https://benzobuddies.org/topic/277221-plenty-of-pain-then-comes-the-greater-gain-freedom/page/2/

Staystill : "And people say: is it all worth it? This monumental epic in one’s lifetime, journey filled with enormous struggle, with more deep ravines than plateaus. Fighting for your life like nobody’s business. Look at even the tiniest insects, how much they fight for their life when cornered. They don’t lay don’t and say do whatever you want to me, they never stop trying. For when the dust settles down and you begin to see clearly, you can make a difference in your life, somebody else’s life and even improve the world. So just say to yourself: keep going, keep going, keep going, and it will get better. From personal experience and those thousands that came before us, I know that it will and that it is so worth it!"

Edited July 8Jul 8 by poulette38

5 hours ago, Chippy said:

Im not really sure why logically, as you litterally fit the paws profile in every way.

I fit that profile very well but my symptoms look like other things as well: Like depression, OCD and ADHD. I also experience less physical symptoms than others and physical symptoms seem so common. Please know that I'm thankful that I only have a few physical symptoms.

The severity is sometimes beyond my understanding, like I can't fathom it, so my mind goes "surely this means something really serious must be going on for it to be this bad? Like a brain tumor or something?".

Earlier today, you said many take a long time to heal but I was under the impression that it was people who had been on psychiatric medication for say 10, 15 or 20 years. Not when you were on them for a year and 9 months.

I did scare myself a few months ago reading about PSSD and how it becomes permanent for some. I fear that most of all...

@Sophia @Sminismoni @SarahMc

Thank you, please do. I would love to know.

Angie's support groups are probably not going to work because of the time zone difference unless she has seperate groups for people located in Europe.

2 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Thank you, please do. I would love to know.

Angie's support groups are probably not going to work because of the time zone difference unless she has seperate groups for people located in Europe.

Ah, fair enough. I went to a support group in the afternoon (my time zone) today which I think works for folks in Europe, but it was specifically a tapering support group. I think there's a different group for PAWS, but it probably wouldn't work for you time-wise.

I did find the support group helpful. I think in terms of a tapering coach it's probably about finding someone you connect with and trust. So it may be a good idea to try a couple, if you're interested and can afford it. Angie's vibe is very sort of open, honest, vulnerable, funny, a bit rough around the edges but extremely supportive. I left the support group feeling like I'd like to have a one-on-one chat with her at some point, so I may try that when I get closer to starting my taper.

Best of luck with your search!

18 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I feel like most people here are at least convinced they are experiencing PAWS but the more time passes, the more doubtful I get!

You're within the classic time period to have it, with classic symptoms, and with the classic recovery pattern of starting to have windows.

14 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I fit that profile very well but my symptoms look like other things as well: Like depression, OCD and ADHD. I also experience less physical symptoms than others and physical symptoms seem so common.

Sure, but have you suddenly got a whole lot more depressed or developed OCD or ADHD at the exact time you came of a Psych Drug, unlikley.

Everyones symptom profile varies, all my emotional symptoms have gone and I only have more physical ones at this point.

14 hours ago, Niels91 said:

The severity is sometimes beyond my understanding, like I can't fathom it,

I think this is exactly how most of us experience WD!

14 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Earlier today, you said many take a long time to heal but I was under the impression that it was people who had been on psychiatric medication for say 10, 15 or 20 years. Not when you were on them for a year and 9 months.

Time on the drugs does not necessarily correlate to how injured you get. I took Mirt for 6 weeks.

14 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I did scare myself a few months ago reading about PSSD and how it becomes permanent for some. I fear that most of all...

This is the main thing you would benefit from working on. The fear. Keeping your thoughts to today, not the past, nor the future. So important in life in general I think but in WD it is much more so.

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

Sure, but have you suddenly got a whole lot more depressed or developed OCD or ADHD at the exact time you came of a Psych Drug, unlikley.

I feel like I missed what you're trying to convey here but they sort of did and I thought that was the definition of withdrawal.

The symptoms that look like depression (anhedonia, apathy, loss of libido) were there and they started after about 5 months of being on paroxetine. These persist after coming off escitalopram. OCD symptoms (spiralling and obsessive thinking with anxiety) and ADHD symptoms (cognitive dysfunction) most definitely ramped up in the days, weeks and months after I came off escitalopram.

To be clear, I was diagnosed with ADD as a child but I never had much trouble with it, untill I came of my AD. One year off now and the cognitive dysfunction is at its peak.

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

Time on the drugs does not necessarily correlate to how injured you get. I took Mirt for 6 weeks.

You're right, I had absolutely forgotten about that! Luke and Sophia were also on these meds for just a few weeks/months as well... Thanks for reminding me Chippy.

5 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

The symptoms that look like depression (anhedonia, apathy, loss of libido) were there and they started after about 5 months of being on paroxetine. These persist after coming off escitalopram. OCD symptoms (spiralling and obsessive thinking with anxiety) and ADHD symptoms (cognitive dysfunction) most definitely ramped up in the days, weeks and months after I came off escitalopram.

This is what I mean. WD. Classic.

6 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Thanks for reminding me Chippy.

Pleasure mate.

You were on one psychiatric drug or another for two years. Unfortunately this is plenty of time to develop dependence on them, and this then means you can experience issues after stopping.

You're making progress. You're having windows. You just need more time.

Thank you all for all the support you continue to give. I'm glad that I don't have to walk this path on my own.

Hello!

Hope you got to see a coach if you wanted to!

Sorry for the late reply I try to come on once a month for my monthly update and just come on in between if there’s something exciting to share!!!

I hope speaking to a coach gave you some positive vibes.

Healing from this takes a really long time, longer than we all expected and I’ve had plenty of doubt in the past 17 months but luckily have windows which prove to me that I am healing.

I see you’ve had windows too, that’s the real you!

So keep the faith!

On 7/8/2026 at 12:30 PM, Chippy said:

I know. It is an awful thing to ask of a human to deal with. But you are not missing anything. This is why acceptance is so important. To cope the best with this, we have to let go of our normal mindset of fix and control. With this we must accept the symptoms, accept the uncertain timeline, accept the non linear nature of the healing.

Im not really sure why logically, as you litterally fit the paws profile in every way.

For some acceptance seems very challenging than for others. It is hard for all of us. Sometimes accepting we can't accept is the first step. Maybe you will be able to eventually. Either way we must just take one day at a time. Acceptance just makes the process more bareable. Healing happens regardless.

Maybe, maybe not. When I read your posts, you do seem like someone who would tbh. @Its-me-Rosie has some very positive experience of coaches and Im sure she won't mind making some suggestions for you to think about.

Hi @Its-me-Rosie, I haven't yet but I'm planning to see Melissa Boutillier soon.

It does take a very long time and it's incredibly challenging but my hope is that I will improve in the next few months.

Thanks for checking in with me 😊

Yes, @Niels91, it is incredibly long, I feel you very well. Since February 2024 I have been in anhedonia caused by 14 years of Paxil. One year, the psychiatrist who didn't accept that the drug has thrown me in this inhuman state, experienced antidepressant after antidepressant to "cure" it. No result. Now 16 months after CT from 3 psychotropics and 4 months after the last dose of the 4th drug the anhedonia continues to kill me.

Can you share your feedback from Melissa Bouteiller?

It is grotesque how these drugs which are designed to "help" us, erase our emotions, feelings, every humane in us...

We have to hope that the time will help us, there is not other solution. The brain cannot stay in this abnormal state indefinitely.

Svetla

Edited July 15Jul 15 by skamen

Hi @skamen, I really wish for you to have a nice window, I really do. No one should have to endure so much hardship.

1 hour ago, skamen said:

Can you share your feedback from Melissa Bouteiller?

Yes, I will certainly let you know once I've had my session with her.

Hi everyone, 14 months off and another update 😊

I've been in a wave for about 3 weeks now and have had a few glimmers here and there. Anxiety has returned and I get triggered easily by a lot of things, very bizarre. My capacity is quite low at this time. I won't give up though because I know things will get better. I refuse to believe this is permanent.

On Friday I had my coaching session with Melissa Boutillier and it was very nice talking to her. She asked a lot of questions, was very supportive and was able to make me feel a bit more at ease and reassure me that what I am experiencing is very likely to be PAWS and that I will recover with enough time. The only timeline she gave was that most people start feeling quite a bit better about 18-24 months after coming off ADs. A full recovery might take longer than that.

I also got some bloodwork done. Vitamin D and magnesium levels were good. However, my cholesterol was high again so I will be taking statins again. It seems that my high cholesterol is more of a hereditary thing.

Other than that I have decided to spend less time on the forum. I'll keep you guys updated but I want to stay away from other's stories/journeys as they trigger me. Instead, I want to focus more on taking care of myself as best as I can.

18 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I've been in a wave for about 3 weeks now and have had a few glimmers here and there. Anxiety has returned and I get triggered easily by a lot of things, very bizarre. My capacity is quite low at this time. I won't give up though because I know things will get better. I refuse to believe this is permanent.

Thanks for the update. Love hearing this postive attitude from you. :) This won't be permanent you are right!

18 hours ago, Niels91 said:

On Friday I had my coaching session with Melissa Boutillier and it was very nice talking to her. She asked a lot of questions, was very supportive and was able to make me feel a bit more at ease and reassure me that what I am experiencing is very likely to be PAWS and that I will recover with enough time. The only timeline she gave was that most people start feeling quite a bit better about 18-24 months after coming off ADs. A full recovery might take longer than that

I am pleased seeing Melissa has been helpful for you.

18 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I also got some bloodwork done. Vitamin D and magnesium levels were good. However, my cholesterol was high again so I will be taking statins again. It seems that my high cholesterol is more of a hereditary thing.

I would careful here, I'll ask @LostinCanada to say a few words if she doesn't mind, we could really do with a topic on Statins that could be linked to members.....

18 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Other than that I have decided to spend less time on the forum. I'll keep you guys updated but I want to stay away from other's stories/journeys as they trigger me. Instead, I want to focus more on taking care of myself as best as I can.

For some this is certainly the way to go. We are here for you when you need. :)

55 minutes ago, Chippy said:

I would careful here, I'll ask @LostinCanada to say a few words if she doesn't mind, we could really do with a topic on Statins that could be linked to members.....

I checked my bloodwork results from as far back as 2019 and even then I already had a rather high cholesterol level. My dad had very high cholesterol as well and had to receive 4 stents due to blocked arteries. I feel that the statins are warranted after seeing my level shoot up in just 4 months.

Edited July 27Jul 27 by Niels91

I would suggest putting statins in the search here to get some more info. Statins do have a black box warning as well. ADs aren't the only drugs that big Pharma has lied about. Be sure to do your research and weigh the risk/benefit for yourself.

This is a great link to explore

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/9487-statins-lipitor-and-others/#comment-165551

6 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I checked my bloodwork results from as far back as 2019 and even then I already had a rather high cholesterol level. My dad had very high cholesterol as well and had to receive 4 stents due to blocked arteries. I feel that the statins are warranted after seeing my level shoot up in just 4 months.

Niels91, just saw your update on the cholesterol levels. I myself recently had a checkup for blood work a month ago . I'm 55 and my levels havealways been normal, but the new test were Non-HDL 219, Cholesterol 284, Triglycerides 181, LDL 183, and yes they are in the dangerous range, BUT, I asked my Doctor why my levels before all this happened with WD they were in the normal range and now as you can see worry some. She advised against statins , which I agreed with and to incorporate different foods that would help lower them, along with light exercise, like walking, my air bike, ect. When I asked why they spiked so quickly over the past 2 years she explained. " Because my system has been experiencing long term stress and anxiety, it triggers the release of hormones like cortisol and adrenaline which can directly increase triglycerides and bad LDL cholesterol, while lowering good HDL cholesterol. These cortisol and adrenaline which signal the liver to produce more LDL ( bad ) cholesterol and triglycerides "I've been working hard the last month and manged to drop 76 points on my cholesterol., triglycerides drop 42 points and LDL drop37 points, so going in right direction. So I thought I give a bit of my information , But definitely do more research and do what is best for you. I know my system has gone through hell as well as everyone else here and what these med have done to our systems in WD and the recovery process . Stay strong my friend, you will get through this. Sending prayers hugs xxx Bernadette 🤗

@LostinCanada @Bernadette

Thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it ❤️

To be honest, this doesn't make it easier for me. I feel irresponsible for not taking them and I'm currently not able to start or maintain a super healthy diet. I'm very much torn whether I should take them again or not.

6 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

@LostinCanada @Bernadette

Thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it ❤️

To be honest, this doesn't make it easier for me. I feel irresponsible for not taking them and I'm currently not able to start or maintain a super healthy diet. I'm very much torn whether I should take them again or not.

Nei

7 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

@LostinCanada @Bernadette

Thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it ❤️

To be honest, this doesn't make it easier for me. I feel irresponsible for not taking them and I'm currently not able to start or maintain a super healthy diet. I'm very much torn whether I should take them again or not.

Neils91, I'm truly sorry if I upset you or worried you more that definitely was not my intention , you definitely need to do what is best for you, my sincerest apologies. Hope you find a path that works best for you and your health. My thoughts are with you on some needed relief ❤️

17 minutes ago, Bernadette said:

Neils91, I'm truly sorry if I upset you or worried you more that definitely was not my intention , you definitely need to do what is best for you, my sincerest apologies. Hope you find a path that works best for you and your health. My thoughts are with you on some needed relief ❤️

Oh no Bernadette, you don't have to apologize at all. You did not upset me. ❤️

It just make me a little worried. I know I can say no to taking the statins but then the alternative is to live a whole lot more healthily but I'm afraid I can't take all the necessary actions to lower my numbers as I'm dealing with PAWS.

My total cholesterol is at 236 and was at 149.

LDL is at 167 and was at 83.

That's a big jump in just 4 months.