That’s so sweet!!! 🥹🥹

Enjoy your well deserved window!! ❤️‍🩹❤️

2 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I sincerely hope every single person here who is still suffering gets better and makes a full recovery but I wanted to give a shout-out to @GreggeryPeccary, @Sophia, @Kahran,@ALonelySoul12, @Redding, @poulette38,@Sminismoni and @skamen.

I've been following your journey for a while and now that I'm currently in a window I want to wish you strength and improvement.

Onwards and upwards 🤍

Enjoy the window as much as you can! Appreciate the kind words, it's a hell of a journey for sure. You seem to be in the same phase as me. After x months of windows and waves, everything crashed and it's now a continuous wave. I hope it means that it's gonna stabilize soon and improve. I'm already so sick of it I need to vent often!

Edited July 1Jul 1 by ALonelySoul12

Niels91, I've been reading through your thread, I see your having a awesome window, enjoy it, you so deserve it. I see you took a day from work for a bit of time to gather yourself, I myself have and still do. We need to listen to our bodies and take the extra time to heal. I myself have just taken 2 days to regroup. I tend to not listen to my nervous system and sometimes it kicks me in the butt and says pay attention, I try to ignore it and push through it and end up paying for it in the end. I myself am 20 and a half months out med free, so don't get discouraged, I sit her and say I'm further along than last year, and that much closer to full healing. I've been through so many waves and windows, I just sit and cry scream inside, and say make up your mind. I recently went through a bad wave for about two weeks, but the window has been very kind and welcoming. And yes they start to last longer. I believe and pray each and everyone of us will fully heal by the grace of God and the amazing help and support of all the wonderful people on this forum. Bless you all.🤗🙏

Thank you so much, @Niels91 🥹

I’m so glad you’re in a window. I don’t know what it is. I recently lost my job because I made repeated failures. I was told that I had no right to make mistakes. Fortunately, I don’t work only in this place. But serious problems have resulted from it.

I hope your employer has taken the time to train you properly and that you can entertain yourself a little at work now?

How did you handle this?

I’m going through it very badly, I feel like I’ve received the ultimate blow with a stick that means "you see, you’re really no longer good for anything anymore." 😞

4 hours ago, poulette38 said:

Thank you so much, @Niels91 🥹

I’m so glad you’re in a window. I don’t know what it is. I recently lost my job because I made repeated failures. I was told that I had no right to make mistakes. Fortunately, I don’t work only in this place. But serious problems have resulted from it.

I hope your employer has taken the time to train you properly and that you can entertain yourself a little at work now?

How did you handle this?

I’m going through it very badly, I feel like I’ve received the ultimate blow with a stick that means "you see, you’re really no longer good for anything anymore." 😞

I'm sorry to hear this @poulette38... My window lasted about 4 days so that was nice. Last night I woke up, not feeling well and as I got up, I started to feel very dizzy. I had to go to the bathroom because I felt so sick. I didn't throw up but I could feel the urge to and I started to shake and sweat like crazy. Pretty strange to be honest... I think I may have eaten something that was spoiled, I'm not sure.

Since then, I am back in a wave. Feeling unwell, tired and quite apathetic but I know I will get better. I've gotten a taste of what recovery feels like and I know it's coming, slowly but surely.

My employer did not provide me with the training that I needed but that's ok. I was able to figure it out myself and I will continue to do so. The first two weeks were nerve-wrecking and I felt very anxious during that time. The anxiety is mostly gone now but I feel bored a lot of the time because it's a dull job. I'm going to check with my teamleader if I can get some different work that doesn't involve just answering phone calls all day. I need more variety.

Please know that you are not worthless. You're dealing with a kind of injury that is hard to navigate and takes a while to get through. It's such a challenge! As we continue to move forward, take care of ourselves and let time pass, we will get better and eventually recover from this.

Dear @Niels91, you know now what the window looks like, it gives you a hope and trust in the healing process.

I would like to ask you if you have done something in particular which helps your window. I am so desperate in my suffering, no light, no window.

17 minutes ago, skamen said:

Dear @Niels91, you know now what the window looks like, it gives you a hope and trust in the healing process.

I would like to ask you if you have done something in particular which helps your window. I am so desperate in my suffering, no light, no window.

Dear Svetla, there are a few things that I do in general to stay healthy but just know that I don't do them everyday. We all have a certain capacity and that capacity varies throughout the week and sometimes throughout the day.

• Eating well and more varied (nuts, fruit, veggies, meat, dairy, some carbs, some sweets, no caffeine, no alcohol)

• Moving more regularly (badminton, walks, jogging and preferably in nature)

• Paying attention to my sleep (going to bed at a decent time, reducing time on my phone, small evening routine)

• Connecting with friends and family

• Practicing mindfulness and acceptance

Other than that, I revisit past interests and hobbies or try something new that looks or sounds interesting.

Can I ask you what these four days have been like? How did it feel? It’s hard to get an idea. 😓 And I’m sure it bodes a full recovery for you. Sorry if I don’t use the right words. I just know that I was thrown into the flames of hell by taking these medicines, and I am still in a state of alienation.

I’m sorry to hear about your employer. We can’t even admit to them that we’re going through withdrawal, right? That would mean "straight out the door". What a terrible situation.

I understand about your anxiety, if you weren’t put in good conditions directly. Anyone would have been anxious. So with the wd in more, hats off...

I hope you’ll reach an agreement with your employer, because repetitive tasks can quickly become boring.

Thank you for your encouragement, means a lot for me 😊 You too will eventually get over it. Even though I would have preferred that no one had to fight against this.

Edited July 2Jul 2 by poulette38

Thank you so much, @Niels91. Yes, @poulette38, I agree that these drugs are a pure Hell. What a mess!

Svetla

4 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I'm sorry to hear this @poulette38... My window lasted about 4 days so that was nice. Last night I woke up, not feeling well and as I got up, I started to feel very dizzy. I had to go to the bathroom because I felt so sick. I didn't throw up but I could feel the urge to and I started to shake and sweat like crazy. Pretty strange to be honest... I think I may have eaten something that was spoiled, I'm not sure.

Since then, I am back in a wave. Feeling unwell, tired and quite apathetic but I know I will get better. I've gotten a taste of what recovery feels like and I know it's coming, slowly but surely.

My employer did not provide me with the training that I needed but that's ok. I was able to figure it out myself and I will continue to do so. The first two weeks were nerve-wrecking and I felt very anxious during that time. The anxiety is mostly gone now but I feel bored a lot of the time because it's a dull job. I'm going to check with my teamleader if I can get some different work that doesn't involve just answering phone calls all day. I need more variety.

Please know that you are not worthless. You're dealing with a kind of injury that is hard to navigate and takes a while to get through. It's such a challenge! As we continue to move forward, take care of ourselves and let time pass, we will get better and eventually recover from this.

Niels91, its wonderful to see you had a 4 day window, they are glorious when they come, and disheartening when the go. Just now that is a very good sign , it just means that's more healing your body and mind are doing, glad work is doing well, and yes, I agree when you said you would like to be more busy than just answering phones. It's good to keep occupied, in some ways it keeps your mind thinking of other things, this way you stay a bit distracted. Sincerely Bernadette 🤗❤

23 hours ago, poulette38 said:

Can I ask you what these four days have been like? How did it feel? It’s hard to get an idea. 😓 And I’m sure it bodes a full recovery for you. Sorry if I don’t use the right words. I just know that I was thrown into the flames of hell by taking these medicines, and I am still in a state of alienation.

I’m sorry to hear about your employer. We can’t even admit to them that we’re going through withdrawal, right? That would mean "straight out the door". What a terrible situation.

I understand about your anxiety, if you weren’t put in good conditions directly. Anyone would have been anxious. So with the wd in more, hats off...

I hope you’ll reach an agreement with your employer, because repetitive tasks can quickly become boring.

Thank you for your encouragement, means a lot for me 😊 You too will eventually get over it. Even though I would have preferred that no one had to fight against this.

The best way to describe it, is that I felt a lot more like my usual self. I was able to feel more positive emotions like hope, contentment and peace. I felt like socializing and engaging with other people. I had more motivation to do things as well.

It's disheartening to be back in a wave and I hope things continue to improve as time goes on. I try to stay optimistic but as you know, it's not easy.

35 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

The best way to describe it, is that I felt a lot more like my usual self. I was able to feel more positive emotions like hope, contentment and peace. I felt like socializing and engaging with other people. I had more motivation to do things as well.

It's disheartening to be back in a wave and I hope things continue to improve as time goes on. I try to stay optimistic but as you know, it's not easy.

Niels91, I see your in a wave, and hope it only briefly. Yes it's our cns and mind doing more work. As uncomfortable as it my be it doesn't last forever. The windows will be come longer and the waves less intense.

20 hours ago, Niels91 said:

The best way to describe it, is that I felt a lot more like my usual self. I was able to feel more positive emotions like hope, contentment and peace. I felt like socializing and engaging with other people. I had more motivation to do things as well.

It looks wonderful 🥹

20 hours ago, Niels91 said:

It's disheartening to be back in a wave and I hope things continue to improve as time goes on. I try to stay optimistic but as you know, it's not easy.

Yes, unfortunately. But this yo-yo is just a sign of healing. I think it must be understood at all costs like that to hold on.

You are very strong, and thank you again for all your encouragement. Now that you’ve had a healing opportunity, it will always go up, even if it might be a bit rocky until the final climb. You’re almost there, I’m sure of it and I hope so! 🤞

Ps : Little joke now. I decided to drag myself to the cinema tomorrow and didn’t find a very interesting moovie to see, so I just chose something without violence. The title of the movie is "in waves." End of the joke.

Edited July 4Jul 4 by poulette38

On 7/1/2026 at 11:09 AM, Niels91 said:

I sincerely hope every single person here who is still suffering gets better and makes a full recovery but I wanted to give a shout-out to @GreggeryPeccary, @Sophia, @Kahran,@ALonelySoul12, @Redding, @poulette38,@Sminismoni and @skamen.

I've been following your journey for a while and now that I'm currently in a window I want to wish you strength and improvement.

Onwards and upwards 🤍

Thank you!! Did you have anhedonia or pssd?

Congratulations on your window that is so amazing! How long did it take you to get to one? Thank you for coming back and thinking of us.

18 minutes ago, Redding said:

Thank you!! Did you have anhedonia or pssd?

Congratulations on your window that is so amazing! How long did it take you to get to one? Thank you for coming back and thinking of us.

You're welcome 😊

I'm not sure tbh... It could be PSSD but then again, I don't experience genital numbness, no trouble having orgasms and they still feel quite pleasurable. My libido is very, very low though.

It took me several weeks to get a window like this.

Hi everyone,

Need to vent for a moment because I am not doing well at all currently.

After my 4-day window, it feels like I took a bad fall and crashed. I haven't felt this tired, low and empty in weeks... I honestly don't know what to think of this. How is this still possible at 13 months off?? I really expected to be more ahead at this point...

The doom scenarios are returning about PSSD. I don't want this to be the case. I wouldn't be able to live like this... I just want to feel all my emotions again and enjoy things. Feeling connected to myself and others.

I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I expected more after 13 months off. The despair is starting to get to me and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this 😞

4 hours ago, Niels91 said:

After my 4-day window, it feels like I took a bad fall and crashed. I haven't felt this tired, low and empty in weeks... I honestly don't know what to think of this. How is this still possible at 13 months off?? I really expected to be more ahead at this point...

The doom scenarios are returning about PSSD. I don't want this to be the case. I wouldn't be able to live like this... I just want to feel all my emotions again and enjoy things. Feeling connected to myself and others.

I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I expected more after 13 months off. The despair is starting to get to me and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this 😞

I’m sorry you’re back in a wave @Niels91. I know our situations are different, but I had a nice window in mid-June that was followed very quickly by a wave that felt like I was right back to square one. But now I seem to have found a baseline that’s a bit better than it was previously.

What I mean is, being back in a wave does NOT mean that you’re not healing. Your window showed you your body’s amazing healing capacity. You will have more, eventually they’ll become more frequent, and one day it’ll be hard to remember what the waves felt like. One day at a time.

4 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Hi everyone,

Need to vent for a moment because I am not doing well at all currently.

After my 4-day window, it feels like I took a bad fall and crashed. I haven't felt this tired, low and empty in weeks... I honestly don't know what to think of this. How is this still possible at 13 months off?? I really expected to be more ahead at this point...

The doom scenarios are returning about PSSD. I don't want this to be the case. I wouldn't be able to live like this... I just want to feel all my emotions again and enjoy things. Feeling connected to myself and others.

I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I expected more after 13 months off. The despair is starting to get to me and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this 😞

Niels91, sorry your going through this after a 4 day window, just to get thrown back, in my healing process is some what similar in ways, and yes this can get frustrating, but hang on to that window, because it is what to come for many more moments ahead. Hang on to that and embrace it for there ar alot more to come, I myself didn't fell a significant shift until about 15 and a half months med free and that's when things shifted for the better, lots of healing is and will happen during. Our body's are magnificent machines and are strong and resilient. Don't fight the emotions when they come just let them be and they do pass. You are doing an amazing job in your healing process and you will get through this. Remind yourself that's 13 months you never have to go through, and yes the best is yet to come. Stay strong. Hugs xxx Bernadette

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Need to vent for a moment because I am not doing well at all currently.

Im very sorry to read.

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I honestly don't know what to think of this. How is this still possible at 13 months off?? I really expected to be more ahead at this point...

It is very possible, 13 months is not long off and you came off at a high dose (sert occupancy wise) which often makes WD more protracted. Any rate 13 months is not a long time in the grand scheme of others healing trajectory. You have had a great window, great signs of healing, keep these windows front and centre in your mind during the waves. You will have more windows. The path is typical, non linear.

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

The doom scenarios are returning about PSSD. I don't want this to be the case. I wouldn't be able to live like this... I just want to feel all my emotions again and enjoy things. Feeling connected to myself and others.

Work on that acceptance again, one day at a time, you can't know what happens next, what will likely happen is things will slowly continue to improve (all your symptoms) over the months ahead. Find some inner peace in taking this journey one day at a time. It is there, you just have to seek that peace out.

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I expected more after 13 months off. The despair is starting to get to me and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this 😞

You must recalibrate your exceptions as I said above, putting unrealistic timelines in place is only hurting you and making your healing journey more painful. Im not sure why you think you should be further on at 13 months, many take much longer than this to recover, but they do and you will too.

Have you considered talking to a healing coach, perhaps you would benefit from this?

2 hours ago, Chippy said:

Im very sorry to read.

It is very possible, 13 months is not long off and you came off at a high dose (sert occupancy wise) which often makes WD more protracted. Any rate 13 months is not a long time in the grand scheme of others healing trajectory. You have had a great window, great signs of healing, keep these windows front and centre in your mind during the waves. You will have more windows. The path is typical, non linear.

Work on that acceptance again, one day at a time, you can't know what happens next, what will likely happen is things will slowly continue to improve (all your symptoms) over the months ahead. Find some inner peace in taking this journey one day at a time. It is there, you just have to seek that peace out.

You must recalibrate your exceptions as I said above, putting unrealistic timelines in place is only hurting you and making your healing journey more painful. Im not sure why you think you should be further on at 13 months, many take much longer than this to recover, but they do and you will too.

Have you considered talking to a healing coach, perhaps you would benefit from this?

Dear Chippy, the symptoms are hard enough to deal with but the uncertainty and lack of timeline are another. I'm walking this path as best as I can but I feel like a blind person. With other injuries, and I know I'm speaking very broadly, you at least have some sense of what's going on and how long this might take. Here, we have none of that. Good lord, I can't stop thinking I might be missing something because it's been going on for so long.

I feel like most people here are at least convinced they are experiencing PAWS but the more time passes, the more doubtful I get!

I try to apply acceptance but when you're not able to experience hope or most of the other positive emotions, then it becomes close to impossible.

I may contact a withdrawal coach but I'm afraid it might not benefit me...

32 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

Good lord, I can't stop thinking I might be missing something because it's been going on for so long.

I know. It is an awful thing to ask of a human to deal with. But you are not missing anything. This is why acceptance is so important. To cope the best with this, we have to let go of our normal mindset of fix and control. With this we must accept the symptoms, accept the uncertain timeline, accept the non linear nature of the healing.

33 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

I feel like most people here are at least convinced they are experiencing PAWS but the more time passes, the more doubtful I get!

Im not really sure why logically, as you litterally fit the paws profile in every way.

34 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

I try to apply acceptance but when you're not able to experience hope or most of the other positive emotions, then it becomes close to impossible.

For some acceptance seems very challenging than for others. It is hard for all of us. Sometimes accepting we can't accept is the first step. Maybe you will be able to eventually. Either way we must just take one day at a time. Acceptance just makes the process more bareable. Healing happens regardless.

35 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

I may contact a withdrawal coach but I'm afraid it might not benefit me...

Maybe, maybe not. When I read your posts, you do seem like someone who would tbh. @Its-me-Rosie has some very positive experience of coaches and Im sure she won't mind making some suggestions for you to think about.

51 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

I may contact a withdrawal coach but I'm afraid it might not benefit me...

@Niels91 I’m going to one of Angie Peacock’s support circles today for the first time. If you’re at all interested, I can let you know what I think of it.

@Niels91 Just been chatting with Rosie, she only comes on once a months so won't see the tag for a bit. She suggested https://baylissa.com

Worth a look maybe.

Its coincidence, but I have my first meeting with Baylissa this afternoon. I’ll let you know how my experience was if you’d like! @Niels91

I am trying a coach tonight too. Will.let you know also.