@Niels91 Good luck with your new job! Hopefully, that will provide some (positive) change. 😊

Thank you for the healing wishes. Wishing the same for you. 😊

I hope that starting your new job goes well.

I've been in touch with some others who were worried about it, and although it was difficult at times, it was helpful overall to be working and focusing on that.

Good luck on the new job @Niels91 . Thank you for sharing your experiences here. The apathy and anhedonia are absolute killers. I find it helps to do things anyways. You may not enjoy looking forward to it, or even doing it, but you may eventually be able to look back at events fondly.

3 minutes ago, Kahran said:

Good luck on the new job @Niels91 . Thank you for sharing your experiences here. The apathy and anhedonia are absolute killers. I find it helps to do things anyways. You may not enjoy looking forward to it, or even doing it, but you may eventually be able to look back at events fondly.

Thank you, @Kahran . I read your topic as well and I'm glad I'm not the only one struggling with apathy and anhedonia. It is very frustrating and painful to deal with.

I keep busy as much as I can, even if I don't feel like it. It's better than worrying, ruminating or overanalyzing. 😉

Let's not give up and keep going. So many people have gone before us and have recovered, and so will we.

Hi @Niels91 ☺️

I just stopped by to tell you not to worry too much about your new job (and congratulations on your search, by the way). Don’t stress yourself out at all, stay "cool" ✌️. Everything will be fine!

Keep us updated!

See you soon!

On 4/27/2026 at 2:45 PM, Niels91 said:

I keep busy as much as I can, even if I don't feel like it.

If you can do this, this is the best thing you can do as the time passes.

I hope it gets easier to stay busy and get through things soon.

Hi everyone,

I was reluctant to write an update but I need to as I'm struggling.

Starting a new job has been challenging. I was pretty much thrown into it with little explanation and training which resulted in experiencing a lot of stress, overwhelm and anxiety during my first week.

My sleep quality has taken a hit and I experience those dreadful cortisol mornings once again. I'm getting adrenalin rushes left and right when my mind is thinking about innocent things and tasks that I need to do. There is this general malaise as well. Anhedonia is back in full force however I also felt quite emotional and was able to cry a couple of times.

I can't help but wonder if this is all still protracted WD. My mind went into analyzing mode yesterday, trying desperately to figure out what's going on with me and what I need to do to get better. I ended up in a spiral, looking for answers, which I know is not the right thing to do, but that's what desperation does. The internet was able to give me a bunch of options. Maybe it's protracted withdrawal or PSSD or OCD or ADHD or depression or burnout or CPTSD. The result? I still don't know what's happening to me and what I should do to get out of this and it is so damn frustrating.

I just want to feel better... To be able to enjoy things again and to feel love towards my friends and family. To be able to feel excited again and to look forward to things. To be able to connect with others. To enjoy my hobbies and interests again. All these negative feelings are weighing me down so, so much.

I really hope this is not permanent and that it gets better but I'm just not able to feel hopeful right now. There's just way too much uncertainty and doubt.

Hi everyone,

I was reluctant to write an update but I need to as I'm struggling.

Starting a new job has been challenging. I was pretty much thrown into it with little explanation and training which resulted in experiencing a lot of stress, overwhelm and anxiety during my first week.

My sleep quality has taken a hit and I experience those dreadful cortisol mornings once again. I'm getting adrenalin rushes left and right when my mind is thinking about innocent things and tasks that I need to do. There is this general malaise as well. Anhedonia is back in full force however I also felt quite emotional and was able to cry a couple of times.

I can't help but wonder if this is all still protracted WD. My mind went into analyzing mode yesterday, trying desperately to figure out what's going on with me and what I need to do to get better. I ended up in a spiral, looking for answers, which I know is not the right thing to do, but that's what desperation does. The internet was able to give me a bunch of options. Maybe it's protracted withdrawal or PSSD or OCD or ADHD or depression or burnout or CPTSD. The result? I still don't know what's happening to me and what I should do to get out of this and it is so damn frustrating.

I just want to feel better... To be able to enjoy things again and to feel love towards my friends and family. To be able to feel excited again and to look forward to things. To be able to connect with others. To enjoy my hobbies and interests again. All these negative feelings are weighing me down so, so much.

I really hope this is not permanent and that it gets better but I'm just not able to feel hopeful right now. There's just way too much uncertainty and doubt.

@Niels91 sorry it’s been a rough week. A new job and not much support certainly won’t help things.

My attitude is that if we don’t react to our symptoms and float and accept, then not only do we not add to them with fear but we can confirm to ourselves their origin. They are happening even though we maintain the correct mindset. Only one conclusion then.

This ties in with timescales. If we accept and try to maintain zero expectations just dealing with the day the suffering is reduced this buys the time needed to heal. Which you will.

13 minutes ago, Chippy said:

My attitude is that if we don’t react to our symptoms and float and accept, then not only do we not add to them with fear but we can confirm to ourselves their origin. They are happening even though we maintain the correct mindset. Only one conclusion then.

I agree with the acceptance part, I do apply this as much as possible but sometimes we stumble and fall, unfortunately, and that's ok.

How does it confirm their origin, though? And what is the conclusion?

5 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

I agree with the acceptance part, I do apply this as much as possible but sometimes we stumble and fall, unfortunately, and that's ok.

More than just ok. It’s part of the process ☺️

6 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

How does it confirm their origin, though? And what is the conclusion?

If you don’t add to it with second fear and the chemical imbalance theory is false, so you’re not broken, then the only conclusion is the drugs have caused this. Plus things are different to before right? 😃

3 minutes ago, Chippy said:

More than just ok. It’s part of the process ☺️

If you don’t add to it with second fear and the chemical imbalance theory is false, so you’re not broken, then the only conclusion is the drugs have caused this. Plus things are different to before right? 😃

Right, that does make sense. I also don't believe in the chemical imbalance theory. It's been pointed at as being the cause but I believe it is the effect. Yes, things are different but I guess they're just not different... enough. I'm getting close to being one year off antidepressants and I would've expected to be doing significantly better, especially with all that therapy has taught me.

You may or may not relate to this, but it gets very complex when you factor in the things that happened from the past, like in childhood, all the way up until today. Then all these options I find are plausible but at the same time, it's not really helping me. What I do know, is that I'm dealing with a very sensitized nervous system. And even when you put it like that, you still get overwhelmed with the amount of things you can do to desensitize your nervous system.

3 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Right, that does make sense. I also don't believe in the chemical imbalance theory. It's been pointed at as being the cause but I believe it is the effect.

Exactly

3 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

You may or may not relate to this, but it gets very complex when you factor in the things that happened from the past, like in childhood, all the way up until today.

Of course! We are all human and have past history, painful memories etc..Some more than others but that is all part of being alive however unpleasant. Processing these things with counselling, cbt, addressing other factors in life such as diet, trying to reduce stress, avoiding toxic people and so on, are all good general practices.

But in wd we experience neuro emotions. They can last a long time and feel very convincing.

7 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

What I do know, is that I'm dealing with a very sensitized nervous system. And even when you put it like that, you still get overwhelmed with the amount of things you can do to desensitize your nervous system.

Certainly. And the cause is the drugs experienced through your own mind. Practicing those coping skills like acceptance helps as said earlier. Helps to find some peace. Really that is all you need, avoid the overwhelm of trying so hard to desensitise your system. You’re not doing anything wrong. You need time. It helps to reduce the stress and there are things you can do to assist the process like eat well and not drink alcohol and so on. But really you are just a passenger whilst the nervous system heals. Just need to try to not add to it.

Being a human, and dealing with emotions in WD

@Niels91 looking at your footer just now you came of 1.25mg of Lexapro just about a year ago?

That’s a huge dose to drop to zero from. I’m not surprised you’re taking time to feel better.

1 hour ago, Niels91 said:

Hi everyone,

I was reluctant to write an update but I need to as I'm struggling.

Starting a new job has been challenging. I was pretty much thrown into it with little explanation and training which resulted in experiencing a lot of stress, overwhelm and anxiety during my first week.

My sleep quality has taken a hit and I experience those dreadful cortisol mornings once again. I'm getting adrenalin rushes left and right when my mind is thinking about innocent things and tasks that I need to do. There is this general malaise as well. Anhedonia is back in full force however I also felt quite emotional and was able to cry a couple of times.

I can't help but wonder if this is all still protracted WD. My mind went into analyzing mode yesterday, trying desperately to figure out what's going on with me and what I need to do to get better. I ended up in a spiral, looking for answers, which I know is not the right thing to do, but that's what desperation does. The internet was able to give me a bunch of options. Maybe it's protracted withdrawal or PSSD or OCD or ADHD or depression or burnout or CPTSD. The result? I still don't know what's happening to me and what I should do to get out of this and it is so damn frustrating.

I just want to feel better... To be able to enjoy things again and to feel love towards my friends and family. To be able to feel excited again and to look forward to things. To be able to connect with others. To enjoy my hobbies and interests again. All these negative feelings are weighing me down so, so much.

I really hope this is not permanent and that it gets better but I'm just not able to feel hopeful right now. There's just way too much uncertainty and doubt.

Hi @Niels91 thanks for the update, first to commend you on your upcoming year of cleaning, it's amazing!! I can only hope I get there before I'm 80..

I'm sorry for the difficulty you're experiencing but it makes perfect sense with a new job without prior experience, any external pressure further stimulates our sensitive system as well as surfing the internet looking for answers, more of a curse than a blessing honestly, it's something I try to avoid but understand the need for it in desperation..

I know how much we want to get back to a happy and productive life YESTERDAY but this long journey is constantly pulling something new out of its sleeve.. In time, when the system finish the adjustment, you'll get there, I have no doubt.

Keep fighting bravely, you're doing great.

Edited May 16May 16 by Fullhealing

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

@Niels91 looking at your footer just now you came of 1.25mg of Lexapro just about a year ago?

That’s a huge dose to drop to zero from. I’m not surprised you’re taking time to feel better.

That's right @Chippy , 1.25 mg. But how is that a huge dose? According to the graph on SERT occupancy for escitalopram, that should be between 30 and 40%. Back then I took into account that the majority of people don't experience a lot of trouble coming of ADs so 1.25 mg seemed pretty low. I'll admit it's not exactly a low dose but I wouldn't call that a huge dose either.

1 hour ago, Fullhealing said:

Hi @Niels91 thanks for the update, first to commend you on your upcoming year of cleaning, it's amazing!! I can only hope I get there before I'm 80..

I'm sorry for the difficulty you're experiencing but it makes perfect sense with a new job without prior experience, any external pressure further stimulates our sensitive system as well as surfing the internet looking for answers, more of a curse than a blessing honestly, it's something I try to avoid but understand the need for it in desperation..

I know how much we want to get back to a happy and productive life YESTERDAY but this long journey is constantly pulling something new out of its sleeve.. In time, when the system finish the adjustment, you'll get there, I have no doubt.

Keep fighting bravely, you're doing great.

Thank you so much, @Fullhealing, I try my best to keep going and to trust the process but the doubt and uncertainty are getting to me.

I really don't want to give up and somewhere deep down I know this won't last and that things will get better but it's been almost a year now... it's like David fighting Goliath 😔

I really hope it's just protracted WD and that it will pass in time.

11 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Thank you so much, @Fullhealing, I try my best to keep going and to trust the process but the doubt and uncertainty are getting to me.

I really don't want to give up and somewhere deep down I know this won't last and that things will get better but it's been almost a year now... it's like David fighting Goliath 😔

I really hope it's just protracted WD and that it will pass in time.

As @Chippy noted, the final jump from Lexapro, which is a tough one, was huge and shocking blow from which you are still experiencing the rebound but still, it does not change the fact that our system is amazing and knows how to heal regardless, so it will happen to you too, no doubt, maybe a little longer than expected but you are on the right track.

Sending you lots of healing and strength @Niels91 you will be fine, just a little longer.

35 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

That's right @Chippy , 1.25 mg. But how is that a huge dose? According to the graph on SERT occupancy for escitalopram, that should be between 30 and 40%. Back then I took into account that the majority of people don't experience a lot of trouble coming of ADs so 1.25 mg seemed pretty low. I'll admit it's not exactly a low dose but I wouldn't call that a huge dose either.

Let’s say it’s a huge jump off dose! Very big. I would never recommend anyone jump off a dose bigger than 0.01mg.

19 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

was huge and shocking blow from which you are still experiencing the rebound but still, it does not change the fact that our system is amazing and knows how to heal regardless

Exactly. Your system will heal. I hope maybe it’s beneficial to at least understand why things are harder than you expect.

1 minute ago, Chippy said:

Let’s say it’s a huge jump off dose! Very big. I would never recommend anyone jump off a dose bigger than 0.01mg.

Exactly. Your system will heal. I hope maybe it’s beneficial to at least understand why things are harder than you expect.

Back then, I had read about hyperbolic tapering and I knew that jumping off 5 mg would be a considerable risk. I myself only started having mild withdrawal symptoms when I went below 5 mg.

My doctor said I could come off 2.5 mg without issue and even that seemed too high for me so I settled on 1.25 mg.

It helps me to understand my situation better but it's also hard to believe and fathom 🙁

Edited May 16May 16 by Niels91
Typo

1 minute ago, Niels91 said:

It helps me to understand my situation better but it's also hard to believe and fathom 🙁

Good. Believe. It makes sense you had issues as you got lower. This is what the hyperbolic curve tells us. The lower the slower. Trust me when I tell you coming off at 1.25mg was way too high and the fact you are doing as well as you are doing is great news. I’ve seen people a lot worse for lower doses.

Hey @Niels91 , I started a new job too and experienced all the same symptoms. The hyperanalysis and the adrenaline rush's especially. I wish I could do more to comfort other than say, you aren't alone in this.

Edited May 16May 16 by Kahran

4 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I really hope it's just protracted WD and that it will pass in time.

At a year off, I'd say it's pretty likely to be, and there is a lot of precedent for people recovering down the line. A year would be considered a pretty quick recovery.

The positive way to look at that, is that finding it hard at a year off is "normal", and if things proceed "normally" you are likely to recover in more time.

15 minutes ago, Luke said:

At a year off, I'd say it's pretty likely to be, and there is a lot of precedent for people recovering down the line. A year would be considered a pretty quick recovery.

The positive way to look at that, is that finding it hard at a year off is "normal", and if things proceed "normally" you are likely to recover in more time.

Thank you for the support, @Luke !

I just noticed how your message triggered a bit of anxiety and I don't mean to say that your message was bad or misplaced. It seems I really struggle with not having certainty and my mind jumping to worst-case scenarios because of it.

Well, I'm not going to fight it. I'm just going to try and stay optimistic since so many people have recovered in the past 🙂 What a journey this is.

3 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Well, I'm not going to fight it. I'm just going to try and stay optimistic since so many people have recovered in the past 🙂 What a journey this is.

Great work @Niels91 a really good attitude. It is quite the journey for sure. I’ve very faith you will recover in time.