heal and there is a part of me that still believes this will happen. I can't really imagine any of us being stuck like this for ever. But the progress is incredibly slow.

We just have to keep going, one step at a time.

10 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Thanks again, @Chippy . I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling great either... I genuinely hope it gets better as the day goes on.

Pleasure my friend, and thank you, me too. It often does.

10 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

We are indeed designed to heal and there is a part of me that still believes this will happen. I can't really imagine any of us being stuck like this for ever. But the progress is incredibly slow.

The speed really does make us doubt this, however this is just a lie our brains tell us. I too genuinely believe we will all see much better days ahead. I just think personally for many this may well be gradual, with the waves and windows layered over the top. I think one day we will all look round and think. I am so much better than I was! Tbh I have had moments like this recently. Healing is happening as FCM says.

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have experienced during this journey. I felt very anxious, unwell, very nervous and irritated. By the time I went to bed, just before 10 pm, I felt incredibly tired and in a mental state of freeze. I thought I was going to die, so weird... It reminded me of how I felt right before I started paroxetine 3 years ago.

Today I feel better with much less anxiety and able to socialize more but the anhedonia is still very strong.

Edited August 12Aug 12 by Niels91

@Niels91, I feel you very well. What a journey... I have this awful anxiety also, so intense + adrenaline night terror + hellish anhedonia... But we will win, we won't allow the drug to destroy our lives. Thank you so much to @Luke and @Chippy to offer us this incredible forum where we can support and encourage each other.

Svetla

1 hour ago, Niels91 said:

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have experienced during this journey. I felt very anxious, unwell, very nervous and irritated. By the time I went to bed, just before 10 pm, I felt incredibly tired and in a mental state of freeze. I thought I was going to die, so weird... It reminded me of how I felt right before I started paroxetine 3 years ago.

Today I feel better with much less anxiety and able to socialize more but the anhedonia is still very strong.

Ooh no I'm sorry to hear yesterday was so awful @Niels91 , but Happy to see your having a better day. You are in my thoughts my friend,

14 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Yesterday was one of the worst days I have experienced during this journey. I felt very anxious, unwell, very nervous and irritated. By the time I went to bed, just before 10 pm, I felt incredibly tired and in a mental state of freeze. I thought I was going to die, so weird... It reminded me of how I felt right before I started paroxetine 3 years ago.

Today I feel better with much less anxiety and able to socialize more but the anhedonia is still very strong.

I am sorry to hear mate. Unfortunately this journey is often like this, windows and waves. I am pleased to see you are better today. More of that to come.

Hi everyone,

Here with my 15-month update.

Late July into early August was a very rough period but since then, I've felt noticably better: little to no anxiety. Not getting overly annoyed by sounds, noises, or (certain) people. Feeling more inclined to socialise with others. Feeling quite a bit lighter (instead of heavy and depressed) and experiencing much less aversion towards tasks and chores and as a result I feel slightly more motivated and at ease. My mind has gotten a bit quieter and is thinking about different things instead of constantly checking and monitoring for danger. It's such a nice change 😊

With the anxiety lifting, I also noticed an increase in appetite and less indigestion which I'm thankful for. I also experienced a few glimmers throughout this month and some very brief moments where I looked forward to things as well. This is hopeful!

What remains to be resolved is mostly low libido and anhedonia. I hope these will improve as time goes on. I genuinely miss enjoying and experiencing many things right now, like music, movies/series, games, books and comedy. Feeling love for my family and friends. Proper sexual interest, a sense of feeling cosy, etc. If anyone wants to comment on the anhedonia, feel free to do so.

That being said, I recently learned that I still tend to look for certainty in many things. I very much dislike not knowing what exactly is going on with me and I feel this need to know what exactly I need to do to get out of this. (Preferably in a comprehensive step-by-step guide 😅 Oh, how lovely that would be! 😂)

I will continue to focus less on PAWS and more on living my life as best as I can 😊

16 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

f anyone wants to comment on the anhedonia, feel free to do so.

The big tip I had gotten was to do anythings anyways if you are anhedonic. You may not look forward to it, you may not enjoy it in the moment, but in the future you may look back at it fondly. There are plenty of instances where I was completely disinterested in something at the time and now look back saying "that was a good time."

It does suck though. I miss being engrossed in something in the moment as well.

@Niels91 what a fantastic update!! I'm so glad that you've seen some meaningful progress. It feels great to hear some optimism in your post. I'm confident there are more positive developments ahead for you 😊

@Niels91 Nice update, you've come a long way this past few months, your mindset seems really good, which is great to see. These coping skills are so important in WD and your symptoms are progressing in a positive direction. More to come mate.

@Niels91 I'm glad you're improving. The glimmers of feeling better are a good sign as well.

As for anhedonia, it's an extremely common withdrawal symptom. It is likely that it will improve in time as well, just as the other symptoms are.

14 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I will continue to focus less on PAWS and more on living my life as best as I can 😊

To be able to say this at 15months is fantastic progress. Hopefully in more time this will become easier and easier.

20 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Hi everyone,

Here with my 15-month update.

Late July into early August was a very rough period but since then, I've felt noticably better: little to no anxiety. Not getting overly annoyed by sounds, noises, or (certain) people. Feeling more inclined to socialise with others. Feeling quite a bit lighter (instead of heavy and depressed) and experiencing much less aversion towards tasks and chores and as a result I feel slightly more motivated and at ease. My mind has gotten a bit quieter and is thinking about different things instead of constantly checking and monitoring for danger. It's such a nice change 😊

With the anxiety lifting, I also noticed an increase in appetite and less indigestion which I'm thankful for. I also experienced a few glimmers throughout this month and some very brief moments where I looked forward to things as well. This is hopeful!

What remains to be resolved is mostly low libido and anhedonia. I hope these will improve as time goes on. I genuinely miss enjoying and experiencing many things right now, like music, movies/series, games, books and comedy. Feeling love for my family and friends. Proper sexual interest, a sense of feeling cosy, etc. If anyone wants to comment on the anhedonia, feel free to do so.

That being said, I recently learned that I still tend to look for certainty in many things. I very much dislike not knowing what exactly is going on with me and I feel this need to know what exactly I need to do to get out of this. (Preferably in a comprehensive step-by-step guide 😅 Oh, how lovely that would be! 😂)

I will continue to focus less on PAWS and more on living my life as best as I can 😊

@Niels91 this is so exciting to hear that you are experiencing this window and yes, I agree with you when you say focusing mor on the feature than on PAWS, this has definitely been a ride for sure. Being as far out at 22 months , nothing surprises me any more but just a ripple of WD and just move on . It's exciting to see you enjoying life, nothing can stop you now. Enjoy my friend, you have worked so hard and it just gets better from here. Hugs xxx

Thank you @Bernadette. Enjoying life is honestly an overstatement since I (still) barely feel joy or pleasure at this time. I don't want to be negative or dismiss the progress that I've made so far but the process remains very slow and very frustrating 😅

The fact that the anxiety is mostly absent right now is a blessing, though. Hopefully joy and pleasure will make a return in the next few months 😊

@Niels91, you reached a very important point: the anxiety is gone. It is the symptom which kills me, especially in the night (feeling of dying). As I have been thrown in horrible anhedonia from long term use of Paxil, I have looked to many publications to understand what happened to me. They explain that the huge amount of serotonin given by the drug suppresses the dopamine in the brain and finally it forgets how to produce it. It is necessary a lot of time for the brain to reach homeostasis by starting again to produce dopamine. And when the body is in anxiety/cortisol mode, the production of dopamine is almost blocked. So now, you don't have any more adrenaline, your brain is free to produce the hormone of the joy. Patience and hope, you are my example how a year after the last dose your anxiety is absent.

@Niels91 Your update is so encouraging! As for anhedonia, it’s one of the reasons that pushed me to get off AD’s. The longer I was on one, the number I got and my wake up call was the birth of my children. I was exited, happy they were born, but couldn’t feel the joy I knew should be there. I’m 10 months off, and I can slowly feel it getting better. Sometimes it’s just a flicker, of emotion, but I know it EXISTS! Look for those instants and then write them down. In the meanwhile, just go through the motions. It sounds cliche, but when you force yourself to smile, your body wants to be happy. Eventually your mind will too. Hang in there! You’ve already made it so far.

6 hours ago, skamen said:

@Niels91, you reached a very important point: the anxiety is gone. It is the symptom which kills me, especially in the night (feeling of dying). As I have been thrown in horrible anhedonia from long term use of Paxil, I have looked to many publications to understand what happened to me. They explain that the huge amount of serotonin given by the drug suppresses the dopamine in the brain and finally it forgets how to produce it. It is necessary a lot of time for the brain to reach homeostasis by starting again to produce dopamine. And when the body is in anxiety/cortisol mode, the production of dopamine is almost blocked. So now, you don't have any more adrenaline, your brain is free to produce the hormone of the joy. Patience and hope, you are my example how a year after the last dose your anxiety is absent.

Hi @skamen, yes I found similar information when I did my own research back in 2024. It makes a lot of sense to me that there is this kind of interplay between the serotonin and dopamine system. Patience and hope indeed.

Wishing you more improvement ❤️

6 hours ago, Sara said:

@Niels91 Your update is so encouraging! As for anhedonia, it’s one of the reasons that pushed me to get off AD’s. The longer I was on one, the number I got and my wake up call was the birth of my children. I was exited, happy they were born, but couldn’t feel the joy I knew should be there. I’m 10 months off, and I can slowly feel it getting better. Sometimes it’s just a flicker, of emotion, but I know it EXISTS! Look for those instants and then write them down. In the meanwhile, just go through the motions. It sounds cliche, but when you force yourself to smile, your body wants to be happy. Eventually your mind will too. Hang in there! You’ve already made it so far.

@Sara Oh, I'm glad it encourages you! That's so nice 😊 The numbness I felt after just 6-7 months of being on paroxetine was the main reason for me to come off. It was and still is such a weird and alien thing. It makes me feel so unlike me, it's crazy!

You're right, I have experienced those flickers and glimmers multiple times now and I even had moments in the past where I could feel joy/happiness for a few hours so it can't be gone. I imagine these feelings are buried or veiled somehow. I'll start writing those moments down, that's a good idea!

Let's give it some more time 😉

I think I am only recently starting to feel a bit more human and have some flickers as well!

I really feel like I have a very unnatural chemical feeling in my forehead. I feel that instead of a soft focus / pleasure feeling. This also prevents me from feeling sleepy or drowsy. It’s like I still take the med.

Does any of you also feel like your brain is very unnaturally calibrated like this? @Sara @Niels91