Hi everyone,

 

I migrated from Surviving Antidepressants to this forum as the announcement was made that the forum there would be closed.

 

I started taking an AD back in July 2023 due to an anxiety disorder. My history on those can be found in my signature below.

 

I completed my 6-month taper in May 2025 and one week after I quit my AD, I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms.

It's been 7 months since then and it's been quite the ride.

 

Currently, my symptoms are mostly psychological and consist of anhedonia, anxiety, aversion, avolition, low libido, mental fatigue and lessened appetite

The best way to describe my withdrawal anxiety, is my internal alarm system going off for the smallest things that may seem threatening/dangerous. I'm sure a lot of you are very familiar with that ?

Physical symptoms are limited to small muscle contractions in my calves.

 

I will post an update on my current situation soon ?

 

If you want to read more on my journey, you can find my SA thread here:

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/forums/topic/32864-niels91-the-road-to-better/

 

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

 

Take care.

 

Niels

Welcome to the forum, Niels91.

 

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Hi Niels

 

Welcome to the forum it’s great to have you here!

 

Thank you for posting your introduction thread. 

 

I’m sorry to read about the symptoms you’ve been experiencing over the past few months.

Yes I can certainly relate to many of the symptoms you mention above particularly in the early months of withdrawal. I hope in time these resolve for you. It’s certainly what is observed in the community. 

 

Do post an update soon would be great to hear more of how you are. 

 

Hope you like the site and speak very soon.

 

Chippy

Thank you, Chippy! Much appreciated!

 

I will post the update in the course of next week.

 

Niels

Hi Niels,

I am also in terrible anhedonia. 14 years of Paxil threw me in this hell in February 2024. During a year the psychiatrist changed AD after AD... and as nothing worked, he did a CT in March 2025. At that time the real hell started with everything you know: anxiety, muscle pain, cortisol spikes, adrenaline rushes, hot waves, panic attacks... But the anhedonia became x1000 worse. No motivation, no emotions, no feelings at all, it is unbearable... How many time do you endure this? Is this something which helps you  to endure the days?

Svetla

---

And I am at the end of in my month 10 of hell...

Svetla

Hi Niels,

I am also in terrible anhedonia. 14 years of Paxil threw me in this hell in February 2024. During a year the psychiatrist changed AD after AD... and as nothing worked, he did a CT in March 2025. At that time the real hell started with everything you know: anxiety, muscle pain, cortisol spikes, adrenaline rushes, hot waves, panic attacks... But the anhedonia became x1000 worse. No motivation, no emotions, no feelings at all, it is unbearable... How many time do you endure this? Is this something which helps you  to endure the days?

Svetla

---

And I am at the end of in my month 10 of hell...

Svetla

Hi Svetla,

 

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this stuff as well. Anhedonia is such a nasty symptom.

 

I can still feel positive emotions at times but they are very much "dimmed". In the past 7 months, I have had a few instances where I'm able to feel really good, like 80-90% back to normal, but that only lasts a few hours.

 

Currently, my windows last about 7 days. I then feel neutral or somewhat above neutral. During that time, my mind is quite calm and positive and I have some motivation to do things.

 

Waves usually last about 3-7 days now. During a wave, I deal with all of the symptoms I mentioned earlier, except for anxiety. That is mostly gone now.

 

What helps me with anhedonia, is doing the things I usually like to do but without having high expectations and lots of acceptance. Movement and exercise also helps me a lot nowadays, but it took about 5-6 months before it did in my case. Other than that: time and patience.

 

I have seen quite a few changes in the past 7 months of which month 5 and 6 were the hardest for me. Everything is improving but it is quite slow. However, I am quite hopeful and I lool forward to see where I'll be in 6 months from now. :)

 

We will heal, trust the process!

 

What has improved for you since withdrawal started?

 

Niels

Hi everyone,

 

Here with an update on my situation.

 

Last week was a pretty good week overall: I felt quite positive, a few good emotions here and there, normal appetite, feeling motivated to do things.

 

Last Sunday, I got into a wave and my symptoms are the usual: feeling tired but wired, racing thoughts (especially in the morning and afternoon), feeling apathetic, barely any positive emotions.

Some morning anxiety as well but nothing major or long-lasting. Apart from that, my appetite is low and I do experience some digestive issues.

 

So what has improved for me over the past 7 months?

 

• Slightly longer and better windows
  
• Slightly shorter and less intense waves
  
• More motivation
  
• More enjoyment out of socializing and exercising
  
• Much less brain fog
  
• Much less anxiety
  
• My sleep is noticably better, both in quality and quantity
  
• No more tinnitus
  

 

I really hope that the anhedonia will eventually go away completely since that's the symptom I'm bothered by the most.

 

Here's to better and longer windows and even more improvement! 

 

Niels

Hi everyone,

 

Here with an update on my situation.

 

Last week was a pretty good week overall: I felt quite positive, a few good emotions here and there, normal appetite, feeling motivated to do things.

 

Last Sunday, I got into a wave and my symptoms are the usual: feeling tired but wired, racing thoughts (especially in the morning and afternoon), feeling apathetic, barely any positive emotions.

Some morning anxiety as well but nothing major or long-lasting. Apart from that, my appetite is low and I do experience some digestive issues.

 

So what has improved for me over the past 7 months?

 

• Slightly longer and better windows
  
• Slightly shorter and less intense waves
  
• More motivation
  
• More enjoyment out of socializing and exercising
  
• Much less brain fog
  
• Much less anxiety
  
• My sleep is noticably better, both in quality and quantity
  
• No more tinnitus
  

 

I really hope that the anhedonia will eventually go away completely since that's the symptom I'm bothered by the most.

 

Here's to better and longer windows and even more improvement! 

 

Niels

Hi Niels

 

Thanks for the update!

 

Sounds very positive you had a good week last week. Having days like last Sunday is definitely part of the process but the better run of days is great news!

 

Love your sleep is noticeably better. This is good. Sleep is so helpful for healing and generally making life easier. 

 

I get the anhedonia, didn't have much of it but when I did it was very hard to deal with. I hope this passes in time. Im sure it will.

 

Wishing those better and longer windows!

 

Chippy

To have good weeks at 7 months off is very good progress.

 

I'm sure that in time, you will improve more, even if it is non linear.

Hi Niels91,

 

Keep it up! Sounds like you’re climbing out of this. Exercise will help tremendously because of all the neurochemicals released as a result. It doesn’t have to be and probably shouldn’t be intense exercise. We need to follow our body’s lead and most likely be gentler with ourselves. It’s the hope that it will help with appetite but there can be disrupted digestion/gut issues with these varius ADs, especially when you come off of them. There are a lot of serotonin receptors in the gut. Time heals it but so does digestive aids so we can integrate nutrients into our body. I’m learning about it with a nutritionist who works for a food-based supplement company in the states. There is bidirectional communication between the brain and gut via the vagus nerve. Very fascinating stuff!

Take care, Namastejen1

Hi everyone,

Back again with an update.

A few things happened, some positive and some not so positive.

At the end of December I actually got laid off by my manager and even though this complicates things, it does also feel like a good thing because I didn't quite like the job, not to mention that it was stressful and high-demanding as well, especially while dealing with withdrawal as well. All in all, I worked there for 13 months and I have a notice period of 2 months so I have some time to find a new job. I'm going to take this as an opportunity to find a more fitting job and probably one that allows me to work 4/5 days. I really need some space and time for my nervous system to recover.

Now, I'm happy to share that I had a 10-day window from Jan 2nd and Jan 11th which is my longest to date! 😊

Unfortunately, I'm back in a wave since Jan 12th and I'm going through the usual symptoms: anhedonia, low mood, digestive issues, fatigue and avolition.

I've gotta say, it's very peculiar how these waves continue to feel as if all progress that's been made so far, seems gone, like it was wiped away. Such a frustrating thing. And when I'm back in a window, the belief and hope start to come back that everything will be alright. The duality is real and I think others have mentioned this as well.

Looking forward to more and better windows!

Niels

I see that you're taking a medication intended to control cholesterol.

 

Both paroxetine and escitalopram are associated with elevated cholesterol according to a number of studies.

 

I'd suggest continuing to monitor this with a doctor as you improve, as you may find that they're related and this needs re-evaluating down the line.

2 hours ago, Luke said:

I see that you're taking a medication intended to control cholesterol.

 

Both paroxetine and escitalopram are associated with elevated cholesterol according to a number of studies.

 

I'd suggest continuing to monitor this with a doctor as you improve, as you may find that they're related and this needs re-evaluating down the line.

 

Hi Luke,

 

Back in October my buddy on SA asked me if the statins might impact my mood but, honestly, I don't know... I did some research and there are a lot of opinions on them, both positive and negative.

 

I remember the leaflet for paroxetine stating that it may increase cholesterol levels and it did for me. Shortly before I started paroxetine, my bloodwork showed a total cholesterol amount of 195. For reference, the test stated that it should be below 190.

15 months later, bloodwork showed that my total cholesterol was 276 and that's when my doctor advised me to start taking statins. So yes, I am convinced that paroxetine raised those levels. On the other hand, both my father and grandfather have a history of high cholesterol as well so it might run in the family.

 

My last bloodwork in November showed a total of 149 which is great.

 

Based on the info I have found, I really can't tell if quitting statins would make a difference. Do you have any experience with this?

Hi @Niels91

 

Thanks for the update. 🙂

 

17 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I really need some space and time for my nervous system to recover.

 

I think prioritising this as much as you can is very important. Like you said, seeing this as an opportunity to get something more suited to you and your situation is a great way to look at it.

 

17 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Now, I'm happy to share that I had a 10-day window from Jan 2nd and Jan 11th which is my longest to date! 😊

Unfortunately, I'm back in a wave since Jan 12th and I'm going through the usual symptoms: anhedonia, low mood, digestive issues, fatigue and avolition.

 

This as I'm sure you are aware is very typical in WD. But great to see the last window your longest. Were you symptom free? Or just lower symptoms?

 

17 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I've gotta say, it's very peculiar how these waves continue to feel as if all progress that's been made so far, seems gone, like it was wiped away. Such a frustrating thing. And when I'm back in a window, the belief and hope start to come back that everything will be alright. The duality is real and I think others have mentioned this as well.

 

Everyone feels like this. Waves alway feel like you are going backwards. But you are not. Your body just has to do what it needs to right itself. It's learning to trust that whatever comes along is what has to happen. Even if it doesn't feel good. But it's an ongoing practice. When a window comes back the optimism comes back. Then a waves comes along again and you have to 'have a word' with yourself again. Quite the rollercoaster isn't it.

38 minutes ago, Chippy said:

This as I'm sure you are aware is very typical in WD. But great to see the last window your longest. Were you symptom free? Or just lower symptoms?

 

Much lower symptoms overall. The one symptom that's most noticeable still is anhedonia. That one still shows up even during my windows but less so than during a wave.

 

I have to admit, I scared myself yesterday by looking up what PSSD is and now I'm in a bit of a spiral... Since anhedonia and low libido are symptoms, I'm wondering if I have this as well... And then reading that some people have this permamently has made me feel very anxious. I really don't want to be stuck in this for the rest of my life... God, I don't even want to think about that.

 

Niels

@Niels91 I don't think PSSD is permanent. I've seen many many success stories. But I think since you still have libido (even though it's low) it's good news.

I had PSSD in my first withdrawal but it was resolved through re-instatement. Now, I still have libido (more than 4 months of (second) WD). Why I am writing this - it is obvious that things change and are not permanent.

37 minutes ago, Niels91 said:

 

Much lower symptoms overall. The one symptom that's most noticeable still is anhedonia. That one still shows up even during my windows but less so than during a wave.

 

I have to admit, I scared myself yesterday by looking up what PSSD is and now I'm in a bit of a spiral... Since anhedonia and low libido are symptoms, I'm wondering if I have this as well... And then reading that some people have this permamently has made me feel very anxious. I really don't want to be stuck in this for the rest of my life... God, I don't even want to think about that.

 

Niels

Its normal for your windows to be a bit 'dirty' this is true for me too.

 

Don't worry too much about other people and putting yourself in boxes. I don't consider myself a PSSD sufferer but I definately have some reduced libido for sure. You can't control how your body heals but you can work on your mindset. Try not to think like this if you can. Have a read of my acceptance topic. https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/57-acceptance-is-key/#comment-432

 

It takes some work but if you can just try to learn to stop fearing it and trust your body to heal, this actually goes along way to helping. We will all improve over time. Time is the key. You won't be stuck like this for ever. 🙂 

@Marina Thank you for chiming in. That does give me some relief.

 

I have some genital numbing but I am still able to feel (some) pleasure and don't have trouble reaching an orgasm. And I don't have erectile dysfunction so that's good news too.

 

I need to stop looking into things such as PSSD and continue to trust myself and the process.

 

I will come out of this, I will heal.

 

Thank you once again.

I wish I could feel and express these emotions better but it is what it is for now.

All in due time! 🙂

 

Niels

1 minute ago, Chippy said:

Its normal for your windows to be a bit 'dirty' this is true for me too.

 

Don't worry too much about other people and putting yourself in boxes. I don't consider myself a PSSD sufferer but I definately have some reduced libido for sure. You can't control how your body heals but you can work on your mindset. Try not to think like this if you can. Have a read of my acceptance topic. https://antidepressantrecovery.org/topic/57-acceptance-is-key/#comment-432

 

It takes some work but if you can just try to learn to stop fearing it and trust your body to heal, this actually goes along way to helping. We will all improve over time. Time is the key. You won't be stuck like this for ever. 🙂 

 

Thank you so much, Chippy. I really appreciate the support. As cruel as this withdrawal/injury is, it is such a beautiful thing to have this community and to be surrounded by people who care for each other.

 

I will definitely check your topic.

 

All the best,

 

Niels

@Niels91 You see, you just fact-checked yourself. 😉

 

Believe me, I've read too much for my own good as well and most of the time I imagine myself the worst case, but that is so far from reality. Someone else has to step in and point out all the positives in my current state.

22 hours ago, Niels91 said:

 

Hi Luke,

 

Back in October my buddy on SA asked me if the statins might impact my mood but, honestly, I don't know... I did some research and there are a lot of opinions on them, both positive and negative.

 

I remember the leaflet for paroxetine stating that it may increase cholesterol levels and it did for me. Shortly before I started paroxetine, my bloodwork showed a total cholesterol amount of 195. For reference, the test stated that it should be below 190.

15 months later, bloodwork showed that my total cholesterol was 276 and that's when my doctor advised me to start taking statins. So yes, I am convinced that paroxetine raised those levels. On the other hand, both my father and grandfather have a history of high cholesterol as well so it might run in the family.

 

My last bloodwork in November showed a total of 149 which is great.

 

Based on the info I have found, I really can't tell if quitting statins would make a difference. Do you have any experience with this?

 

I don't have any experience with this.

 

To be clear, I'm not suggesting that you stop taking statins. I'm simply suggesting that the health situation you're in, where you require them to control cholesterol levels, might not persist forever as you reduce the dose and come off it, in time, and that you'd do well to monitor this and consider whether you still need them in the future if this changes.

 

It's good that you're having regular bloodwork.

 

 

19 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I have some genital numbing but I am still able to feel (some) pleasure and don't have trouble reaching an orgasm. And I don't have erectile dysfunction so that's good news too.

 

I need to stop looking into things such as PSSD and continue to trust myself and the process.

 

If you have any symptoms of it, they're very mild, and you don't have meaningful sexual dysfunction, realistically.

 

Anhedonia etc. are classic withdrawal symptoms.

 

Also, I had very bad PSSD and it is beginning to improve considerably. It's very early days for you and you've been having windows. All you must do is take care of yourself and give it more time.

On 1/17/2026 at 4:24 AM, Niels91 said:

Much lower symptoms overall. The one symptom that's most noticeable still is anhedonia. That one still shows up even during my windows but less so than during a wave.

Hi @Niels91, welcome to the escitalopram group, sorry we all had to meet this way! Anhedonia is a huge side affect from this drug. I never knew that anything like this existed until I took this s**tty drug, and still deal with it in CT too. It has lessened since acute, and it will go away. It appears more as a flatness now for me. I still hate it, a total joy stealer!

 

On 1/17/2026 at 2:21 AM, Niels91 said:

Based on the info I have found, I really can't tell if quitting statins would make a difference. Do you have any experience with this?

I noticed that you are still on a statin. I quit mine during the start of my cold turkey to try and clear my brain of everything. Of course in my bloodwork last week the cholesterol totally shot up. Upping my meat and eggs intake to help boost my mitochondria didn't help either as both are higher cholesterol foods. I told my doctor I may add back as I’m more healed. I'm vacillating if I should add it again sooner. I am going to try and get it down with diet first, but I think it is more hereditary. I'm not sure quitting has made a difference or not in my healing. We'll see! 

On 1/22/2026 at 5:24 AM, HopePerseveres2.0 said:

Hi @Niels91, welcome to the escitalopram group, sorry we all had to meet this way! Anhedonia is a huge side affect from this drug. I never knew that anything like this existed until I took this s**tty drug, and still deal with it in CT too. It has lessened since acute, and it will go away. It appears more as a flatness now for me. I still hate it, a total joy stealer!

 

Hi @HopePerseveres2.0, thank you for the warm welcome! 😁

 

It's a shame that we, and everone else here, have to go through such an ordeal. That said, I trust we will all heal at some point in the future.

 

I also want to take a moment to give an update on my situation. The past 3 weeks have been following the typical pattern of windows and waves. Windows last about 7 days and waves about 5 days.

 

Yesterday, I entered another wave and it's a pretty bad one. I feel tired, lost, detached and irritated. Some aversion and avolition is also present, especially at work. Anhedonia still present. I lose most of my appetite during a wave, as well as most of my interest in my hobbies. I find myself just coming home after work, eating something (even though I'm not or barely hungry) and I spend my time on the couch, watching netflix, doing a few chores and at 10 pm I go to bed. Lately, I've also been experiencing brainfog again and I have hard time collecting and expressing my thoughts. Processing of information is difficult and I feel easily overwhelmed. I'm also more forgetful.

 

My sleep is pretty good, though; I fall asleep without much issue and I rarely wake up in the middle of the night. Thing is that often times, I don't feel particularly rested when I wake up, unless I sleep for about 8 hours and even then I don't always feel well-rested. Other than that, the severe anxiety that I experienced back in October and November is gone which is another win.

 

When I'm in a window, things feel lighter and better. I have more energy, more motivation, my appetite returns, I feel like socializing and doing chores. I want to spend time outside and savor the little things. I listen to music and at times, I can really feel the music again and it's sooo nice 😊

 

All in all, there is progress but it's very slow.

 

Just today I caught myself thinking that I would rather just crawl in bed and sleep away the next year so I can wake up to my "new self" that's completely healed from this injury. I miss the "old me" that would look forward to spending time with friends. Laughing and joking so much that I would cry tears of laughter. The "old me" who felt that deep connection with nature and in particular the ocean (I used to love the underwater world and spending time in it). The "old me" who would feel motivated to find a loving girlfriend. The "old me" who would look forward to playing his favorite videogames during the weekend. The "old me" who would want to go out and dance at a festival and thoroughly enjoy it.

 

I know this all sounds pretty damn negative ,and I apologize for that but, after almost 2 years of being on an AD and 8 months of withdrawal, I can't help but... grieve (?) because it really feels like I lost a huge part of myself. I don't know if that "me" is still there, but I truly hope so.

 

I look forward to meeting myself again after all of this is behind me. It's something I want to celebrate.

Hi @Niels91

 

Thanks for the update

 

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Yesterday, I entered another wave and it's a pretty bad one. I feel tired, lost, detached and irritated. Some aversion and avolition is also present, especially at work. Anhedonia still present. I lose most of my appetite during a wave, as well as most of my interest in my hobbies. I find myself just coming home after work, eating something (even though I'm not or barely hungry) and I spend my time on the couch, watching netflix, doing a few chores and at 10 pm I go to bed. Lately, I've also been experiencing brainfog again and I have hard time collecting and expressing my thoughts. Processing of information is difficult and I feel easily overwhelmed. I'm also more forgetful

Im sorry to read this. I think we can all relate to much of this. Ive hit another little wave myself. Hard to take isnt it.

 

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

My sleep is pretty good, though; I fall asleep without much issue and I rarely wake up in the middle of the night. Thing is that often times, I don't feel particularly rested when I wake up, unless I sleep for about 8 hours and even then I don't always feel well-rested. Other than that, the severe anxiety that I experienced back in October and November is gone which is another win.

This is great news. If you can sleep it makes all the difference. I do empathise here too. I sleep ok but often wake feeling not rested. It wears you down doesnt it.

 

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

When I'm in a window, things feel lighter and better. I have more energy, more motivation, my appetite returns, I feel like socializing and doing chores. I want to spend time outside and savor the little things. I listen to music and at times, I can really feel the music again and it's sooo nice 😊

It's amazing how positive you feel when you hit a window isn't it! Hang onto that in the waves!

 

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

All in all, there is progress but it's very slow.

Yes this is what we all seem to experience isnt it. Very slow. But healing is happening 🙂 

 

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

Just today I caught myself thinking that I would rather just crawl in bed and sleep away the next year so I can wake up to my "new self" that's completely healed from this injury. I miss the "old me" that would look forward to spending time with friends. Laughing and joking so much that I would cry tears of laughter. The "old me" who felt that deep connection with nature and in particular the ocean (I used to love the underwater world and spending time in it). The "old me" who would feel motivated to find a loving girlfriend. The "old me" who would look forward to playing his favorite videogames during the weekend. The "old me" who would want to go out and dance at a festival and thoroughly enjoy it.

I mourn my old life too. But we will all get it back eventually. And I like to think we will be wiser and stronger from having been through this trauma. 

 

13 hours ago, Niels91 said:

I know this all sounds pretty damn negative ,and I apologize for that but, after almost 2 years of being on an AD and 8 months of withdrawal, I can't help but... grieve (?) because it really feels like I lost a huge part of myself. I don't know if that "me" is still there, but I truly hope so.

 

I look forward to meeting myself again after all of this is behind me. It's something I want to celebrate.

No not at all. A very measured and honest update nothing to apologise for. 'You' are still in there and we will all celebrate with you one day by reading your success story.

 

Chippy

Thank you very much @Chippy. I appreciate it. Your last paragraph made me feel very emotional and I welcome it.

 

If there's one thing I've learned in the past couple of years, it's that feelings are there to be felt, not to be suppressed. I learned there's quite a bit of truth in the expression what we resist, persists.

 

I wish for all of us to get well soon, I really do.

 

Let's keep taking care of ourselves and keep going, one step at a time.

 

Niels