57 minutes ago, Raymond said:

Keep holding to it.   On day atxa time ..you are doing great.   Don't give up to this evilness....the light at the end of this journey will be brighter than ever....

 

Keep going....

thank you @Raymond very dark atm but yes as you said, one moment at the time, we must keep on pushing 🙏

 

Hi @Fullhealing

I am so sorry to hear, you’r having such a bad day. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been in WD can understand just a corner of what we are going through.

It will pass, even though It doesn’t feel like it, when caught in a wave. 
Many warm and caring thoughts. We are all right here for you to lean on. 
🙏💕


 

25 minutes ago, Haa said:

Hi @Fullhealing

I am so sorry to hear, you’r having such a bad day. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been in WD can understand just a corner of what we are going through.

It will pass, even though It doesn’t feel like it, when caught in a wave. 
Many warm and caring thoughts. We are all right here for you to lean on. 
🙏💕


 

 @Haa you are absolutely right, NO ONE expect us going through it! so greatfful to be part of this community and meet beautiful souls 💞 thank you so much!

I'm a bit better atm, let's hope it will stay a bit longer.

How are you doing? Hopefully well?

 

Midnight

Continue to previous update:

Blood tests came in, normal except for vitamin D and iron, not deficient but at the very low end, thyroid at the low end but not deficient, vitamin B12 at the high end which is surprising as I don't eat meat, fish or eggs since I was around 16-17.. histamine is sky high but familiar, allergies have been a few years now with serious worsening during withdrawal, so although these can have small effect it's definitely not the cause, there are more tests on the way just to close the physical health issue.

Quiet akathisia at the moment, grateful.

Hoping for a brighter work day tomorrow to distract my mind.

Edited February 16Feb 16 by Fullhealing

Let's hope the akathisia stays away for a very long time. It is quite awful.

Yes, we are here to support one another and have faith and pray that all of us cross the finish line out of this Rx nightmare race. Slow and steady wins it. Patience and perseverance too. 

 

As for your blood tests, I hope you don't mind me commenting on them:

-Vit D is so important for bone/teeth, immunity, muscles, calcium and phosphorus absorption, thyroid, etc. Take with K2 for better absorption. I take D3/K2 drops.

-Iron keeps us strong to stave off anemia and fatigue, facilitates adequate O2 utilization. Take with Vit C for better absorption

-B12 being high, have you had your homocysteine levels checked? B12 may not be well utilized and is being stored up in the blood. I have one of the MTHFR snps that can cause issues and have done some studying into the methylation cycle. I betcha most of us have some genetic snps that can contribute to emotional sensitivity and why we got onto these darn Rx in the first place. I am no expert, just informed enough. This involves a lot of process that my taper brain cannot wrap around at the moment. But there are some things you can investigate.  Dr Ben Lynch has his Seeking Health website that has a lot of genetic information.

 

Have a pleasant work day tomorrow! Be well, my friend.

6 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

vitamin B12 at the high end which is surprising as I don't eat meat, fish or eggs

@Fullhealing I've looked into this as my daughter eats a mainly plant based diet (she eats kangaroo once a week for iron).  Some of the (highly) processed foods such as seitan have added small amounts of B12 (not sure it's enough or in a useable form) and also a lot of saturated fat.  

I see a functional medicine physician who says the reference ranges pertain to populations, not individuals and the ranges are not optimal doses. I use a B12 spray. I used to be able to get the methylated version, but it's no longer available.  I also use a D3/K2 spray which contains the right proportions for optimisation.

You've reminded me that I should get my blood tests done as it's been a while. I hope you have some reassurance from the good results and a plan for the rest. I've found it's good to know where I stand.

Take care 🤗

12 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Update 18:00pm

Going badly, akathisia faded only to return with revenge from yesterday towards noon and has accompanied me until now along with atomic depression.. my grip on sane reality is loosening and I live in a delusional hell, barely functioning, stuck at home with small outings to work, the solitude that I loved at times, has become my great enemy, faith and hope, the driving and most critical force in this dark journey is beginning to fade as the days pass and there is no balance in sight

I have become a shadow of myself, unrecognizable.

Current symptoms:

Mental: fear, phobia, paranoia, depression, sleep hallucinations.

Physical: burning, stiff muscles, loud tinnitus, twitching, head pressure with dull ache.

I’m so sorry @Fullhealing you’re such a warrior dealing with all this and so supportive to others on here in the midst of all this. Sending you lots of hugs and praying for relief from this hell very soon. Xxx

3 hours ago, namastejen1 said:

Let's hope the akathisia stays away for a very long time. It is quite awful.

Yes, we are here to support one another and have faith and pray that all of us cross the finish line out of this Rx nightmare race. Slow and steady wins it. Patience and perseverance too. 

 

As for your blood tests, I hope you don't mind me commenting on them:

-Vit D is so important for bone/teeth, immunity, muscles, calcium and phosphorus absorption, thyroid, etc. Take with K2 for better absorption. I take D3/K2 drops.

-Iron keeps us strong to stave off anemia and fatigue, facilitates adequate O2 utilization. Take with Vit C for better absorption

-B12 being high, have you had your homocysteine levels checked? B12 may not be well utilized and is being stored up in the blood. I have one of the MTHFR snps that can cause issues and have done some studying into the methylation cycle. I betcha most of us have some genetic snps that can contribute to emotional sensitivity and why we got onto these darn Rx in the first place. I am no expert, just informed enough. This involves a lot of process that my taper brain cannot wrap around at the moment. But there are some things you can investigate.  Dr Ben Lynch has his Seeking Health website that has a lot of genetic information.

 

Have a pleasant work day tomorrow! Be well, my friend.

Thank you so much @namastejen1 I'm a bit better atm, hopefully it will stay that way!

As for vitamins, I was still able to take D and iron at the beginning of the process so they were in the middle range but as I got closer to the lower doses they caused flare-ups so I had to stop, they are still in the normal range, although low, so hopefully it doesn't have too much affect, the D I'll try to get directly from sun exposure, warm winter here, more sunny days than rainy ones so it may sort it out. Regarding B12 I had no idea, thanks for the info, it's definitely puzzling how the values are in the upper range when I have almost no sources of it in my diet. I'll look into it 🙏

 

1 hour ago, Chippy said:

I’m so sorry @Fullhealing you’re such a warrior dealing with all this and so supportive to others on here in the midst of all this. Sending you lots of hugs and praying for relief from this hell very soon. Xxx

Thank you so much @Chippyappreciate your kindness and encouragement 🙏🙏

2 hours ago, Catbird said:

@Fullhealing I've looked into this as my daughter eats a mainly plant based diet (she eats kangaroo once a week for iron).  Some of the (highly) processed foods such as seitan have added small amounts of B12 (not sure it's enough or in a useable form) and also a lot of saturated fat.  

I see a functional medicine physician who says the reference ranges pertain to populations, not individuals and the ranges are not optimal doses. I use a B12 spray. I used to be able to get the methylated version, but it's no longer available.  I also use a D3/K2 spray which contains the right proportions for optimisation.

You've reminded me that I should get my blood tests done as it's been a while. I hope you have some reassurance from the good results and a plan for the rest. I've found it's good to know where I stand.

Take care 🤗

Thank you @Catbird I'll have to look into the B12 issue in depth, I had no idea, but as I understand the values that appear don't necessarily indicate absorption, so it could be a factor here.

And it's good that you're thinking of getting checked, hidden deficiencies and problems can mimic many symptoms and vice versa as will 

withdrawal so it's better to be on the safe side for sure.

Hope your are doing well atm 🙏

2 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Thank you @Catbird I'll have to look into the B12 issue in depth, I had no idea, but as I understand the values that appear don't necessarily indicate absorption, so it could be a factor here.

And it's good that you're thinking of getting checked, hidden deficiencies and problems can mimic many symptoms and vice versa as will 

withdrawal so it's better to be on the safe side for sure.

Hope your are doing well atm 🙏

You too @Fullhealing. I’ve only been using my B12 spray a few times a week, but today I watched a YouTube video - Chris Masterjohn on methylation and it’s interesting what he said about B12. I’ll leave it to you to follow up (I was a little distracted) as I wouldn’t be able to recount it accurately 🙃

Update 7:00am

Awake since 3am so another broken night, the last few days have been horrific, although physically a little better at least in fires sense my mindset is in twilight zone spinning around itself in a terrible loop, I've been hit with atomic depression, really out of this world with flashes of terror, not something I have ever known, I couldn't work, barely eat or take care of myself in the most basic sense, all day confined to bed, still in the same place with a brutal brain fog that makes it very difficult for me to communicate or document but necessary without too big gaps to measure progress that is currently in decline.

Current symptoms:

Mental: atomic depression/terror/flashes of phobias and paranoia

Physical: pressure and dull headache/very loud tinnitus/poor digestion/twitching/muscle stiffness that comes and goes in different places.

Edited February 20Feb 20 by Fullhealing

2 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Update 7:00am

Awake since 3am so another broken night, the last few days have been horrific, although physically a little better at least in fires sense my mindset is in twilight zone spinning around itself in a terrible loop.

Last few days I've been hit with atomic depression, really out of this world with flashes of terror, not something I have ever known, I couldn't work, barely eat or take care of myself in the most basic sense, all day confined to bed, still in the same place with a brutal brain fog that makes it very difficult for me to communicate or document but necessary without too big gaps to measure progress that is currently in decline.

Current symptoms:

Mental: atomic depression/terror/flashes of phobias and paranoia

Physical: pressure and dull headache/very loud tinnitus/poor digestion/twitching/muscle stiffness that comes and goes in different places.

Sending you love @Fullhealing xxx

6 hours ago, Fullhealing said:

Update 7:00am

Awake since 3am so another broken night, the last few days have been horrific, although physically a little better at least in fires sense my mindset is in twilight zone spinning around itself in a terrible loop, I've been hit with atomic depression, really out of this world with flashes of terror, not something I have ever known, I couldn't work, barely eat or take care of myself in the most basic sense, all day confined to bed, still in the same place with a brutal brain fog that makes it very difficult for me to communicate or document but necessary without too big gaps to measure progress that is currently in decline.

Current symptoms:

Mental: atomic depression/terror/flashes of phobias and paranoia

Physical: pressure and dull headache/very loud tinnitus/poor digestion/twitching/muscle stiffness that comes and goes in different places.

Sorry to hear about your struggles, but keep feeding your mind that it's part of the healing process.   Those symptoms will fade away slowly.  I had them and I still have few of them but a lot less intense.

 

Keep moving forward.  One day, it will be brighter.   Take one day at a time ..

 

 

@Fullhealing

I’m ao sorry that you are in this awful state. I was there the last couple of days. Today it started to ease a little. I am still low and vulnerable and need to take care not to stimulate the fight / flight part of my brain. But today I have been able to begin to believe, that this too will pass. 
Compassion and loving kindness to you. 💕🤗.

 

Update 16:00pm

Current symptoms:

Physical: Sharp abdominal pain/rapid pulse/burning sensation in the head-neck-chest area/screaming tinnitus/pressure and dull headache/burning eyes/terrible digestion/twitching.

Mental: Atomic depression turned into terror, terrible fear of everything/intrusive thoughts/sleeping with hallucinations/paranoid thoughts out of nowhere..

New symptoms from yesterday:

MASSIVE hair loss/upper back-all peeling off in big pieces.

So many of the symptoms could be hormonal alone (perimenopause) and or withdrawal that affects female hormones as well as the rest of the endocrine systems.. there's still a pretty long list of tests to go through so I'll wait and see.

* Allergy attacks-old one, in waves.

Edited February 21Feb 21 by Fullhealing

32 minutes ago, Haa said:

@Fullhealing

I’m ao sorry that you are in this awful state. I was there the last couple of days. Today it started to ease a little. I am still low and vulnerable and need to take care not to stimulate the fight / flight part of my brain. But today I have been able to begin to believe, that this too will pass. 
Compassion and loving kindness to you. 💕🤗.

 

Oh @Haa I'm so sorry you had harsh days as well, I wondered how you are doing so thanks for updating and for your kind words.

I'm so glad you're feeling better atm, hopefully it will stay longgg.

Extra big hug to you 🫂 

Edited February 21Feb 21 by Fullhealing

Update 21:30pm

Body is activated, full force, on the grill, feels like someone keeps pouring gasoline.. very on edge mentally too, very loose nerves.

withdrawal mind playing dirty games, trying to counter it, not easy and very exhausting, it has a lot of power.

Symptoms:

Physical: tinnitus/poor digestion-getting worse/burning upper body area along with muscle stiffness/difficulty breathing/chest tightness/twitching/joint pain-in waves.

Mental: terror-fear/on edge/anger/impatience/depressive episodes/phobias/strange paranoias.

New symptoms: hair loss and peeling skin on my back, monitoring, too early to tell.

@Fullhealing 

I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. 
On and on. It seems like it’s never going to end. But it will. This evening I was on the edge until right at this hour. I finally for the first time today I can feel myself. So Atm I can say it will pass. - If tomorrow is a new horror day, I won’t even be able to recall this. WD is a beast. But we will outlive it. We do the best we can. Hang on. 
Good night. Hope you’ll have a good nights sleep. And that tomorrow will be more manageable for both of us - for all of us. 💕🙏

1 hour ago, Haa said:

@Fullhealing 

I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. 
On and on. It seems like it’s never going to end. But it will. This evening I was on the edge until right at this hour. I finally for the first time today I can feel myself. So Atm I can say it will pass. - If tomorrow is a new horror day, I won’t even be able to recall this. WD is a beast. But we will outlive it. We do the best we can. Hang on. 
Good night. Hope you’ll have a good nights sleep. And that tomorrow will be more manageable for both of us - for all of us. 💕🙏

Thank you @Haa yes, let's hope for a good day tomorrow, but we will face whatever comes as we always do, good night sleep tight 💞

Edited February 22Feb 22 by Fullhealing

Update 23:00pm

Last two days, akathisia kicks in hard, when it comes it starts with upper body on fire, loud tinnitus, head pressure with dull pain, sore and burning eyes, shortness of breath, palpitations, poor digestion and extreme physical and mental restlessness, it can last for hours or as a short flash, no triggers identified, comes out of nowhere.

Additional physical and mental symptoms-waving: muscle foot locking with severe pain, joint and stomach pain, general weakness, dizziness, brain fog, depression, fear-terror-very strong during awakenings and black intrusive thoughts.

Improvement-hair loss+twitching.

Upper back continues to peel like snake skin.

9 minutes ago, Fullhealing said:

Update 23:00pm

Last two days, akathisia kicks in hard, when it comes it starts with upper body on fire, loud tinnitus, head pressure with dull pain, sore and burning eyes, shortness of breath, palpitations, poor digestion and extreme physical and mental restlessness, it can last for hours or as a short flash, no triggers identified, comes out of nowhere.

Additional physical and mental symptoms-waving: muscle foot locking with severe pain, joint and stomach pain, general weakness, dizziness, brain fog, depression, fear-terror-very strong during awakenings and black intrusive thoughts.

Improvement-hair loss+twitching.

Upper back continues to peel like snake skin.

So sorry you’re going through this @Fullhealing. I hope for you this will settle as your body and brain starts to feel safer. Take care 🤗

9 hours ago, Catbird said:

So sorry you’re going through this @Fullhealing. I hope for you this will settle as your body and brain starts to feel safer. Take care 🤗

Thanks @Catbird and same to you, better days will come to all of us.

@Fullhealing @Catbird

I hope so. But it is hard to holding on to hold the hope alive. 
May your days soon be better. May mine. 🙏💕

49 minutes ago, Haa said:

@Fullhealing @Catbird

I hope so. But it is hard to holding on to hold the hope alive. 
May your days soon be better. May mine. 🙏💕

@Haa we keep on surviving, that's enough of a proof that there is and always be hope even if it is not noticeable.

We are stronger than we feel atm that's the bottom line, keep pushing we will all get there.

Edited February 25Feb 25 by Fullhealing