@Fullhealing

I know what you mean by saying “smoke like a chimney”.
I do too🫣

This is my least worry. In waves I try to do what it takes to be with all the symptoms. I made smoking a part of my recovery plan. 😅 Wise or not, I just permit myself to smoke away. Enjoy it while it lasts.

It is good the hear that you are feeling better. Take care. We will prevail. 


 

20 minutes ago, Haa said:

@Fullhealing

I know what you mean by saying “smoke like a chimney”.
I do too🫣

This is my least worry. In waves I try to do what it takes to be with all the symptoms. I made smoking a part of my recovery plan. 😅 Wise or not, I just permit myself to smoke away. Enjoy it while it lasts.

It is good the hear that you are feeling better. Take care. We will prevail. 


 

@Haa Part of my recovery plan 😁 brilliant, thanks for a good laugh, makes me feel a bit better about it, everything in its own time, just not now..

Recovery process from start to finish in 2 minutes, Angie Peacock, great one!

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/vyBpdLGbGww?si=vpBo1LJkz8FQSdGj

 

 

I can't believe how much I see myself in this thread. Forgive me for not mentioning names.  All of you share so honestly and helpfully. 

 

I feel a bit different in that my symptoms start ( fatigue, headaches,  nausea, dizziness) as soon as the drug takes effect.  Getting off caused severe insomnia after about 4 months clean. But I felt great otherwise in those 4 months! No restless legs, no infections,  natural sleep. 

I'm a delayed responder in every way. I don't feel cuts because I'm ALWAYS sick anyway as long as I'm on Paxil. 

I am on other drugs to mitigate the terrible insomnia that resulted in getting off Paxil 4 other times. 

I should copy this to my blog. Thanks for the food for thought. 

1 hour ago, mars said:

I can't believe how much I see myself in this thread. Forgive me for not mentioning names.  All of you share so honestly and helpfully. 

 

I feel a bit different in that my symptoms start ( fatigue, headaches,  nausea, dizziness) as soon as the drug takes effect.  Getting off caused severe insomnia after about 4 months clean. But I felt great otherwise in those 4 months! No restless legs, no infections,  natural sleep. 

I'm a delayed responder in every way. I don't feel cuts because I'm ALWAYS sick anyway as long as I'm on Paxil. 

I am on other drugs to mitigate the terrible insomnia that resulted in getting off Paxil 4 other times. 

I should copy this to my blog. Thanks for the food for thought. 

Hey @mars I comment on your thread.

5 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Unfortunately my smoking has gotten so much worse in recent waves, I smoke like a chimney, awful, there is work to be done here but no worse timing than during withdrawal, tried it, didn't went well.. I will try to at least reduce the amount.

@Fullhealing I get you.  I stopped smoking many moons ago by replacing it with nicotine lozenges. My use has increased whilst of been tapering. I know it's not good for me but it's at the bottom of my list at the moment — no way am I putting added pressure on myself by guilt tripping. I'll get to it when I'm there.  My priorities are my relationships, tapering slowly enough that I can maintain function and friendships.  Take care. 🤗

29 minutes ago, Catbird said:

@Fullhealing I get you.  I stopped smoking many moons ago by replacing it with nicotine lozenges. My use has increased whilst of been tapering. I know it's not good for me but it's at the bottom of my list at the moment — no way am I putting added pressure on myself by guilt tripping. I'll get to it when I'm there.  My priorities are my relationships, tapering slowly enough that I can maintain function and friendships.  Take care. 🤗

Exactly @Catbird ,I mean, it still sticks in my head how unhealthy etc. especially since I increased the amount, however, it's better to hold on to what's left of my sanity than to be a non-smoker, completely dysfunctional and lunatic..

I'll try to moderate it a little but without pressure, if it doesn't work, so be it..

Hope your day went well and you are ok atm.

Edited February 8Feb 8 by Fullhealing

16 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

it's better to hold on to what's left of my sanity than to be a non-smoker, completely dysfunctional and lunatic..

😂  Me too. 
Of to sleep. Take care. 

11 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Body aches are almost completely gone, my mindset is more friendly and less self-critical as well.

Love this 😀❤️

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

Love this 😀❤️

@Chippy thanks for being so supportive, means a lot! hopefully you are well atm 🙏

Edited February 9Feb 9 by Fullhealing

Update 10:30pm

Night-short sleep, maybe 4 hours but not disturbed so I'll take it.

Things significantly improving, general feeling energetic, no body pain at all. Last night I had to buy groceries at a huge supermarket which was a huge challenge in this process, much to my surprise, for the first time I didn't feel haunted/paranoid, on edge, not furious, not ready for a fight, scared, shaking and just waiting to be done with it, on the contrary, I walked around calmly with a clear head, I was actually able to see products that were there all along but disappeared from my sight because I was so trapped in my own withdrawal hell, it was beyond liberating, really.

Who would have thought.. two days ago I was grilling, awful, no hope, thinking this was it for me and then this arrives, clear window, without a speck of dust.

How challenging it is to see light in the darkness and hold onto hope, but it is there for everyone here, surviving the moment that's the only thing to do and it will happen, it is guaranteed, however, without ruining this euphoric party, more than likely that some wave is forming and I can't see it yet.. I just hope to maintain my current mindset when it hits, if not, it's all decompensated here as a reminder.

Edited February 9Feb 9 by Fullhealing

@Fullhealing We keep going on. 
I cros my fingers and hope that you’ll be able to enjoy the view from the window many days forward. 
🙏💕

 

 

26 minutes ago, Haa said:

@Fullhealing We keep going on. 
I cros my fingers and hope that you’ll be able to enjoy the view from the window many days forward. 
🙏💕

 

 

Thank you @Haa glad you're in a good place atm as well, and indeed, we keep moving forward, it will happened to everyone, each in their own time ❣️

Edited February 9Feb 9 by Fullhealing

update 18:30pm

Throughout the day flashes of euphoria, hard to describe, kind of hyper systemic feeling, not in a bad way but in an unusual or normal way, a little maybe hypomanic, as if every cell feels alive but too alive, a little uncomfortable with heart palpitations and a little general burning sensation for moments, a sharp transition from what it was two days ago or even less, although much better still feels a little strange.

Mind is running too fast but the contents are mostly uplifting.

As of now, tinnitus, twitching, a little restlessness with burning sensation and heart palpitations but no pain at all, that's more or less it.

Edited February 9Feb 9 by Fullhealing

Update 10:30

Short and restless sleep, woke up with burning eyes and as if I hadn't slept at all.

Euphoria and clarity of mind gone, although it was enjoyable to some extent, it still felt foreign and chemical..

Self-alienation, uncertainty and fear are strong now, too drastic fluctuations to try to understand who I am in this process and form some kind of self-identity, feels impossible and maybe pointless at my stage where I haven't reached the end point yet and my body contains chemicals, who knows.. too many loud thoughts in jarring tones, overactive mindset, off switch would be wonderful.

My body is still fine in terms of pain although a burning sensation with some stiffness in the upper parts still comes in flashes.

Tinnitus, twitching as usual.

You too. This is a rollercoaster big time. Hard to keep up the hope and the acceptens. But we have to. 
Take care. It will end. Hopefully soon. 
 

41 minutes ago, Haa said:

You too. This is a rollercoaster big time. Hard to keep up the hope and the acceptens. But we have to. 
Take care. It will end. Hopefully soon. 
 

Thanks @Haa it will, short memory activated in waves, feel better soon.

Edited February 10Feb 10 by Fullhealing

Update 1am

Horrible trip day, things got worse, burning sensation and physical restlessness extended from short moments to most of the time with a rotten typical withdrawal mindset, lots of fear and a sense of doom.

Barely managed to work for 3 hours, my body was on fire with a racing mind, crazy digestion and zero concentration, couldn't hold back and everything erupted in uncontrollable crying, packed myself home, arrived around 5:00pm and went straight to bed to sleep this hell, finally fell asleep until recently, more than 5 hours, very restless sleep, while sleeping I dreamed that the muscles of my left foot, where I have the constant twitching, were locking up in terrible pain, it felt long but I didn't wake up, I thought it was just a dream, finally when I woke up my foot was still very sore and half locked up, not really sure what to make of this, lack of magnesium and or other minerals/vitamins, withdrawal, both.. time for blood tests I think.

32 days from the last cut with no intention of changing until the storm subsides.

2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

typical withdrawal mindset,

Thank you for naming this. What a powerful thing, to name this negative thinking/fear something concrete so I can normalize it as part of the journey.

 

You've done me a great service. And I hold you in my heart as I pray for relief...for all of us.

On 2/9/2026 at 2:36 AM, Fullhealing said:

 

 

on the contrary, I walked around calmly with a clear head,

 

and then this arrives, clear window, without a speck of dust.

Love it…sorry I’m a bit behind on my posts—my schedule has been really busy. It’s great to see you had a clear window, clear head—like the fog has lifted. 
I pray you have more of these moments into hours into days…

 

Peace, my friend

3 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

Love it…sorry I’m a bit behind on my posts—my schedule has been really busy. It’s great to see you had a clear window, clear head—like the fog has lifted. 
I pray you have more of these moments into hours into days…

 

Peace, my friend

Thank you @namastejen1 it was nice while it lasted but back to hell again.. feels like the wave has moved away only to return with a vengeance 😩 

Edited February 11Feb 11 by Fullhealing

5 hours ago, mars said:

Thank you for naming this. What a powerful thing, to name this negative thinking/fear something concrete so I can normalize it as part of the journey.

 

You've done me a great service. And I hold you in my heart as I pray for relief...for all of us.

@mars super hard to normalize something abnormal, logic hates paradoxes but sometimes it works..

Praying with you for all of us, thank you.

Update 14:30pm

same yack as yesterday..

Slept very short probably because I slept almost half the day yesterday, shallow sleep, weird dreams etc..

finally packed myself to see my GP and left with a long grocery list.. full of tests to do, the last thing I have the strength for but better to be on the safe side I guess..

Burning sensation started extremely strong as soon as I woke up and has been with me non-stop until now, my digestion continues to go crazy and my mind, gosh, just shut up already.

I've never been as plagued by symptoms as I am now, so unhealthy, finding myself jumping between forums most of the day, really need to stop this fever and reduce activity, well, we'll see how that goes..

That's it for now, hopefully the rest of the day will go better.

Edited February 11Feb 11 by Fullhealing

28 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Burning sensation started extremely strong as soon as I woke up and has been with me non-stop until now, my digestion continues to go crazy and my mind, gosh, just shut up already.

Sorry about this....I have been there and it will improve in time.   I, sometimes, experience the same symptoms, but now it not intense and not every day.   

 

It's weird how symptoms hit at certain time of the day...I get hit between 5am to like 10am.  Then, I feel better and work stress doesn't bother me, but morning hours, I sometimes feels even fear to my own shadow..... ridiculous!!!!!

 

You will get better... hanging there...

4 hours ago, Raymond said:

Sorry about this....I have been there and it will improve in time.   I, sometimes, experience the same symptoms, but now it not intense and not every day.   

 

It's weird how symptoms hit at certain time of the day...I get hit between 5am to like 10am.  Then, I feel better and work stress doesn't bother me, but morning hours, I sometimes feels even fear to my own shadow..... ridiculous!!!!!

 

You will get better... hanging there...

Thanks Raymond, I don't have a fixed symptom pattern, yet, I guess the more we balance the more predictable the symptoms are?.. not sure.. but if so it's a great sign for you.

thank you for your support 🙏 stay well.

Edited February 11Feb 11 by Fullhealing